New Year Ramblings

My first post of 2009.

I have a lot on my mind right now so I’ll just tackle one topic at a time and hopefully I’ll make some sense of everything I’m feeling.

My dawg is doing well. She called me tonite to describe the outfit she’s wearing to her friend’s 30th birthday party. ~smile~ Tamara and I will talk about the most mundane topics and the crazy part is…we really care. I’m feeling all weird and nervous about her most recent transition out of the relationship she has been in for the past year and a half. ~sigh~

She met this dude so quickly after breaking up with her BBDD and he is finer than most of the men I’ve seen in my lifetime. He’s sweet, he’s generous and he adores her but…Tamara is not really feeling him like that. Sometimes I wonder if it’s the long distance that killing their vibe but to be honest I think it’s him.

Tamara is the type of woman who will stay with you through thick and thin. When I would run the hell away at the first sign of trouble, Tamara will stay and try to help you work through it. I always admired her for that but at the same time I always said she shouldn’t be so nice. She worked with him through his mood swings and what not and…it’s still not working. I hate to think that she may be considering getting back with her BBDD and she assures me she is not but I don’t know. We can not have one conversation without his name coming up and I can hear the smile on her face through the phone. I don’t know man… I wish she would meet someone new and GROWN and ready for her. Someone who deserves her.

Stupid Feelings
Alright. You know how at the beginning of a new year you’re supposed to leave the past in the past? I’m all for that except my heart won’t line up with it. I know I only talked to Steve for like a couple of weeks but I didn’t talk to him cuz he was rich or he could add to my life or he was so fine..I have no idea why I liked him so much. I.just.did.

Those feelings have not gone away and it’s to the point where I’m driving in my car and I’m remembering when I let him drive it and how we joked and smoked and laughed and talked about whatever. I know, I’m dumb.

Tamara was like, “Welcome to the world of ‘you can’t help who you like’.” That upset me. It’s crazy but…I’m meeting so many men and as usual I’m not interested in any of them but…you know how I would usually just use them for secks? Well, I can’t even do that anymore. I can’t get aroused anymore.

I remember the feeling I had when I did it with Steve and the smoothness of it all. I felt like I didn’t put any effort into being with him physically and I was all tired after it was done. I felt like he touched more than my body. I feel stupid for even admitting this.

He sent me a sweet text message telling me how he really liked me and how I moved too fast for him and I responded with some uptight message cuz I was hurting at the time. We haven’t spoken. I don’t really want to talk to him or see him. I really just want the memories to fade and I know they time.

I think the biggest lesson I learned from Steve was how good it feels to be with someone that I actually LIKE. I don’t think I can go back to doing what I was doing before- you know- keeping my emotions seperate from my secks life. I want that feeling again…I want to take that risk again, but I am still scared cuz look how that turned out.

I’m dealing with so many dudes that I do not like and every one of them professes how much they like me and want to be with me. I think it’s cuz I’m not trying to sleep with them. I don’t think it’s sincere yet, I haven’t heard words like this in many, many years. Still don’t believe them but it’s nice to hear.

It’s starting again next week and I just want to go to class, learn and go home. None of that socializing shit man. Damn…It’s so hard to do since our classes are small and I really try not to talk to anyone about anything outside of what we’re learning but it never happens. I guess I want so much to be anti social and to not expose who I am to people cuz I don’t want their opinions of judgements but..I’m not really anti social, I just play one on TV.

I get to take 3 great classes this semester and I am so excited! Couples Therapy-Individual Therapy-Group Counseling. Dang! I can’t even imagine what I will learn! I can’t wait!

What’s funny is I never even checked my grades from last semester. After my last class, I decided that grades were not that important to me. As long as I pass I’m cool. I turned down the invitation to be in the honor society and I’m not trying to become active on campus. This isn’t undergrad-I don’t want to be popular. I just want to learn as much as I can.

My Activities
I know that I have the skills to become successful at whatever I pursue and I always embrace the opportunities that are presented to me wholeheartedly but it’s time to make some decisions.

I want to continue to pursue a publisher and focus on marketing my book. I also want to continue to host my radio talk show. I also want to learn more about DJing professionally. And…I want to put my heart into developing this internet talk show that I’ve been offered. I’m not sure if I can do all of that at once though. I need to pick one and make it great. Ok, one or two. Fuck. If only I didn’t have to worry about money and eating and shit like that. I also think I’m putting more pressure on myself because I can’t take care of my sons like I want to. That’s making me consider just stopping everything and getting some random ass job and do what everyone else is doing..being miserable to pay the bills.

I don’t want my sons to talk about me like other people talk about their parents, “My Mom could have been so great…”

My Looks
Even though I no longer speak to Reagan and I am so glad about that, I still hear all the advice he gave me swirling around in my head. He gave great advice, it was just the damn way he said it. I hated that shit. I don’t like to be spoken to as though I am some scum on the side of the road. Couldn’t take it. He consistently criticized the way I looked and said that the way I look doesn’t match up with who I am.

