No Disrespect

I’m trying to be there for my friends but I don’t want to be hurt in the process.

I have two friends right now that are having issues with their relationship. They say certain behaviors are unnaceptable and call me to vent/curse/discuss possible solutions. I listen/discuss/suggest but at the end of the day they stay with the dude and it is killin me when I hear the next day, “We’re fine!”

I just heard him call you a bitch and you’re fine! You called me crying and you’re fine! He is doing the number one thing that he KNOWS shows a lack of respect for you and you’re fine!

I mean…maybe I don’t understand cuz I’m not in love and…I don’t know what it’s like to be crazy in love or to have the person you want to be with right there..except….they keep disrespecting you. I don’t know the turmoil it is to have someone who says he loves me and I love him too but he disrespects me consistently. I don’t know that feeling…anymore.

I knew it before. I used to be in it. But that was an ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. I couldn’t change him. I couldn’t make it work. I prayed all day and all night for him to be better but he never got better. His disrespect for me got worse and after we had kids it climaxed because he knew that I wouldn’t stand up for myself and no one would stand up for me. He preyed on my fear and I allowed it because I believed his opinion of me since I had not yet learned to see the value in myself.

I ain’t with that shit no more! You get the peace sign at the first sign of disrespect. What am I supposed to do, knowing how much I put up with in the past for the sake of “working it out”? Am I really supposed to teach a man not to disrespect me? Do I have to teach a man to honor me? I ain’t interested in that.

I don’t know what to do because I carry the pain of my friends like it’s my own but honestly…I think I don’t wanna go through it anymore. They ask what would I do in the situation. What would I do? Are you serious? Um…I’m pretty sure I’d walk away from ANY relationship that is disrespectful and doesn’t honor me as a person.

But…I’m not in love like they are… so maybe I don’t know anything.

I don’t know if I ever want to be in love like that again.

Lord, please tell me I won’t have to deal with no shit like that just to have someone by my side. Maybe that’s why you are teaching me how to be satisfied with being alone.

Oh yeah…today is my big day. Please say a prayer for me that God’s will WILL be done. Amen.

Looking Toward The Skyline

I’m on the phone right now listening to my little sister getting cussed out by our parents. They are pissed off with her because she had to move back home because of her husband. I can hear the hurt in their voices and the dissappointment but they are releasing it in anger towards my sister.

I’m sitting here and I’m listening and my heart is hurting because I feel like I am getting cussed out too. My little sister lost her job, her car broke down, her husband left her and then came back and then kicked her out. Not to put her out there, but she is going through. In the midst of going through she has this crazy faith and I am so amazed.

She was able to receive a blessing last week, a random woman she met on one of her job interviews needed a place to stay for a week and my sister opened up her home. When the girl got the job offer she had been waiting for in another city, she gave my sister her car. It’s a nice car too. So not my sister has transportation while she is looking for another job.

It’s crazy because I feel so bad that I can’t help her. I can’t even help myself right now. Listening to my parents cussing took me back to my childhood days. I…I never could take that type of aggressive confrontation. Those negative words seeped into my soul and caused me to hate myself. My sister says it made her stronger but it had the opposite affect on me.

I don’t think of myself as weak. I just don’t have the fighting spirit. I can stand up for myself but not with curse words going back and forth or fist fights. I don’t know how to do any of that. I’m never gonna yell insults back and forth, even in anger I won’t say anything that I think will hurt your feelings because I just can’t demean someone like that intentionally.

Just hearing their tone and their words brings me to a place that I don’t want to be in again. I don’t know why I can’t be like others and fight back in the same manner. All I do is run away. I don’t tolerate it. I leave. It’s all I can do. I’ve been told so many times that I was worthless and no one was ever going to want me and all kind of garbage and now I know that all that was a lie but…their raised voices reduced me to that scared little girl again, just trembling and wishing I could get life right so that they wouldn’t yell at me anymore.

I hate aggression, but I am aggressive sometimes. Only when I have taken it and taken it and taken it and then I explode. But that hasn’t happened this year so far, I’ve simply learned to walk away before I get to the point where I’m boiling over.

