I write on my blog as though I’m talking to my bestfriends, but I must admit, I do keep some things personal, a girl can’t reveal it all. But I trust you. I know you can keep a secret so I have three confessions to reveal that even some of closest friends don’t know. Here goes…
Confession # 1- I lost my Georgia virginity.
I met him at a club a few weeks ago. I was dead set against meeting anyone when I stepped inside and I made sure to give off the “don’t f**k with me” vibe. While following my entourage of women through the club I bumped into this man, looked up to say Excuse me and he smiled and grabbed my hand.
“Do I know you?” I asked him.
“No, but I want to know you.”
I laughed and kept walking, brushing him off. My gaggle of women paused suddenly, only a few feet away from where he was standing but out of his line of vision. Hmm. He was kinda cute. I like his glasses. He’s short too. Had a nice smile. “I think I’ll go talk to him,” I decided. But my feet didn’t move, although I willed them to take a step.
Ahh.. Forget it. I don’t want to talk to any men anyway. Vicky bought the first round of drinks, I bought the second. By my second glass I was all happy and smiling and I see him about to walk pass. Ofcourse he stops to say Hi again.
“You running away from me again?” he whispers into my ear.
“No, I’m not. What’s up with you?” I ask and smile coyly. I love to play the little innocent girl role. It’s so much fun.
We have a great conversation. Well, as good as it can get when you’re trying to talk to someone over banging music. The pulsating crowd keeps pushing us closer and closer together while he whispers compliments in my ear and places a firm hand on the small of my back.
“Yeah. He can get it,” I decide. I don’t have much to go on except the fierce sexual tension that has connected us. I spend the rest of the night laughing with him and at him because we are both clearly toasted.
“So. are you creative?” I ask him.
“Do you do anything creative like writing or music or entrepreneurship?”
He laughs, “Naw. I work for Bellsouth. The best I can do is fix your phone line.”
We giggle for the rest of the night, our bodies touching occasionally, sending a wave of heat to all the right spots.
I feel a tap on my shoulder. “Girl, we’re ready to go.” I turn around and it’s Vicky.
“Dude, gimme a minute,” I tell her and turn back to my new friend, Mr. Telephone Man. We laugh some more and before I know it, Vicky is tapping me on the shoulder again. “We gotta go girl.”
Damn…I roll my eyes.
“Look, they’re ready to leave. I have to go.”
“No you don’t, you can leave with me,” he says and grins.
“I’m sure you’d like that, but it’s not gonna happen,” I say and begin to walk away. He pulls me back.
“Can I call you sometime?”
“Sure can,” I whisper as he pulls out his Blackberry and inputs my cell number- 786-XXX-XXXX”
I leave without looking back and we’re on our way to eat. We’re standing in line in the restaurant called Beautiful when I turn around and I’m surprised to see Mr. Telephone Man walk in with his friends.
After I pay for my food, I walk by him, stop and smile. His friends are looking at me and so are my friends. Everyone saw us glued together in the club so they start making fun of us. “Must be true love! Twice in one night!”
We giggle our drunk laughs as he motions with his phone toward me, “I’m gonna call you.”
“You better,” I say, giggle and walk away.
He calls me the very next day. “I just woke up from last night and the first thought on my mind was you.”
“Yeah, I know all about the 3 day call rule, but you were so special I had to break it.”
“What are you doing today?”
“Writing and I’m gonna watch The Flavor of Love tonight. It’s the finale.”
“Why don’t we watch it together? I can pick up something to eat if you want to come over.”
“Hmm…I guess. Let me call you back when I’m done with my stories.”
I call him back later in the evening and he gives me directions to his house. I get there just in time for the show to begin and thank God he is still as cute as he was when I met him. We have a great time and by the end of the night, he’s rubbing my arm and I don’t even mind. I allow him to hug me close and the affection feels so good that I melt. Damn. I really needed that touch.
