UP and UP

Yesterday I watched a little BET and it amazed me that the artists featured on 106 & Park and the videos are all artists that our magazine has featured. We just did a cover story on video director Chris Robinson. Before that I had no clue who he was. I am really out of sync with the music and entertainment industry. It boggles me that I am now a part of it.

Two weeks ago I met up with a Cash Money rapper named Currency at his hotel. I was assigned to do a story about him but I had no idea who he was. Yesterday I saw him on BET with Lil Wayne and I even saw an article about him in VIBE magazine. Did I really meet a future celebrity? I didn’t FEEL like he was a celebrity. I thought I would feel differently but celebrities are regular people. Currency’s story is supposed to run in next week’s magazine but I haven’t written it yet. I’ll get to that tonight.

On Friday morning I got to work and my editor called my name.

“Tee, the interview is set for Wednesday at 11am.”

“Interview with who?”

Juanita Bynum. You’re writing her cover story.”


“Juanita Bynum. You are writing her cover story. I’m emailing you her contact info so that you can set up a time to get some pictures.”


I could barely contain myself. I ran outside and called Mimi to tell her the good news.

When I stepped back inside my office I asked my editor, “Is this really a JOB?”

She laughed and said, “That’s how you know you have stepped into your destiny. Work isn’t supposed to feel like work. When you’re in your destiny, you LOVE what you do. That’s a characteristic that I’ve noticed with all of the successful leaders out there. They have so much passion for what they are doing.”

I woke up at 3:30 this morning and was out the door by 4am in order to attend Juanita Bynum’s 5am service in Duluth. She was..like…right there. Just like a regular preacher.

I have two days to prepare for the interview. If anyone has any questions that they’d like for me to ask her, feel free to drop me an email or leave your question in the comments section and I’ll be sure to pass along her responses.

What do you want to know about Juanita Bynum? How has she affected your life?

Super Busy

Ok so my interview with Ms. Bynum never happened. Her publicist never called to cancel or anything either. Boo…Turns out this is her 2nd time doing this.

I did copy all of your questions and I promise if I get another interview I will ask them all and give you the link so you can read the story when it runs.

Um…Oh yeah…that guy I went out with, Dell, well, that dude is either super busy or super uninterested because I’ve only spoken to him once since we went out. LOL!

I’m used to it. My honesty is either wayyy scary or wayyyy endearing to men.

I was a little dissappointed, well, a lot, only because I am so not into dating multiple men and I just want ONE friend to hang out with, cuddle with blah blah and I’m not interested in being all up in random dude’s faces just to find a friend but oh well…he may have been on the down low so I guess I’ll never know. ~smile~

I heard from my editor that they are sending me to New York this weekend to cover the VH1 Hip Hop honors Awards. I’m so excited because I haven’t been to New York in 10 years and also I can’t believe I’ll be one of the papparazzi on the red carpet taking pictures and meeting celebrities. How cool is my life?!!! ~edit****due to incredibly high plane ticket prices, this trip has been canceled for me- but I’m sure there will be more exciting adventures to write about***~

I’m also on the hunt for a new place to live. Right now I live in Smyrna and I like it a lot but I’m thinking of moving Downtown or in the southwest ATL area. I just HATE doing all the research required and I only have a month left before this lease is up.

If anyone knows of a decent- no scratch that- EXCELLENT place to live that’s not on the east side, let me know.

All Smiles

Uh oh…

I’m up late again. I hope I can get to sleep at a decent hour.

Since I hadn’t heard from Dell all week (well, we spoke once) and I knew I had a business meeting on Saturday afternoon for some freelance PR work for one of his clients I decided to give him a call around 10pm on Friday night. I didn’t want it to seem like I was missing him or anything so I put on my best business tone in anticipation of leaving a message. But he answered.

“Goodevening this is Ms. Tee, ” I spoke calmly into the phone, enunciating each syllable of my first and last name. “I’m calling to let you know that I had a tentative appointment with your client but I have yet to hear from him so if he calls you wondering what happened to me, please let him know that I was available and eager to meet with him.”

“Yeah?” he said slowly. “What you doing?”

“Um…” All of a sudden I’m nervous. “Well, I just got in from the spa. It was great! I got an hour long massage, a wonderful facial and a delightfil pedicure. I think I’m gonna configure them into my monthly budget.”

He laughed. We talked for a bit more before he told me that he was about to go to bed. “We’ll bump heads tomorrow, Ok?”

“Sure,” I said and hung up.