I’m still trembling now and I can’t help but to think about the e-mails I receive from readers on a daily basis. I wonder who you guys are talking to. I wonder who you are looking at. I wonder why ya’ll say that I inspire you and encourage you with my life when I have nothing to show for this painful journey so far.

I think I’m having a down moment, please excuse me, you know I’ll be back up again soon but right now..I just wish I could SEE how my life could possibly turn into a success story.

I think I need to remind myself of how Shawna shows up every so often with a bag of groceries for me. That’s a blessing from God.
I need to remind myself how my friend gave me $2,000 for the down payment of my car. That’s God.
I need to remind myself how people are connecting to me all across the country and are praying for me everyday. That’s God.
I need to remind myself that I have been all alone, traveling with no money and no one, yet, I have been safe everyday. That’s God.
I need to remind myself that my sons need me to be strong. I need God.
I need to remind myself that trouble don’t last always. Thanks God.
I need to remind myself that I have friends who love me and HAVE loved me for decades. There’s gotta be something good in me to have earned such great friends. That’s God.

Yeah…I’m okay. I’m better than okay. I’m tearful right now but I have to expect the magnitude of my blessing to equal the depth of my sorrow.

My destiny is just on the other side of the mountain. All I have to do is make it to the top. All I have to do is focus on the skyline and I will get there.

Then…when I pass into that beautiful place where God’s face smiles at me all the time, I’ll forget. I’ll forget all about this day that I am feeling so defeated.

A Story of Triumph

I woke up this morning still a little upset about hearing my stepfather talk so harshly to my little sister. Instead of dwelling on it, I called him at work.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey, What’s up?”

“I was on the phone with Teenie last night and I heard you yelling at her and it hurt my feelings.”

“I wasn’t yelling at her. I was talking to her. She knows why I said what I said.”

“Yeah but when you talk like that, it hurts more than helps. Well, she said she needed to hear all of that to remind her that she needs to get herself together but I want you to know that when you talk to ME like that it has the opposite effect.”

“I know, that’s why I don’t talk to you like that anymore. She knows the whole story you don’t. I told her a long time ago when that man first started that shit, I told her to come home and she didn’t. Now she had to wait until he acted a fool before she came home. I don’t like that.”

“Why did you always talk to me like that when I was young? It made me hate myself.”

“It didn’t. It pushed you to move forward and made you want to be on your own and take care of yourself. Aren’t you doing that?”

“Yeah. Kinda but it took me so long to learn not to value anyone’s opinion above my own.”

“I’m glad you don’t value my opinion,” he said.

“I’m not saying that. I’m just saying if all you say are negative things then how am I supposed to see the good in myself?”

“You know when you’re doing good, why should I have to tell you that? Let me tell you something. When I was growing up, I could come home with all F’s on my report card and my Daddy never said anything. I never had anyone telling me when I was fucking up so I said when I have my kids I would tell them. If you needed more from me, all you had to do was ask. I’m not a mind reader, I had never been a parent before. Sometimes I say things out of self defense too. I’m human. I don’t get everything right. “

“I know. I’m seeing that about myself too.”

It’s weird how we learn our communication styles from our parents. I remember in highschool I was going with this boy named Jay. He was so fine. He looked like LLCool J. All the girls in school were sweating him but they didn’t know what I had to go through. When he got mad because some other guy was talking to me he’d yell and scream. One day I heard his Mama’s boyfriend doing the same thing and I knew where he learned it from.

I used to have the same harsh tones as my parents. My friends would say, “It’s not what you say it’s HOW you say it.”

Over the years I learned to speak more softly and watch my words because the softer you speak, the more people have to pay attention in order to listen. Plus, I was tired of hurting my friends by being so aggressive and direct. I still am direct when I speak but I try to do it in love.

It’s weird that how I come across on my blog is not really how I come across in person. I’m open just like I am on my blog but I am not friendly at all. I am nice to people and cordial but I don’t try to befriend people or pull them into my life. That’s mostly because I know I’m a bit..uh…eccentric and people won’t know how to take that.

