I’m trying to be there for my friends but I don’t want to be hurt in the process.
I have two friends right now that are having issues with their relationship. They say certain behaviors are unnaceptable and call me to vent/curse/discuss possible solutions. I listen/discuss/suggest but at the end of the day they stay with the dude and it is killin me when I hear the next day, “We’re fine!”
I just heard him call you a bitch and you’re fine! You called me crying and you’re fine! He is doing the number one thing that he KNOWS shows a lack of respect for you and you’re fine!
I mean…maybe I don’t understand cuz I’m not in love and…I don’t know what it’s like to be crazy in love or to have the person you want to be with right there..except….they keep disrespecting you. I don’t know the turmoil it is to have someone who says he loves me and I love him too but he disrespects me consistently. I don’t know that feeling…anymore.
I knew it before. I used to be in it. But that was an ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. I couldn’t change him. I couldn’t make it work. I prayed all day and all night for him to be better but he never got better. His disrespect for me got worse and after we had kids it climaxed because he knew that I wouldn’t stand up for myself and no one would stand up for me. He preyed on my fear and I allowed it because I believed his opinion of me since I had not yet learned to see the value in myself.
I ain’t with that shit no more! You get the peace sign at the first sign of disrespect. What am I supposed to do, knowing how much I put up with in the past for the sake of “working it out”? Am I really supposed to teach a man not to disrespect me? Do I have to teach a man to honor me? I ain’t interested in that.
I don’t know what to do because I carry the pain of my friends like it’s my own but honestly…I think I don’t wanna go through it anymore. They ask what would I do in the situation. What would I do? Are you serious? Um…I’m pretty sure I’d walk away from ANY relationship that is disrespectful and doesn’t honor me as a person.
But…I’m not in love like they are… so maybe I don’t know anything.
I don’t know if I ever want to be in love like that again.
Lord, please tell me I won’t have to deal with no shit like that just to have someone by my side. Maybe that’s why you are teaching me how to be satisfied with being alone.
Oh yeah…today is my big day. Please say a prayer for me that God’s will WILL be done. Amen.