Month: December 2007

My life is a miracle.

I just dropped my boys off to their Dad’s house. They were both asleep in the backseat by the time we got there. That was a very beautiful sight.

I was so excited to take my boys to their first drive-in movie. They wanted to see Enchanted and I was a bit surprised because I heard it was a love story. They really enjoyed it because it was a combination of cartoon and reality. I loved the movie too because of the intermingling of fantasy and reality and the irony of the ending.

The Princess was at home at the beginning of the movie, fantasizing about her dream mate, her true love. She even made a mannequin of what he’d look like and she truly believed that he was out there and looking for her. One day she was chased out of her home by an ugly ogre and she climbed a tree and when she fell, she fell into this man’s arms.

She looked at him. He looked at her. And they fell in love. LOL! I almost died laughing!

“We’ll get married in the morning,” he said to her and off she went to make her wedding dress.

Everything happened just the way she imagined it.

I’ll admit, I kind of think of love in the same way. I fantasize about meeting a man and..we’ll just KNOW. But the sharp contrast of reality always rears its ugly heads as I am faced with the men who are actually in my life.

Because I’m on this new manifesting my dream reality kick, I look at the men in my life differently though. Instead of getting pissed off that the man I’m sitting next to isn’t exactly what I want, I now recognize where this man falls short and then I get excited about meeting someone else who doesn’t fall short in that area.

No negative experience binds me to a place of sadness because I now understand that every undesireable experience gives birth to a precise moment of defining what I DO want, and once I can pinpoint what I do want, it becomes easier to recognize when I get it. AND…I can become joyful right now as I think about having exactly what I do want.

Everyone wants the good life, but most have no idea of what it is that they want exactly. If we take the time to look around and take stock of what it is that we don’t want or have in a particular mate, a particular job or a particular situation, we can then start to imagine and feel good about receiving the opposite.

For example last night I went out with one of my guyfriends to a movie. I told him to wait for me while I went to the ladies room and when I came out that b** (err…gentleman) was at the snack shop buying himself an icecream come.

When I walked up and gave him a dirty look he said, “Oh, do you want something?”

I had to laugh. “This is why we will never be in a relationship,”I told him. “The next time you are out with a woman, please think about taking care of her before you think of taking care of yourself. It’s your job to make sure she is having a good time and all of her needs are met.”

~shakes head~

Since he’s just my friend I wasn’t too hard on him, I don’t think. But I realized at that moment that I’m tired of having to teach men how to act. As I sat next to him in the movie, I began to feel joy about meeting a man who would anticipate my needs and meet them BEFORE I even recognize them.

Does a man like that exist? Of course he does. I have yet to meet him, but the mere fact that this is a desire of mine means that I can have it. I believe that I can have anything that my little heart imagines.

So…since I wasn’t able to define what I DO want, until I experienced the contrasting situation, I don’t have to feel defeated or irritated about the experience. It was simply a learning lesson. Sometimes bad situations are just a part of your experience so that you can recognize and appreciate the good situation when it comes your way.

Take a look at the bad situation, recognize the lesson learned and just….expect the opposite the next time.

I looked over at my friend and smiled. He smiled back and patted my leg. “Thanks for showing me what I don’t want,” I thought to myself. Every man is your teacher. Learn your lesson and move on. Define what you want and don’t settle for less.

Your expectations really do create your reality.

My life is a miracle.

Last week I was going through a bit of ‘purging’ as my minds eye put it. My heart was hurting as I recognized one of the biggest challenges that I face in business and business -related social situations is the fact that I hate to comform to rules.

I hate that shit.

It’s not that I’m a rule breaker, I follow the speed limit and I don’t rob or kill anyone but…when it comes to social practices I am so different from what I am seeing in others.

But there are rules out there and even more recently there seems to be a game being played by those who are successful in society and business. I can feel it when I’m out at networking events. I can feel it when I’m watching business people interact.

Whatever it is that they have…I don’t have it. I have no knowledge of the rules of engagement and furthermore, I’m not sure if I really want to know.

I have never been taught these rules because I have never been close enough to the successful people to be able to learn them. But in my heart, I’m afraid that the qualities that these people have, are not anywhere in my realm of being.