I remember Girl7 from Houston and how she told me that sometimes her friends have to explain her personality to people. I laughed when she told me that because my friends have to do the same thing. They say, “Don’t mind her. She means no harm. That’s how she is.”

You won’t believe what happened today. That girl from my old job found someone who was giving away a bed and she got her to deliver it to my apartment. I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight! I’m still a bit nervous because my rent hasn’t been paid yet but I just remember how God is always right on time. I’ve been faithful to look for jobs and since He hasn’t led me to one yet, I know He will make a way.

Whenever I think about my last job and how the paychecks were coming in I get a little discouraged but then I remind myself that God knew what kind of situation that was and He knew enough to give me peace about leaving. Seeking peace in decisions is a funny thing because everything that comes with peace doesn’t look so rosey.

Another blogger sent me a video today and it was a sermon that said, When God closes a door, another one opens, but there’s hell in the hallway! That made me laugh. He also gave a quote from Winston Churchill that said, “When you’re going through hell, keep going.”

I don’t think I’m going through hell, persay. But I am in a place where I don’t know what is about to happen. Since my hands are tied and God is leading the way, I seek peace daily. Remember when I said that yesterday was a big day for me. It was abig day because my rent was due and I had to maintain my faith that God wouldn’t allow me to go back to living in the streets. All day I prayed and reminded myself that God wants us to go from glory to glory. One reader left a comment that I read daily as if it is God speaking to me.

She said:

The journey that you’re on,will reward you(As it did Abraham). God knows the sacrafice and He is preparing you for great things,the journey serves a greater good, and a testimony of his glory. God rewards faithfulness…It will not go unrecognized nor unrewarded. He shall open many doors unto you as you walk in obedience.The enemy will have you to compare your life to your friends, as a way to discourage you. Know, that you are exactly where God will have you to be in this season and you shall reap if you faint not. This blog is a blessing and I encourage you to standfast and keep pressing towards the mark of a high calling. Be Blessed!!!

I love this encouraging word and I try to take it in and hold onto it.

I was talking to Tamara about making faith moves. Those things you do to show God that you believe that He will answer your prayers. I told her to pretend like her prayer is already answered and He has given her what she needs. Do something in the physical to show God that you are expectng your blessing. For Kim, it was buying a welcome mat and pots for her new home. For me, it’s waking up everyday and giving praise, blessing my website and treating it as though it is already worth a million dollars.

I got excited when I started to think about all of the stories I have shared during the good times and the bad. Still, God moved me from glory to glory and my story won’t end here in a state of despair and lack.

I imagine the best for my life. I imagine reaching millions with my story of faith and sacrifice. I won’t give up, so that you won’t give up. My story WILL be a story of triumph even if no one has recognized it yet.

This Yucky Feeling In My Spirit

I spoke with my sons today. They told me that they got their certificates for finishing their swimming lessons. YAY! Two less Black children who fit that old stereotype. Now I need to learn and maybe I’ll get on a boat sometime in my life.

I also finally posted the engagement story on my website. Check it out. I hope you like it.

Now…to the real deal.

Why am I blogging so late? It’s cuz I can’t get any rest in my heart. No, it’s not about my income or my cluelessness about my direction in life, I really think something is going on with me and I have to write about it so I can figure it out. For the first time since I’ve been a blogger I wish my blog wasn’t so public but since this is how I understand myself…here goes.

I feel like maybe I’m going back to my old ways of college. In college after I had my kids, I would sit in the house day in and day out and never do anything but write and talk on the phone to my friends. I didn’t interact socially with anyone outside of church and I was doing the “no dating” thing and it was all good for me.

But once I graduated and got a job in the “real world” I couldn’t handle the social atmosphere because men were looking at me and talking to me and I was so used to just being by myself with my kids that it scared me. Today when the old co worker chick came to deliver my bed, she brought two men with her and I almost flipped out. I was so uncomfortable. For one, I had on these teeny tiny shorts that I only wear in the house or when I’m going to the store and I HATE wearing things like that around men. For two..I keep thinking about Tamara and how she suggests that I watch my remarks and personality when I’m around people because I give off a vibe that suggests I’m..uh…OPEN, I guess. Easy maybe? I don’t really know what vibe she’s talking about so I will ask her later.