My Mama had a talk with me tonite about the way I look. She says I’m almost where I should be professionally I just need to step my game up as far as my appearance. My sister has done it- she looks more beautiful everytime I see her. Tamara has definitely stepped it up. I’m still the same, wearing last year’s Target clothes and shoes and looking like me.

I hate it when I know there is something that I need to improve because once I notice that an improvement needs to be made, I have to tackle it immediately. I don’t have the money right now to work on my appearance. I just do the best with what I have. I’m not tacky by a long shot, I’m just not precise with it. I don’t have the grown lady polished look that I should have. I don’t look like a star yet. I know for a fact that if you have a goal you HAVE TO PLAY THE PART right now even BEFORE you can see the accomplishment. I want to. Maybe this year something will happen that will allow me to look the way I feel on the inside. I love who I am.

The new Mrs.
Kim got married the day after Xmas. She called me as soon as the wedding was over to tell me how it went. I felt so special. She even texted me during her reception AND she has been calling me during her honeymoon.

I was like, “Kim. STOP calling me and enjoy yourself.”

“I just want to share it with someone who I KNOW will appreciate how happy I am, dawg,” she said.

I know. I know.

If you’re on my facebook friends list you can look through my friends photo album and see a pic of Kim on her wedding day. Kim had a very small wedding and went to a restaurant for her reception and is at a resort for her quick honeymoon.

“I gotta go girl, my husband is coming back in,” she told me last nite. Oh Lord…Kim is soo into playing roles that it’s gonna be hilarious to watch her settle into being a wife.

I wonder if I’ll ever feel like that because right now I am a little annoyed by everyone rushing around to get married and feeling unsuccessful because of it. I often wonder why people get married anyway. I used to want to get married because I thought God would be mad at me if I wasn’t married and I had secks but I don’t believe that crap anymore. I have no pressure from my parents or myself when I see other people get married so..I’m in no rush.

In fact..I’m wondering what the hell the feeling is that people get when they WANT to get married? Why tie yourself to one person? What’s the deal with that? What is it that makes you want to be with ONE PERSON? I don’t get it. Don’t get it.

My Wish List
Last Year’s Wish List went so well that I have to do another one. All I did was write down a bunch of things that I wished would happen and then I forgot about the list. I never looked at it again until a couple of weeks ago. Most of that shit happened for real and some of the things that hadn’t happened..well, they happened right after I read the list. It was crazy.

So here we go again…


To remain healthy in mind, body and spirit.
To gain a larger audience for my creative work across all mediums- TV, RADIO, INTERNET.
Move into a beautiful, spacious home with my sons with ease, speed, comfort and joy.
Continue to learn life changing lessons in school and share with others.
Win an award that propels my writing career to the next level.
Have a spectacular birthday celebration with lots of laughter, love and happy tears.
Meet, embrace and experience the bliss of falling in love with someone who is as brilliant and successful as Kanye and who adores everything about me and deserves me.
Travel to see Tamara for her 30th birthday.
Bless my parents financially.
Become a Reiki practitioner.
Give speeches and workshops about subjects that are dear to my heart like Black history and Self Acceptance.
Completely revamp my wardrobe.
Get my teeth fixed.
Gain a financial investor that is easy to work with who wants to invest in my projects and reap the benefits of backing me.
Receive a steady, abundant income from my creative work that covers every expense and all of my desires as well.
Publish my first book and set a solid deal for my next one.
Have beautiful birthday celebrations for my sons.
And just for fun…I want to meet Kanye West this year. LOL! That actually made me laugh out loud.

Now..I’ll let it go. I always get what I want. I’ll check this list again in December 2009 and see what happened.

Many blessings to you as you strive to figure out where you’re headed this year. It’s really your choice. Where do you want to go? What do you want to happen? Focus on that instead of what happened last year and you will experience magic. I promise!

Foreign Boy

Well..what have I been up to where I haven’t been able to post anything?

I’ve been hanging with Tamara’s cousin from Trinidad. At first it started out like a tour guide thing. I love showing off my city and the different spots and events and I make sure people have a good time.
We went to eat at a lot of different places and it seemed that everyday I was going to pick him up and spend time with him. After I spent time with my boys, I picked him up and we went to the nude beach. It was wild!

I had seen it before but never stepped onto it. It’s not like a little island or anything it’s just a section of the beach with a gate and a sign that reads:

Once he and I walked by that sign my eyes almost bugged out. I have never seen so many penis’s in my life! It seems like all of those guys shave all their pubic hair too. Shiny balls swinging and hanging and smiling at me everywhere.

Everyone was naked…just naked. And when we found a spot to spread the blanket my guyfriend got naked too. I was like, “hell naw!” But what I saw made me want to see him again the next day so…I guess it was a good thing he did that.