There seems to be a dance of sorts when I’m listening to their conversations. It’s as though each party knows they are being fake but they have to do it anyway so they do it.

Is there integrity involved in any of this? If I look at some of the business leaders that I have encountered, I’m not so sure.

I want to be a good person. I don’t want to have to gossip or pretend I’m someone’s friend just to get ahead. But is this what I must do to achieve my dreams?

Last week I was out having pizza with this chick I met recently and afterwards we strolled through the shops of South Beach while we chatted.

What this chick said blew my mind.

I shared with her some of the challenges I faced in the workplace which had nothing to do with my work ethic or talent.

“You can’t be anti-social at work,” she advised sternly. “You HAVE to at least act interested by saying ‘How was your weekend?’ or something like that. Just LISTEN when people talk, you don’t have to say anything and always be nice and friendly to everyone. Everyone will always tell you their business, you will have that in your pocket and no matter what, you will be called on first because you were never one to say anything bad about anyone even the people that everyone hates.”

“Look,” she continued. “You can be YOU when you have Jay-Z type of money. With Jay-Z type of money you can do and be whatever you want to because then people won’t say anything about you because they want to make money with you. Until then you just have to…make them like you.”

“Take it from me,” she said and looked up at the sky. “I’ve learned this from years of experience in the business world.”

“But I just want to go to work and WORK. I just want to go there and do what I was paid to do,” I countered.

“But it’s not like that. People only want to do business with people that they like. Make them like you.”

Make them like me?

Do I really have to date you for you to speak favorably of me?

One leader once told me, “You have to kiss ass now, to kick ass later.”

I do?

If all of this is true then I’ve been going about this whole thing the wrong way. I never try to make people like me. I just work hard and try to encourage those who are in my immediate space through praising them to success. I keep to myself and try to exceed my own expectations for my work.

I’m in conflict. The Game Of Life, one of my favorite books, teaches that whatever you give to the world, you will receive back multiplied. So I give. I try to be encouraging. I sow seeds. But that’s not what I’m noticing as I meet successful people. It’s like they have tactics for success and there’s a club, everyone knows each other and it’s hard to get in if you don’t know the rules.

Can I still be my most authentic self and achieve the life I always dreamt of?

Right now my vibrations are extremely low, and by vibrations I mean, my joy level. I know why. It’s because I’m focusing on the problem instead of focusing on the joy that having the resolution will bring.

Somehow, someway I will figure this out.

I have hoped for a mentor for so long. I have reached out to so many successful people in hopes that they will recognize my potential and help guide me to my imminent success but nothing has happened so far. All anyone says is, “Good luck with your dreams.”

What does the Bible say? “Seek and you will find.”

Seek and I will find.

Ok. I’m seeking.

Waiting. Listening. Being faithful.

How do I become a woman of success and still maintain my integrity? How do I learn to operate in an environment that seems so foreign and uncomfortable to me?

The answer must be on its way…

Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I need to change my perception, after all reality is solely connected to your perception of the world.

I will be sure to let you know what I find.

My life is a miracle.

My vibrations are up again and I feel great. I had to regain control of my thoughts and take my focus away from what I think I am lacking in my quest for success. It’s like a snowball effect when you start thinking things like, “What’s wrong with me?” “Why am I not getting to where I know I can be?”

The more attention you give to trying to come up with a solution, the bigger the problem becomes and you can’t even recognize the solution because you are so focused on finding ways to blame yourself because your life isn’t the way you think it should be.

In short, you’re sabotaging your success when you meditate on lack and failure. Change the subject. Focus on what you do want to happen. Make up grand stories in your mind about how a miracle could happen that would lift you up out of your current situation. God is a miracle worker and once you recognize that you can be lifted out of anything, you’ll begin to see the solutions.

Like my sister…

I have to apologize to her for my harsh words the other day.

My little sister is 24 years old and if it wasn’t for our connection to God we would probably have nothing in common. We don’t look alike, think alike or dream alike but we love each other anyway.

The other day I accompanied her on a job interview. The interview came out of the blue while she has been happily helping her friend to start a new business. My sister has not had a job since March but she has been relaxing and enjoying her freedom from work and actually she’s been enjoying her seperation from her husband too.