I guess I just talk to them like I talk to my friends. I talk to EVERYONE like I talk to my friends and that’s not such a good thing all the time. I guess.

The problem I’m kinda freaked out by my interaction with them. In fact, I’m thinking of not going outside for a couple weeks until I calm down. To avoid the questions and looks of wonder and dissappointment when people ask me to tell them about myself, I’d rather just be alone. Everyone thinks I’m crazy and it’s not like I can make up another story to tell about my life.

Where do you work?
How do you pay your bills?
You have kids, where are they?
Do you have any friends here?
Do you have any family here?
Why are you here?

First conversations with strangers are not easy at all, as you can see. And it’s funny because I don’t question people about their lives like that. The one question I always ask is, “What’s your dream?” Cuz in my mind, if I know someone I can connect them with, I want to do that.

A friend of mine called me today all excited because she met this man who had such a great house and is so fine. While she talked all I could do was listen and think, “I wonder what trick he has up his sleeve. How will he hurt her?”

I hate this realization because I feel like I’ve come so far with my self esteem, developing my journalism skills and my faith in God. Maybe God is trying to break me in different areas so He keeps bringing things I need to work on to the surface. I’m sad because…I don’t want to be back to where I was in college. Once I tried to talk on the phone with a man and it felt so wrong that I hung up on him.

Today Tamara and I were discussing her relationship and how she is getting through her fears and she said, “Tee, I can’t wait until I can call you and ask you about your boyfriend and hear the stories you’ll have to tell. You’re gonna be like, ‘David bought me this today…’ And I’m gonna say, ‘For real. AJ needs to step up his game.”

I tried to laugh in eager anticipation of that day but I couldn’t. It scared me because she believes that and I really hope I don’t dissappointment her. That shit seems so foreign to me its scary. I’ve been writing this blog for so many years and the one thing that hasn’t changed is my fear that every man will think I’m weird and won’t appreciate me for being who I am.

Who am I?

I write this blog. I’m open like that. I don’t have many secrets. I don’t hate my bbdd although he acts like he hates me. I have two kids who don’t live with me right now because I can’t seem to find a place of employment that is a good fit for me. I’m 5’1″ and I’m a hopeless romantic when it comes to other people’s relationships. I crave affection and attention. I love to dream for others and I take joy in seeing other people find happiness. More often than not, I pray and believe the best for my friends lives before I pray and believe the best for my own.

With the exception of my blog, which I treat like my private journal, I am afraid to reveal who I am to people that I meet. I never discuss my personal life with them unless they ask. Even then I HATE to answer those type of questions because I know they are not going to understand.

I hope this is God trying to bring this issue to the forefront so that He can help me to deal with it. I have enough issues to deal with right now and I don’t need this one too. I don’t like to feel afraid to tell people who I am and what I stand for. I can’t even cling to my friends because they are not here.

God, you know I’m trying to rush and be better for my children. I just wanna take care of them. I just want to impart into their lives again. How come nothing is turning out right?

You Inspire Me

You tell me that my journey has inspired you, but you have no idea how much you inspire me! When I am in need of inspiration I read these messages of love to lift my spirits.

Letters from readers

Ms. Tee

Have you ever felt like you met your sister from another mother? Well thats how I feel about you. I read your blog everyday and you have been a blessing in my life. I see my life through you. The trials and tribulations…you still seek GOD. I need to speak with you, know that I am serious, this is my second message! I feel that we have so much in common and I just want to speak with someone that seems to think and believe like me. I am a single mother of 2 just trying to live the best life for me and my kids. Please feel free to contact me by email or by phone (after 9pm. please).


How are you? I am LOVING your Web site. I know that God is blessing your vision with His great abundance!

I recently attended a workshop called Manifest Your Soulmate. I would love to write about it if there is a way to fit it in your story lineup. Let me know if there’s anything I could to support you!