On Saturday morning I woke up smiling. Hmm…Let’s see. I know! Today I will get up and go look at places to live. As soon as I’m dressed and out the door I get a call from Dell’s client who tells me that he works out of his home office in Decatur.

Decatur? That’s quite a drive, but I sigh and tell him I’ll be over there by 1pm. I only have time to look at one property and the price is right although it’s an older community here in Smyrna. I’m seriously considering it too, but I was hoping in my fantasy that I would get a chance to live in the city. Maybe somewhere Downtown. I’d LOVE to live in Midtown but those prices are wayy too much for my budget.

Once I make my way over to Decatur, I’m very glad I did. The gentlemen that Dell referred me to is running a very successful business and needs help with getting the word out about his company. As he is speaking tons of ideas rush around in my head and I can tell that this dude is serious about making things happen as well as the main thing: PAYING ME to do my magic.

Before I leave he and his wife and I chat a bit about our backgrounds and they ask me how I met Dell. They begin to rave about what a wonderful young man he is. “I’ve honestly never met a young man who is so on top of his game,” the business owner tells me. “Before the geek squad realized that there was money to be made in computer consulting Dell was out there with professional marketing materials on the grind making a name for himself. Because you are recommended by him, well..that speaks highly of you.”

“My mission is to exceed all expectations. Give me a week to draft a proposal of the phases of PR that I would like to implement and we can sit down again and refine your needs versus my costs.”

When I’m done with the 2 hour meeting I give Dell a call and we decide to meet for lunch. “In an hour and a half I have to go pick up my little brother,” he tells me. “I’m babysitting so my Mama and her husband can go to the movies.”

“Oh..well, you do want to have lunch some other time?” I ask carefully.

“No, he can come with us. We can all hang out and do whatever.”

“Sure,” I reply and get directions to his house so that I can pick him up.

When I get there he’s relaxing in a wife beater and some shorts. I sit down and we talk about whatever while he keeps getting business calls.

“Why don’t we order in?” I ask him, interrupting his phone call. “My treat.”

He silently opens a drawer under his coffee table and hands me a folder full of fliers for places that deliver in his area. I choose a wing place and place the order before going over to his window and taking a peek. Dell lives Downtown. He has a great view of the city from his apartment window. I begin to take note of the details in his apartment and I am impressed.

When our food comes we chow down and relax some more. At my suggestion he ordered the movie Failure to Launch and I’m happy that he is enjoying the movie. He’s not sitting next to me on the white leather couch where I am lounging comfortably beneath a huge comforter. He’s sitting in the recliner with his ear piece in his ear taking calls and giving direction to his workers as the need arises.

His phone rings again and he says, “Come on up.”

“Who is that?” I ask.

“That’s my Mama.” he replies nonchalantly.

“I thought we were going to pick your brother up?”

“Nah…she’s dropping him off.”

I jump up quickly and try to compose myself.

He answers the door and in walks this beautiful woman, a beautiful man and the most adorable little 5 year old boy. We all introduce ourselves and my eyes water at the sight of the cutie pie as he hugs his big brother and walks around.

Dell starts a conversation with his stepfather which leaves me standing there with his Mom. Oh shoot.

“Dell has told me a lot about you,” I tell her.

“Oh really, what has he said?” she says and smiles at me. I’m amazed because this woman reminds me of me. She’s exactly my height, my skin tone, my build and she has natural hair too. Hers is a cascade of long blonde dreads just like the ones my Mama wears.

“Well, he told me that you went to Jackson,” I say with a grin, referring to my old highschool back in Miami. “I went to Jackson too.”

“Oh yeah? What year did you graduate?”

“97 and you?”

“I think it was 79.”

“That’s the year I was born,” I say and then raise my eyebrow. This woman doesn’t look a day over 30 which can’t be possible because her son will be 30 next July.

We sit and chat a bit and I tell her about my move up here to Atlanta, my new job and my sons back in Miami.

“It was a tough decision for me to leave them there, but they are well taken care of and I believe it was for the best, until I get things settled here,” I say.

After about an hour of chatting, she and her husband leave to go on their date and Dell orders food for his little bro. While we wait for it to be delivered I watch them play chess and I realize the game is not as complicated as I thought it was. Dell is very patient as he explains everything to me but his little brother isn’t. “Come on! Let’s play!” he whines and I give him a smile.

After he eats we all head out to Walmart to allow his little brother to spend the money his Dad had given him. We march up and down the toy department until he finds two Power Ranger toys that he wants. I’m thinking about my sons as I help to navigate him through the aisles.