Let me tell you…at the nude beach, there are mostly couples, gay couples. Like men with men. They walk up and down the beach holding hands and smiling, feeling so free in their gayness and nakedness.

One couple I saw was a black man and a white man just happily walking along and feeling great about life. I could tell. My guyfriend almost freaked out when he saw that. I wasn’t so shocked but realized the importance when he pointed them out.

“A white man and a black man holding hands on a nude beach and they’re gay! You’ll never see that back at home!”

Hmm..I guess you’re right. But this is Miami. I’m desensitized.

There was another couple that I saw when I first got there. As I spread the blanket I looked at the Black lady’s smooth back and soft shoulders. She and a white man were facing the ocean and just sitting there quietly so I couldn’t see their faces.

“If I had a body like that I would be naked too,” I said to myself.

A while later my guyfriend and I turned around and saw the couple about to leave. I almost choked on my Corona when the woman stood up and pack of dark brown testicles fell from her lap.


Guyfriend, who I’ll call Guy, wanted a picture of us and I tried to take one but it wasn’t coming out right. A random naked man came by and offered to take the picture. We let him. After he wanted to know our names and where we were from. It didn’t feel right. Two naked men introducing themselves with me in the middle. Didn’t.Feel.Right. LOL!

Did I get naked?

Be for real.

No one wants to see all this.

Afterwards we sat in the car blowed at the experience. Guy said it was freeing and it changed who he is. Guy is not someone I would normally be attracted to because he’s a Trini boy with dreads and he’s very skinny and has this accent that I cna not decipher but…he is so sweet.

Like..he does everything right. Everything. He fills up my gas tank each time we go out. He takes me to eat whenever I’m hungry no questions asked, whatever I like. He makes sure I’m okay before he makes sure he’s okay. He always sweats me and tells me how sexy I am and how my hard work is going to pay off soon.

He’s so smart and sweet and patient. You know I tried his ass and at the time I didn’t know why.

So we had a great time every day and things were clicking between us. Although with his accent I had to say, “What did you say?” after every sentence, he patiently explained it again to me.

So one night I went to pick him up and we decided to go back to my house. But when we got here everything just changed. I think it was the lighting but my whole vibe just changed and he was looking weird to me and I didn’t want him to even sit next to me.

When I’m feeling like that I’m sorry for the man in question because I don’t pull punches. Even if we were just making out in the car once my mood changes I’m done and you can’t even sit close enough to breathe on me.

He was looking at me like I was crazy. “Don’t touch me,” I told him. “It doesn’t feel right.”

So we sat there, me wishing he would leave and him wondering what happened to our vibe.

“Did I change?” I asked him.

He nodded his head. “Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Did you stop liking me when you woke up this morning?” he asked.


“Was it when I called you to see if you slept okay?”

“Was it when I called you back to tell you I was ready?”

“No. I was excited to see you. I have a good time with you.”

“Did it happen when we got back here?” he asked.

I paused. “I think so. I don’t feel right having you here.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“Didn’t you say you felt bad about not having paid your rent yet?”

“And your roommates are here and you feel guilty don’t you?”


“Where most people who have worked things out would probably just let it go, you can’t do that because the type of person you are makes you feel bad that you can’t hold to your end of the agreement. Right?”
“Yeah,” I hung my head in shame.

“Then it may just be the environment. Let’s go.”

We got up, hopped into my car and drove back to his cousin’s house. There we took a sleeping bag and spread it out and sat under the stars and puffed and talked until we both fell asleep. I blinked twice when I heard a noise and the sun was hitting me in the face.

He was right. I was more relaxed away from my house. Wow. He was right.

He is so nice. And he likes me…a lot. In fact, I couldn’t believe it when he said the very words that I had said to Steve.

“You got me,” he said and clutched his hand to his chest over his heart.

I laughed and laughed. I remember that feeling. That’s the feeling of being in love for no reason.

He is so nice yet I am not goo goo over him. I appreciate him. I’m glad he’s gone back to Trinidad because if he were here, I would have a boyfriend. I’m not ready for that yet.

I am really, just grateful to meet someone who didn’t have one complaint about me, who listened to me, made me a priority and loved everything about me. For a week I felt like I was the center of his universe…

I like that…

I want more of that…

Thanks Universe! He was a nice ‘sign of land’ for me in my quest for true romantic love…
I’m open.

