Author: TPatterson

You guys!

I had a WONDERFUL birthday!

I went to work on my birthday which is a no-no for all Black people, but since I love my job and I had a lot of work to do I went in.

People dropped by the office to say Happy Birthday to me and bring me gifts. I felt so special!

After work I was on a mission to find something stunning to wear. I found this cute little pink pants set that accentuated all of my assets. I was so happy!

By the time I got home from shopping it was already 8pm. My party started at 9pm so I knew I was going to be late. I called around to see who would pick me up since I planned to have some drinks and I don’t drink and drive. My girl Susie and her friend PeeWee ended up coming to get me and we made the trek down to Coconut Grove to go to Gameworks.

By the time we got there it was a quarter to 10 and my friend Rajhan and his girl had been there since 9pm. We all sat down in the restaurant to eat and wait for my other guests to arrive. One by one they scattered in. I never felt so loved before. All of my friends came from FAR AWAY to celebrate with me. Most of the people I invited live in Ft. Lauderdale, Hollywood and North Miami which is a pretty far drive from Coconut Grove which is in South Miami, but they all came anyway.

Each time someone walked in I greeted them with a hug and a big smile and I introduced them to everyone telling the story of how long I had known them and what important role they played in my life. I love giving people honor for being so good to me, cuz honestly I adore my friends. I admire my friends for being so driven and honest and genuinely good people and I let them know often.

Regardless of all of the men that have blown in and out of my life, my friends have remained the same. We may fight and fuss and get on each other’s nerves, but it’s all love and it’s understood. All together 14 people came to celebrate with me so I had a nice little clique.

They all let me wild out and give a couple of speeches after I downed two apple martini’s. Funny how no one had anything to drink but me. They all had fun watching me sing and dance in the restaurant– caused by my natural high and ofcourse those martini’s were kicking in.

After everyone trickled in it was a little after midnight and Anna challenged me to ride the mechanical bull. Ofcourse I did it, and I got flung off of that thing like a pair of dirty draws into the dirty clothes hamper.

I let Anna handle the plans for after Gameworks and I told everybody, “I do not want to see any dreads, golds or smell any weed.” An hour later I was coughing off of some weed smoke in my face and rolling my eyes at this greasy fool trying to rub his penis on my butt.

I hate that! No, I don’t want to simulate sexual acts with you in public and call it dancing. No, I don’t like to feel your penis getting hard on my butt. That’s gross dude.

Even though I don’t like clubs I went just to hang out with my friends and I had a wonderful time laughing at them and the men that were stalking them.

We only stayed for a minute, it was getting a bit too r-rated in there for me. “Just once,” my girl Nadia said. “I would like to go to a club where the men actually get haircuts.”

“AMEN,” me and my other girl Vicky said in unison.

We ended up spending another hour just sitting in the parking lot talking. My boy Reggie was the last man standing with us and I told them all stories of how when we were in college he would come over and pick up my sons dirty clothes, take them back to his house, wash and fold them and bring them back to me. How sweet!

I got home around 4:30am and went to bed. Only to wake up at 9am to prepare for my uncle’s funeral that afternoon.

You guys, it was really cool hanging out like I did. I was looking really cute, I didnt pay for a THING and I got to kick it with my girls like old times.

I’m 25! Look out world! This is going to be one interestng year.

Whoa! It’s been a busy week at work. I have learned quite a few lessons through my job and I’ve been given an amount of responsibilty that I have never been given before.

I am a supervisor which means I have to oversee the crew of writers that we have and I have my hands in so many other projects that I’m never idle. I’m still developing policies and procedures for the paper and it is so much fun coming up with ideas and setting rules for the employees. I get to decide what the rules are for my office and how people get evaluated, how they earn vacation time and stuff like that.

I guess it sounds a little boring when I write about it but it’s fun for me. I’m a thinker. It’s another form of being creative.

The lessons I have learned at work have changed my whole world. Let me share.

1) Nothing in the workplace should be taken personally. Your job is your JOB. Do the job and take your feelings out of it or you will always be working overtime trying to please everyone.

2) Never discuss your salary with anyone you work with. I learned this lesson the hard way. Don’t do it!

3) If you are in a management position your job is to MANAGE, not take on everyone else’s project for yourself. The people you are managing are getting paid to work, not let you do everything and they sit back. They will never learn unless you let them do it themselves. You have to trust the people who work for you. Show them you trust them and they will perform. They have to, or they will be fired.

