My Night With Shallow Hal

My life is a miracle.

My vibrations are up again and I feel great. I had to regain control of my thoughts and take my focus away from what I think I am lacking in my quest for success. It’s like a snowball effect when you start thinking things like, “What’s wrong with me?” “Why am I not getting to where I know I can be?”

The more attention you give to trying to come up with a solution, the bigger the problem becomes and you can’t even recognize the solution because you are so focused on finding ways to blame yourself because your life isn’t the way you think it should be.

In short, you’re sabotaging your success when you meditate on lack and failure. Change the subject. Focus on what you do want to happen. Make up grand stories in your mind about how a miracle could happen that would lift you up out of your current situation. God is a miracle worker and once you recognize that you can be lifted out of anything, you’ll begin to see the solutions.

Like my sister…

I have to apologize to her for my harsh words the other day.

My little sister is 24 years old and if it wasn’t for our connection to God we would probably have nothing in common. We don’t look alike, think alike or dream alike but we love each other anyway.

The other day I accompanied her on a job interview. The interview came out of the blue while she has been happily helping her friend to start a new business. My sister has not had a job since March but she has been relaxing and enjoying her freedom from work and actually she’s been enjoying her seperation from her husband too.

When this job opportunity came I drove up with her to Boca and after we came back to Miami I sat her down and had a talk with her. My sister isn’t really boyish but she doesn’t really care about her appearance too much. She’d rather buy electronics than buy a new shirt. She’d rather buy food than buy a new pair of shoes. While I’m not a shopper myself, I do try to look nice everyday because looking good makes me feel good. My sister is not like that.

She says she doesn’t have to be but I pleaded with her to reconsider because the way she presented herself during the interview was unacceptable to me. Sometimes I want to take all of her clothes and throw them away.

“What God has for me is for me,” she said confidently. “If I don’t get this job because of how I look then it wasn’t meant for me.”

She got the call the next day and she happily announced that she got the job. “And I didn’t have to change anything about myself,” she said.

She’s right.

I just want her to be pretty and wear make up like me because it’s fun to wear make up…but I shouldn’t have pushed her.

Yesterday my boys and I followed my sister up to Boca to help her move into her new home. (Boca Raton is beautiful by the way!) She is now the live-in caretaker of a 96 year old woman.

My boys and I met the woman and she seems like a sweetie. Her home is beautiful and my sister will help her to run errands and drive her wherever she needs to go. Free room and board plus a nice salary is what my sister gets in return PLUS my sister has a HUGE room with a private bath and walk-in closet and dressing area. What’s wild is that the lady has a MAID and she comes in every morning and cleans my sister’s room and bathroom and makes her bed and everything. Wow!

It’s definitely an upgrade from the room she had here and the crazy thing is during the entire time that she was out of work, she looked for jobs for maybe the first month, then she decided to just..help her friend start her business and enjoy her life.

She wasn’t stressing or fretting or even worrying about money. She even took a job driving my aunt around and made cash for that every week.

Watching her be at peace really inspired me.

Before she left she gave me a movie to watch and since my internet was down tonight I settled down to watch it. The movie was an old one, Shallow Hal.

Shallow Hal is a movie about a man who was always hung up on being with beautiful women until one day he is hypnotized so that he could only see the “beauty within” the women he meets. He doesn’t know he is hypnotized though and one day he meets a woman and falls completely in love with her..the only thing is she is an obese woman and highly unattractive.

Ofcourse Hal snaps out of the hypnosis, thanks to the help of his equally shallow friend who thinks Hal is crazy for dating such an unnattractive woman. When his friend reveals what had been going on Hal can’t face actually seeing the woman he had fallen in love with. He’s too afraid that he would be disgusted by her so he avoids her and ends up hurting her.

They get back together in the end but that’s but that was to be expected. This movie made me think about myself. It’s not because I’m shallow the same way that Hal was, I don’t judge men based on physical features….it’s more because I experience the same things that the unnattractive women in the movie experience and…people consider me to be pretty. The way those women were acting when Hal approached them to talk, very timid and surprised that he would even talk to them. That’s kind how I am.

Yeah…I hear it all the time. I believe I am beautiful but I still get scared everytime I meet a guy. I still don’t like meeting men who don’t at least have some sort of sense of who I am and how talented I am before they meet me. I need them to know that I am driven and sweet and a good friend to many so that they aren’t just judging me based on my looks which most people say are fierce, exotic and engaging.

I’m not like that really. I’m actually kind of shy if I don’t know you that well. I’m actually very sensitive and sweet and always positive and kinda nerdy when you take a step back and look at me.

I can be charming and witty and outgoing but I prefer not to be. I’m introverted and no one can see that when they meet me. I feel like they have all these expectations of me based on the way I look and I used to think I could never meet those expectations because hey…I may be considered beautiful but I have insecurities too.

I feel like that unnattractive woman sometimes because even though the world says I’m pretty, I haven’t met anyone who loved me for me. It’s like all this beauty doesn’t really matter when everytime you risk liking a man he turns away from you. And the men who do pursue me are no better. I tend to attract the same kind of men; arrogant, successful and incurably critical of themselves and everyone else.

What I realized during my spiritual transformation is that I attracted what I feared most; men who belittle me and don’t recognize my worth. Because of this I turned into this bitch around men. I was bossy, domineering and cold toward them..and it was all because I was afraid to show my sweet side and risk having them not appreciate it.

But I’m over that fear now. I’m like…I’m ME and I have so many people who love me that I can’t be unloveable. It’s just that my true love hasn’t shown himself yet and until I meet him no other man will treat me the way I know that deserve. I want to be nice to a man who deserves it. I want to be sweet, buy cards and express my love in creative ways. I want to stand beside a brilliant man and encourage him to achieve an even greater success than he could ever imagine for himself.

I do believe that I will have that chance one day but for now I’m going to work on my attitude towards men and practice being nice. ~smile~

Don’t worry…Endure.

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