Discovering The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo

I was never a full out fan of Will Smith. I thought he was too tall and goofy and just plain silly. I like my men more regal than the characters he portrayed in his earlier career.A few years ago, a friend of mine sent me the link to an article where Will Smith was spouting some kind of philosophy that I had never been exposed to. That made me sit up and listen.Yesterday, I was fooling around on Youtube when I came across this video of Will discussing being an Alchemist. After viewing this video and doing a search for the book The Alchemist I was stunned to learn that the author Paulo Coehlo is alive and well and has a love for the internet. I read through his blog and watched a few of his videos on youtube and then I did a search for quotes by him.Wow!This dude is ridiculously conscious! By conscious I mean, in tune with the fact that there is more than one way to reach a state of inner peace and he is open to exploring other ideas that were at one point foreign to him.I am just now reaching that place myself after years of being involved in religion and seeing how it didn’t serve me well. I sometimes scare myself with my beliefs and it is difficult to discuss them with my friends because no one is going where I’m going least yet.But then again…now that I am not involved in the idea of “my way or no way” I can see that everyone is on their own spiritual path and no one is off track or lagging behind. You can’t charter a spiritual course. You can’t pull someone with you. Even if you are experiencing magic because of your newfound beliefs or studies, it is important to allow the next person their own space to move at their own pace. Their ability to choose their path freely is what will lead them to recognize their own power. Allow them that joy.No one is “lost”. No one is damned to hell for all eternity because they don’t believe what you believe. They are damned if they believe that is possible for their life. I don’t.I am a magnificent creation of the highest regard who was given the opportunity to seek Truth for myself. I love this journey! I love the freedom that it brings. I love the way I can take a pot and mix all of the knowledge up, choosing the best ingredients from my eclectic studies, creating my own belief system and reality.I am powerful beyond measure. I am rich in love and light. I am destined to achieve my greatest dreams simply because I choose to do so.You are too.

Waking Up

I may just have a heart attack.

I just realized…that…

There’s more to men than what’s in their pants.

They have…like..hearts too.


Oh shit…what is the world coming to?

What’s Going On?

Ahhh… I am feeling so satisfied.

No, I didn’t make much money tonight at work but…I realized that serving others (as a waitress) really humbles me. Like, I’m very much confident in my skills, intelligence and star power but…the simple act of bringing people ranch dressing and picking up chicken wing bones off the floor brings me back to reality.
I love serving people. I love making people feel good about themselves. I love seeing another person’s vision for their life and then giving them suggestions on how to get there. I study EVERYBODY who is doing something unique. I watch them work. I am innovative and creative. I have all the ideas you could ever need and I give them away because I can always come up with more.
I have a lot on my mind lately. School starts tomorrow. I really relaxed this week, did nothing much except lay on my bed and chat with Tamara. I finally persuaded Anna to get on twitter. Geesh! I had to remind her, “You still use the email account I set up for you, right? That was a good idea, wasn’t it? Trust me. Twitter is the shit, dawg.”
I love social media. Do you KNOW how many new ideas and new perspectives on life I come across on twitter alone? Just reading about other people’s lives and watching them travel, go through life changes and vent about relationship frustrations really captivates me and teaches me a lot about my own life. The weird part is, celebrities are on twitter too and I’m not sure if I want to know that much about their lives like that. The mystery is what made them special. Now I’m following Quest Love on twitter and he’s always in some karaoke or comedy show on the late night. I don’t feel the same as I used to about him. Still love Shaq on twitter though!
Ooohh..Let me tell you about my guyfriend Deep. He is one fascinating person. I feel that he must feel the same way about me because we spend a lot of time on the phone discussing shit I can’t talk to most people about. He challenges me and annoys me the same way I annoy him. I’m always reminding him to embrace what the Universe is sending his way and he reminds me not to be fearful and to act with faith and watch miracles happen. “Anything will work if you have faith in it,” he told me tonight after we discussed the different ways that we project energy into the Universe and toward people we love.
He is so different..and he does not want to have secks with me. Shocker. So shocked. Dissappointed even. Not that he’s hot or anything but it’s just…I don’t know of any man who is single and in my life and has not tried to have secks with me. Deep just..well, he just wants to vibe with me on a spiritual level. I love that about him but it hurts me at the same time. I’m not used to men just wanting to be my friend. It bothers me.
I learn so much from him though. He’s younger than I am and into wellness. He’s a Vegan. He eats tofu and shit. LOL! He drinks homemade tea with bee pollen and shit. LOL! I be laughing at his ass all the time!
The wild thing is..he’s celibate. And not ‘I’m celibate but I’ll still eat you out’ type of celibacy but he explained it like this: “To me having secks is like marrying someone. You take a part of every person’s soul with you when you have secks and you give a part of you away too. I’m not giving my soul away like that. I’m straight.”

What an interesting perspective…especially coming from a dude.

Anyway..I’ve been wearing my hair with a headband around it like this picture…

You like it? I think I do. I like the way I look with my hair pulled back from my face. For about a week I was debating HARD about getting a perm and having a more mainstream look but..I just can’t do it. I can’t. Now…if someone offers me some MONEY to perm my hair so I can be on a TV show or something like that..hell yeah…but I like my natural look too much to change it just on the hope that having a more mainstream look will help my career.
I know I don’t want to grow dreads. I see too many people with that look plus my Mama’s hair is locked and I’m not ready to look like her. I still don’t know what I’m doing with it but I LOVE MY HAIR!
I still can’t smile full out like I want to because of my teeth. The tooth on my right side is cracked even more and I look like a fool. ~sigh~ I need dental work badly. I can’t even smile or be confident like I want to.