4) Everyone doesn’t want to be helped. In my quest to save the world I have encountered many people who need help but aren’t willing to help themselves. You can’t force someone to change their life. Wait until they come to you, then you can reach out to them.

5) If someone has a bad reputation on the job for poor work ethic, it has to be somewhat true. Don’t believe them when they say they are just being picked on. Watch them closely. All rumors are founded in some truth even if it has been twisted a bit.

6) A college degree is worth a few thousand more than someone with work experience may earn. Work experience is great but employers want an educational background to add to your credibilty. I think a degree simply says the person is teachable and can follow through with a set goal. This is very important.

7) Interviews and looks matter. A tight resume will only get you so far. You have to sell yourself to a potential employer. You have to make them believe they need you to grow their business.

8) Don’t just do your required assigments. You will never make a good impression this way. When you report to your supervisor, always have an extra project to show them that you are working on. They will know that you are a go-getter and that you can work with little supervision and your supervisor won’t bother you so much.

9) If you don’t ask for more you will never get it. Don’t sit back and wait until evaluation time to ask for what you need. Make an appointment with your employer and show up with a deatiled list of your skills and the impact that you have made on the company. No one is going to give you anything. No one is going to fight for what you deserve. You should always be making progress in pay and job responsibilities. Don’t be stagnant for the rest of your life.

Just my thoughts…

Brenda…I always keep up with you pouring out your heart. I know it’s rough when you feel like it’s just you and your daughters against the world. I don’t know why I was blessed to have so mant women in my life that I admire and look up to. It may be because there is something about everyone that I admire- so it’s hard not to love someone who has a trait that I want to develop. Hang in there girl. I thought you were cool from day one and believe me, I’m not dishonest. Im sure you know that by now.

Sometimes I even question whether being honest and true is a good thing. I don’t scheme on people. I don’t expect anything from people. In fact, I rarely accept things from people unless I can return the favor. My heart is to give and give and I just want everyone around me to be more successful than I am. I don’t hate on their dreams, I encourage them to dream for more. I never feel like I’m in competition with anyone because I know that regardless of the next man’s success, I’m gonna get mine.

I have recently learned that not everyone thinks like me. Remember the guy I told you about on my job that I write my columns with? Yeah…remember how when I first applied he told me he would put in a good word for me. Well today he went off on me in the worst way.

I was stunned. Here is a grown man, actually trying to argue with a grown woman in an office setting. First of all, that’s not how I operate. Second of all, you’re a dude. Fussing and fighting is strictly for bitches, not a professional man.

Ya’ll. He was going off on me telling me how I act all high and mighty now that I am in management. How I need to be grateful to him because if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t even have this job. “I got you this job,” he said. “You’re biting the hand that feeds you.”

I’m like, “Dude, you don’t pay my salary. My skills and knowledge got me here.” In fact, I contacted the newspaper on a whim, if you go back through the archives you will see. But he has told everyone, including the owner/publisher that he found me and brought me to the company. So he has been getting props for something he didn’t do. LOL To top it off, he saw my resume and writing samples sitting on the fax machine and he saw where I was currently working, (Remember when I was at the VA hospital) and he had to have looked up my work phone number because I got a message at my office from him. I was surprised but it was okay because we were always cool.

He even told me with this stank look on his face, “I gave you the opportunity to get your message out.” DO I owe you something for that? Hello, HE gets paid for the column, I don’t. I do it because I love it. My job is in administration.

The problem is I came on after him and now I am his supervisor. Now I am spearheading the structuring of all of the departments which means that I have to enforce new rules, to a group of people who are used to being able to do whatever they want. I guess no grown man wants to have to report to a woman he thought he was helping out.

That still doesn’t excuse his behavior. We’re in the workplace, not at a club. That kinda hurts my feelings. Cuz those who know me for real know that Im not out to hurt anyone. I sincerely want to help. I want to make people feel good. I want to make you laugh. And here I am trying so hard at this job to make everyone’s job more efficient and I get cussed out by one of my employees.

I just shrugged it off and went back to work. But it bothered me. I have never had an enemy in my entire life. I’m not all ‘let’s be best friends’ with everyone but generally Im cool.

I just have to believe that good will triumph over evil. Im honest. I do my best. I can take criticism if it’s given with a good heart.

I have to toughen up. I’m going to be running a media empire and one disgruntled employee can’t be able to throw me off like that.

Ya’ll know what?

All I can do is keep doing the very best that I can.

