Push It To the Limit

I got a call tonight from Dell’s client regarding my proposal to do freelance marketing work for his company.

“Hello,” he said. “We loved your proposal for Phase I. I just want you to know that you’re hired. We’re very pleased with what you put together.”


I’m officially an Atlanta hustler!

Now sing along!

Rick Ross:

I push and I push (push)
I ride and I ride (ride)
tryna survive on 285
(push it to the limit)

~snapping fingers~

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Don’t stop get it, get it!
Shake that thang!
Pop that thang!
Go head!
Go head!
Go head!

In Search Of a Winter Friend

I think I may be becoming familiar with the expressways here. I only get lost once or twice a week now. This job has got me running all over the city and I must admit, it’s a great way to get to know the place but i feel as though someone just pushed me off the pier and said, “SWIM!”

I had to meet up with a singer named Omar to get a few photos at this club called Sugar Hill on Friday night. When I got there my name was on the list so the door person waved me inside with no problem. “Excuse me..” he said as I walked away. “It says here that you were bringing a guest. Is your guest on the way?”

“No. I’m all alone tonight,” I told him. “I couldn’t find anyone who wanted to tag along.

I hung out for a while until Omar’s publicist called me and asked me to meet her at the backstage door. The “door” was actually a black curtain with two huge bodyguards standing in front of it. The publicist came out and introduced me to the bodyguard asking him to give me all access and we walked through the curtain through a hallway and into a dimly lit room.

There were about 10 or so people in the room, all sipping on wine, sitting on the beautiful couches and mingling with the band who were taking turns getting massages from a professional masseuse. There was a table set up in the corner with lots of water and soft drinks and snacks and flowers. There was also a television crew there setting up for an interview. The publicist was very nice. She reached into her bag and gave me one of Omar’s CD’s before she introduced me to him and I began to take pictures of him as he joked with me.

I didn’t stay for the show because I was tired after thinking hard all day and I found myself driving in circles trying to find my way back to I20. I called Kim and cried into the phone and she talked to me until I finally found my way and reached home.

Ofcourse I had to work again the next day- work meaning an interview with a group called the Sierra Leone Refugee All-Stars on Saturday afternoon. The interview went well; we met up at their hotel and discussed how they began making music in a mud hut in Africa and ended up touring the US following a critically acclaimed documentary about their struggle.

After the interview I went home and chilled out in anticipation of meeting up with Suezette and Ron at Houlihan’s downtown for a quick dinner before we headed out to check out the clubs in search of a place to have Suezette’s 25th birthday party.

By the time I got to Zette’s place it was a little after 8:30 so I parked my car and we drove over to the restaurant and ate lovely, laughed and shared about our recent men woes and our hopes for the future.

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Ron joined us soon after and after a little fumbling we got on the road and went to this club called Verve. It was very nice. The atmosphere was inviting and everyone there were just trying to have a good time. No drama.

You all know I’m antisocial and the idea of befriending women doesn’t appeal to me because I take friendships to heart and I know that some women don’t have the same ideals that I have but these two chicks..yeah…I’m feeling them. They’re different from me because they are very sociable and they treat everyone as though they are stars. I have to develop that side of my personality in order to succeed so I expect that some of their sweetness will rub off on me. It’s crazy because you can feel an instant connection when you are around them and there’s no effort to become friends like you sometimes feel during the getting to know you stage of a friendship.

Ruby introduced them to me, so they get cool points for that, but they were genuine, you know. And they reminded me of me and my other friends because they take care of each other and it’s important to me to be around women who aren’t selfish and are giving. As far as my friends are concerned, if I have $100 in the bank and you need it, it’s yours. Even if it’s for something as simple as a hairdo. If it’s important to you it’s important to me. Even if you don’t necessarily need something, I still love to do nice things for my friends because I feel like I’m blessed to be able to do nice things for others.

We vibed well into the night, shaking our booties and sipping on mixed drinks. I danced with a few guys during the evening which kind of embarrassed me because I can’t really dance so I spent most of the time trying to keep up with them. They were nice though and I wondered if they had the potential to be my “winter friend”.

Come on, you know it’s getting cold and the idea of laying up in the house by myself all winter is not appealing. After celebrating last week with Tamara because she found out that she is having a boy- YAY!- I told her that if I don’t find a winter friend, she and AJ had better make room for me in their bed because I’m coming to sleep with them. To which she responded, “Uh..I’ll be putting a personal ad in the AJC for you as soon as possible.”

Well, you can’t meet men if you are antisocial and a proud member of the “Men ain’t shit” club so I have to be open although everytime I meet a man I can’t help but compare him to Dell. And so far none have even come close to his drive, his demeanor or his spirit. Damn that chick Ruby for introducing me to such a great guy! Now I can’t get him out of my head and he’s so not thinking about me. Oh well.. I have to give other guys a chance though I will confess, when I’m hanging out with any other man, I feel like I’m cheating on Dell.


Yeah. Call me stupid, a sucka for love or whatever but..I admire Dell and I respect him and that says a lot considering that I am turned off by most of the men I meet.

How do I decide if I want to give a man my number? Well, let me share my thought process. There were two men who were consistently courting me last night. One was an African man who kept lifting up his shirt, showing off his abs and he was a great dancer which means he probably has a nice stroke in the bedroom.

The other guy didn’t dance at all, but he had that different look, his belt had a skull on it and his shoes were unlike anything I had ever seen. He was very well put together.

While I danced with one guy I could see that the other was standing by watching and I didn’t care. The Skull belt guy, whose name is Jay pulled me off to the side a couple of times to talk to me and he told me that he was a producer (smirk) from New York and that he was a 23 years old. Aww….a tenderoni! He got cool points for being in the creative industry and for giving me ONE compliment and not going on and on like an idiot.

The African guy was quiet mostly. I could tell that he doesn’t get much play despite his stellar body because when I was with the other guy, he and his friend eyed me like jealous boyfriends ready to pounce. “I’m taking a break,” the African guy said. “When I get back I want your name and your number.”

LOL! I laughed at him.

Jay’s approach was a little more subtle. “Let’s check out the rooftop,” he suggested and led me up the staircase to the 3rd level of the club and out onto the open deck.

“It’s cold out here,” I said. “I should have brought my sweater.”

“You don’t need that with me here,” he said and stood behind me rubbing my arms. “Um…Can I get that number?”

“Sure,” I said as he reached for his Treo and handed it to me.

As soon as I got back down to the 2nd level where Zette and Ron were, they were both ready to go which was great because you should never be at the spot for too long and definitely not close the place down. That’s not cool. A quick cameo is most appropriate.

As we were leaving, the African guy and his friend gave me evil looks as I walked by them and waved a cute wave and smiled. You know my rule: NO AFRICAN MEN. They are way too controlling for me.

Blah– I gotta go. I have three stories to write before I go to bed and I’ve been procrastinating all day. Lemme get on it…

Fears In The City

You won’t understand that this feeling I have gotten is overwhelming me. I don’t know what to do. I fear them. To hear their deep voices in my ears makes me cringe. The thought of one of them flirting with me, stirs my heartrate. I tremble at the thought of one of them trying to talk to me. When I go out I don’t smile or look at anyone because I really don’t want any guys to talk to me. Sometimes I feel like this fear is running my life.

I try to be sociable but I’m afraid. I’m so afraid.

I’m afraid of pouring out my heart and giving the essence of me and people not appreciating or seeing it at as annoying or whatever. I’ve experienced that so much. I don’t want to experience that one more time.
So I run. RUN! RUN! When I see them. They still try to talk to me.

SOmetimes when I go out, outside of work, I don’t wear any makeup, clothes dont match and im like whatever. They still bother me. I feel like it’s punishment for me never dealing with the issue.

It’s scaring me that so many men are attracted to me at one time. I haven’t felt like this since I was 19. I’m not used to all of this chivalry and shit. I don’t know who to trust because they all seem so nice to me.

So when I pick one to hang with I’m careful, when I go visit my girls have his name adress and phone number. And when I get there I’m shaking, literally. We’re supposed to be relaxing but it’s very difficult to do when you can’t even think straight because you are so nervous. You’re wondering what is he gonna do to me? How is he gonna hurt me? You know they are attracted to you for your looks and not your heart. Sometimes you just want them to know you before they wanna touch you.

But then sometimes it’s hard because..shit…you want some too. And then you sit and weigh in the pros and cons of if you should actually do it. I mean, you don’t really like him, but he’s aiight. I don’t know man. He’s a damn MAN- capabale of anything, even going slap crazy after you did it.

But in the end you don’t do anything because you find some reason to leave and then you never talk to the guy again. If he calls, you don’t answer. If you see him, you act like he’s invisible. I guess your heart is so caught up in the when that you can’t appreciate the now.

It’s like you are steadily expecting a hard blow from up high. You live in fear of people hurting you.

I don’t know how many times that I have cried when a man has initially touched me? I tremble under his fingertips. But you’re a pretty good actress, you hope. You don’t want everyone to know.

Happens everytime. Over and over again. My body is tense from worrying over it because ultimately i have a lot of love to give and I want to give it to someone who can appreciate a good woman who is on her way to being a superstar journalist. Sometimes I look at these guys and think, “You’re so dumb. Do you see who you’re acting up with? Do you know what my destiny is? Oh I forgot, I met you at the damn mall and you have no idea who I really am?”

That’s why I hate meeting guys on the street or in the mall or whatever. Unless they can see me in action, doing what I love to do most which is writing or speaking or being innovative then they won’t understand what I am going to be or value the eccentric woman that I am now.

They don’t care. They just see a little short woman with a nice face and a nice package. Well lemme tell ya, it’s a mirage. I wear makeup everyday and my package ain’t as slim as these jeans would have you to believe because um…It’s not pretty.

The reality is I’m half crazy with the desire to accomplish my dreams. It’s all I talk about it’s all I breathe. I dont kno wif a lot of people would want to be around someone who is always talking about setting goals and going after your wildest success.It can be quite daunting when you are with someone who just wants to relax and you want to talk about new trends in the media industry and how you got this great idea.

I’m sorry ya’ll. If you don’t believe me I think this is my frst time blogging while drunk. I never thought I could do it. I’m not really drunk but I’m tipsy from a couple of glasses of wine with a friend who is probably never gonna see my face again because he started flirting with me tonight. Things were going really cool at first then he changed his tone and started this whole act, it was so childish.I hate when men flirt with me. Come better than that. Ofcourse begin with a compliment to get my attention but after that no sexual references or innuendo. I mean, not unless you know how to do it right. Make me blush don’t make me cringe in embarrassment.

Id rather be straight up and communiate the truth. Hey, I’m feeling you. I’m feeling you too. Let’s see what’s up. No fears. No holds barred. We can be free to enjoy each other’s company as often as we wish or as little as we like with no expectations that the other person is taking you for granted or trying to hurt you. Just enjoying each other and enjoying giving to each other,focusing on supporting each other’s happiness.

Whatever. ~fold arms~ With men? I don’t know if it will happen.

But anyway I came in here to finish my stories and I realize It’s not gonna happen. Damn. I am going to be so busy tomorrow.

Oh well…when are we not busy.

I just hope that this week runs more smoothly than the last and that I get over these fears before they destroy my destiny. I love people. I sincerely want to see their lives changed. Why am I always afraid that they are going to hurt me? I think I worry even more about whether they would accept me with all of my little crazy quirks. Maybe I’m afraid of being so naiive that I don’t recognize the big bad wolf because I’m trying to be so nice.

Um…I don’t know. I hope I didnt say too much.

I’ll read it tomorrow and see cuz I’m tired. I’m tired and tomorow is another day that I have to face my fears and go deal with these men at work and in the city.

I’m workin on it.

