I feel a little bit better.
Not 100% but most times I feel like I’m defective or something when it comes to men. But then I realized that if two people aren’t a good match for each other and things don’t work out, it’s no one’s fault. It just wasn’t a good match. Each style of shoe has one match to it. It can’t be upset because it’s a sneaker and the wedge sandals don’t go well with it.
We shouldn’t be upset either. You know…
But it sure does feel better to have this anger, this seperation, this bitterness. It’s what I’m used to and it comforts me. By pushing all men away I feel that I have the power to stop myself from being hurt. By being unresponsive to men I am guaranteed to never feel like I’m not good enough for someone.
Two of my friends tried very similar approaches in contacting their ex’s last week. One friend has been broken up from her ex for a year. On the anniversary of her break up she called me whining about how much she missed him and she still believed he was her husband and how no man she has ever met compares to him and how well they related.
After being a little annoyed by her whining I told her to call him and say Hi. I figured damn, if I have to listen to this, he does too.
Ya’ll are both grown, there’s nothing wrong with a phone call. After a little bit of coaching she did it. She called him but she didn’t say anything when he answered. They both sat on the phone listening to silence until she hung up. It was the anniversary of their break-up. I’m sure he was thinking about her as well and he knew it was her calling.
The next day she sent him an email saying:
First, I must confess to you.
Last night, I called you twice. However, the words would not utter from my mouth. I apologize. Truly I do.
In light of the holiday, I could not avoid the reflection of my life a year ago. Even though I vowed to myself never to contact you again, I made an attempt. Did God place it on my heart to do so? Or, Was it was my desire? Hmmm. I don’t know and I’m not trying to figure it out.
By writing this email serves not to invade in your life. Regardless of how you may feel towards me, I still keep you in my prayers. I pray that God will continue to elevate and prosper you in all areas of your life — health, relationships, financially, and spiritually. I pray the VERY best for you. May God continue to bless and keep you. Amen.
Thank you for the call, strangely enough u crossed my mind yesterday 2. Coincidence I think not but I couldnt call because I was afraid you wouldnt accept a call from me, Im going to Miami Thursday for 4 days and when I get back I hope you will accpt my call…if not I understand
They are both still in love with each other! When he got back from Miami he called her up and she said that she had never heard such excitement and happiness in his voice. He had been the one to walk away from her, due to his feelings of insecurity. He let her go. Since then he had dated a few women but none of them compared to her. She said he was surprised that she is not upset with him and is glad that she took the intial step to reconnect.
I told her, “Ya’ll gonna hunch next time ya’ll see each other.”
She laughed. They live in different cities but she had already planned a trip there in 2 weeks. YAY!
My other friend. Well, she has been broken up with her ex for over 6 years. They dated for a year while they were in college and experienced their firsts together. After crossing his fraternity he told her that he didn’t want to have a girlfriend anymore and broke it off even though nothing else was going wrong with the relationship.
She was extremely hurt and never let go. For years I had to listen to her try to rationalize why he let her go. She was stuck. So when she called me last week asking me for a favor she knew I wasn’t going to be down.
“Chick, look. I can’t write a letter for you. I feel like I’m begging him,” I told her after she asked me to write an email to him asking for some sort of friendship.
“I know. I just want to see what he will say. I need some closure.” This was her umpteenth attempt as getting a response from him.
“You suck,” I told her as I began to type trying to express what was going on in her heart.
This is what I wrote:
It’s been quite a while since our carefree college days at UF. I must admit, after moving back to Gainesville, you are a large part of my history here so my thoughts often turn to you. I wonder how you are doing, how you are growing and if you are okay.
I know we don’t have much of a relationship now for whatever reason, (I’m still not sure why) but I would like for that to change.
You were my first love. You were my first everything. You were more than just my boyfriend, you were my friend.
We’re both adults now. We have both grown tremendously and I hope that we can put our differences behind us and at least be civil toward each other.
I dont have any expectations of you. I just…miss my friend.
I’d love to hear from you.
Have a beautiful day!
His response was very much like she expected:
Please leave me alone.
He said it in a nice way. Then he sent a mutual friend to tell her that he is considering filing a restraining order on her if she doesn’t stop contacting him.
She was devastated.
But she got what she wanted; closure.
I’m supposed to go out with a man this weekend even though I’ve stated that I’m going cold turkey on that tip. The funny thing is, I’ve already broken two dates with him in the past. Not because he’s gross, but because he makes me nervous. I really don’t want to take the chance of liking someone again and having them not like me back or (in most cases they still want to be friends with me- they ALL wanna be friends for some reason.). He’s also incredibly attractive and I don’t trust men like that. (Who am I kidding, I don’t trust men period) But he’s also funny and easy to talk with.
I don’t know. I guess I was wishing he would give up after 4 months but he hasn’t. I’d rather spend my kid-free weekend in my house alone though. It’s easier that way. Easier to not take a risk.
I just got an IM from him asking if I’d come up with an excuse to cancel yet. ~smile~
I replied: Not yet.