Month: April 2009

Dang… Me, Tamara and Tonya were on the phone minutes before midnight last nite all excited and talking about how much fun we’re gonna have this weekend in Atlanta for Tamara’s birthday. I’m flying up there this afternoon but everyone else is coming on Friday.

I had to go early because I don’t like sharing attention so Tamara suggested I come a few days early so I can have all the attention to myself before everyone else comes. Isn’t she such a great friend?!

I wasn’t able to be on the phone with her the minute the clock struck midnight because I had just stepped into the club for the Open Mic and it was way too loud in there but I sent her a text and she replied that she was crying. Yeah. We’re emotional but I think that’s a good thing. Every experience is a DEEP experience. We really FEEL life and all the highs and lows of our existence. We don’t walk around numb to things. Maybe it’s a gift and a curse but I like that abo

ut us.

So I just called Tamara to ask about the weather because I wanted to bring my bathing suit but she said there would not be any swimming this weekend. Rats!

Tamara is having a co-ed slumber party and I’m bringing my pajama bottoms with the red kisses all over them. So comfy! I’m also bringing my school sweatshirt. And I plan to wear black all week long. I don’t know why…I just feel like I should put NO effort into trying to be

 cute at all while I’m there.

She says she’s feeling a little confused. Like…she’s happy she’s 30, but she doesn’t want to turn 30. I can imagine what she feels like. You leave your 20’s and you think, “I should really have my life together by now. What happened?”

That’s crazy though…

We all have these milestones that we create in our minds and they often lead to us becoming dissappointed in ourselves when we don’t reach them. What we NEED to do is learn to say YES to life and what it has to offer. Getting mad about shit that we want that doesn’t happen ain’t gonna change a thing.

YES to my Baby Daddy always telling me I’m a loser. He ain’t gonna change. Why get 

mad?

YES to not knowing if I want to stay in grad school. It’s okay to question things.

YES to the fact that most men think I’m gay or bi. What the hell can I do about that?

YES to living in Miami and enjoying my sons once a week. It’s my life and my choice and no one feels it but me.

YES to the fact that I make about $130 a week. I still eat and live and drive everywhere I want to go. And I look good while I’m doing it.

Just say YES. Don’t resist that shit. Resisting it is not going to solve it. Just say: Alright. This is where I am. I can’t transform this shit at this moment so I’m going to look for good things in THIS moment.

I know….I know…Easier said than done. But its also easier to be sad than happy. Why would I want to choose that for myself?

I hope this weekend is magical for Tamara. I hope something so grand happens that she walks away floating. I hope I am a contributor to that. I hope that everyone who is coming into town for her has a safe trip. I hope for a miracle for her.

I hope too many guys don’t try to be up in my face. It’s annoying and I know they don’t want anything but pussy anyway. I have a yeast infection. Leave me alone. Guys don’t like the REAL me when they get to know me. They always put up a wall when it comes to emotion and affection. No…and No.. But they do like the way I look. That’s about it.

And I hope Tonya meets a boyfriend like she says she wants to. And I hope he’s not gay…after all..this IS Atlanta we’re talking about.

Anyway…lemme go pack. I’m flying out of Ft. Lauderdale this afternoon.

I just had this feeling yesterday but I couldn’t quite figure it out. Today she hits me up on facebook to say Hi. Yesterday she called. Today she called. Umm…I appreciate the love but…I never hear from Anna. It had me a bit worried.

Today I found out what’s been bothering her. As she prepares to build her new home in Orlando she’s missing the way things used to be. She explained to me how being in Atlanta this past weekend reconnected her with her past and the friendships she cherishes most. She said when she left, she cried most of the way home. She said she always thought that we would grow old together in the same city, all of our kids growing up together too, but we’re all spread out and she feels lonely.

Damn….I felt so sad listening to her.

I never feel like that, but I can understand her pain. I do feel lonely sometimes but I’ve convinced myself that it’s okay to feel that way now and then. I don’t want anyone’s life to be different from what it is right now.  I think the space we have between us is a good thing. I think of it as one big adventure to hear the stories of what’s going on in the cities where my friends live.

I don’t know…

After seeing everyone last weekend in Atlanta; Mimi, Tonya, Genevieve, Gus, Vernon and ofcourse Tamara…I’m good for the rest of the year. I’m low maintenance that way and I don’t need people to make me have a good time. I’m not sure if that’s a strength or a weakness but it’s a skill I developed when I was in Houston and Dallas all by myself.