The cutie pie and I take a quick potty break as Dell grabs a 12 pack of Corona and we meet back up with him at the register. I also grabbed some feminine products and a few items for my house and I place them on the conveyer belt along with the rest of his purchases.

Call me a goofball, but I expected to pay for my items because..well…no man ever does shit for me so I’m delighted that he doesn’t even think about calling me over to pay. Very nice.

We roll on out back to his apartment and I look in the rearview mirror as I’m driving and I whisper to Dell, “He’s already asleep.” I look at the clock. It’s after 10:30.

“Do you want to spend the rest of the evening with your brother?” I ask him as we pull into his building.

“I’m relazing man,” he responds and looks out the window.

We finally get all of our purchases into the house and his brother asks me to help him open up his toys. My heart melts. Especially when he calls me Auntie.

I miss my boys.

He’s having a grand old time playing with his toys while Dell and I watch Inside Man.

“What time do you usually go to bed?” Dell asks him.


We both laugh.

“Well, it’s after midnight so I think it’s time for you to go to bed.”

“Ok,” he says and trudges into the bedroom.

“Can I get some hugs and kisses?” I ask Dell.

He laughs, “Go right ahead.”

I follow little man into the bedroom and I give him a big hug and a kiss on his forhead before body slamming into the sheets. “Go to sleep,” I tell him as I turn on the bathroom light and close the door to his room.

Dell is still in the same spot in his recliner, relaxing it out. We watch TV for a while when he asks out of the blue, “What do you want from me?”

Huh? I’m usually the one who asks such blunt questions. He has caught me off guard.

“Why do you ask me that?”

“Cuz I feel like you’re playing games.”

“Games? Me? Naw..I’m the most upfront person you’ll ever meet. I don’t think you’re ready for my honesty.”

“Well tell me why when we first met you told me you just wanted to kick it and have someone to hang out with then by the end of our date you acted like you wanted to have secks then changed your mind?”

Damn. Dude is calling me out.

“Um…” I reply softly and look down at my hands. I sigh and continue, “I am a very affectionate person and it’s been a while since I’ve had affection. I didn’t expect to become so attracted to you and that night I was fighting between my desire to keep it together and my desire to be touched by someone I actually liked. Sorry if it confused you. I try not to be like that.”

“So what do you want?” he asks me.


“Look, I’m not interested in being with this guy and that guy. For me, meeting a man that I would consider talking to is a rare occasion. I guess I just want to have one person in my life who will be cool with me and support in my goals and who is going after those same things too.”

“So it sounds like you want a boyfriend,” he says.

I gulp and shiver. “In a sense, yes.”

“Well, I can’t do that,” he tells me and looks me in my eyes. “Not right now. I’m too busy. I know that I don’t call you enough and you get mad about that but I do think about you. I wonder what you are doing but before I can even process that thought, my phone rings and I have to handle business. Could you handle a man who works more than 12 hours a day?”

“I don’t know.”

“I want someone who will be there to take care of me. Take care of my house and whatever I need at the end of a long day.”

“Well,” I say and roll my eyes. “That’s pretty selfish of you, but I guess I want the same thing.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” he tells me.”I want a woman who knows how to take care of home.” He pauses. “And you’ve demonstrated that by taking care of your kids all by yourself and STILL handling finishing school and everything else.”

“Yeah, I guess…” I say and allow my thoughts to trail off as I lean back and snuggle up beneath the blanket.

“Look. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to find the relationship you want. I know you say you need affection and attention but that’s not something that you can have overnight. It takes time to develop. Let’s try being friends first. Let’s see if we continue to like each other. I do want to be in love, have a family and all that but..I’m not the type of dude to just up and call someone his girlfriend. I have to see first. I have to be sure.”

“I can understand that,” I tell him and shake my head.

I’m a little frustrated because i am usually the one who leads in any relationship. Even though I’ve only had friends with benefits relationships in the past few years that is because that is what I asked for and no man has gotten anything from me that I wasn’t willing to give.

He falls asleep in his recliner and I get restless so I decide to put the dishes in the dishwasher. I notice the laundry room door open and I peek in and see a pile of clothes on the floor. I start a load of laundry and proceed to clean up his kitchen.

In the middle of cleaning I stop abruptly and look around. Am I cleaning? I hate to clean. Why am I doing this? Am I becoming one of those women who tries to impress a man with their housekeeping skills so that he will like them more? Naw…not me. I usually go the extra mile NOT to do anything for a man so he won’t expect me to do it all the time.