When this job opportunity came I drove up with her to Boca and after we came back to Miami I sat her down and had a talk with her. My sister isn’t really boyish but she doesn’t really care about her appearance too much. She’d rather buy electronics than buy a new shirt. She’d rather buy food than buy a new pair of shoes. While I’m not a shopper myself, I do try to look nice everyday because looking good makes me feel good. My sister is not like that.

She says she doesn’t have to be but I pleaded with her to reconsider because the way she presented herself during the interview was unacceptable to me. Sometimes I want to take all of her clothes and throw them away.

“What God has for me is for me,” she said confidently. “If I don’t get this job because of how I look then it wasn’t meant for me.”

She got the call the next day and she happily announced that she got the job. “And I didn’t have to change anything about myself,” she said.

She’s right.

I just want her to be pretty and wear make up like me because it’s fun to wear make up…but I shouldn’t have pushed her.

Yesterday my boys and I followed my sister up to Boca to help her move into her new home. (Boca Raton is beautiful by the way!) She is now the live-in caretaker of a 96 year old woman.

My boys and I met the woman and she seems like a sweetie. Her home is beautiful and my sister will help her to run errands and drive her wherever she needs to go. Free room and board plus a nice salary is what my sister gets in return PLUS my sister has a HUGE room with a private bath and walk-in closet and dressing area. What’s wild is that the lady has a MAID and she comes in every morning and cleans my sister’s room and bathroom and makes her bed and everything. Wow!

It’s definitely an upgrade from the room she had here and the crazy thing is during the entire time that she was out of work, she looked for jobs for maybe the first month, then she decided to just..help her friend start her business and enjoy her life.

She wasn’t stressing or fretting or even worrying about money. She even took a job driving my aunt around and made cash for that every week.

Watching her be at peace really inspired me.

Before she left she gave me a movie to watch and since my internet was down tonight I settled down to watch it. The movie was an old one, Shallow Hal.

Shallow Hal is a movie about a man who was always hung up on being with beautiful women until one day he is hypnotized so that he could only see the “beauty within” the women he meets. He doesn’t know he is hypnotized though and one day he meets a woman and falls completely in love with her..the only thing is she is an obese woman and highly unattractive.

Ofcourse Hal snaps out of the hypnosis, thanks to the help of his equally shallow friend who thinks Hal is crazy for dating such an unnattractive woman. When his friend reveals what had been going on Hal can’t face actually seeing the woman he had fallen in love with. He’s too afraid that he would be disgusted by her so he avoids her and ends up hurting her.

They get back together in the end but that’s but that was to be expected. This movie made me think about myself. It’s not because I’m shallow the same way that Hal was, I don’t judge men based on physical features….it’s more because I experience the same things that the unnattractive women in the movie experience and…people consider me to be pretty. The way those women were acting when Hal approached them to talk, very timid and surprised that he would even talk to them. That’s kind how I am.

Yeah…I hear it all the time. I believe I am beautiful but I still get scared everytime I meet a guy. I still don’t like meeting men who don’t at least have some sort of sense of who I am and how talented I am before they meet me. I need them to know that I am driven and sweet and a good friend to many so that they aren’t just judging me based on my looks which most people say are fierce, exotic and engaging.

I’m not like that really. I’m actually kind of shy if I don’t know you that well. I’m actually very sensitive and sweet and always positive and kinda nerdy when you take a step back and look at me.

I can be charming and witty and outgoing but I prefer not to be. I’m introverted and no one can see that when they meet me. I feel like they have all these expectations of me based on the way I look and I used to think I could never meet those expectations because hey…I may be considered beautiful but I have insecurities too.

I feel like that unnattractive woman sometimes because even though the world says I’m pretty, I haven’t met anyone who loved me for me. It’s like all this beauty doesn’t really matter when everytime you risk liking a man he turns away from you. And the men who do pursue me are no better. I tend to attract the same kind of men; arrogant, successful and incurably critical of themselves and everyone else.

What I realized during my spiritual transformation is that I attracted what I feared most; men who belittle me and don’t recognize my worth. Because of this I turned into this bitch around men. I was bossy, domineering and cold toward them..and it was all because I was afraid to show my sweet side and risk having them not appreciate it.