Don’t give up.

Hey!

You can look at my birthday pics online.

Enjoy!

25th Birthday pics

My bestfriend Anna got a new man now.

I havent really seen or spoken to her in a minute.

I’m about to go egg her car if she doesn’t call me. I’m sad. I miss her.

Ruby’s doing Ok. We email throughout the day its usually my bright spot.

And Joe. Remember my “friend” Joe? Well, my little ‘no spending time alone policy’ didn’t last long. I like spending time with him. With him I don’t have to worry about changing myself. I don’t have to impress. I can act as crazy as I want to and he knows how to reel me back in when I’m going over the deep end. And he does it without making me feel bad. He’s just like one of my girlfriends, except he isn’t.

Last week we hung out one night. I picked him up and we had absolutely no idea what we were gonna do. I always make him drive, even when we’re in my car because I like to be chauffered. We ended up driving around our old neighborhood hoping to see one of our old classmates who serves off 12th avenue. We didn’t see him.

Then we drove down by the now defunct Omni Mall. Back in the day that mall was THE SPOT for all Black ppl. It’s shut down now, I couldn’t believe it. In that area, all kinds of condo’s are being constructed. Miami is changing so much and turning into a classy place to be. The powers that be have shut down most of the major projects in the hood and all of the Blacks are moving down to South Miami because that’s where they are placing all teh low-income housing. Now these projects in the inner city are going to be torn down and nice affordable housing will be built. But since the Blacks had to move away when their housing was taken away, none of them will get to enjoy it.

The elite will come in, buy up the land and turn the inner city back into what it once was back in the day before the White Flight.

The White Flight happened in the 60’s when Whites occupied the inner city, which is now called liberty City. When Whites saw Blacks moving in they hauled tail as far north as they could even moving outside of the city of Miami to get away. Then Blacks took over and it turned into a raggedy place to be.

But the inner city is a valuable spot simply because of its proximity to downtown and the Bay Area and The Miami Herald and most of Corporate America. It’s very close and the elite are planning to re-inhabit what was once their living space.

Joe and I talked well into the night about the plight of Blacks in Miami. While we walked the bridge overlooking the Bay we outlined differences in our attitudes that caused us to escape the despair that most Miamians have lived with.

We looked out into the skyline and heard the music from the party boats at Bayside and we marveled at what a magic city this truly is. But how many people who live here actually take the time to appreciate what they have? Everyone is running the rat race in pursuit of their warped goals.

My other bestfriend, Tamara (who I need to start calling more since Anna behind is too busy for me) is reading a book called The Purpose Driven Life or something like that. I think Joe is reading that too, or is he reading 40 days of Purpose? I don’t know. It has truly changed her views on life in general and she is no longer afraid to admit that she desires to be married and have a family.

For some reason women think that they will be looked down upon just because they want to be loved. And a lot of men will do just that when a woman proclaims her desire to have a man.

Shoot, everyone wants to be loved. Joe loves to say that after all the weights of the world are thrown off, all we really want is love, time and attention. It makes sense to me, except I want some money too.

I can’t see myself just living off of love. Maybe I have conformed. But what woman will just let a man live off of her just becuase he can make some good pancakes and rubs her feet after work?

Man… I used to want my man to stay home with the kids while I bring home the money. I think I still do. But he’ll be home because we both WANT him to be home, not because he has no employable skills.

But whatever with men anyway. They are a crazy bunch of confused creatures. They say they want one thing but their actions say another. And when you point it out they just shrug and say, “I don’t know why I do that.”

I know. Becuase you’re selfish and you know we’ll put up with it just because of this inherant desire to be loved one day. But I’ll be darned if I wait around waiting for some man to make up his mind about loving me. Do I look like a simp?

Dating. Man. I don’t want to go that route again. But since I realized that I was wrong about the man I thought God had shown me would be my husband I don’t know what to think.

If I was so sure that God had spoken to me and I trusted that with everything in me and I turned out be wrong, then how will I know if I am right or wrong the next time I feel like I heard a word from God? It seems like I’m back at square one with everyone else, having to risk being hurt again if I want to be loved.

Speaking of God I havent been to a church in a month. I don’t feel like I am any less saved but I know that being spiritually fed by a man of God is very important in the daily maintenance of my walk with God. I communicate with him everyday but I think I am afraid that my joining a church will cause the same anxiety that i had at my old church in Gainesville. Remember I was too caught up with what my Pastor thought of my actions and I had lost focus of God being the number one in my life.