I just…I miss taking care of someone. I miss doing things for my boys and catering to them.

I look over at him sleeping soundly in front of the television. He works so much. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it if I cleaned up a little. It’ll make him smile. I love making people smile. I love it when he smiles at me.”Go ahead girl,” I tell myself. “There’s nothing wrong with doing this for him. He’s not going to start taking you for granted. If he does, so what? You did it out of the kindness of your heart and that’s on him if he doesn’t appreciate that.”

I’m smiling by this time as I wipe the counters and collect the towels from the guest bathroom. I do another load of laundry and I fold up his t-shirts and tip toe into his room to put them away. I put the towels away too and start another load of laundry before diving back into my comfy coccoon on the couch wearing one of his t-shirts and a pair of his shorts.

When I wake up the next morning I hear little noises next to me. The cutie pie is up and playing with his toys again. Dell is gone from the recliner. “Hey man,” I greet him and jump up to put the clothes in the dryer. I lay right back down and go back to sleep.

“Wow,” Dell’s voice wakes me up. I open my eyes and search for him. He’s standing in the kitchen. “Thanks,” he says and I nod and cover my head with the covers. He makes breakfast for his brother and returns to his spot in the recliner turning on the TV.

I freshen up a bit and return to the living room still a bit groggy. The Cutie Pie asks me to play chess with him. “I don’t really know how to play but I’ll try,” I tell him.

“That’s okay. I’ll teach you,” he says.

Dell’s Mom returns to pick him before I have even had a chance to get dressed. I run into the laundry room to get my clothes out of the dryer and pull on my jeans.

“Goodmorning,” I say as I emerge from the laundry room and she smiles at me.

I’m kinda embarrassed but Dell isn’t. He’s so non chalant about everything.

When they leave I finish putting away the clothes and I pull on my shoes to indicate to Dell that I’m leaving.

“Where’s your shirt?” he asks me when he notices that I’m still wearing his t-shirt.

“It’s in my bag,” I tell him. But I left my underwear in your drawer for next time I sleep over,” I say with a smirk. “Is that alright with you?”

He laughs, “That’s fine with me.”

“Good,” I say and give him a little wave goodbye as I walk out the door.

I’m halfway down the hall when I hear him call my name. I turn around and he’s walking toward me with my Walmart bag. “You forgot this.”

“Oh, and I forgot my other bag too,” I say and re enter his apartment.

When I turn around he’s standing there smiling down at me. “So you’re gonna just leave like that without giving me a hug?”

“Well,” I say and look down at the floor. “You said we should take it slow. Friends right?”

He laughs. “You can give me a hug goodbye.”

We stand in one spot hugging for at least five minutes. This is the most affection this man has ever shown me. From his actions you would never guess that he is even attracted to me. He’s so non chalant about everything.

“I guess I should let you go huh?” I ask him my head still resting on his chest. He laughs and gives me a squeeze around my waist. “Yeah.”

“See you later,” I say and walk out of his apartment grinning from ear to ear.

Aches & Pains


I don’t understand.

How did I end up here?

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I want my Mama.

No I don’t. She’ll just tell me to take a shot and go sit my drunk ass down.

I don’t know what I want.

I want to follow the rules but I also want to be happy.

Where’s the dividing line?

Where’s the guarantee that either path will lead to my ultimate happiness?

I want to be happy and fulfilled in my career. But I also want to be there for my sons and enjoy the fulfillment of being a mother. I miss being a Mama everyday. I couldn’t enjoy this career if I had my boys. Not doing it all by myself.

Have I traded my blessing of motherhood for a dream that isn’t even guaranteed?

The Learning Curve

Today I went with my co-worker to one of his interviews because he doesn’t have a car and I decided to wait outside in the car and make some phone calls while he does his thing because I’m not really interested in meeting another damn rapper…especially one who has a song out called My.space freak. What is that all about?

I sat outside in the car and did my thing, listened to Kanye, prayed and went over my short term goals.

After a while I got out to stretch and I saw that he and the two young men were done with lunch and were taking photographs in their truck. I just stood by and spoke a little with the publicist while he finished up the shoot. The rappers came over to introduce themselves and I smiled politely.

I stuck out my hand for a shake and the first rapper says, “Hey, I know you.”

I rolled my eyes and brushed him off saying, “No you don’t.” I quickly moved on to introduce myself to the next rapper. Then the first one said, “Yes I do,” and I look at him like, WHATEVER! I never go out.