Have a fantastic week! Miracle shall follow miracle…

Hey Ms. Tee
I hope, no I know you are doing well. Your blog is the first thing that I read every morning before I start my workday. It gives me inspiration, plus I’m nosey too LOL But reading this:

“She said that fears come when we depend on ourselves but when we realize that God is working through us, we will have more confidence. She also talked about the flow of God and how He gives us gifts that others will need so there’s an even exchange of gifts for gifts. If we never break the flow by doubting ourselves or stepping out of God’s will, all of our needs will be met.”
made me feel soooo much better about something I’m going through right now. This has really made my day.

Sometimes when I think that you have gone too far, you present something that makes me think that you are on the right path. I know it really doesn’t matter what I think, but you are truly an inspiration to so many. I’m loving the new website. Out of all of the blogs that I used to read on a daily basis, yours is the one I come to most often because I feel so good from the positive spirit that you have. I really can’t put to words how and what it makes me feel but I really look forward to reading your blogs daily.

Enough rambling…gotta do some work this morning. Take care.

Your Blog Friend (LOL),

Hey Ms. Tee!

It took me a long time to decide to write to you. Although I read your blog daily and yours was one of the first one to get me to start blogging to begin with…I don’t know you. I feel like I know you, like you are my crazy little sister living her crazy life.

I love what you are doing! You have shown the most strength in your journeys to Dallas. Your faith in God is so awesome! Sometimes when I read what you have written, I think that this cannot be true, that you are just that good of a writer. But then I think that it doesn’t really even matter if it’s fiction or not because the message rings loud and clear. You are like a motivational speaker right now…I come to your blog to be inspired.

Before when I was blogging regularly, I was so consumed with negativity. The blog was my outlet for all that I was going through. Through blogging and all of the friends that I made, I decided that negativity breeds negativity. So I stopped putting only the negative things down. When you think positive and put things in God’s hands he takes care of whatever you NEED.

Just want to say that you keep doing you (not that you could ever do anything else LOL) and your dreams will come true. I know they will!

Ya know Tee.. I read your blog, it bugs me that people try to discourage you from doing your thing. If I just started reading your blog, I would think you were crazy to embark on this journey….BUT…knowing you as long as I have known you..LOL!! just seems right for you. This is (whatever this is..) is what you are supposed to be doing. You have come such a long way, and there are many people that only WISH they had the nerve, ambition, and guts to do what you are doing…to live the life you are living, and to be blessed like you are blessed. It just pisses me off when readers, lurkers and (from what you have said) friends trip off of the way that you live YOUR Life.

okay. rant officially over.


Weird Flashbacks & My Intuition

I’m not sure why I can’t sleep. I’m excited in my spirit for no reason at all but I’m enjoying this happy, hopeful feeling. Maybe something spectacular about to happen.

There’s also this story in my head that won’t go away. It happens like that sometimes and I can’t sleep until I release it. Maybe If I tell it, I can get some rest.

Ok. It’s a story about a flashback. That’s sometimes how my intuition leads me. Ughhh..I don’t wanna tell this story because it’s soo weird but. I’ll do it. You all think I’m weird anyway, there’s no suprising you.

Ok. Remember when my friend Tommy visited from Chicago and he came to visit me at the office when I was working for the website? Well, we walked over to the Galleria Mall and had lunch at the Cafe Grande Lux. While we were there, I saw 3 men walk in. They were all light skinned Black men. As soon as I saw them I felt in my heart, “Those are The Prez’s friends.” I shook my head at the thought. I don’t know why I felt that but I did.

While Tommy and I sat there and had our lunch, the 3 men sat at the bar near us and kept looking at our table. I tried to ignore them but I couldn’t really because there was that weird feeling that wouldn’t go away.

Before we finished our meal, the 3 men stood up and walked away from the bar. Before walking away, one of them straight up gave me the dirtiest look. He stared me down like, “Bitch what?!” I’ll never forget him because he had green eyes like mine.

I poked Tommy who had his back to the guys. “Did you see that guy easin me?!”

Tommy looked over at their retreating figures. “No, you’re imagining things Tee.”