~sigh~ I’m trying to be confident but I just don’t trust people to handle my work the way I would. I gave the text version of my presentation to this publisher and he said he published it in his newspaper but I haven’t received the print in the mail yet. The deadline for the Pulitzer is February 1st so that means I have 2 weeks to get the copy of the paper (IF he really printed it on time- before the new year) and then fill out the application, take a new picture to send along with it and send it all in. I don’t know this dude at all but he’s supposedly a pretty trustworthy person but I don’t know…I need to see it in print. I hope it came out alright.
And…my horoscope says I will win a contest this month. I’m hoping it’s the essay contest to win tickets to the inauguration. I sent in the text version of my Dragon presentation. My Mama says its probably too deep for them but hey…I can’t help the way I think.
In my mind, if all of my fantasies come true, my sister and I will be in DC enjoying the festivities and maybe I’ll even get to see my essay published in a major newspaper like USA Today. Wouldn’t that be grand?! ~sigh~
I love to daydream about the BEST thing that could happen.
On the romance romance on the horizon. Trini boy calls me sometimes and I meet guys all the time but none of them are a match for me. Maybe it’s me cuz I’m not TRYING to make it match with any of them. I don’t feel I should have to try. Like, if dude doesn’t like the fact that I smoke Blacks then fuck’em! We’re not a match. Or if a dude has two days off each week and those two days are the days that i work then fuck’em! We’re not a match. I don’t wanna be with anyone’s employee anyway… I’m not changing shit for anyone.
Ya’ll need to get on facebook. There was an interesting discussion about women being submissive to their men today that was started by the author of the Alphanista blog. I had a lot of shit to say because you know that although I am dominant all day, I want my man to be even more dominant than me. I don’t want to have to teach him how to be a man, give him ultimatums in order to be with me or any of that. I want him to come ready to serve- me, our family and humanity. I want to relax and be able to trust that…he got it. He know what he’s doing. He is a real man. I don’t have to check up on him or double check his motives. He’s trustworthy. He’s smart as hell. If he makes a decision, I have to back him because he has a proven track record of success. He’s not selfish. He wants the best for me and our family and does not hold anything back in pursuit of providing the best for all of us.

“Pack your bags,” he’ll say.

No questions–just packing.
~sigh~ Wouldn’t that be nice?
Yes it would and…according to The Alchemist theory…everytime we express a desire the Universe pulls out all the stops to give us just what we want.

Ooh! I am soo excited!!!!!!!!!
But isn’t everyone? Don’t you feel like THIS New Year everyone is just way more amped about it being the best year ever? I wonder why? I guess it doesn’t matter. As long as people are more hopeful about life and projecting positive vibes- I’m ecstatic.

My Fantasy Trip To DC

I was inspired today.

I was reminded that I should always imagine “the best that could happen” instead of keeping my goals a secret because I fear embarrassment of not realizing them.

Yes, I am in the process of submitting a published commentary for the Pulitzer Prize and yes…I submitted an essay for the Inaugural essay competition where they will choose 10 winners to be flown to DC for the inauguration.

So…to excercise my faith in my ability to do well in both competitions, I decided to write a story about how I would like things to go down this weekend and leading up to the inauguration. Maybe sending out positive energy and living the excitement of my dreams come true before they actually do will push my dreams into fruition. Let’s see….


I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t sleep. I knew that the winners for the essay competition would be announced on Friday, the 16th and I expected to receive an email from the staff.

The light on my laptop never went off the entire night because everytime I saw that the light dimmed, I touched my keyboard just to be sure I didn’t miss it.

After my boys woke up and we had breakfast, we all sat outside enjoying the sun. I wouldn’t allow five minutes to go by without dashing inside to stare at my email.

As soon as we finished lunch and sat down to watch TV, I hear the chime of my Gtalk alerting me to a new message.

When I click on it I read:

The Presidential Inauguration Committee would like to congralulate you on your essay. You and a companion will be attending the inauguration as honored guests of the President of the United States. Please call this number to confirm your prize.


I immediately call my sister. She doesn’t answer. Fuck!

I text her: CALL ME NOW!

She calls back within minutes. “What? Did you win?”

“Hell yeah!” I scream.

“Shut up, stop playin! For real?”

“Teenie I am not joking! I WON! We’re going to DC!”

“Ahhhhh! Oh my God. I love my sister! Did you call Mama?”

“Not yet.”

“Call her and lemme call Adam and tell him. My Boss GOT to give me the time off for this!”

My boys and I do a happy dance and hug and scream after I tell them the good news!