“I saw you at the Billboard Awards,” he continued. “I performed that night and I remember seeing you on the red carpet.”

“Oh,”I say and blush. “Whoa. Sorry…I don’t go out much so I don’t know many people.”

He smiled and said, “But, I saw you. I remember those eyes.”

My co worker said I was rude to him. “Why do you downplay yourself like that shawty?” he asked me. “You’re a star.”

I felt so bad. I just didn’t think any rapper guy would know who I was and I forgot that I went to that event, but I didn’t even meet anyone that night so…

I have to work on my people skills.

I have so much to work on.

Everyday all I can think about is how I need to become better. Better at my writing. Better in my management style. Better at making decisions without having to get a general consensus from my friends. Better at whatever it is that makes men run away from me.

I tried an experiment the other night. I’ve been going crazy these days with my desire to improve myself and be better in my general life. I feel like I’m not THERE yet and I just want to be this supertight, supersmart, super successful, supersupportive friend and manager but I fall short.

It’s kinda rough because I’m already extremely critical of myself and my publisher pushes me so hard. I appreciate it but everyday we meet and he tries to drill in me the characteristics I need to develop to become a successful editor.

Do you watch BET?
Do you know who’s hot?
Do you read the New York Times daily?
Do you read USA today?
Have you read the top 5 books on the national bestseller’s list?
Are you current on AA politics?
How many magazine subscriptions do you have?
Are you aware of the stance of the Black political leaders across the country?
How many Black NFL coaches are there?
Do you know who Unk is?
What about technology? What are the current trends?
Who’s HOT????
Who should be on our next cover?

I’m usually sitting there like, “Oh my gosh I am sooo dumb!”

I don’t know.

I want to know. I’m trying to know but…I don’t know right now. I can’t help to lead my team of writers if I don’t know all of this stuff.

And I really don’t know where I am mentally right now. I feel like I’m all messed up. Oh, back to the experiment.

So I hung out with a guy friend who isn’t cool enough to give a name so I won’t, but anyway..he and I were hanging out and I get the feeling that he wants to sleep with me. Me being me, well..I decided to give him a little encouragement to try me. I just wanted to see if I was capable of responding and maybe releasing some of this tension.

When he scooted next to me I didn’t move away. So he touched my arm and I froze. He kissed my arm and I started to shiver. By the time he was planting tiny kisses on my neck I started crying. I didn’t want him to touch me.

The whole time I’m crying and asking myself, “Am I gay?” I don’t get it. I just…I just don’t mesh well with men. I don’t understand. I have been feigning for affection and here it is and I don’t like it. I don’t have any real life male friends. The male friends I have are only through the internet.

Any of the ones that I have met in person have automatically stopped speaking to me after our meeting and the guy friends I had in college are all close friends with my baby daddy so..we can’t be friends anymore.

I don’t know.

I’m just kinda tired of not being good enough.

Yeah…I’m having a rough week.

On the Grind in Georgia

I have been trying to get this interview assigned but all of my writers were busy so I had to do it myself. I wasn’t really paying attention to what it was until I had to find the directions to the office. It turns out that the ‘office’ was actually a radio station called V103. I was scheduled to interview one of the show hosts for our magazine.

I flew up 75/85 and exited on 10th,14th- some weird name street and went all the way down to 14th and made a left on Peachtree to find it. Aside from picking up/dropping off Ruby at the train station this was my first trek into the main downtown area.

Damn it’s cold up here. I need a wig or something. My baldhead is freezing!

Anyway, this was a good interview because I realized that I have a good groove going. Before I went into the interview I knew exactly how I wanted the story to read so I asked him questions to get the responses I wanted.

Since it’s a profile piece, I decided to start out by making a comparison between his former career path and his current career as a radio host. I asked him, “What were you doing five years ago?” He replied that he was a salesman for various publications and TV stations for the first 20 years of his career and had only been in radio for nine months.

So when I write it I will probably write something like, DJ ABC used his charm and wit to drive sales at XYZ magazine but he never guessed that those same polished skills would be used to incite riots over the airwaves during his politically charged radio show.

Next I asked him to give me 3 examples of topics he has covered recently on his show. He did. So that will probably go like, Why Blacks Won’t Stop Blaming The White Man for Their Problems, Angry Black Men who Hate Black Women and Why Black People Need to Stop Cashing Checks are just a few of the topics that turn his switchboard to a raging war as listeners call in to challenge his quai-conservative views.