Before things get too crazy, I stand up and announce that I’m about to leave. He smiles and walks me to my car. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he tells me.
I feel like Monica. I wanna get down, but not the first night.
He calls me the next evening like clockwork and we chat but I have more writing to do so I don’t go see him.
The third day I call him and we meet up at his place to watch a movie, I bring dinner this time.
The next day he calls me and he grabs dinner when I come through.
“You wanna smoke?” he asks me.
“That sounds fun,” I reply and stretch, tired from my long day.
“Well, let’s go upstairs and smoke in my room.”
He’s skinny. That’s so weird to me. I’m not the thickest chick but it’s funny to me when I meet men who are smaller than I am. I’m laying up with him in his bed while he tells me about growing up as an only child and how his mother and grandmother used to spoil him. I’m listening..but honestly I’m thinking about Dell. I’m wishing it was him I was chilling with. I shake the thought out of my head. Before I know it, he places his arm around me and pulls me closer, planting tiny kisses on my neck.
“I like that,” I whisper.
“You’ll like this even better,” he says and picks me up and places me on top of him so that we’re both sitting up face to face. He kisses me and I kiss him back. Alright Tee, let’s get it!
I back away and tug at his shirt. He smiles at me, removes his shirt and my hands fumble at his belt buckle.
He jumps up and goes into his dresser drawer and after a little searching I can see the gold foil wrappers shining from the light that is streaming in from the window.
Sorry… No HOB. But I must say Dude laid it DOWN DMX in Belly style! Afterwards I lay there like a rag doll, just cheesing. Oil change complete. He heads to the bathroom to get a towel to wipe himself off. He’s literally dripping wet with sweat from head to toe. He smacks my leg before he leaves the room, “That’s what you been missing out on, calling yourself trying to wait.”
When he returns we lay back in silence. Both of us are smiling and I decide that he is well capable of becoming my winter friend. He likes doing the same things I like to do and his schedule is clear after 5pm so he’ll never tell me he’s too busy to see me. Plus, he has a cozy townhouse in the West End, just a few minutes away from my job.
“Is that how you get down all the time?” I ask him, amazed.
“Every time,” he replies and looks at me. “I’m like 50 [cent]. I got the magic stick. If I can hit it once, I can hit it twice.”
I laugh. We head down to the kitchen for some water and I eat the rest of my food. We’re back up in his bed when he looks at me.
“I know you want some more.” he says and I laugh.
“Round two,” he says and repositions himself.
This time things don’t go like clockwork. I can’t get there…I need a little more foreplay because I’m not as aroused as I was before.
“Hollup…Why don’t you try (censored) that will help me become more aroused,” I tell him. I can see him roll his eyes and he gives me like 30 seconds of what I asked for.
“Um…I’m still not there,” I tell him. “Why don’t you try that again. I’m not into it yet.”
“SO!” he says in an angry tone which surprises the hell out of me. He gets off of me and moves onto the other side of the bed. “You know what? You’re selfish!” he tells me and folds his arms. I’m sitting there dumbfounded by his bratty behaviour.
“You heard me! It’s not all about you. Why do I have to stop because you’re not into it?”
Hell naw! I jump up, put on my clothes and race down the stairs. He follows me and I open the door, expecting an apology or something. He doesn’t say a word. He simply closes the door behind me.
I’m livid as I start my car. Before I even get home I have already erased his number from my phone.
I haven’t heard from him since.
Look at what happens when I try to get some…Man…Well, at least I’ll be straight for a few more months. I can’t believe his ass!
Confession #2- I met a girl
I met this chick when I first got here. We exchanged numbers on this friend tip but I could tell there was this weird vibe. We would keep in touch mainly through email, telling each other about our personal lives, our kids and our goals. I admitted that a lot of people think I’m bisexual because of my haircut and she said that she’s bisexual and she thinks I’m cute. Hmmm….