But I’m over that fear now. I’m like…I’m ME and I have so many people who love me that I can’t be unloveable. It’s just that my true love hasn’t shown himself yet and until I meet him no other man will treat me the way I know that deserve. I want to be nice to a man who deserves it. I want to be sweet, buy cards and express my love in creative ways. I want to stand beside a brilliant man and encourage him to achieve an even greater success than he could ever imagine for himself.

I do believe that I will have that chance one day but for now I’m going to work on my attitude towards men and practice being nice. ~smile~

Don’t worry…Endure.

My life is a miracle.

Ummm…

I said what’s up to an old guyfriend of mine on the IM today and we caught up on each other’s lives.

“Don’t make me have to come to Miami to see you,” he said after we teased each other a bit.

“I don’t have any plans,” I joked.

“Well then pick me up at the airport tonight,” He said.

“I’ll be there,” I replied with a laugh and then almost choked when I realized he was serious.

I’m not good at spontanaity, heck I can’t even spell it but….I think we’re going to have some fun.

Let me go get ready.

My life is a miracle.

My guyfriend decided to pay me a visit for the night. He flew in just to spend time with me which I thought was very cool of him.

All kind of chaos happened while I tried to find him at the airport but we eventually connected, I scooped him up and we drove to a spot on the beach and had pizza. As we talked and talked I was very much surprised by how easy it was to be with him.

I was stunned when our first conversation turned into a lesson on the law of attraction. While we were looking for a parking space he said, “We’re never going to find one close.”

“Hey!” I retorted. “Don’t think like that. We WILL find one, just watch and see.”

“Ohhh..you mean you’re going to ‘The Secret’ a parking spot. I’ve heard about that. The best parking spots come when you ‘Secret’ it.”

Our entire night went like that. He has a quip for every comment and by the time we stopped by a bar to drink wine I was almost falling off my bar stool laughing at him.

He has had a very interesting life and career. It seems as though every blessing just came to him and he is one of the few people that I know who are actually enjoying what they do for a living. He’s a creative artist. He speaks, produces music and hosts a show in his city.

By the time the night was over I said to him, “I feel like I’m in a dream.”

“Why?”

“Because we have had so much fun. Thanks for coming to see me.”

I took him to the airport at 9am this morning after I took my aunt to work. He gave me a little kiss and asked if he would hear from me again.

“I really enjoyed spending time with you,” I said. “I hope you come visit again.”

I’ve been thinking about him all day.

Wow. Is all I can say…

He was amazing.

My life is a miracle.

Seriously. It is.

I have been having to calm myself down lately because I have been feeling a little guilty about being so happy all the time.

It’s funny how we live in misery and pain and call it “normal.” We complain and whine about our lives and it’s accepted as part of reality but when things are going well, no one wants to hear about it.

No, my life hasn’t changed dramatically. I am still virtually unemployed, my sons still live with their Dad even though I want them to be with me and I have no real love life in sight but check the flip side of those “frustrations”.

FRUSTRATION- I am unemployed.
THE BRIGHT SIDE- I am unemployed. I have no job to go to in the morning. I write stories as a freelancer for newspapers and magazines and I am getting published on a regular basis. My dream was always to become a self employed writer and guess what? I AM ONE. No, I’m not making loads of money but guess what? I’m making connections and really laying the foundation for the next part of my career. I find immense value in that.

FRUSTRATION- My sons do not live with me.
THE BRIGHT SIDE- My sons are being influenced by their father in ways that I had never imagined. He is more of a disciplinarian in their lives and truth be told, I wasn’t too hard on them and they NEED him right now. He makes sure they learn to look out for each other, he is teaching them discipline with their schoolwork and they really admire him. When I learned to look for things to be grateful for in our situation, I found so many things and I am able to have joy about it everyday.

FRUSTRATION- I have no real love in my life.
THE BRIGHT SIDE- I have no boyfriend so I am free to do whatever the hell I want with whomever I want. I have many guyfriends and I enjoy them all as little or as much as I would like to.

