So Fucking Tired

I’m fucking tired of be so damn tired.

I’m fucking tired of hearing my son ask me when we’re going to get our own place.

I’m fucking tired of being temporary and floating around at my day job.

I’m fucking tired of staying up until midnight at my night job.

I’m fucking tired of working 7 days a week.

I’m fucking tired of feeling like I’m lacking in my relationship with God because I don’t have a church.

I’m fucking tired of meeting men who don’t say what the fuck they want.

I’m so fucking tired of not knowing what I want from men.

I’m fucking tired of being jealous of my friend.

I’m fucking tired of my eyes hurting because I can’t afford more glasses right now.

I’m fucking tired of being around ppl who aren’t friendly.

I’m fucking tired of feeling like the only thing I have going for me is that fact that I look good.

I’m fucking tired of wanting to relax, be held and kissed.

I’m so fucking tired.

I’m so fucking tired.

I’m so fucking, mutha fucking damn shit, bullshit, asshole, kiss my ass, crack head, damn, stank, fart, crack monster, Fuck you!

I’m so sad ya’ll.

I don’t want to cry anymore.

Please Hold…

This customer service business is serious. At first I would get teary eyed when an unruly member would call in screaming at me.

Angry Member: “LOOK! I know I should get credit for this and you’re not giving it to me! What are you stupid? These are my credits and I should get them!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve done all I can. I will forward your request to our rebate department and it will be up to their discretion to reward you the rebate.”

Angry Member: “What kind of shit is this? I want to speak with your supervisor..stupid.”

Me: ~heart beating fast and wiping away tears~

NOW, I have gotten with the program and I know just how to handle this. I like to call it, the GANGSTA HOLD.

Me: “Thank you for calling la, la, la, Ciara speaking, How may I help you?”

Angry Member: “This is my 3rd time calling here. I’m online right now, trying to log into my account and it keeps bringing up my husband’s account. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m tired of trying this and I call and you keep telling me that it’s fixed but it’s not and I’m trying to reserve a hotel and it’s getting late and you’re not helping me like you’re supposed to!”

Me: “Ok, one moment please.” MUTE PHONE.

~Thinking~ “She needs a moment to collect herself.”

Takes headphones off of ears. Clicks on the blue E, “Let’s see what Suezette is up to. Reading Suezette’s Years In The ATL. This chick is gettin numbers from white men! LOL! Damn girl! Work it!

Replaces headphones. “One moment Ma’am our system is slow tonight.” MUTE PHONE.

Removes headphones. Man, I gotta pee. “Hey, who got the bathroom key?”

Ahh, so relieved.

Replaces headphones. “Thank you for holding. May I help you?”

Angry Customer: “It’s about time. I can’t log in. I need to change my password and figure out why there aren’t two seperate accounts. And no one in there seems to have a brain to be able to help me.”

Me: “One moment please.” MUTE PHONE.

Hears a group laugh in the far rear corner. Hey, what’s going on? I walk over. Ooh, someone has a lil TV. American Idol! LOL! Damn…. now he know he can’t sing…LOL!

On My Mind

Jus Playin

Aww Come on ya’ll. Now you know I was just exaggerating about that Customer Service job. Uh…sorta. LOL! But it was funny anyway. It is very rare that I must employ the Gangsta Hold. But beware, if you have an attitude and you call my call center and a chick named Ciara answers, you betta calm down quickly!


Check out Pimpin Panama. He over there wildin out again. The most pertinent question raised in his comments was, “Do Blacks care what white people think about them?”

I tried to reply but it wouldn’t let me. My answer is a resounding YES.

I believe deep inside SOME Blacks feel inferior to white people. They want to be accepted and included as equals. They want to be embraced us and loved by them. In truth a lot of them hate themselves, that’s why we have dark skinned people making sure never to fall in love with another dark skinned people as assurance that their kids won’t be picked on growing up. I wrote about my experience with trying to understand the root of racism, Check it out. Some of you may have read this before, if that’s you, read it again. LOL!


I’m tingling over here

Can’t help but smile

My heart beats quickly

Can you guess why?

Yep, I have met a very, VERY special man.

I even told my Mama about him. ~raises eyebrow~ Now you know that’s serious!

Details later.

You Gotta Eat!

So today was crazy. I didn’t get my much anticipated weekend nap because I went shopping with my girl Marsha. She took me to a mall that I’ve never been to in South Miami and I fell in love.

My mission today was to replenish my accessory wardrobe and I went into this store called Forever 21 and almost fainted, literally.

As we were ringing up my purchases, which included lots of trinkets and these magnificent black pants that make me look like I actually have some booty, I suddenly felt very dizzy. Then I felt like I was going to throw up. I began to see spots floating in front of my face and I grabbed the counter top and told Marsha to go ahead and pay for my stuff for me.

I wobbled outside the store entrance and scanned the corridor for a bench to sit down on. There were none in sight. My legs gave way and I fell to my knees. I stood up shaking and walked back into the store and plopped down on the base of a mannequin stand.