Maybe God is somehow preparing me to live a lonely life with satisfaction. I don’t know. Listen to this..

I met this guy right…and in just a week of interacting with him he has said and done everything that I always wished a man would say and do for me. There are absolutely no complaints on my part. If I say I want it, he gets it. If I say I want to do it, he says “fine by me.”

There’s no resistance or fighting and…he really wants me to be his girlfriend because he’s ready to settle down and have a family and build something that will last FOREVER.

~screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech~

Hollup. As he spoke to me I felt like someone was choking me. When I think of a relationship I think of being tied down to a chair and tucked away in a house, only being allowed to move in order to cook or clean. That shit scares me! I had to tell him that we need to cool off because I can’t give him what he wants. Ended that pretty quickly..ya think? 

That shit is unnappealing…Not to mention watching my friends go through drama in their relationships. I don’t want the fighting and the uncertainty of it all. Maybe that’s a weakness of mine. I’m no longer willing to risk being hurt for the illusion of a satisfying relationship, which no one in my age group has yet to realize. And since I have decided to believe in reincarnation (yeah, yeah- I’m an existentialist at heart) I figure what I can’t get right in this lifetime, I can get right next go round. It’s okay to live an imperfect existence. It’s okay to get it wrong sometimes.

Today also I realized that no matter how many people are close to you, you still have to live your own life. Your happiness (my happiness) has to come independent of what anyone else says or does. I can’t hinge my satisfaction on the actions of others.

Yes, I am surrounded by love but it’s the love of the Universe which guides me and is consistent. 

Like..I feel more powerful today than I did yesterday because I promised myself that I will no longer bend to the demands of people. I’m going to live my life my way. I mean, no matter how much you sacrifice and conform to please those around you….the first time you say NO, it’s like you never said YES before.

Now I see why my Mama says NO all the time. When she does say YES it’s a pleasant surprise and no one expects anything more from her.

Chile…I always say, every month something remarkable happens to me. This revelation was April’s surprise. I wonder what’s coming next.

I thought about it for a second and then I responded, “I’d be a little sad but happy at the same time because I know you will be returning to Source. And…with the way our relationship works I know that you’ll contact me even in death and we’ll have so much fun traveling through other dimensions and stuff.”

Today we were talking and I’m sitting outside enjoying the bright, hot sun. I was telling him a few things that he does that annoys me and I guess he had enough because he said, “Well, remember the exception question? What DO you like about our friendship?”

I’m so glad he did that because for the rest of our conversation we just talked about why we are glad to be in each other’s lives.

I told him:

I manifested you. I remember learning about astral projection and lucid dreams and wishing I had someone to discuss philosophy with. Then you came into my life!

I also love how when I go out with you, I get in the club for free and you have such a great reputation that I feel important when I’m with you.

I also love the fact that even though I am a fairly new student of philosophy, I can talk to you and you don’t try to make me feel slow or dumb because I’m just catching on. You discuss with me as though it’s new for you too. And I appreciate that.

I love it when we talk all night and never run out of things to say.

I love it when you read to me over the phone. I have never had anyone do that and it makes me feel so good, like a lullaby gently rocking me to sleep.

He told me:

I love the way you laugh. It’s so distinct and funny.

I love how you have a goal and when I introduce you to people who will connect you with that goal, you take the ball and run with it. Most people are all talk, you aren’t.

I love it when you try to fight with me KNOWING you agree with everything I’m saying and you live by the same principles. You’re cute when you do that!

I love that we have this relationship and we sort of live in our own imaginary world.

I love when you send me balls of Divine Love and positive energy.

So often we focus too much on the things that seem to be wrong with our relationships instead of all the things that are going right. When you’re in a situation where you are complaining about something that did not go the way you wanted it to, just take a moment and ask yourself, “Is there any time where this situation (or person) has not mad me sad or mad?”

Make a list if you have to. WHatever it takes to shift your thinking from “THIS NEEDS TO CHANGE!” to “I AM HAPPY WITH THE WAY THINGS ARE.”

I like to call this process…creating grace.

Try it. You won’t be dissappointed.

I mean…I know some things may not be so solid, but I truly love my life these days. I have a few things I’m looking forward to, but for the most part I am living it up!