It’s as though a new dimension was added to my life after I began studying the writings of Esther Hicks. This woman is amazing. She has been called the teacher of teachers by Louise Hay and I must agree. I was a little afraid to read her work after I learned that her teachings were all messages from a group of “non physical beings” but after getting to the heart of their message I decided to just go with it and it has seriously changed my perspective on life.

At the root of their teaching is self love and acceptance that the Universe (God) does have great things in store for you and IT/He will guide you into greatness if you will only relax, believe and allow.

I have relaxed, believed and am allowing my greatest life to unfold one day at a time and I can’t beginto explain all the wonderful things that have been manifesting. It seems as though all I have to do is THINK about something that I would like to happen and I get it. I am so serious.

It’s so weird when you try it but it really works.

I’ll share some of the things I have manifested soon but for now I have to get some rest because I have been having a little too much fun!

My life is a miracle.

Great things keep happening to me. But I’ve recognized that my perception about the things that happen is what really makes my life so great. I choose to only focus on the positive side of everything that happens and that makes me more grateful for my life.

I went out on Wednesday night. A chick I met asked me to go hear some poetry. A couple of my friends had already invited me to the same spot but I didn’t feel right about going then. I accepted her invitation, got dressed and met her at her house.

I was so surprised when I saw that we had both chosen the same pieces for out outfits that evening, right down to the shape and size of our earrings. That never happens! My friends and I are so diverse that we all bring a different kind of swagger whenever we go out with each other and this was very interesting because my new friend and I even have very similar haircuts.

In my usual “law of attraction” fashion I declared that I wanted to hear some poetry, see some cute guys, get free food and drinks and dance that evening. She laughed at me. “I love it when you do that,” she said.

When we got to the poetry spot the lady at the door greeted us by saying, “You JUST made it in time to get in free. We’re about to start charging in a minute.”

Excellent!

We chose a table near the rear that was elevated so that we could have a good view of the venue and the street outside through the window. I ate and she drank wine and we talked about whatever as the spot began to fill up with people.

The host for the poetry spot announced that some of the poets who were competing in the poetry slam had not arrived yet so he was offering a little open mic time.

What the heck…may as well. I signed up to perform one of my poems. The chick I was with was shocked. “I can’t believe you are going to do that! That takes so much guts! I would never do that.”

When they called my name I sashayed to the stage and almost froze when I saw everyone looking at me. I cleared my throat and began my poem. By the end everyone was laughing and clapping. I felt great!

We watched the REAL poets as they competed for a chance to be a part of the Miami poetry slam team in a nationwide competition.

Their were some cuties up on that stage.

BLING! Manifestation alert!

I love, love, love creative artists! I heard poems about secks, love and world issues. The highest scoring poet was a guy named Asia. I literally couldn’t move during his time on the stage. He was riveting as he performed a piece about how we celebrate girls turning 16 in America by watching spoiled girls whine about their parties on TV while all over the world, girls are being sold into slavery, mutilated and raped by stepfathers.

Two hours later I was ready to go but the competition wasn’t over yet. The chick I was with shrugged her shoulders and said, “Alright, let’s go.”

As we left the venue, the REAL poets stopped me to tell me how much they loved my performance and wanted me to come back and spit again. The guy Asia even stopped me and asked me to come back next week. I was so flattered.

My friend suggested we go to one of the hotels for a drink. I suggested the Delano, but she wanted to go to the Sagamore. I didn’t really want to go to either but since I’m easy going I just went with the flow. Before we got there a guy stopped me on the street to tell me that he loved my haircut.

He was extremely tall, dark skinned and claimed to be a fashion designer. The only thing, he wasn’t dressed like one. In his white, long sleeved button down shirt and black pants, he looked more like a waiter. We chatted a bit and he invited us to a spot for a drink.

Bling! Manifestation Alert!

Free drinks on him.

While he chatted my friend up I sat and watched as the trendy people smoked cigarettes and sipped colorful drinks.

She leaned over and whispered to me, “He wants to know what I do for a living.”

I shook my head, leaned over and explained.

“She’s a woman of leisure,” I told him.

“Whats that?” he asked.

“She seeks her inner peace and joy. Her objective is to enjoy her life.”