I knew I wasn’t imagining that dirty look but I shrugged it off.

I ended up leaving that job the next week and a week after that I’m sitting up typing on my laptop like I’m doing now and I get this flashback of the 3 guys at the bar. Then I get another flashback- a connection.

The first time I went to that restaurant at the mall with my co workers, my old director came in and grabbed me and told me that we were all going to go to lunch to brainstorm about a new upcoming feature. TRUE! I was excited. When she invites us to lunch, it’s usually on the company and at that time I hadn’t gotten my first paycheck yet so I was pumped!

When our team got to the restaurant we stood in a semi circle near the hostess booth waiting for a table. I got this weird feeling and I looked up and there were 3 light skinned men staring at me. They were checking me out with no shame and I could tell that they were pleased with what they saw. Since I’m used to men reacting this way when they see me, I became a little annoyed and turned away from them. I was more embarrassed than anything because I was with my co workers and I want to appear to be a professional and not some chick that guys wanna f**k.

So I was typing just like I am now and I had those flashbacks of me at the restaurant and …it hit me.

Those were the same guys!

Those 3 guys were there BOTH times I visited the restaurant. Weird huh? Scary? I’m crazy huh? I know it.

When I told my friends they just laughed at me and said, “I love your imagination.”

I shrugged because who knows why I felt like they were connected to The Prez in some way.

I also had a different flashback experience another time.

Once again I’m sitting here typing and I have this flashback. I saw this lady at the poetry reading I went to. For some reason she stood out among everyone else. She was sooo pretty, well dressed and just…like whoa! In my mind I gave her props because she was the best looking woman in there. I was like, “That’s me in the future.” That night I didn’t think anything of it. I just thought she was another tight Dallas chick.

Then a second flashback came to me- a connection. I remember being at work and seeing this woman come in. She had on a visitors badge. She was wearing casual clothes and carrying a boxed lunch down the hall. I didn’t speak to her. We never made eye contact.

As the two flashbacks played over and over, I made a connection. Wait…I know this sounds crazy but..I could swear in my heart I felt that was The Prez’s Mom. Both women were the SAME person, least in my mind. Wait…The Prez’s Mom was at the poetry night when I performed? Huh?

~blushing~ I told ya’ll I was weird.

Lord, please don’t let me get committed but this is how my heart felt and my intuition led me to believe. Maybe it was my infatuation creating these connections just so I could feel closer to him.

I don’t know… All I know is, the same way I was on that plane and my heart spoke to me and said, “You will miss your connection and you will spend the night in Orlando and you will see Donovan Daniels tonight,” and it really happened…well…That’s how I felt about these two incidents.

Lord, help me. ~smile~ I do believe I am over him because I don’t get the same tingly feelings when he crosses my mind and I don’t feel sexually attracted to him anymore but… I could be wrong.


I do feel better now that that story is out there.

Go ahead…laugh if you want. I’m going to bed. I feel relieved.


If you’re trying to add me as a friend you’re gonna have to send me a message so I will know who you are. My page is private for no real reason, there’s nothing juicy on there. But you can see what I have.

My top friends are: Raycita, Ruby, Anna, my sister, Tamara, Brandon, Juli & Suezette.

I don’t write on anyone’s page or send out those comments things unless it’s their birthday. I’m not really into myspace but…Anna I use it to interact with her. Her page is like a PARTY!

Traveling In a Ball of Light

I was a complete ball of energy today!

I’m so excited! Ever since I posted the story about the engagement my website has been blowing up! I had no idea how many hits I’d get from posting this story and I feel so special and grateful that God chose me to write it. Look at how much exposure my site is getting! Wow!

I try not to read it because everytime I do I find a word or sentence that I should change but since I know I’m never satisfied due to my perfectionist tendencies, I just..leave it alone. The couple called me today to discuss the story and I blessed them and they blessed me back. I know they are famous now because of the slide show but they are really regular people my age and I’m glad I could take part in their joy. I hope they become even more famous and maybe even receive some financial blessings because of how their relationship has blessed the world.

