Month: March 2011

So today I decided to take a break from my obsession with my new site. It seems like I carry my notebook with me everywhere I go and am constantly scribbling ideas about how to promote it, how to market it, how to engage readers and get them to come back.

My phone died too so its been one QUIET existence for me. Not a soul to talk to as i sit in my room, eating ramen noodles and writing, creating, trying to focus on making my dream come true. This has been a tough time for me without my old best friend. I’ve come up with different perspectives to make me see not speaking to her as a GOOD thing and most have worked well until I was dealing with a situation today and my first instinct was, “Wait until I tell Tamara.” Then I realized there would be no telling Tamara.

~sigh~

I’m all alone in this now.

I feel my life shifting and it hurts so much because to shift, I have to let old things die. I say I want to be a new person but in order to do that the old must go away. Now I see why when ppl become successful those who knew them before say, “They’ve changed.” They HAD to change.

I have to change.

And I want to grow and heal. It was hard as hell for me to watch her these past few years. I would sit and cry by myself over her pain wondering when it would end and then watching her go back for more and listening to her dissatisfaction. It became too much. How could I ever heal while she was the closest relationship example in my life? I asked my friend Kim to call me more often because I wanted to hear GOOD stories to counteract the stories Tamara told but Kim is too busy enjoying her husband to sit and chat with me.

So I sat and I listened and encouraged and felt like I was in the misery too. With no way out. If that is what its like to love someone then I want no part of it. If loving someone means constantly yearning for them then I’m straight.

I don’t want to have to prove my love to anyone. I don’t want to wait around until they decide I’m the best thing for them. I don’t want to have to wait to be recognized for who I am.

I don’t WANT that shit she was in.

She still is.

Maybe I’m not a good friend for walking away but I couldn’t take it anymore. It came to a head when my book was released and she just ignored it because it was Valentines Day and she was busy trying to decide what she was gonna buy for him. I’m on the phone listening and hurting and I said, “he doesn’t deserve it.” Then she listed reasons why he did. Then texted me later complaining that he didn’t buy her anything but took her out to dinner explaining, “I took you out because you’re special.”

Not because I love you. Not because you’re my one and only. Not because I appreciate you, because I want to show you you’re special among the women in my life. DON”T YOU KNOW YOU”RE WORTH MORE THAN THAT?

Ugh. She never even ordered my book in support. I didn’t expect ANYONE to buy it but her. Everyone else got a pass.

My heart breaks and it has been breaking time and time again.

And I’m no better.

No better when it comes to relationships so I can’t say she’s dumb. At least she’s willing to try. I’m not.

No. I’m not. Not to have to go through that. No thanks.

Now, I’m trying to focus on making myself reach the level that I want to business-wise. I want to meet new women who are building empires around their name and balancing families at the same time too.

I want to meet DOERS instead of people who admire me for trying because they are too afraid to.

i know, I don’t fit in anywhere, at least not among the people I know from my past. So, I’m going to forge ahead hoping that this square wheel will find its match.

But it still hurts to let go of everyone and everything that wasn’t working, especially when you don’t know if what you are moving toward will be any better.

Everyone is dissappointed in me. How could you leave grad school? They shake their head or mumble facetious well wishes as they hope I’ll just “get a job”.

But I can’t just GET A JOB. I’m not one of those worker people. That has never worked for me in the past so I have to try to become an entrepreneur. I have to at least try because I don’t know what else to do.

Walking away from that and then starting my own website to try to sustain myself is more work than a full time job. Way more work. It’s having to be creative, study more, engage people more. I study more than I did when I was in school. I watch other people as they implement their business models and I imitate them. I see them in action and I am hopeful.

I have to be. I am in a corner. I have to fight my way out in order to stay alive. Behind the scenes I have no one to talk to about all this, really. They just see me sitting at home, they don’t know the hours I put in writing and creating and building. They only value hours put in working for someone else’s dream. I can’t do that anymore.

Nightly, my prayer is “Please let me better tomorrow than I was today.”

And I fight with that barometer because I don’t know what “better” is.

Not yet.

My sister makes me laugh when she says, “She quit school, just like all the other millionaires did.”

That’s true. Every risk taker I know, didn’t complete their education, they just WENT FOR IT.

I hope that magic is sprinkled on me.

Soon.

Look how my site looked after the first week.


Here’s the 2nd week.