“Huh? I don’t get it.”

“She travels around the world, learning new languages, meeting interesting people and enjoying her experiences.”

“How does she get income for that?”

“She doesn’t have income. The Universe takes care of her.”

“How can I get a job like that?” he asked.

“It takes a lot of faith. When you’re down to your last dollar and your bills are due, can you believe that there is more on the way without getting depressed? That’s what she does. She believes in an abundant life and if what she is experiencing doesn’t line up with her happiness, she walks away from it.”

I looked over to her for her approval and she smiles at me. She’s actually in the process of selling all of her belongings so that she can drive to see her family in Virginia and then it’s on to Switzerland for the holidays.

The man looked perplexed.

“Don’t try to understand it,” I told him. “Just embrace it.”

After we finished our drink we headed out to the street to go back to the car. “He asked if we were lesbians,” she told me as we walked toward the car.

I shook my head and laughed.

We passed by a club called Santos that we had tried to get into earlier. When they looked at us in our jeans and heels and jackets, they said, “$20 cover charge.”

So of course we didn’t go in. All around us the hot girls were out in full effect wearing skin tight dresses and stillettos.

But this time when we passed the club I saw a group of people standing in line and they waved at me. After two seconds I realized that these were people from the poetry spot.

“Hey! Hey!” they shouted and we walked over to say Hi.

“I loved your poem. It was really great!” one woman said to me.

“Thanks. I was nervous,” I said.

“You didn’t look like it,” she said.

“Hey, you can come in with me,” a guy from the poetry spot said and we walked past the ropes inside the spot.

“Thank you,” I said when I saw him again. I noticed his beautiful dreads, muscular physique and winning smile.

“No problem,” he said. “I’m about to go get us a bottle. Stay right there.”

So we danced and danced and sipped and sipped.

BLING! Manifestation alert!

Around 2am we were both tipsy and tired so we headed home for the night.

While we drove I sat back and stared out the window smiling at the Miami skyline over the bridge. My life is amazing.

I can’t believe that I am having so much fun and loving every minute of my existence.

I could be sad and depressed and anxious about my future but I choose not to.
Instead I pray, expect good things to happen and go after my desires with a joyful expectancy.

Nothing concrete has materialized yet as far as the direction my life is taking but I choose to enjoy this downtime and expect miracles every single day.

Ask, believe and allow!

My life is a miracle.

I know I make it sound easy, huh?

Yeah. I know I do. And during those times when I’m writing, I’m feeling easy, breezy. But I have to admit, I have to fight for my positive thought.

I have to stop myself, literally, in mid-thought and I have to say, “No, that is not what I want. That is not my future. My life is a miracle.”

I have to really focus on it or else my mind will go straight back to where it was, imagining my mistake or nervousness and once I let it linger there, I’ll start to think of other negative situations and then I’ll be crying talking about “My life is miserable.”

I don’t want to feel like that…ever.

So I fight against the negativity that comes into my mind. I say No to it. I really pause and say, “NO. I will not think this thought.”

Maybe I’m the only one wh0 has to do this but damn…it’s worth the effort. I refuse to be the one complaining about my life again. Now when I hear someone complain, I feel sad and I think, “It’s your life. Be grateful for it.”

This is LIFE!

LIFE!

LIFE!

We have to take the chance to live it up while we are here. We’re not going to be here forever. I believe we chose to be here and to experience life so why not really experience it. Experience it with joy. Let joy be found in everything you do and say and if it doesn’t have joy in it, don’t even THINK it!

You keep talking about something and you give it more life. It’s like your words are gasoline being thrown on a fire.

What are you saying? What are you fueling with your words?

Damn. I’m talking to me. Cuz lately my mind is wandering and I’m feeling guilty and I’m making all kind of stories up in my head about how nothing is ever going to go right for me, all my past mistakes are going to completely ruin my future, then I start to think about how badly I want to do right, become a success while doing it and help others accomplish the same thing.

I want people to have better relationships and love themselves. I want us to treat each other with love. I just want to do some GOOD In the world. But it’s frustrating when I feel like the little kid who keeps wearing his shoes on the wrong foot everytime I try. FUCK!

