I don’t mean to be all down and out but, I can’t stop watching the video I did of the poet’s memorial tribute.
I keep thinking about him and wondering what he now knows that I don’t know about life. I wonder if he’s somewhere around and what he’s thinking if he can think. I’m wondering if he’s in a better place, if there is a better place.
I’m having a surreal moment. This moment doesn’t feel like I belong here. This feels like a dream. Maybe this is all a dream. Maybe I’m really living in a fantasy and I don’t know it. Maybe the pressures of life are all self made.
What would my funeral be like? I sure don’t have many friends. There’s no one to tell funny stories about me. There’s no one that I spend my days chatting on the phone with. There’s no one that I lean on like that.
I got to speak with Mimi today. We had to have a quick conversation, as all my convos with her are because she’s so busy and so am I.
She helped me put things into perspective and I needed that because I am putting so much pressure on myself to get the 30 businesses that I was beginning to equate my worth with this goal.
I tried my best. The job fair will go on. I’ll move on to the next phase of my project and I’ll pat myself on the back no matter what.
And maybe when I’m gone, these words will linger on. I hope they mean something to someone at some point but for now this blog is just my way for me to release how I’m feeling so that I can understand myself.
I don’t know what I’m doing in this life experience. I have no guide and I’m fumbling through trying to do my best to give my gifts and be happy everyday.