I even had to call my sister to tell her thankyou for suggesting I put the story on my own website when I didn’t hear back from any of the other publications that I tried to sell the story to. See….when doors seem to be closed, it’s not over. You’re just being redirected toward an even greater destiny.

I think about how I’m usually home by myself and I’m amazed by the fact that it doesn’t bother me at all. Imagine if I was here desperate for attention or friendship…I’d be a mess. Running behind people who don’t mean me well, just because I was afraid to be alone.

That ain’t me at all. In fact, I’ve met quite a few people here but I still don’t call any of them to hang out because I don’t like to interrupt people’s lives like that and I really don’t mind being by myself. I have extremely high standards in friendships and I won’t compromise that just to have company. If people call me, I only go if I have peace and feel positive vibrations from them.

Ya’ll wanna know something funny about me? I’m a BIG BALL of energy! If you met me, you’d probably try to pass me a blunt and tell me to calm down. I don’t know why I get like that when I’m happy but I just like to bless people and tell them how great they are and how great their lives are gonna be. Although I’m usually anti social, I am a great party hostess because I love to plan exciting games and things for people to get to know each other better. But things have to be planned because I’m moody and if I’m not in the right mood, you don’t wanna be around me.

Ya’ll..I am just so grateful to God right now. I feel like I’m so in love. I know nothing I do is seperated from Him. I’d love to meet other people who feel the same way or who at least recognize His hand in their lives.

Tonight I was feeling kinda antsy about the feelings and vibrations that lead my life. You know, how I can tell what is going on with a person without them telling me..just by the vibrations I feel when I’m around them. I can see the truth even when they are trying to hide it from me. I wish I could meet someone else who has these feelings and revelations. Is there anyone else who feels like they travel in a big ball of light? Does that sound weird?

I dug around on the net to see if I could find anything related to what I was dealing with and I came up with the term, Clairsentience.

It said: It is a form of extra-sensory perception wherein a person acquires psychic knowledge primarily by means of feeling. There are many different degrees of clairsentience ranging from the perception of diseases of other people to the thoughts or emotions of other people. The ability differs from third eye in that this kind of ability can not have a vivid picture in the mind. Instead, a very vivid feeling can form.

Another school of thought says that our “sixth sense” grows when we do spiritual practice. With regular spiritual practice done according to basic spiritual principles we increase our “spiritual level” and are able to perceive and experience the “subtle world” to greater degrees.

Maybe all of this seeking God for every little thing and following my peace has me extra sensitive to the spiritual side of things around me. I called Kim and spoke to her about it and she said, “With your faith walk, you have to have that Tee. If God is going to have you out all by yourself, He had to give you that gift so that you won’t be misled. It’s a gift to be able to feel the truth of situations when people are trying to lie or mislead you.”

It reminded me of going to that “party” with Kia in Houston and how I felt like it was wrong before we even left the house. And immediately before I entered the house party, I “heard” in my spirit, “Pray over yourself.” And I did.

Once before I was talking to one of my co workers and she showed me a picture of her husband. I immediately felt bad for her. From his picture I could just…tell that he didn’t respect her or value her the way she wanted. All I said was, “He looks like he is a handful.” She looked suprised by my assessment but I knew that it was the truth.

Well…whatever it is about me that I find to be extremely peculiar, it’s okay- someone loves it. My friends do. My kids do. God does, He made me this way.

I’m sitting in my bed. I took this bed coming to me as a sign that God wants me to stay here because I wasn’t interested in buying furniture simply because I know that when it’s time to go on to my next opportunity, I don’t want to have to deal with giving away furniture and stuff like that. I’m trying to live a minimalist lifestyle until I am certain that I can take good care of myself and I’m in a positive environment for me to grow.

People don’t get that…and I don’t really try to explain anymore. Sometimes when you’re bogged down by an extravagant lifestyle you become a slave to that lifestyle and you can’t walk away from a bad situation because you can’t imagine life without the frills.

I ain’t scared. I know that I will live extremely, RIDICULOUSLY comfortably one day but for right now, I’ll go without the big luxuries until I find my perfect place. I was satisfied to live a very basic life because I knew I needed to maintain the flexibility to run after my next opportunity if need be.