Man…A friend of mine emailed me today reminding me not to lose my passion for Christ. I feel him. I know he loves me becuase he speaks the truth in my life even when it’s not sweet.

I’m not losing focus of what I believe to be God’s plan for my life. I revisited one of the testimonies that I wrote a while back and it reminded me that God is with me.

He is with me and he is holding me by my right hand and he is guiding me.

Believe that.

I finally called my friend Anthony last night. He lives in Arizona. Anthony and I hadn’t spoken in quite a while. In fact, he didn’t know that I had moved to Miami. He emailed me a month ago asking me to call him but I am so slow with returning emails. I read them but always intend to write back and I don’t get around to it until sometimes weeks later. Sorry.

So, a month ago Anthony emailed me telling me he had big news to share with me. Anthony is saved, Holy ghost filled, on fire for God and I LOVE talking to Him. In fact through a conversation with me, Anthony stopped running and accepted God’s calling on his life to the ministry. I was shocked and elated! Ya’ll know me, I just be running my mouth. But you never know when God will use you to be confirmation.

So,I’m jumping up and down in my seat anticipating his good news when Anthony says, “Tee, I found my wife.” Ahhhhh! No he didn’t!

I scream and run around the coffee table. This is crazy! At the end of last year he and I were talking about relationships and his desire to be a husband. He told me about the characteristics he hoped for his wife to possess. I guess when you’re talking about it beforehand it doesn’t seem real. Like I could never really believe that someone would love me the way I imagine it. It’s all fantasy to me. But for Anthony, it’s reality, not even a year later. That’s unbelievable.

“The only thing,” Anthony said. “She’s not light-skinned.” LOL Anthony had told me that he believed his wife would be light skinned with long hair. LOL I told him I would stand in agreement for his light skinned wifey.

But Anthony is so enamored by her. There was an immediate attraction but he was reserved because he was so focused on hearing from God about other areas in his life.

Once he felt that it was a mutual attraction he spoke with his Pastor about the young lady, who also belongs to his church. The Pastor stood in agreement about their compatability, so he blessed them to begin courting each other. Anthony said that they have gone through so much together already. They both had to come clean about their pasts and break ties with people who posed a threat to their union, ie; old boyfriends, flirting co-workers, etc.

The thing he loves about her the most is her ability to intercede on his behalf. When he arrived home from a men’s retreat with his church, she gave him a gift- a cassette tape. When he got home he popped in the tape and was amazed to hear that it was a tape of her praying and speaking over his life. What was more amazing is that the things she was praying about were exactly the same things he had been praying about. What a blessing it is to have a wife who hears from God and can provide a confirming word.

Before Anthony even met this chick he told me he planned to develop a master list of issues that he and his wife would have to come to an agreement on before they would get married. Things like child-rearing, financial goals & attitudes, outside friendships, career goals, their roles as partners, etc. He and this woman are already working through the list which they call The Foundation.

I can’t believe it. It’s all coming true for him. I mean, we were just talking about all of this and now it’s happening. Wow. I am really floored. He has asked me to write their love story to include with his wedding invitations and I am excited to bless him in this way. It’s really happening. I can’t believe it.

I’m on the radio!

Yeah boy!

Sista steady movin on up!

This morning I did my very first news report on WMBM a gospel radio station here in Miami. My report is called Headlines from The Miami Times. It runs every week on Wednesday morning at 8 a.m. as part of the station’s news programming.

I was nervous, but I think I did well.

Wow! I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Am I up to the challenge?

 

100 things about myself. Let’s go.

 

100. It took me 6 1/2 years to finish college.

99. I hated college.

98. At first I loved college. Until I met my baby daddy.

97. I majored in magazine journalism.

96. That was a GREAT major.

95. I took economics four times.

94.The professor finally took pity on me and passed me.

93. If I’m not interested in a subject I suck at it.

92. I don’t like to suck lollipops anymore.

91. Actually I don’t eat candy at all.

90. Sugar is too sweet for me.

89. My sons are sweet.

88. They make me want to have more sons.

87. Except I have no desire to date.

88. I’m really afraid that no man will ever be satisfied with me.

87. So I’m confused because I want to be loved, but I don’t really believe it will happen.

86. I never stop believing that I will be rich and famous one day.

85. I don’t even have any doubts about that at all.

84. But I don’t know how it will happen and I get excited about the unknown because I figure any minute my destiny could come knocking at my door.