My girl Marsha came over and asked me if I was okay.

“Did you eat anything today?”

I closed my eyes and pressed my head against the wall as I tried to remember the day’s events.

Hmmm. Woke up to my sons poking me in my eyelids. Fixed them some cereal and juice. Checked my cellphone and it rang as soon as I touched it. Spoke with Anide about her scholarship search as I got dressed to go out. Went to the bank. Went to Walgreens for pull-ups and cough medicine. Got home. Cleaned up the mess from my son’s breakfast. Took a shower. Heard Marsha arrive. Got dressed and left again.

Damn. I forgot to eat…again.

I sat there for a minute and my head cleared enough for me to walk again. We cautiously approached the food court and I drank my fruit punch down in like 30 seconds. Didn’t realize I was that thirsty. I ate most of my chicken sub and felt so much better.

I have a problem.

I’m so busy that I forget to eat.

It’s like it really slips my mind. I’m so busy making sure my son’s are taken care of before I’m off and running from job to job that lunchtime is usually my only meal of the day.

So….if anyone wants to set up feeding stations like they do in those marathons so I can drive by and grab my food as I go from place to place, I’m here in Miami and I’m very, VERY hungry.

Love Ya!

It Finally Happened

It’s early in the morning and already my day has been quite eventful.

First, today was THE DAY. The day that I had been dreading forever. My first time being pulled over by the police.

I was driving along as usual up the Avenue and my mind was on a million different things. I caught site of the usual group of caucasian police officers, all blond and blue eyed, standing on the corner. They pointed their speed detector thingy at me. One walked out into traffic and told me to pull over.

I pulled over and burst into tears. The white man came over to my car and asked me what was wrong. My entire face is covered by my hands and I’m weeping uncontrollably. “I’ve never been pulled over before.” I whimpered.

I didn’t see his reaction because I refused to look up at him.

I hear him walk away, “Well you were going 10 miles over the speed limit in a school zone. Let’s get this paperwork started.”

I continue crying and think to myself, “Crackas ass Crackas.”

I’m scared. Because I have heard so many bad stories about these situations. And I have not had a possitive experience with the police in fact I used to HATE the police. HATE EM! RAAAGGGEEE!

The officer asks for my liscense and I give it to him. I make sure my hands are on the steering wheel where he can see them.

“Hmm,” I hear him say to his partner. “This ticket’s gonna run you about $225. I know I can’t afford that.”

His partner laughs. “Me neither.”

“When you finish crying you can have your liscense back and remember that we’re here everyday.”

“I see you everyday,” I said, still looking down at my lap.

“And what do you think when you see us?”

“I think, I hope they don’t pull me over, cuz I’ve never been pulled over before.”

They both laugh.

I’m still looking down. I don’t want to see the smirks on their faces.

“So, what are you gonna do?” I ask.

“We’re gonna drag you out of the car and spray you with pepper spray and beat you up,” he says jokingly.

I pull out of the drive way. I can hear him say, “Thanks Office Whoever, for letting me go with a warning.”

I frown at him and he laughs as I drive away.

Not as bad as I thought. I’m still alive. Hmmm…

I’m taking the long way tomorrow though.

Second Thoughts

Well, I THOUGHT I would be logging on to write about what a wonderful date I had last night, but, it didn’t happen.

My “alleged” date called my office at 4pm saying, “Babe, I have bad news.” I rolled my eyes and sat in silence. “My boss arranged a business dinner for me tonight and I have to go, so we’re gonna have to postpone our plans for dinner.”

I sat in silence. He continued, “I know you’re pissed. But, just go ahead and be pissed. It’s understandable, you have a right to be upset. Take a minute and get it out and then call me back or I’ll call you back.” I still don’t say anything. “Talk to you later ok?” he asks. “Mmm, hmmm.” I respond and hang up.

I was dissappointed. I was looking forward to our dinner. Since we’re both so busy it’s difficult to catch up with him. Mannnn…Who is he?

He is 31. From Philadelphia. University of Miami Law School Alumni. Practices law here in Miami. Internet friends first, met him right here on this blog, he was one of my regular readers, phone friends second, met up at a Karaoke Bar on South Beach- we even sang a song together- and the rest is mm, mm good.

I like him. He reminds me of me. Very articulate. Very sweet. Very busy. ~sigh~

But you have to be patient if you want to date a businessman. And ain’t nothing like a man coming home from work, tired, pulling his neck tie off. Dayuuuum… I can only imagine.

But instead of letting myself get too upset, I picked up the phone and called my girl Melissa. “Hey chick, let’s go out. Where do you wanna go?”

“There’s always old faithful, Martini Mondays at Cafe Iguana. But this time let’s get there by 8pm, it’ll be free and a more professional crowd.”

“I’ll leave here by 7:30 to get you.”

So, I put on the same GET EM GIRL dress that I planned to wear on my date. Hooked my makeup UP, brushed my hair, uh, head and chose the cutest pair of dangling earrings from my new accessory wardrobe. I was sweating myself when I was done.