“But you believed you were going to win, Mama. You had to win!”

“I know Boo Boo but I’m still excited!”

I couldn’t help but float through the rest of the day. By the time it was near the hour to do my radio show, I could barely contain myself.

“Guess what ya’ll?! I bellowed into the microphone at the studio “I’m going to DC to see the inauguration! I feel like it’s my birthday! And just because I’m in a celebratory mood, I’m gonna play something to get ya pumped….How about some old school Luke… It’s Yo Birthdayyyyy!”

The next morning I drive up to Boca to see my sister. She already had her clothes all over her room, trying to figure out what she was wearing.

By some miracle, I had received a huge check so I was able to do a little shopping with her as we (and my boys) flew from store to store trying to find new dresses and underwear. Couldn’t be caught mingling with Obama in draws with holes in’em.

By Saturday night I was KRUNK as I went into Denny’s! I served the people so well that I walked away on Sunday morning with $200 in my pocket. A RECORD for a Saturday night.

I got some rest and then when I woke up I smiled at all of the congralulatory facebook messages from my friends and sat down to twist my hair.

By Monday morning I was cool, calm and collected. I mean, I am a superstar right. Can’t go to DC for my first trip acting like I never been nowhere. My sister met me at my house and her boyfriend dropped us to the airport. He is so cute! He made a mixtape for our ride to the airport filled with nothing but Obama songs. LOL!


We were both wearing our Obama t-shirts when we arrived at the airport. Everyone else was wearing theirs too. We grabbed our bags at baggage claim and before we could take a step a white man in a black suit approached us.

“Are you Ms. Tee?”

I looked at him sideways.

“Maybe,” I replied and raised my eyebrow. Who the fuck is you?

“Sorry Ma’am. Don’t mean to alarm you. I’m with the inauguration commitee. We’ve been expecting you.”

All of a sudden, trumpets sound off and a man with a megaphone bellows, “HERE YE, HERE YE! Ms. Tee is here! Please make way for the greatest writer of all time! Bow down because she is in town!”

Everyone stops and bows. I blow them a kiss and two sexy Black men in biker shorts hoist me onto their shoulders and carry me outside.

“Oh damn dawg” my sister hisses”Look at that!”

The secret service is standing outside of a…ROLLS ROYCE! And the Rolls has 26 inch rims on it- and they WICKED! ANd they SPINNING! WITH PINK DIAMONDS!!! And the driver is standing there holding a bouquet of flowers, sunflowers- my favorite! How did they know? They must have googled me!

When my sister and I step into the Rolls, we Scream! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

And we ride and we ride and we’re freezing because we aren’t used to the cold weather like that. We have the driver stop by Walgreens so we can buy some chapstick and some heavy lotion so we won’t be ashy with all the wind.

Our eyes grow wide when we get to the hotel.. OH MY GOSH! It’s the Waldorf Astoria! ANd Prince Akeem is standing at the door!

They carry us inside and upstairs to our room. I blow them a kiss as we tour our suite. It’s the Presidential suite and it has a secret room where they keep the cigars and the cigars are even better than Black and Milds and I smoke one and my sister asks me to put it out cuz she hates when I smoke.

And all of a sudden the doorbell rings and it’s room service and they ask if we’re hungry and I say YES and they pull out a cart with all kind of food on it and I take some steak and some lobster and some shrimps and some mashed potatoes and two pies and some egg rolls and buffalo wings with blue cheese. HELL YEAH!


We click our glasses of grape soda together to celebrate our first day in the Chocolate city.

I call all 2 of my DC friends and invite them to the Waldorf to party with me. We’re dancing on the tables when we hear the phone.

It’s Michelle Obama. “Hey Ms. Tee. Why aren’t you at the party?”

“Girl, I forgot. Sorry. Can I bring some friends?”

“Of course. The car is waiting out front. Get movin!”

My friends and I get dressed in our flyest dresses and heels and we saunter out to the waiting car. This time it isn’t a Rolls, it’s just a traditional limo but I almost fall out when I sit down and look to my left.


“What’s up Puff?” I ask and give him dap.

“What’s up, Tee? Man..that essay was tight. I might be able to use you on a couple of songs.”

“True dat. You can talk to my peoples. I’m going on tour with my presentation but I’m sure I can find some time to squeeze you in.”

On the way to the party we make one stop. I’m confused but when I try to get out, the door won’t open. A voice interrupts me by saying, “Ms. Tee. Someone wants to meet you.”

The door swings open and it’s Maya Angelou.

“Maya Angelou!” Wow. She sits down beside me and gives Puff some dap.

“Ms. Tee. I must say. I am impressed by your thought process. You really released some of the same thoughts I had been thinking but could not quite find the words to say. Thank you. The country thanks you. We will co write a book together in the future.”

“True.” I say and pass her a glass of champagne.