83. I got saved four years ago.

82. That was the best day of my life.

81. Everyday after that has been hard.

80. I know it is because I haven’t truly died in my old spirit and leaned totally on God.

79. I keep hoping that my good actions will please Him and He will be satisfied me.

78. I guess that goes back to believing that unless I am 100% obedient to a man, he will not love me or be pleased with me. But God isn’t like man. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

77. Some people say I have low self esteem.

76. I think everyone has self doubts but most don’t reveal it like I do.

75. But I’ll take the harsh judgements and roll on.

74. My gift is the ability to be transparent about my life and not take offense when someone judges me.

73. I never loved any man the way I loved my Pastor in Gainesville.

72. I thought he was THE GREATEST.

71. All I wanted to do was sit beside him and soak in his wisdom.

70. I miss him.

69. I have an internet boyfriend.

68. Though we rarely chat anymore.

67. I don’t chat with anyone as much as I used to.

66. I don’t miss it.

65. I have flirted with a white guy before.

64. It was kinda weird.

63. He was cool though.

62. I have two bestfriends, no, three bestfriends.

61. Their names are Anna, Tamara and Mimi.

60. Mimi is a chick that I absolutely adore.

59. She led me to Christ.

58. I cried for weeks when it finally hit me that she is getting married.

57. I felt like I was losing her to him.

56. But he is so fine!

55. Except he is light skinned.

54. I have never really been attracted to light skinned guys.

53. I like them crispy black (or not).

52. I like the contrast of their skin against mine.

51. I wear a size 10 shoe.

50. That’s pretty big for a 5’1″ woman.

49. I think it’s pretty funny.

48. I have a big nose too.

47. I think that’s funny too.

46. No one believes that I am from the ghetto.

45. They think my attitude is too different to be a Miami girl.

44. I used to admire those girls who were always up on the ghetto fashion trends.

43.  I always wanted to be hard, but I can’t fight.

42.  I’ve taken an HIV test 3 times in my life.

41. I took another one last week.

40. That walk down the hall to get your results is the most scary feeling I have ever experienced.

39. My biggest fear is falling down a flight of stairs and knocking out my two front teeth.

38. Whenever I get near a stairway I cover my mouth with one hand and grip the railing with the other.

37. I rarely curse unless I’m driving.

36. I curse everybody out while I’m on the road.

35. I’m secretly afraid that one day someone will pull out a big gun and shoot me in the face for cursing at them.

34. My mama used to curse me out when I was a kid. That’s just how she talks.

33. I promised myself I would never curse at my children.

32. And I don’t.

31. I never want to be back with my baby daddy.

30. But I still find him attractive. Shhh. don’t tell him I said that.

29. It really annoys me that his girl is so unattractive.

28. She’s annoying as heck too.

27. I admire all of my friends.

26. They are all so calm, cool and collected.

25. So different from me and my wild, emotional self.

24. For some reason they still love me to death.

23. I work for a newspaper but I never watch the news.

22. It’s too depressing.

21. I rarely watch TV.

20. I guess it’s still the college budget living attitude that has stuck with me. I didn’t have cable for years.

19. I feel good about being 25.

18. I finally feel like my life is going somewhere positive.

17. I’m an internet junkie.

16. Blogging (and reading blogs) is my favorite pastime.

15. Sometimes I feel like my life is a movie.

14. In college I watched a friend strip for a room full of ugly men, just because she needed some cash.

13. She made $200 in 20 minutes.

12. I felt sad for her.

11. We’re not friends anymore.

10. Life is like a box of chocolates.

9. If you take the time to read the candy map, you’ll know exactly what you’re gonna get.

8. I have lots of male relationships that are platonic.

7. The key is to ignore them when they try to holla at you.

6. They’ll eventually give up and love you like a sister. It works for me.

5.I have green eyes just like my mother. 

4. This is not as easy as it looks.

3. I’ll leave you with this wonderful word of wisdom that will change your life.

2. It makes me feel better even though it’s sometimes difficult to do.

1. Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.

 

Are YOU up to the challenge?

 

Hey!

 

I need some help.

 

I’m all done writing the Hidden Thoughts column.

 

It is time for me to move on.

 

I have the opportunity to write my own column every week, but I have no idea what to name it. I have to come up with a name by Monday.

 

You basically know my writing style. The things I discuss on this blog is what I will write about. Generally uplifting. Mostly socially observant. Being completely honest about my past, my pain and my hopes for a better world.

 

Any suggestions?