I’ve had SO MUCH FUN developing this. Look at it! It’s like, my BABY! It’s becoming so pretty! I added a box to capture email addresses and that cost money too, but no one has signed up yet. I even created a free ebook to give away if they sign up. =(

I installed a nav bar at the bottom to connect with all the social networks. We now have a real columnist who writes about society and politics and a research contributor who finds the resource information that we post. I’m still writing all the content myself but it’s not that difficult. I may do an interview or just come up with an idea and just write it. Plus, with all the articles I have already written on my other site and the videos I have been making for YEARS on my youtube channel, sometimes if I’m tired I’ll go pull one of those to re use. Why not? They’re all MINE. I can do what I want. yay!

So I just created an advertising sponsor package. That was fun! Coming up with pricing and levels and tomorrow I am going to train the columnist on how to sell ads. I told her that she can keep any money she makes from her sales. I know I need money to survive but she does too.

Oh. My first author interview went up today. I can’t believe he posted that video of me crying. LOL Oh yeah, I cut my hair off again. It was getting too wild. I also died it jet black because some of it was blonde and some of it was dark brown so I have to start all over. I look different and baldheaded as usual.

Today I went back and forth between marketing my book and my site. I reached out to local newspapers and magazines about the site and then I hit up every book reviewer I could find to see if they would be willing to review my book in PDF version since I don’t have money to buy copies and mail them out.

Oh yeah! After I received a link to an article that said some 27 year old is making MILLIONS by selling her books on Kinde, I clicked right on over to Kindle and published my book on there too. I think I’m gonna add all of my eBooks on there too, when I get the time. Why not? Then I have to go get one for myself except I don’t read that much anymore. If it doesn’t have anything to do with business models or making money online I’m not really interested. I entertain myself by imagining how I’m gonna bless so many people when I have money to do so.

Today I was thinking about who I’m gonna buy cars for and how I’ll ask my Mama to take over managing some of my blogs when I start traveling and how I’ll drop money into people’s paypal accounts as surprises and how I’ll be eating lobster whenever I want and how I’ll do so much GOOD when I have the money. I can’t WAIT!

I wonder how it could all happen. It’ll be a surprise to me, but right now sure feels good.

Wow.

Today was a good day!

I woke up SMILING and then I scratched my head as I looked at my To DO list. I didn’t go to sleep until very late because I was organizing all my eBooks to sell on Kindle. I hope they sell! They’re priced at $2.99 – $3.99 so you can read them instantly for the low.

Then I checked my email and saw that my contact came through. I had been trying to reach the rap artist Tr.ina to interview her and when I was passed the info to her manager, I was elated! I spoke with him and her publicist and he told me that she would make all the arrangements! Yes!

See, a few years ago when I wrote the book I had this idea to get her to do a song with my book title but then she came out with Single Again, so I don’t know if that’s gonna be possible. But I’ll ask anyway. I can’t wait to get a picture with her to give to my Mama. My Mama LOVES Trina. “She’s the baddest bitch!” she says.

Then I got an email saying that my ad had been placed on a very popular site. Yay! Then I took a break from marketing and sending out emails to go to the grocery store cuz I checked my foodstamp card and there was money on it! Yay! I hadn’t eaten anything besides chips, ramen noodles and honey buns in a while.

After I shopped, restraining myself because I have to walk with those bags, I was about to cross the street when a man looked at me and said, “Damn. Who’s girlfriend is THAT?!”

Then he offered to carry my bags all the way home and I let him. I didn’t really look at him though. I wasn’t interested.

I have so much going on right now. You wouldn’t believe. But actually this is one of the most happy times in my life. I’m planting so many seeds. I can’t wait til next season for them to bloom.

Listen up!

I have to get this off my chest or I’m going to explode.

I don’t know if some foreign spirit has jumped in my body or what but I don’t, I just am not WITH THAT BULLSHIT. I’m not on that shit I used to be on.

I don’t want to hear NOBODY calling me trying to tell me what they think i should do.

I don’t want to hear NOBODY trying to give me their opinion unless they’ve accomplished what I’m trying to accomplish. I don’t CARE what you have to say or how you feel about what I’m doing.

I DONT CARE! Whisper that shit into the closet if you really MUST voice your opinion.

I don’t care if EVERY ONE of my friends gets mad and decides to NEVER speak to me again.

I’m not on that shit!

I’m not on that “let’s sit on the phone and giggle over dudes.”

I’m not on that “listen to me cry about him and then girl, let me go so he can fuck me.”

I’m not on that BULLSHIT.

I’m trying to stack chips.

I’m trying to make moves.

I’m using EVERY WAKING MINUTE to do whatever I can do to help me reach my goal of financial stability by means of my creativity.