My sons are hanging off of my leg, “Mama, Mama..where you going?”

“I’m going out.”

“With who?”

“With my friend Melissa.”

“When you’re done with Melissa will you come home and sleep with us?”

“I sure will baby. Be good for Grandma okay?”

“Bye Mama.”

I step out and drive in silence to Melissa’s house. I call her phone and tell her to bring her car keys because we aren’t going anywhere in my dusty car.

When we get to Cafe Iguana’s I can’t believe it, there’s NO LINE. In fact, there was no cover charge. I guess they start charging around 10pm, when it turns into a night club. It was only 8:15 when we got there and it was a very relaxed atmosphere.

We walk in and sit down at the bar, order out Apple Martini’s and sip slowly. The bartender, whose name was Justin, made those Appletini’s so strong that it took ME 45 minutes to finish mine. And you know I usually drink fast.

But while we’re chatting, sipping and ogling the handsome men, I notice a suit walk in. LOL! A suit is a guy who will come into the club in a full three piece suit. Most women think these guys are dorky, but not me- I LOVE DORKS!

“Look at him, “I nudge Melissa and motion in his direction. “Now that’s what I’m talking bout.”

The Suit strides past purposefully.

Melissa and I continue to make comments and reminisce about our college days when I was at UF and she was at FSU and we would make trips to visit each other. Know how I met Melissa? I was up at FSU visiting my bestfriend Tamara during our freshman year. Melissa was Tamara’s friend. As soon as I met her, it was like, WHOA, I LOVE HER! It’s been on every since. Now I hang out with Melissa wayy more than I hang with Tamara. That’s the way love goes.

So we’re sitting and singing cuz on Martini Monday’s it’s Old School Night and they’re really taking it back. I’m talking bout we were grooving to BRICKHOUSE!

I’m halfway done with my Martini and I see two guys across the way smile and flash a platinum AMEX as they paid for their drinks. ~rolls eyes~

That shit don’t impress me! You know what impresses me? An extensive vocabulary. A well penned poem. Open and honest communication. Compromise. Selflessness.

I turn to tell Melissa what I just saw when I see The Suit is standing next to me buying a drink.

I’m all goofy from the Martini but I manage to smile at him.

He looks at me and smiles back. “Mind if I sit down?”

We all sit there and talk about WHATEVER. Turns out he’s a salesman. I don’t remember what he sells. He had just got off of work and was supposed to be meeting a friend there. He asks about my education, my job, my marital status, my kids. I answer with PRIDE, “I have TWO KIDS AND TWO JOBS!” Yeah, that should scare him off… I laugh to myself. Everybody can’t hang with the big dawg. I’m a WHOLE LOTTA WOMAN!

I’m looking at him funny because he’s handsome, but not really my type. He sorta looks like a very light skinned Will Smith. Same height, same build. I felt like I was in a movie. I kept looking round to see if I was imagining the whole thing.

“Make sure you find me on the dance floor,” I tell him as I slide off the stool on my way to the ladies room.

“Let’s not wait until then. I don’t want to miss out. Can I get your number now?” he asks and reaches into his pocket for a pen.


Damn… Come on Tee, you don’t have a man. Why not?

The Attorney’s name flashes across my mind.

But he’s busy.


The man of my dreams…

You know you like it like that

You don’t have to fight back

Here’s a pillow…bite…that..


oh my…

Moving On Up!

Guess what?

This week I interviewed with a small company and they offered me a position as the Assistant to the CEO. The money was straight. But nothing even closely related to what I really wanted to be doing.

But I said to myself, “Self, this is not about you. This is about stability for your family. I know you want to be happy but you can be happy after your kids are grown and out of your house. It’s time to sacrifice.”

I cried but I sucked it up and decided to give notice at my lovely private school.

When I went into to tell my daytime (temporary) boss that I was leaving she arranged a meeting with me and asked me what she needed to do to keep me here. I gave her a salary and she said she’ d see if she could get approval for it.

Today we met for lunch and she told me that she got me what I wanted with a significant increase after the 3 month probation period. And get this, my position, didn’t even EXIST before I started working here. They made the position up for me.

You all know I LOVE working here. I LOVE being here. I LOVE everyone here and the opportunity it presents to learn a new trade. Development is another term for Fundraising so I’ll be hob knobbing with Miami’s elite as I try to convince them that my private school is a worthy investment.

I’m so happy!

And to think, I get to quit my night job now. I’ll have more time for my sons. I can start to look for a place to live. The best thing is, I am LEARNING. I love to learn! And I’m just ambitious enough to take this thing and blow it up, because I’m about exceeding ALL expectations!

I am on my way!

Inside Tip

All a woman really wants~

Time: A portion of your day dedicated to her.

Attention: Consideration of the things that are going on in her world. Recognition.

Time + Attention is equivalent to LOVE in most cases.

We’re not that complicated.

I was sharing this once with a guy I met and he said, “Men know exactly how to treat a woman. If we don’t do it, it’s because we choose not to.”