Then I’ll quote him, “My views aren’t necessarily conservative,” he says. “It’s just most radio hosts are too afraid to say what most people are thinking. I’m one of the most conservative hosts in radio.”

I’m learning to visualize the story during my interview and set it up where I won’t have to do much work after I transcribe because the story will basically write itself.

The unique style of our magazine requires that we publish very short profiles. Most of our stories are only 250 words so you know it’s a challenge for me to be to the point because I like to paint a picture but I’ve been doing okay. We also don’t write news stories. We only write about people and their careers.

Today a motivational speaker came by the office to give us a speech and boy was I unimpressed. I’m sorry dude. This chick looked like she was reciting lines from memory and she kept stuttering and looking at the ground. I was so upset. She didn’t say anything worth writing down but I was dead set on getting something from her visit and I did.

She asked all of us to write down 2 professional goals and 2 personal goals. My professional goals were: 1) Become more personable. 2) Relax. I have no problem achieving my business goals because I will not stop BUT I have been told that I am ‘mean’ and ‘rude’ and I have an ‘unpleasant demeanor’.

Don’t believe it?

Believe it.

Everyday I walk around with this intense frown on my face. All day long people ask me, “Are you okay?”

I hate that I carry this huge load with me at all times but I’m always thinking about the next assignment, the next project or my next move. When I’m at work I often feel like a big jug of kool-aid that was left on the stove and it’s about to boil over any minute.

I need to relax. It’s a high pressure job and I add even more pressure by wanting to be perfect. I need to relax more.

My personal goals were: 1) Celebrate myself more. 2) Relax.

I never give myself time to bask in the glory that is Ms. Tee because as soon as I achieve one thing it’s not good enough. I immediately begin to move on to the next obstacle which negates achievement of the first.

I need to stop that. I want to learn to pat myself on the back for something other than a make-up job done well.

The only thing she said that stuck with me was that we all have fears that prevent us from achieving our goals but it’s important that we make a decision to let go of the fear.


What would happen if I decided that I would no longer be afraid of men and being rejected? What would happen if I changed my belief system to include the fact that I am a wonderful person who is worthy of love AND success and I can have BOTH?

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Sorry, I ain’t mean to laugh.

It just seems that its such a simple thing to do but it’s really not. I’ve had a lifetime of experiences that have all taught me that men only want to take away from you and not give. Men are in your life to get as much as they can while giving as little as they can. Men only want to crush your spirit and if they DO decide that they want to invest in you, it’s only because they expect to get something out of it in return.

Ok, let’s try an experiment. Naw…I ain’t ready yet. LOL! Procrastination: another reason why we don’t achieve our goals. LOL!

I’ll deal with the fear of men issue tomorrow. Tonight I have to draft an outline for the gentleman who I hope to work for on the side. I promised him I’d have something to him by tomorrow including my fees and plans to help promote his business.

Cross your fingers for me. If he accepts my proposal I will become a true Atlanta hustler cuz everybody I know up here has a job on the side.


What did she say?

I’m up working on my proposal last night on the phone with Ruby getting some much needed advice about how to structure the phases of marketing that I hope to implement. The subject shifts to my apartment hunting and the fact that i really want to experience the city life. I rarely go out and that’s because my friends are all homegirls just like me. We stay at home and talk on the phone.

Sweet Suezette is constantly inviting me to go out but I never make it because by the time I drive home after work I don’t feel like driving back downtown, finding parking, not being able to drink because I’m driving and blah blah… But Suezette is the chick to know because she knows so many party promoters and all the hot spots, man. I definately need to go out with her. But it’s not gonna happen if I stay up here in Smyrna. Soo….I’ve been looking for a place in the downtown area.

That area is hella expensive ofcourse. The one bedrooms I have found are $900 and up. I looked around midtown and they are even more expensive $1400 for a 2 bedroom apartment. BuT Suezette lives downtown and her complex is cute and it’s in a prime location. The best thing about it is it’s CHEAP, only $700 for a one bedroom and $900 for a 2 bedroom. I especially love the architecture, the way the building is designed.

But alas, when I told Ruby that I was thinking about living there she immediately vetoed the idea because…well….Dell lives there too.

“But Ruby, why should I make a decision about where I am going to live based on him? Who knows? We could never talk again. There’s a 99.5% chance that he and I will never speak again according to my track record. I’m gonna miss out on a great place to live because of some guy who may or may not be interested in me?”

“Tee, it’s messy,” she said. “It’s not a good idea to live so close to someone you like. You can find something else.”