So we get to the party and it’s a whole bunch of people in tuxedoes and ball gowns just standing around looking important. I get bored easily and sit down in the corner. There is a dance floor and they’re playing classical music and a couple of people are dancing.


“I think I’m gonna call somebody to help liven this party up,” I tell my sister.

“WHo you gonna call?”

“GHOSTBUSTERS!” I say and laugh!

20 minutes later I get a text and I walk to the door to greet my friend.

1o minutes later I hear this familiar voice over the mic- “DJ KHALED!!!!!!! WE THE BEST NIGGA! WHO? WE NIGGA! WEEEEE!!!”

And we start shaking it down. I see Oprah grab Steadman but he actin like he don’t know what to do. Oprah doesn’t care though, she gets on the dance floor and does the doo doo brown like she was born and raised in Dade.

I don’t feel like staying long because I really wanna go back and relax. I like being at home. I grab my sister and leave all the stuffies rocking to Khaled’s mix. We head back to hotel and I take a shower and then sit in my room…



I’m telling the story of what happened…tweet by tweet and all of my followers are like, “TAKE PICTURES!”

So i take out my camera and take pictures of the suite and me and my sister sipping champagne.

Tuesday morning we both wake up early. A soft knock is heard at the door and once’s room service. Two Spanish dudes and they’re singing to us, “You can have whatever you like…You can have whatever you like…Stacks on deck. Patron on ice..You can pop bottles all night..and You can have whatever you like….”

I tip them for the performance and they pass me their demo tape. I promise to pass it to Puffy and they give me dap.

We head out to the parade and watch the festivities. You can FEEL the magic in the air. I’m sitting in the heated section overlooking the crowd and I see Jennifer Hudson walk by. Then I see Spike Lee walk by too.

I’m sleepy so I ask to go home and take a nap.


And then I’m out for a few hours.

My sister is mad at me for leaving her but she gets over it.

We head out to the inauguration and the place looks like the Zillion Man March. Black people are everywhere. WHite people too. Chinese people too.

We find out seats on the front row and my knees are shaking as the crowd swells behind us.

I’m texting Tamara and chatting with my sister when I hear a voice beside me.

“Is this seat taken?”

I look up and…and..I don’t remember what happened next cuz when I wake up I’m in an ambulance.

“What happened?” I ask my sister who is looking pissed off.

“You stupid!”

“What happened?”

“Girl! You stupid! Kanye West was RIGHT THERE! About to sit next to you and you looked at him and fainted!”

“shut up! You lieing!”

“No I’m not dummy! We missing the whole thing! Tell them to turn around and take us back! They taking you to the hospital!”

I sit up weakly. “I’m okay. I’m okay. I don’t wanna miss it.”

“Ma’am. We just want to be sure. Let’s run a few tests.”


“Ma’am. We have to. It’s policy.”

“Umm….I don’t have insurance.”


The ambulance comes to a stop and they push us out and slam the door.

“You stupid!” my sister says again.

“What did Kanye do when I slipped?”

“You didn’t SLIP! You passed out like a groupie!” she laughed.

“For real? Was it really Kanye?”

“Yeah girl,” she said as we sat on the curb. “He was fine too.”


“What we gonna do now?”

“Well, lemme text Michelle and have her send a car.”

10 minutes later we’re back en route to the inauguration. Our seats are still available but Kanye is nowhere in sight.

“Were you lieing? Was it really Kanye?”

“Tee..You’re a groupie.”

Ahhh..The lights dim as the stage lights produce a laser light show. The audience is chanting OBAMA! OBAMA! OBAMA!

A troupe of tribal dancers enter the stage carrying drums and beating them in sync. The audience begins to echo their steady rythm with their hands as one by one a group of children dressed in all the colors of the rainbow. They are holding hands and singing WE ARE THE WORLD, WE ARE THE CHILDREN….

And then Whitney Houston comes out with Bobby and they say a prayer.

And then TD Jakes comes out and says another prayer.

Then Ludacris performs.

Then Dave Chappelle comes out and does a poem called “Hell naw…My President iS Black.”

Then Savion Glover enters the stage dressed like Michael Jackson and tap dances all over the place, into the crowd and right up to me. He gives me a kiss on the cheek and passes me his card before tap-tapping his way back to the stage where there’s a dance line waiting to do fan kicks with him.

Then Oprah comes out. She smiles and waves and throws her handkerchief into the crowd.

She doesn’t speak.

Then it’s time..The lights dim and some man comes on and says something….by this time the whole crowd is stomping their feet like at the circus.

The first family enters the stage. Everybody cheers. Obama steps to the front, takes off his jacket and walks to the front and hands it to me.

All the ladies sigh…

And then…we hold our breath as he takes his oath of office.

Ladies and gentlemen. I now present to you, the 44th President of the United States, President Barack Obama…

It’s pandemonium in the place. You can hear gun shots outside and fireworks as television screen broadcast the landmark event.