While I have always appreciated the beauty of a woman and I’ve had my experimental experience in college, I’ve never met a chick who I thought was so bad that I wanted to actually make a move on her, though I’ve wondered what it would be like to really be with a woman.
Since this chick was game, I decided to try it and see. My fear was that I would like it so much that I would never go back to men, seeing as how I have a fear on intimacy with men anyway. We met up for lunch Downtown and we ate lovely and laughed all afternoon, just like two regular girlfriends. Afterward she suggested we go back to her place to watch a movie. We ended up watching two movies and then it was getting late, but the wine bottle we had finished wouldn’t allow me to drive just yet.
I lay back on the bed and got comfortable as we chatted and watched MTV. I could tell that I was dozing off and I was startled when I felt a hand rub my leg. I jumped 6 feet in the air and sat straight up!
She laughed. “Why you actin like that?” she asked me and shrugged. “Um..What are you here for?”
“To chill!” I reply loudly. I’m suddenly afraid. Very afraid. I don’t really want to do this. She’s bigger than me. I can’t drive home. What if she beats me up?
“What if I took all of my clothes off right now and climbed under the covers?” she asks me.
“By the time you do that, I’ll already be asleep. Can you handle that?” I ask firmly, hoping she gets the point.
She looks at me, turns over and I hear her snoring after a few minutes. I look over at her sleeping, her hair all wild on the pillow.
I wrinkle my nose. Am I in the bed with a girl? Eww………………..This is sooooo………….gay.
I ain’t gay. I don’t want this chick to touch me. The flirting was fun but I’m not ready for all of this.
I make it through the night untouched and I quickly gather my things and head out quickly.
When I get home I’m relieved but I have my answer. I stil find women attractive but…I don’t want to touch them and I don’t want them touching me.
Now I know….
Confession #3- I’m Addicted to Love & Dell
I was reading this chick’s blog and I found it to be quite interesting. I scrolled through her entries and i found this link to a site for people who may be love addicts. I couldn’t even read through half of the list because I was convicted by the first few characteristics. Damn… Am I a love addict?How could I be when I have never really experienced real love? Maybe I’m addicted to the idea of love? Maybe my fear of never being good enough for someone to love has caused me to fixate on certain men when I KNOW they are emotionally unavailable to me.Case in point- Dell.I think about him all the time. Not all the time, ALL THE TIME. In fact, I don’t even see any other man. I still go out with some of the men I meet, but I do it just to get it out of the way. I do it with no expectations that I’ll like them at all, and it’s because of the standard that Dell has set. I compare everyone to him and no one has come near what I experience whenever we talk or hang out.I’d like to call it love, but it’s more of an infatuation. I’ve always been attracted to men that I have to motivate and educate and push toward their goals. Dell doesn’t need a damn thing from me. Dell doesn’t want a damn thing from me. He isn’t using me for my body, or for free meals or for womanly attention. He’ll be perfectly fine with or without me and that really turns me on.I can’t believe this man is not amazed by me like most of my groupies. He’s probably complimented me once and he only answers my calls half the time. He’s so opinionated and strong willed and so about his business. After I speak to him on the phone I just sit there in amazement and marinate on the conversation.I’m sure my friends are so tired of hearing me talk about him. I’m tired of talking about him too, but the thoughts that overwhelm my mind seem to escape so easily from my mouth. I wish I could just forget about him. I’ve deleted his number from my phone 5 times but I always put it back.~hangs head in shame~I feel like a love struck teenager again. I don’t know what to do. He’s so different from any man I’ve ever met. Two of my friends think it’s the old “you want what you can’t have” syndrome while Anna says that it’s only natural that I am extremely attracted to him because he embodies all of the qualities that I have always wanted in a man.I’m so goo goo over him that I even wrote about him in a column in last week’s magazine. The title of it is FIRST IMPRESSIONS.I’m such a dork. But at least I’m not afraid to admit it. Damn… I thought I’d feel better after releasing these confessions but now I just feel embarrassed…