But look what happened? I didn’t ask for a bed. I wasn’t looking for one. I got one as a gift from God just as I was trying to decide if I should make another move. Now that’s a sign if I ever saw one. I do love Dallas, Texas. I want to stay and I’m thinking…maybe God wants me to stay here too. He’ll make a way, I know He will.

Miracle shall follow miracle…

Sweet Letters From The Ex’s

I can’t say that all of my past romantic relationships have been a burden on my heart. Although the break ups were hard, I managed to remain friends with the men who said they loved me. Except of course, the man who fathered my children. Regardless, I believe true love supercedes romance and sexual advances. True love is based on mutual respect and friendship.

I check up on my ex’s on occasion to send them blessings and advice on how to treat whatever woman they are with with honor. Joe recently told me that he’s now engaged to his girlfriend. I was so happy to hear that! I’m sure she feels some sort of relief now. We don’t speak often, but when we do, it’s good to hear that his life is flowing in a positive direction.

These two letters hit my e-mail box recently and blessed me so much. I deleted the names to keep them confidential but I really appreciate the senders because it’s rare that I receive such sweet words from men.

I just can’t wait until I hear them from a man who is NOT in a relationship with some other chick. ~smile~ But I is love.

Hi Tee,

I just want to thank you for the birthday call the other day, it really did mean alot to me that you did call. It made me think back to when we used to call each other at 12:01am to say Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, Happy Valentine’s Day, etc. Those were some good ol’ days. But thanks again. I hope you have/had a great weekend, and have a great week too. And if you’re still in Texas come November, perhaps we can hang out. Take care, and talk to you later.

Here is my favorite letter of all time.

Sweet Te,

You know I’ve been rooting for you on the low, right?

I check in on you every blue moon just to see how you’re doing. And I see you’re still doing you — to the utmost.

The new website is tight. I’m glad to see you’re still deadset on living your dream.

You know, when you’ve been connected to somebody — even for a short time — that connection doesn’t break easily. Not if it was ever real. I’m saying that because it’s sort of ironic that I crossed your mind last night, because you happened to be on my mind pretty heavy last night, too.

Perhaps we’re still connected in some way. Sometimes I wonder if our connection was supposed to be different. I think sometimes the universe can draw men and women together for reasons neither really understands at the time, but because we’re sexual beings we tend to explore what comes natural, what comes easy. I don’t say that to discount our experience together. But maybe you thought we’d be friends forever because we were supposed to be friends from the start — at least to start with.

That’s not necessarily an invitation, just a revelation, I guess. I think I’d be your friend even if we never communicated again. I actually prayed for you the other night. Praying for other people is not something I do very often at all. It wasn’t the first time I prayed for you. But it was a much different prayer than the first time. I see God working in your life and through your life. And it touches me. And pushes me.

I had Kanye’s video on repeat last night, you know the one for that new song where he says “y’all can’t tell me nuthin!” I thought to myself, no wonder why she digs Kanye so much. They both have that same imperative spirit. That, plus your faith let’s me know you’re going to be fine. Matter fact, you already are.

So I’ll keep watching you, and maybe I’ll learn how to Walk It Out, too… And to think, you tried to convince me you didn’t know how to dance.

Awwww…. He makes me smile! Thank you.

Tuesdays With Ms. Tee- I AM ONLINE NOW!

I’d like to get to know my readers a little better. I think it would be fun to chat with you and see what we have in common.

I’ve decided to set aside Tuesday evening from 8pm-9pm (central) to chat with you on yahoo messenger.

I usually have my settings set to ignore anyone who is not on my friends list but I’ll change the settings during that time in case anyone wants to log in and say Hi to me or ask me questions.

You can ask me anything as long as its done with a good heart. As you know I’m pretty open and I’m also great with offering words of encouragement for your life. You don’t have to add me to your messenger, but if you want to you can. Just type a note into the add request letting me know that you are a reader of my blog and I will accept you.

yahoo id: ptygrneyez{at}

I’ll chat with you on Tuesday night!