I did my show today, not the radio talk show but the internet one that streams live from South Beach. Everybody was cool as hell and my guyfriend DEEP was this week’s honoree. It felt great to give him an award recognizing his hard work at making his dreams come true. I LOVE DOING MY SHOW!

Afterwards I stopped by my cousin’s house to say Hi and she and her neighbors kept asking me how I was able to stand in the 4 inch heels I was wearing. ~smile~ I think I looked nice today. 

You know it’s a good thing when you can stand back and say, “I look good today.” Reminds me of this song that I just heard.. It’s called SWAG ON by Souljah Boy. It’s silly but…I like it.

I just had to state that out loud before I begin this….If you don’t profess it, it takes longer to have it. Be ashamed of your dream and it will be ashamed of you.

I’m on some real shit tonight. I’m on some this is a new beginning type of joint.

I recognize my weaknesses and I accept them as a part of me. Those I want to work on, I will. All others will be taken as that “special” part of me. Who am I to judge myself so harshly all the time? I take special tender care to make sure that those around feel GREAT about who they are…why not focus some of that attention on myself?

I felt so sexy today. I was done up in some simple shorts and an off the shoulder top and random sandals to match. I had my headband pulling back my AFRO (Yes!) and I felt like a muthafuckin QUEEN!

You couldn’t tell me NOTHING!

Bitch…I KNOW I’m beautiful! I felt great! 

I went and picked up my boys with my head held high. I felt like a princess with her two little princes. They got their report cards! You know my babies did great. They always make the honor roll. My baby was student of the month. Their Dad is doing such a great job with them. Oh. and their stepmama too. I saw her last month. We didn’t say anything to each other but I saw her at my son’s little show (they’re little actors). She looked beautiful! I thought to myself, “He should get her pregnant more often.”

I recognize that my sons have another woman in their lives who plays the Mama role and I take nothing from the honor she should get for being there for them like she has. I wish our relationship was better because I would really like to get to know the baby. Maybe its the part of me that thinks I will never get to have another one with A GOOD experience this time. Or maybe it’s just me honoring my love for him by loving his seed like I love my own. I already love that baby. I don’t even know why. I’m not supposed to care but I do. I don’t want more children with him or anything…I don’t know.

If I were to tell you about my latest adventure you’d probably roll your eyes and say, “Oh Ms. Tee it’s time to grow up. That adventure shit is old.”

Not for me.

I don’t know man. I feel as though sitting in one place for two long is agitating. My body starts to ache and I feel uneasy if I feel I’m getting too comfortable. I like to start a project and then build it up and set it up and polish it up…and maybe even start it up to show everyone how its supposed to run. But by no means will I ever stay to maintain it for a long period of time. I mean, there are so many other things in the world to do.

I want to travel, especially with my kids. I want to show them the world and allow the earth to be its own teacher. I want to expose them to different kind of people, different kind of beliefs so they will not be stuck in the mental box that most western people are in. I want them to learn that we are all one. 

I want to change. 

When I think of change I think of internally. Now, I know I’m a good person, which basically means I don’t steal or fight or do mean stuff to people on purpose. At the same time, there is still a war going on within me. I can see my future successes so clearly but in the ONE area I’m studying and trying to become an expert at, I still fail to believe in romantic love for myself.

I swear… It’s like a curse. I used it as a reflection question in class during our role play and my partner said to me, “You’ve brainwashed yourself. All you have to do is correct it.”

I looked at her with my eyebrow raised. Later I told her, “Um, if someone has a problem and even if you think its so simple, just magnify it to meet the client at their level. If the resolution of their problem would be a miracle then you have to treat it as a miracle too. It’s important to them.”

But she was right though.

It has to be my choice.

I’m gonna make it my choice and I’m gonna figure this shit out!

Anyway…a new guyfriend is calling. He makes me laugh… ~smile~

I swear, I can’t make a friend without becoming attracted to them. What’s up with that? I just meet so many men that I don’t like so now that I met one that I do vibe with, all the others seem like cold appetizers.

I was just thinking of the person I was and the situation I was in when I met him. I think we met late last year but since then I’ve changed a little bit. I think he makes me see myself. Because he has been around so long he has seen all sides of me, well, except the sexual side. He and I never exchange sexual energy at all. There is no physical attraction there. When he is looking cute I tell him but when I am looking cute he never says a thing. I don’t know why he does that, all of his friends will compliment me.

