Lately I don’t sleep well.
It’s not because I’m afraid of anything, it’s more because I can’t stop thinking about work.
This is such a great opportunity for me to grow and prove myself. This company is off the chain!
But there’s always so much to do. Most nights I don’t leave before 7pm even though I’m there by 8:30am everyday. My daily goals sheet is almost never completed before I leave and I have to resist the urge to go home and work the entire time but…I’m beginning to think that it’s not such a bad idea.
My team is filled with geeks. We laugh at each other about that. We’re all nerdy and eager to produce the very best. Believe it or not the site is run by a small team of people, with my role being brand new. Everyone says they appreciate my input because my concentration is improving and driving the content of the website, ensuring that all sponsorships are supported with original content. Can you believe that?
They appreciate my input. We feed off of each other. My ideas are made perfect with their input. Their ideas are polished by my communication style. It’s like…synergy.
Today I went to my first production meeting. It’s the meeting where all of the producers and some staff meet to discuss the plan of action for various facets that support the radio show.
Imagine my surprise when I walked in and saw The Prez sitting at the head of the table.
That man is a BEAST!
And I mean that in the most endearing way. He led that damn meeting. I was blown away. I gave my little presentation and he said, “Good job.”
As he challenged the team to produce their very best, I was thinking all kinds of unprofessional thoughts about him.
Gutter mind. Gutter mind.
But I’ve decided to break up with him in my mind. All this time I thought I wanted to be with a businessman like him. He has almost every quality that I want to develop in myself as well as all of those qualities that I have prayed for in a man and…that shit scares me.
I don’t know if I’m ready for all that.
Yep…this Dude freaks me out with his brilliance.
I’m not saying I’m not good enough, I’m just saying he’s like WHOA. I’ve never seen anything like it.
This dude is a MAN. I’m so used to dealing with gay dudes or little scared boys in men’s clothes.
But yet I realize, I still have so much growing to do.
I ain’t ready.
Now I see why men in my past had pulled away. You know when you’re not ready…
I got a boost when I received the most beautiful email today from a reader. I live for these appreciative emails and if you only knew the kind of mail I got on a daily basis you would fall out. All of my mail isn’t “You go girl!” Some of it is “You are crazy.”
I try not to take things too personally but I’m sensitive so I usually call my friends and they pep me up.
You ever read that scripture, “Where two or more agree….?”
Well, that is more than just calling your favorite friend to pray with you. It’s more like having a great friend who believes with you for your life goals in Christ.
I have so many people who believe with me that I am sure my dreams will come true. Honestly…if it wasn’t for my friends I could not make it through this.
They don’t TELL me what to do, but they support my decisions and encourage me by staying on my level of faith and integrity.
I need that. It energizes me.
I’m doing really well with this guy who is stuck to me like glue when I get home. The same guy who was annoying me by the pool the other day and every day since. I usually bring my laptop and sit on the porch to write but he always comes out here talking and talking no matter what time I try to sneak out. I’m trying to be polite because I feel like he may need a listening ear but I want to tell him to shut the fuck up.
He’s sitting right next to me right now telling me a story about how his friends, teachers and everyone is always jealous of him. He’s a 39 year old white man who is traveling through Dallas on his way back to visit his family in New Mexico.
He won’t shut the hell up!
I can’t even THINK of what I came out here to write.
What’s a nice way to say LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE?