Please Hold…

This customer service business is serious. At first I would get teary eyed when an unruly member would call in screaming at me.

Angry Member: “LOOK! I know I should get credit for this and you’re not giving it to me! What are you stupid? These are my credits and I should get them!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve done all I can. I will forward your request to our rebate department and it will be up to their discretion to reward you the rebate.”

Angry Member: “What kind of shit is this? I want to speak with your supervisor..stupid.”

Me: ~heart beating fast and wiping away tears~

NOW, I have gotten with the program and I know just how to handle this. I like to call it, the GANGSTA HOLD.

Me: “Thank you for calling la, la, la, Ciara speaking, How may I help you?”

Angry Member: “This is my 3rd time calling here. I’m online right now, trying to log into my account and it keeps bringing up my husband’s account. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m tired of trying this and I call and you keep telling me that it’s fixed but it’s not and I’m trying to reserve a hotel and it’s getting late and you’re not helping me like you’re supposed to!”

Me: “Ok, one moment please.” MUTE PHONE.

~Thinking~ “She needs a moment to collect herself.”

Takes headphones off of ears. Clicks on the blue E, “Let’s see what Suezette is up to. Reading Suezette’s Years In The ATL. This chick is gettin numbers from white men! LOL! Damn girl! Work it!

Replaces headphones. “One moment Ma’am our system is slow tonight.” MUTE PHONE.

Removes headphones. Man, I gotta pee. “Hey, who got the bathroom key?”

Ahh, so relieved.

Replaces headphones. “Thank you for holding. May I help you?”

Angry Customer: “It’s about time. I can’t log in. I need to change my password and figure out why there aren’t two seperate accounts. And no one in there seems to have a brain to be able to help me.”

Me: “One moment please.” MUTE PHONE.

Hears a group laugh in the far rear corner. Hey, what’s going on? I walk over. Ooh, someone has a lil TV. American Idol! LOL! Damn…. now he know he can’t sing…LOL!