It’s taking me a minute to adjust to being back home with my parents. It’s quite a difference since I have had my own place for the past 6 years but there’s no way that I would go back to Gainesville though I do miss my apartment. It was roomy, quiet and the AC was so cool. I miss that the most, it’s so hot down here.
I also miss having my sons on a bedtime schedule. They are still awake and it’s almost 10pm, it wouldnt have happened if we were in my old apt. By 8pm they were in the bed, lights off and falling asleep. Here, there are lots of other people in the house which distracts them and my Mama is so sensitive to their crying that she always checks up on them whereas I would let them cry and whine themselves to sleep.
This weekend was very chill. Although a lot of my friends were in town I didnt go out at all. I haven’t been feeling well. Headaches, toothe aches, tummy aches and my side even aches. I know I need to see a doctor, I rarely ever do that because I’m so busy taking time off to take my sons that I don’t want to waste time for myself. In fact, I havent been to the doctor for myself since I had my son nearly two years ago. Dang.
I can’t go to the doctor now. I have no insurance. So, if things get really bad I’ll have to figure something out.
My friends got on my nerves this weekend. It’s like they don’t respect me when I say No. And it’s not like I am a wimpy person, I say no with authority, but somehow they feel like if they argue with me enough I will give in. It just makes me more obstinate about whatever they are requesting and I’m more likely to get upset if they don’t leave me alone.
I told them that I wasn’t going to South Beach with them because a) I don’t have anything to wear. b) I don’t have any money. c) I’m not feeling well. But they all gang up on me, fussing at me cuz they want me to go. I’m like, “Ya’ll betta watch it.”
My Mama even joined in the fun when I got home. She says I need to go out more and enjoy life. She is complaining that i don’t go out enough. Man, it’s all about perception. I’m not a club person. I don’t hang out with just anyone and everyone, I’m very selective. I don’t date either so it’s not like I am going to be hanging out with guys. I like to write and hang out one on one with my closest girls. A fun time for me is a trip to the bookstore to read. And when my kids are gone away from the house, I like to be home enjoying the peace and quiet.
Just because my concept of fun doesnt line up with yours doesnt mean I am not enjoying myself. It’s not like I ever complain to anyone that I am bored, but I guess when they see me just sitting up in the house writing they think I’m acting like an old lady.
Sometimes I feel like an old lady though I’m only 24. Two kids will make you grow up fast and going out and meeting guys or hanging out to a club or a bar seems childish to me.
I’m still dealing with breaking away from my church in Gainesville. Before I felt as though by being there I could not miss God’s best for my life as long as I did everything my Pastors told me to do. So leaving there was like walking away from the safety of being under their guidance. I know that God will not forsake me and even though I may be struggling a bit right now I don’t regret leaving at all.
There’s nothing like being able to drive over to Anna’s house for a quick visit. I can call Marsha up to have breakfast or I can chill with Racole on the phone for hours for FREE.
I’m also looking to join a young professional’s society. I need to meet more people who are headed in the same direction as I am. Let me check around to see where I can fit in.