I’m not ON THAT BULLSHIT anymore!

If you are still on that whiny- I don’t know what to do with my life BULL then please dismiss yourself.

I KNOW WHAT TO DO!

And I’m DOING IT!

And I’m not asking for your permission.

And I’m not begging you to come along.

And I don’t care if you EVER speak to me again.

I’m not ON THAT SHIT!

And I’m not attached to ANYONE.

If you want to say I’ve changed them go ahead.

I HAVE.

Change with me or just let me go.

I still wish you the best.

But even still, I don’t wanna hear that BULLSHIT IN MY DAMN EAR!

Go somewhere with that “Did you see THE GAME last night?” and your “OMG! He came to see me in the middle of the night, girl.”

If he aint come with the connection to your dream life and all he had to offer was some PENIS- I don’t wanna hear that shit!

I’m on some other shit!

So peace. I love you.

But I gotta go DO MY SHIT!

Look at my BABY! She’s growing up!

I think she’s going to learn how to eat by herself soon!

Yay!

I am so tired that I can not even go to sleep. I am consumed by this website. Are you bored with reading about it yet? Well, I can not help it. If I try to go to sleep and I get an idea on how to improve it, I have to get back up and either write down the idea or move forward with implementing it.

I bet you’re glad you’re not my friend. All you’d hear about is, “My website this and my website that.” My sister calls and says, “Tell me about your progress.” I’m glad she does that. I tell her what I’ve learned about backlinking and SEO and keywords and google ranking and I told her, “When I’m done with making this a success, you’re gonna do one too and I’m gonna be able to tell you everything. But I’m learning as I go.”

It is so much FUN to me!

Well, this is my life right now. I reached out to two more people for stories I want to write and I think I may add another contributing columnist to add more flair to the perspectives already offered. I may not agree with her on some things but she has an opinion that’s valid, why not allow her to share it.

I also reached out to two more companies for sponsorship. What did that Note From The Universe say? Something like… Opportunity doesn’t always come knocking, sometimes you have to knock on every door to find it.

I’ve been knocking.

Knocking.

Knocking.

My knuckles are bleeding.

I am so tired. But not tired of doing this.

This makes my SOUL happy.

I’m happier than I have been this entire time I have been in grad school.

I can’t believe it. I’m back making websites again. This is my path. Somehow I’ve gotta make it last. I am so proud of myself and every day I am happier and happier.

And I don’t feel any doubts at all. All the negative feelings and doubts floated away. This feeling WILL last. It has to. I’m moving into the happiest times of my life. I can feel it.

I hope you will join me.

All grateful hearts welcome.

If you are trying to gain readers for your online magazine or website I will share a few tips that I have learned from working as a journalist over the years.

1. Don’t just tell your friends about it and ask them to spread the word. My friends don’t even read my writing or my books. They take it for granted because we speak everyday. You have to find online forums and groups that don’t know you personally, join and engage as a regular contributor and then mention your website or project in passing, not everyday.

2. Do Interviews. Interviews are the MAIN ingredient because when you do a profile of someone who has a popular platform, not only are they exposed to your project, they will probably share a link to their interview on their platform which will expose all of their readers to your project; instant traffic. You have to cultivate relationships with people and they will gladly support your project just as you will support theirs.

3. Find different perspectives to include. You can write a blog about your own niche or you can open it up and expose thought processes that oppose your own. If you want MORE readers you must be open minded and allow others to contribute their voice. By adding guest columnists who share their opinions and views, you draw in an entirely different audience who will in turn be exposed to the messages you are promoting.

4. Spin current topics. Whenever my friends give me ideas for my site, they usually give the regular hum drum idea but I know how to SPIN it to offer a unique perspective. For example: instead of writing about How To Attract A Man, write about the top 5 Ways To Sabotage a Relationship. If your friend suggests you write Car Buying Tips, you can write TRICKS MECHANICS PLAY ON WOMEN.

5. Establish platforms on all social networks and SOCIALIZE. That means you don’t just post your links, you stop in and say hello to your fans and friends. If people feel comfortable contacting you or reaching out to you they will more likely support what you are doing.

6. Build yourself up by using your platform to contact the people you admire most in your field. You have a blog about surfing so you go out and find the top surfers in the nation and ask them for interviews. You can get advice from them on how to become a top surfer and share their advice on your site. You will learn from the best and they will be honored that you sought them out for their insight. You can always imitate what they teach you and become a leader in your field too. Document this journey on your website and people will come back to read as you make your ascension.