He knows a lot about eastern philosophies. He says he is a student of life. Sometimes I think he is fucking with my head but then I’ll hear him in my mind saying, “No Negative On Any Level,” his half assed imitation of a man on a guided meditation audio we listened to one night. But when he says that, I shut that negative shit off.

Everything that happens, happens for my good. There are no mistakes. I have to enjoy the journey and trust that whatever comes, it is only moving me inthe direction of where I need to be to realize my dreams.

But even as DEEP and I discuss our dreams, we often speak about getting rid of our desires. Like…if we focused only on achieving peace in our hearts and recognizing our oneness with God, then we won’t need to be so avid in our pursuit of financial gains. When you feel rich and know your relationship to God then you will have whatever you want. All you will have to do is select it. I accept this as my Universal Truth and I am trying so hard to make it real in my life.

I’ve been studying everything I can about metaphysics and manifestation. What I’ve learned so far, that I actually learned last year, is that it’s all about vibrations, energy vibrations. The way they explain it is, if you feel a certain way you are sending out those sad vibrations and only more sad things will come your way, due to the magnetic pull of the vibrations desperately searching for vibrations on the same wave.

I say..when you’re miserable, you look at life through miserable eyes. You won’t see a blessing (opportunity) because you’re so focused on what’s wrong. When you’re always thinking about what’s wrong, you’re only going to go deeper and deeper into the hole. Cover that hole up. Put some concrete on it.

The next time you find yourself imagining the worst, shut it down! Say STOP! Say it out loud if you have to.

STOP it and then SWITCH it. What’s the BEST that could happen?

Force yourself to come up with 3 positive things that could happen. Soon you’ll make it into a game. You’ll start daring to speak crazy dreams out loud while laughing at yourself. And one day…you’re going to wake up and realize that it all came true.

Yeah…Like I was saying. You can have whatever you like. You have to accept that its there and you have to be bold enough to make room to receive it.

I love it!

Regardless of whatever….I appreciate having DEEP in my life. For the first time in my life, a man is interested in having consistent contact with me and he is not attracted to me in any way and he does not want ANYTHING from me.

And it’s been MONTHS and we’re still talking….

This is some crazy shit.

I have a question…when is it ever a good time to leave well enough so you can have more?

So I’ve been having this feeling that I want a new place to live. It’s been about 2 months now and last month I decided that I am going to move. I don’t know HOW I’m going to move because I don’t have any money and I don’t know where (In Miami) I’m going to go but I decided that I was leaving where I am.

So I freaked out for a while.  Yeah, that happens to me. I am great at making a decision and following through but I always feels remorse at the beginning, even though I still won’t turn back. I get the fear AFTER the decision has been made, but it doesn’t affect me going ahead full throttle.

But anyway…I visited a place today. It had all of my critieria and its closer to school, work and my kids. The neighborhood is one of the nicer (but older) gated neighborhoods in Miami. After I looked around and met the new roommates I drove home trying to picture myself living there.

It was a little scary considering I love my roommates and I’m comfortable here because we vibe so well…no issues at all I don’t think and it’s SUPER CLEAN here!

So why am I leaving?

I just….want a new experience and more space.

The new place offers more space and a whole new cast of characters to interact with. Plus, there’s a children’s park across the street. I think I’m gonna do it.

Now…to manifest the money.

So I called my sister after I left the house and told her all about it. I just called her again becuz I had missed her call when I was hanging with this dude who wants to be a porn star. ~shakes head~ why do I meet dudes like that? Anyway….

So I call her back and she tells me that she’s on the phone with our Mama. “I told her about you finding the place,” she said. I laughed.

I had not told my Mama I was even looking so this was news to her. “What did she say?”

“She said, ‘Tee need to go ahead and play the lotto because I bet after all these years I been playin and ain’t win, I bet she would win! She out there looking for an apartment and she ain’t got no money and I BET she’s somehow she’s gonna get the money!'”

I almost died laughing!

She’s right. WHenever I do something like that, stepping out on faith, I always get what I want. It’s like leaping before you can see the net but you gotta trust that there is going to be a net.

There is a net.

The worst that could happen has already happened. 

Now…to focus on continuing to harness the energy of prosperity. I am prosperous. I spend fearlessly because I KNOW that it will be replaced.

Last night I went to class and after class my tank was on E. I looked into my glove compartment and I pulled out three 1’s and my lucky $2 bill. 

I looked up at the sign and it said $2.09 for regular.

I gave the man the money and got my tank off of E.

As I’m finishing up this guy comes up to me and tries to talk to me. Because i had recently met ANOTHER nice hood guy with dreads, I gave THIS one a chance and I spoke with him. He asked me where I was going and I said, “To get something to eat.” He said he’d love to join me but he needed a little while to go do something. I told him that I wasn’t going to wait.

And he said, “Well here, let me give you some money so you can go eat and I’ll call you later.”

And I said, “Thanks.”

I spent fearlessly…and it came back to me immediately.

Money now flows to you immediately and endlessly under grace in perfect ways.

It’s just after midnight and I’m feeling happy, scared, anxious and proud all at the same time. I had a great weekend at work. Met some cool people and made some money for the week. Today I got a call from DEEP and he’s like, “I wanna go to the beach today to get some salt water in my dreads.”

So we went and had a great time. We always laugh a lot when we’re together. I have to admit, I’m so used to just talking on the phone with him that when I’m in his presence I get a little nervous. Ain’t like he all that- I don’t know- I just get nervous. We walked together in a public place. I don’t do that with men. I felt so weird. It was scary. We sometimes go out to eat in public. Feels so weird.

I’m glad he doesnt read this so I can say what I really feel. I don’t get me when it comes to him. I..I like him. Feels so childish to even write that. I guess I’m thinking that I’ve “liked” a couple of people in the past 6 months and nothing happened with that so what’s the point.

I like him for different reasons though. I’m not just attracted to him physically and he’s not a conquest. I love learning from him. He’s a reader and intellectual and well known for it. 

I kinda like his vibration. At the same time it scares me. I want so badly to believe the worst like he’s using me because I can get his name in the blogs, magazines and websites or he’s using me because I’m nice. I sometimes think he’s lieing to me and I always wonder why the hell he calls me so much and why of all the women who like him, he chooses to spend time with me and takes me with him to places. I wonder how many other women he’s doing the same things with. 

So many negative thoughts all rush in at once when he doesn’t answer right away or takes too long to reply to a text. I don’t get it. I never used to be like that when it came to him. I NEVER used to even call him at all. I would just wait for him to call me. Now..I’m looking at my phone like, “Where is he?” ~rolls eyes~

We are NOT in a romantic relationship but most times it feels like we are. We never go to bed without speaking to each other and if anything positive happens, he calls me first…I think.

Tamara says that he is doing everything right because if he had acted in any other way, I would have dismissed him by now. You know..I have a habit of fucking men and throwing them away right after.

I guess I’d like to know if…if he COULD like me like a man likes a woman and not just cuz I got writing skills. Feels so dumb writing that.

Anyway…everyday I come to the conclusion that it would be best if we stopped speaking to each other. About once a week I tell him how I feel…and he ignores me or says, “I know you have fears.” I do. I would rather us stop speaking now before anyone gets hurt.

Why can’t we just be friends?

I don’t know. I don’t know. All I know is…he is definitely fulfilling the role I believe a boyfriend would fulfill in my life. I’m happy everyday when he calls. I’m so glad to see him when I do. He challenges me, makes me laugh and frustrates me kinda like a brother would. I feel us getting closer and closer (he actually joked about farting today- yuck!). When he talks about the positive things he did with his ex, its as though he’s describing OUR relationship.

I’m scared.

I don’t like becoming this intimate with a man and….waiting for him to walk away or reject me. I know he doesn’t like me back. I know he just thinks I’m cool. He’s celibate so he doesn’t try to have secks with me. He’s Vegan so he doesn’t want me to cook for him.

Maybe he just likes talking to me and spending time with me. Most people do. Why am I tripping because he’s a guy? I try not to be attached to him. I try not WANT anything more than what we have but…I do. I would like for him to be affectionate with me. He isn’t. We have only touched ONCE and that is when we fell asleep on the couch after listening to meditation audio.

~sigh~

On the flip side…I have this other guy in my life who says and does everything that I have always dreamt a man would say to me. Straight up. Physically I am not that attracted to him although we do have chemistry for some odd reason. I don’t know. He delights me and scares me at the same time.

Then there’s this other dude…man…

Wow..I just realized I have a pretty strong team on my hands.

The only one I want something from is DEEP. But I’m trying not to want anything. I’m trying my best. Honestly…knowing him has made me a better person. When I say we need to take a break, he says I will never stop speaking to him because we have a connection.

I want to prove him wrong…but I can’t.