I’m tired so I suggest we head home but my sister gets mad at me. Alright. What u wanna do?

“Lemme go find out where the haps at?” she says and I stay seated as the crowd leaves.

She’s gone for like 30 minutes and I text her to find out what happened.

“Girl, I’m right here. Hollup. Be right there,” she texts back.

I sigh and lean back in my chair, exhausted from the day’s events.

“You okay?” a familiar voice asks.

I look up and…it’s..him.

I can’t say anything. I just smile.

“You alright?”

“My president is Black,” I manage to squeak out.

“Yeah..Mine too,” he says. “What you about to do?”

“Waiting for my sister.”

“Ya;ll could ride with us. We just going to grab something to eat and then chill out. I can’t believe tonight actually happened.”

“OK. She said she’ll be here in a minute,” I say. “I’m…I’m Ms. Tee.”

He laughs. “I know who you are. I’ve been reading your blog since you were in Dallas. You interviewed my Mom. She told me about you then. You’re funny.”

“You lieing?”

“No, I’m not,” he said. “I think you’re going to make a great therapist and…don’t take this the wrong way but I’m glad things didn’t work out with you and all of those other guys. You are obviously a woman who knows what she deserves. And you’re gonna have that.”

“Fo sho!” i say and laugh.

“Fo sho..” he says and sits down next to me. “You got some more pics of your kids in your phone? What are their names?”

By the time I get back to Miami, Maya Angelou, Puffy, Terri McMillan, Mos Def, Lil Wayne’s Mama and the executives at MTV and CNN are blowing me up!

I pick up my boys and bring them back to my place.

As we settle into my futon my phone chimes and I smile as I see a text message from HIM…

“Goodnight boys…tomorrow is going to be a great day!”

Dreams Don’t Change

This was the most ridiculous week I’ve ever had.

I am now fighting a brand new battle that doesn’t seem like it will end quickly but…I’m not ready to tackle that issue on my blog yet.

My sons and I stopped by the bookstore today because my 8 year old wanted a book called Diary of a Wimpy Kid. While I was there I was in heaven and I almost cried when I asked for the book The Alchemist and they said they had plenty in stock. I had gone to two different libraries looking for the book, but the library didn’t have it.

We stopped by the crafts store to buy my 6 year old some finger paints and then we went home, spread the blanket out on the lawn and shared a plate of Oreos while we each did our own thing.

This book is amazing. I’ve already had to put it down just so that I could think about the many inspirational messages that had already floated past my eyes. This book is about dreaming and living the life you dreamt of. It’s a story of the pursuit of your fantasy life, the same theme I hope to teach and live.

It’s funny because the author talks about how when we’re young, our dreams for our lives are more rich and anything seems possible. Then we are conditioned by those around us who try to force us to believe that dreams are unreachable and we should just accept the state we are born into.

I never believed that.

Maybe that’s why I am so damn arrogant and bratty. I do believe that I should have everything that I want. And I go after it as though I should have it. I am not afraid.

This brings me to the subject of child’s play, which I have written about before but i would like to revisit. When we play as children we live in a world of make believe which is actually our heart telling us that this is the life we are destined to have if we KNOW that we deserve it and then go ahead and create it.

When I was a jit, I used to imagine myself teaching conferences and writing many, many books and dating superstars and living in a fab house by the ocean. I felt that I would be respected and admired by many and that my life would make a difference in their lives.

I don’t know where all of that came from but the crazy thing is, I still have that same dream. Not much has changed except now I would like to include a romantic partner.

Dreams don’t change. We do. Hopefully, we’re evolving toward that dream.

“We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn’t work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: Oh, well I didn’t really want it anyway. We do want it and we know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey. Then, we warriors of light must know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.” – Coehlo

I See More Changes


We grow up fast, never realizing the changes that are taking place. As we get older we’re mesmerized by the changes and sometimes the fear of change and the unknown tranquilizes us.

Don’t let it.

Since I’ve come to KNOW that everything that happens in my life is setting me on my path to my greatest dreams come true, I can welcome even the most stressful situations knowing that it’s gonna be all good in the end.

This has been my saving grace. This has been my refuge. Nothing is bad. Everything is good. Everything is exactly as it should be.

Just like no one alive ever fathomed that we would have a Black president, change is gonna come in every situation that you face. That’s where the old cliche comes from “This too shall pass.”

Being joyful throughout it all, appreciating every moment is the true key to happiness.

Still Alive

However, my laptop is not working and I can not get it fixed yet. My phone is off too.

I’m at the school’s computer lab trying to check my email quickly.
I think the Universe is trying to tell me something and it needs me to be quiet.

I wonder what it is cuz I can’t really take much more of this sitting up in my room writing on notepads and not being able to call Tamara and TALK, TALK, TALK!



Please bear with me.

Ms. Tee