But ughh..see. I need to be better about that self criticism. Thank God that I believe in GOD.

There’s forgiveness in God. There’s focus in God. There’s hope in God. There’s everlasting love in God. There’s always another chance with God.

Anna wrote this quote on her signature for her e-mail.

“God is Love…..Love is Life ….I Live For Love… smooches…Anna”

There’s nothing that feels better than knowing that.

I forgive myself.

I forgive myself.

I love myself.

My life is a miracle.

And that’s an understatement.

My little brother came into town last night. I picked him up from the bus station and we rode up north to see my Mama. We then took a drive around town for a while and went back to my Mama’s house to play video games and hang out.

My brother is 26 years old, my little sister is 24 and I’m the oldest. I’ll admit, I never really got to know my brother when we were growing up together. I was very much self involved and into my own little fantasy world and he was always in his room playing video games. So this opportunity to hang with him showed me a side of him that I had never known and I have to say my brother is a great person.

He treated me better than most of the men in my life. He drove my car and told me to get certain things checked, he took me out to eat more than once and even drove my little sister around looking for a particular hair store all while he was late getting to his rendezvous.

He put us first.

I am so happy and grateful now that I continue to meet men who treat me like I always knew I deserved to be treated. I feel like the tables have turned for me and it is so wild. I’m meeting adorable men who just want to be nice to me and I love every minute of it.

The more I focus on the way I want to be treated by men, the more I see that they are treating me in that way. It’s as though I have a magic genie but I really realize it’s all about my expectations. When I expected bad treatment I was on the look out for it and sometimes misinterpreted their words and actions as derogatory but now that I expect kindness and concern, I keep seeing it in every man that I meet.

This is making me want to meet more men. I even asked a man out for lunch next week. He has been so nice to me and I’d like to get to know him better. I’d like to be his friend. I’d like more of that treatment too.

It’s crazy that the whole time I’ve been studying the law of attraction, it’s been working for me. Whatever this is, is real. Even my children’s father talks to me differently and I am amazed and grateful for that.

I don’t even have to sit there and focus on what I want. It’s usually a fleeting thought and then my eyes grow wide when I see it happen in my life.

Sometimes I fantasize about my perfect life, but I do it just for the fun of it. I enjoy these fantasies and they make me feel so good.

Usually when I see things come into my life, I have a flashback of a time when I merely thought to myself, “I’d like that to happen.” And then it happens.

Like, Yesterday I said to myself, “I’d like some fried chicken.”

And then my brother brings me fried chicken to eat.

Or the time when I was about to go to sleep and I thought to myself, “I really want to see my boys again soon.”

The next morning their Dad calls me and says his car is not working, please pick the boys up and take them to school.

Big things come to me too. They appear in the most miraculous ways!

Once my car note was late and I spoke to the people and they told me that I can defer the payment I missed by paying a fee. I didn’t have any money in my account so I just told them I’d call them back and relaxed, thinking, “It has to come some way.”

Why did I receive a check in the mail from a company that has not contacted me in years? I called them up and they said that the money was owed to me and was legally mine. It was more than enough to pay my deferrment fee and get gas.

Another time Tamara called me saying that her account had been tampered with and all of her money was gone. She was about to catch a flight and needed some money to pay for her luggage.

“Well, I’m waiting on a check,” I told her. “If it comes today you will have money in your account by the end of the day.

Now I had been waiting for this particular check for 3 weeks and I had no money to my name. But I knew she needed it and I was willing to give her most of it.

Guess what? The check came hours later and I was able to deposit the money into her account just as I SAID that I would.

I don’t consider these to be small manifestations because every little positive thing that happens is a miracle to me. The other things that I want: to be able to take care of my boys and have them live with me, a steady income that is earned by my writing and editing abilities and a home of my own have yet to appear but I know they are on the way so I rest easily and enjoy the process of receiving them.

When I used to focus on what I didn’t want to happen, “He’s not going to like me.” “I won’t have enough to pay this bill.” “I’m not going to be good enough to do this.” That is always what happened.

I would prepare myself for the worst just in case it happened and I rationalized it to be a good thing because I didn’t want to disappointed if I expected the best and it didn’t happen. That way of thinking was all wrong.

Now when I have a decision to make, I say to myself, “What’s the best that could come from this?” I laugh and smile at how that outcome would serve my life and even if I don’t get what I set out to get, I figure that something better is coming along and the thing I wanted, didn’t belong to me anyway. By looking at it in this way, I maintain my joy through everything!

Try it!

Try expecting the best in every situation.

Instead of thinking, “Oh no, I’m going to miss my flight.”
Say, “Even though I’m late, I’m sure the plane will wait for me.”

And the biggest lesson that I have learned is to recognize that the things I want to have or to happen in my life aren’t impossible to get.

When I start to think negatively and say to myself, “I’ll never meet a nice man.” or “No one is going to hire me to do exactly what I am gifted to do.”

I stop myself and reverse my thought simpley because there are women all over the world who meet nice men everyday. Why couldn’t I be one of them?

I then say, “Women meet good men all the time. I’m next!” This makes me so excited!

Or I’ll say, “People are divinely connected to their dream jobs all the time. There are millions of people who love the work they do. That’s going to be me!”

I get a rush just from typing that.

I am so happy and grateful now that…I have so many things to be happy and grateful for.

My life is a miracle.

And I believe it everyday.

During today’s studies I saw an excercise that encouraged fantasizing to become clear about what you want to manifest in your life.

I’ll do it here off the cuff.

The question: If money were no concern, what would you do with your time?

Dear God,

If money were no object and I didn’t have to think about housing or food I would wake up each morning with gratitude in my heart and be amazed by the miracle that had taken place.

I would get up early and do some yoga. Then I’d wake my boys up and get them ready for school. I’d give my drivers the morning off and I’d drive my boys to school myself, giving them kisses as I handed them their lunchboxes.

Then I’d head back home wearing my sweat pants and wife beater and sit down at my desk to begin my work. I’d be doing what I was doing at the website, developing great features for the website and working with writers to help them to become great. I’d work on this for a few hours before I’d head off to my pilates class and then on to a late lunch with my friends.

I’d pick my sons up soon after and watch as the tutor helps them with their homework and then sit down to dinner prepared by my wonderful chef and we’d hang out until bedtime.

After they have gone to bed, I’d finish up my work for the website and then work on a poem for myself. Then I’d meditate for a half hour, focusing on my successful journey and then drift off to sleep.

If money were of no concern, I’d set up a fund for creative artists who are trying to use their gifts to sustain themselves. I’d also start a writing school for creative writers and connect them with opportunities to hone their craft.

I would set up a counseling service to help people through rough times and teach them my method of success. I would write books about relationships and present my research and opinons to the best journals, earning awards and accolades for my dedication to the upliftment of mankind.

I’d be very busy teaching youth seminars about how important their imagination is to their future. My boys and I would travel regularly to new places and have interesting experiences which will show them that this world is bigger then just our block.

If money were of no concern, I would give away more than half of my income to my charity of choice. I would take care of my parents so they wouldn’t have to work and build homes for my family to get them out of public housing.

If money were no object I’d blog everyday and enjoy my life, my children and the men who admire me. I’d probably not get married though because I wouldn’t feel that its necessary to build an empire with someone when I have already built it myself. I now realize that I wanted to get married in order to have a partner in business and life but it is not necessary for success.

Unless of course I meet a wonderful man who treats me like a princess. Hell probably spoil me with positivity and words of affection and encouragement and I’d take great care of him as well. He would be free to do whatever he wanted to do as far as a career if he weren’t wealthy when I met him.

If he wanted to paint, I’d build him a studio. If he wanted to be a photographer I’d buy whatever equipment he needed. If he wanted to be a house husband, he could do that too and just chill on the patio all day, as long as he is there when I get home from whatever work I’m doing and he looks good for me. Of course, I’d appreciate him more if he wants to run my company and if he enjoys making executive decisions that will allow us to prosper financially and spiritually and ultimately be a blessing to others.

That would be the good life.

Hmmm…

Well.. when I think about it. Money is not really a concern for me. I always get what I need and desire and money flows to me consistently so…. I think I’ll work on living the life of my dreams RIGHT NOW and allow God to take care of the rest.