I begin to get frustrated. I hate apartment hunting. I have one more month before I am homeless and I can’t find anything (really nice) in the downtown area for less than $800. I can’t believe that this man who barely calls me is even being considered in this decision.

“Ruby, listen. I already decided that I am not going to talk to him anymore. I deleted his number from my phone and my call log and I’m through.”


“Cuz.” I pause, afraid to admit the truth. “Cuz, I’m scared. I don’t think he likes me and I don’t want to go through that rejection shit again Ruby. I don’t want to start liking him a lot and then he tells me I’m not good enough.”

“I love you friend,” she says softly. “It’s okay. I can tell you already like him a lot and it’s okay because he likes you too.”

“DON’T SAY THAT! Don’t amp me up into believing that this man gives a damn about me. He barely calls! I don’t want to talk about this anymore! He does NOT even think about me!”

After I calm down I hang up with Ruby so that I can finish polishing up my proposal.

10 minutes later my phone rings and it’s Ruby again.

“Whats up chick?” I ask happily.

“Ok. I got the low down on D,” she says seriously.

“What do you mean?”

“I spoke to him and I got the skinny. Do you wanna hear it?”

I pause. “RUBY! Im in the middle of drafting this proposal! How could you call me with info like this while I’m supposed to be focusing?”

“Ok, call me back when you’re done if you want to know what I found out.”


She laughs.

“Ok….” She pauses. “Girl, he likes you.”


She laughs.

“Are you joking? Are you playing with me? What did he say?” I ask.

“Ok. So I called him to thank him for introducing you to the gentleman that you are trying to work for and before I could even finish my sentence he stopped me and said, ‘No, THANK YOU! Your girl is…wow…I can’t take anything away from her. She’s talented. She’s cool as hell. Thank you Ruby. I wouldn’t change a thing about her.’ “

“Girl,” she continues. “He was sounding so happy and he kept going on and on about how great you were. He wouldn’t stop- BUT- the only thing is he said that he doesn’t think you understand his lifestyle. Dell is a very driven man. He has told me that he is trying to make a million and he can’t make a million sitting on his ass so he puts in the hours. So Tee, if you can understand that he can’t call you everyday or see you every week, I think you’ll be fine.”

I’m quiet as she relays the conversation. I hear her but there’s a missing connection. Is she talking about me?


“Ruby are you joking?”

“No, Tee. I’m not. He likes you.”

“Don’t say that.”

“He does. You’re gonna be fine, friend. You’re gonna continue to get to know him and your relationship is going to grow and he’s gonna turn out to be exactly what you wanted and you are just the kind of woman he needed in his life too and everything will be fine. It’s happening Tee. It’s what you always wanted and it’s happening right now.”

I’m quiet. It still hasn’t connected. Is she talking about me?

Ruby begins to sing, “He’s a boy and he likes you..He’s a boy and he likes you!”

“Shut up hoe.”

“You’re going to be fine Tee. You can do this,” she encourages me. “You can like him and he can like you and it is possible to meet someone who actually likes you.”

I’m quiet. Is she talking about me?

“You’ll be fine, friend. I’m happy for you.”

We hang up and I finish my proposal. It looks nice, it’s very easy to understand and it’s only the initial content development, I can do that with no problem.

I chat on the phone with Kim for a while before wrapping myself in the comforter on the couch and closing my eyes.

All I can hear is Ruby’s song. He’s a boy and he likes you…He’s a boy and he likes you!

Is she talking about…ME?

Frozen Toes


I just got home from Vicky’s house and I have to address this issue; why the hell isit so cold outside?

Last night Vicky invited me to come celebrate her roommate because she passed her exams and she is now officially an RN. I was so excited because I know how hard the exam was for her. “We’re going to check out this place called House,” Vicky tells me.

I get dressed in like 2 minutes. I figure, a regular top, some jeans and some heels will do. I’ll cover it with a jacket and I’m ready to go. When I arrive at Vicky’s house there are already 4 other women there.

They recognize me immediately and after a few seconds I’m all smiles because I remember them too- We all were at UF together and we all participated in the BFE (Black Female Extravaganza). This annual event brought the black women together to celebrate the black women in history and today who are doing great things. It’s a student run show and we all have to audition to be a part of it. That’s how I got to know many of the Black women on campus and everyone who took part remembers it fondly.

Gosh, I’m such an insecure nerd.

Anyway, so we all catch up on our lives and we all get ready to go out by taking some shots of vodka.