I must like being confused.

No matter what happens, I will not stop trying.

I don’t know if it’s a good thing to put out so much nervous, hopeful energy into what I want. Am I supposed to just ASK and then forget about it? Or am I supposed to have complete expectation? Am I supposed to feel all nervous like I am right now?

Who am I to win such a wonderful, coveted prize? But then again…who am I not to? I did the work. I published my article. I paid to enter the competition. I asked for it. Why couldn’t I win? Why can’t I have all the desires of my heart? 

I can.

I believe that if it is for my greatest good to win this competition then I will win.

And I’m going to leave it at that.

Anything can happen.

But the funny thing is, with all these months of visualizing my win, making it real in my mind, it feels as though I have enjoyed winning for 3 months straight. LOL! Isn’t that funny? I didn’t win but because I have been making up all of these stories about who I would call first, how I’d faint and fall out and cry, what I’d do with the money and how I’d tour the country with my presentation- I still feel the same happiness I would have felt if I had won for real.

Man…I was cool at first but then I went to class and before it started DEEP called me and was joking around as usual. He gets on my nerves! I swear, if I could pull out his personality and put it in a jar it would shine. He’s cool as hell. I haven’t made a real guyfriend in a long time. Most men try to fuck. DEEP doesn’t care about that. Like…I’m not sure he’s even attracted to me. That intrigues me when so many men I meet are all about letting me know they’d fuck me in a minute.

I’m talking on the phone to about 5 guys right now. It’s confusing and annoying and they are all going hard because I have not slept with any of them yet. I know I don’t like any of them but I enjoy each of them for a purpose. Like, the hood dudes always have it on them. And they drop whatever to come see you. And they have this vibe that’s like, so sexy. WIth their dreads and golds and big chains and white tees and shit. They be switching cars all the time. They all got a baby mama who hates them but they probably still fucking.

They are so sweet though. They don’t allow that emotional shit around them but at the same time, they’ll be tender with you. Last time I slept with one of them I had to stop speaking to him immediately. He tapped me with his finger and sent my body into shock. I could not move. I begged him to teach me how to do that to myself. He wouldn’t. LOL!

With each letter I type I feel better. I have so much work to do, it’s the last week of the semester and damn….I need to tighten up on this schoolwork. Really, it’s basically easy concepts but we have to demonstrate mastery of the information through papers and presentations. We do a lot of role playing too. I feel nauseas when I’m in a group setting for too long. I have to get up and walk outside to breathe or relax my nerves. I don’t know. I love people…I just can’t be in a large group setting for too long because it drains me.

But I have my energy back now. I’m moving next week and DEEP is supposed to help me. If I could…I would stop speaking to him right now. I don’t feel that I can though. I learn so much from him. I learn about myself. I see my weaknesses. I see my strengths. He calms me down and I feel important when I’m with him.

He asked me tonight, “See how we talk about everything? What if you were getting this with a dude AND good dick too?”

I laughed in disbelief.

“That’s what I’m saying. Why wouldn’t you fall in love? It’s not about the person. A girl could love me and love 5 other dudes with the same energy. I’ve seen it happen over and over again.  Girls fall in love but it doesn’t mean much. They do it with everybody. I’m done with that. Make’m fall in love and then I move on.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t care.”

See? See what gets my attention. He is the epitome of a dude that I would be in love with for the rest of my life. WHy do I care so much about dudes who don’t give a damn about love? LOL! I think it’s because I assume they are just hurting and I want to love them back to health. I think that’s really it.

Hmmm….I was really being a brat today. I gave this guy one too many chances because I’ve been TOLD I’m too mean and I drop guys too quickly but today — I was done.

Dude had left a bag in my car. I called him up and told him, “Your shit is out the window. Don’t call my phone again.”

I rolled down my window and threw all his shit out. He called me back and I was dumbfounded.

“Are you calm now?” he asked me.

I looked at the phone like, wtf? “Excuse me? I thought I asked you not to call my phone again. Are you….not gonna listen to me?’ I was really, really blowed that he would disrespect me like that.

“Are you serious?” he asked.

“So serious.” Click.

I’m not giving chances anymore. For what? My goodness. I be giving dudes who aren’t even cute a chance, just cuz I believe some good guys might not be all that cute and looks shouldn’t matter so much. And then they mess it up for themselves. LOL! 

Man oh man.

As much as they annoy me…I would really like a hug.