Mr. Skull & Bones

So the day after Mr. Skull & Bones asked for my number he proceeded to text me quite often. I got a text from him a few hours after we all left the club asking me if I made it home safely. When I woke up I got another text from him asking me if I was having a good morning. I then got another text from him asking when he could see me again.

Why don’t you call me and ask. I wrote back.

My phone rings and I smile and answer in my most womanly voice, “Heyyyy…”

“Hi.” I hear a little girl’s voice respond.


“Who is this?”

“This is Jay. From last night.”

DAMN! Dude sounds like a little girl on the phone!

“Um..So what’s up?”

“I’d like to see you again,” he says and I begin to feel a little creepy because it’s a 12 yr old girl’s voice I’m hearing.

“Um…What do you have in mind?”

“I don’t know. Whatever.”

“Well, what do you like to do?” I ask hoping that we’d have something in common. “Do you like to go to the movies? Do you like to go for cocktails? Do you smoke or drink or play pool?”

“Well. I tried smoking and I didn’t like it. It’s not me. I tried the drinking thing but I felt like I was just doing it to fit in so I don’t do it anymore. What I really like to do is shop.”


“You like to shop?”

“Yeah. I will shop til I drop!” he squealed and then giggled into the phone.

What the fu***?

“Um,” I ask him nervously. “Where do you like to shop?”

“NEIMAN’S ofcourse!” he replied and sighed. “In the Lennox Mall, it’s the best place and I go craaazy when I go there!”

Damn…This dude seems kinda strange. Hollup…

“Where do you live?” I ask him.


“Who do you live with?”

“My cousin. The guy you saw me at the club with.”

“Oh, you two were kinda dressed alike right?”

“Yeah, that’s him. Hot shoes huh?”

Lemme see something. “Hey…I’ve been really upset because it’s cold and I can’t find jeans that fit right. Could you suggest a place for me to get some good jeans?”

“Oh yeah! NEIMAN’S ofcourse! And then you can try little five points. There’s this little boutique there called…Hollup..” he pauses and asks his “roommate” for the name of the boutique and relays the info to me. “There are a lot of kinds but you should keep trying until you find the brand that fits right on you. For a good pair of jeans like Sevens or something like that you’re gonna spend about $170 but it’s so worth it.”

Dammnnnn….Something about this ain’t right.

“Do you drive?” he asks me.


“Yeah. Ofcourse. How else am I going to get to work?”

“Oh, I was just asking because I don’t have a car out here but I have one in New York while I decide if I’m going to make this my permanent home.”

~raises eyebrow~

“So….How were you planning to take me out?”

“Oh, I could get a ride over there anytime. My cousin would drop me. I’d love to come over and cuddle with you.”

He wanna cuddle?

Dammnnn…I don’t know about this dude.

“Hey lemme call you back,” I tell him and hang up the phone.

I scratch my head…

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He’s a music producer. ~smirk~ Cool points for that.

He likes to shop til he drops.

He lives with his cousin (?) and they dress alike.

He doesn’t have a car but he says he’ll get a ride to take me out. Um…Are we in highschool?

That’s pretty much a wrap. I guess unless I need a shopping partner.

Cover Your Nose

I left work in a hurry today, my knees pressed tightly together all the while hoping no one stopped me to talk on my way out the door.

See, I couldn’t stand to be there another minute and be embarrassed like that cuz the truth is…

I’m that chick.

I’m that chick who smells funky in the afternoon.

I’m that chick who smells like hot cootchie.

I don’t want to smell like that. I take the proper precautions. I shower daily and I use summer’s eve wash AND anti bacterial soap. I also use panty liners and FDS (feminine deodorant spray). Sometimes I still catch a whiff of myself and my face goes red.

Thank God it’s improved. I used to get that hot, sticky feeling in between my legs around 10am. yes, I said 10 am. I don’t know why I’m so sweaty down there. I never sweat anywhere else. I’m always so embarrassed cuz I know that people can smell me too.

Yeah…I have to find another solution to this problem. I feel defective. Lemme go take a bath.

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Well…at least the pu**y still good.

Lord, help me.