By the time we get to the place I know I’m tipsy. We get in and it’s $20 to get in. Only because I’m out celebrating will I ever pay that much money to get into a club. Never again. Just letting you know.

When I walk in I’m immediately overwhelmed. This is not the Vegas Nights crowd of young 20 somethings. These are all grown ass people just like me. I can tell that I have found the spot that attracts my age group and I really like that. I stood to the back nursing my drink because I didn’t want to talk to anyone (MEN) and I didn’t want to dance with anyone (MEN) PLUS I wanted to really understand the scene so I spent most of the night looking at the men and how they dress. I checked out the women and how they dressed. I watched the interaction between the men and women. The men weren’t aggressive at all, just chill.

The music was great. The place wasn’t crowded and I could not believe that I was actually at a club where people were wearing sweaters and long sleeves. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that inside a club. I realized right then that I need to step my game up because I don’t have a winter wardrobe and I am not ready for this weather. Yesterday I took a trip to the mall to buy a pair of sneakers because I don’t have any and my toes are freezing. I bought my first pair of Air Force Ones. I am very excited!

Now I need a few sweaters and closed toed heels and one more jacket and…some hats. Damn. I need a lot. You don’t need all of this in Miami.

We stayed at the club for less than 2 hours which I really liked. Short and sweet. I think I might go out with these girls again. Although I tried my best not to talk to anyone while I was there I did meet a guy. He made me laugh. We exchanged numbers. ~shrugs~ I’m trying to be more open.

Afterward we went to pick up food at this restaurant called Beautiful and we all went back to Vicky’s house and christened her new dining room table and talked and laughed about men, jobs, college and the things we love about Atlanta.

Vicky woke me up this morning with a huge smile on her face. “Goodmorning!” she said cheerfully. “We’re going to church.”

“I’m going home then,” I told her and packed up my stuff and hopped into my car. I am sooo blessed to have my car. It’s so damn cold outside and I have leather seats but my car has seat warmers so within 2 minutes my booty was nice and toasty.

I think I’m weird.

I’m sure I am.

That’s okay…I’ll rock it with style.

Learning Things

Dell finally called me back tonight.

I texted him earlier today asking if he was busy tonight and if he’d like for me to bring over dinner after work. He called me back saying that he would have to see when he was getting off and that he would call me.

So I came home and undressed, relaxed and ate some cereal when I saw his name on my caller ID.

“Hey..” I said.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing, I’m just chillin…Watching TV. How are you?”

“I’m good man. I just got home.”

“Have you had dinner yet?”

“No, I haven’t,” he began and then he sighed. “Babe…I know where you’re going with this and I’m just not ready. I’m feeling you. I really am…but…I just..I’m not there.”

I flinch but I keep my composure and say, “Hey. I understand. We’re friends right?”

“Yeah. Definitely.”

“Well, the way I treat you, is the way I treat my friends. I’m just nice like that.”


“Yeah…That’s just me.”

“Well..I hear that.”

Uncomfortable silence.

“Um,” I say. “Do you still wanna hang out?”

“I’m not really hungry.”

“Ok, that’s cool. So I guess you should relax from your long day. I’m relaxing too.”

“Yeah. Rest your nerves and let me go.”

“Ok. Have a good night.”

I flipped my phone close and lean back against the couch.

I’m okay. I mean, I’ve only known him for a few weeks. He seemed to have a lot of the qualities that I would love in a man; he was extremely driven, attractive, creative- He’s cool. it’s crazy that I don’t feel rejected. I just feel like…like..maybe he just wasn’t ready.

And that’s okay.

I meet men all the time. A couple have even come by my job just to talk to me. You know what? I appreciate Dell for raising the bar. He showed me that all men do not want to sleep with me and screw me over. He taught me that there ARE men out there who are hardworking and successful and can be attracted to me. He was very nice to me and I’ll always appreciate him for that.

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Let me go relax my nerves, call Tamara and tell her what happened.

Rides to Floss With

There’s nothing more visually enticing than when a man pulls up in a nice ride. His seat is leaned back, one hand on the wheel and a there’s a smirk on his face because he knows he’s doing it! Meanwhile I sit gingerly on the passenger side, my knees pressed together, arms folded, giving him my sexy grin, eager and willing to follow wherever he may lead.

You can keep your Lexus trucks or Beemer’s. These gangsta rides are guaranteed to keep my body vibrating long after the keys are pulled from the ignition.

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Dodge Magnum
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Chrysler Hemi
When I see one of these rides on spinning rims, all I can say is, “Are you gonna let me drive?”