Getting Ready To Go

It’s my dawg’s 30th birthday today.

Dang… Me, Tamara and Tonya were on the phone minutes before midnight last nite all excited and talking about how much fun we’re gonna have this weekend in Atlanta for Tamara’s birthday. I’m flying up there this afternoon but everyone else is coming on Friday.
I had to go early because I don’t like sharing attention so Tamara suggested I come a few days early so I can have all the attention to myself before everyone else comes. Isn’t she such a great friend?!
I wasn’t able to be on the phone with her the minute the clock struck midnight because I had just stepped into the club for the Open Mic and it was way too loud in there but I sent her a text and she replied that she was crying. Yeah. We’re emotional but I think that’s a good thing. Every experience is a DEEP experience. We really FEEL life and all the highs and lows of our existence. We don’t walk around numb to things. Maybe it’s a gift and a curse but I like that abo
ut us.
So I just called Tamara to ask about the weather because I wanted to bring my bathing suit but she said there would not be any swimming this weekend. Rats!
Tamara is having a co-ed slumber party and I’m bringing my pajama bottoms with the red kisses all over them. So comfy! I’m also bringing my school sweatshirt. And I plan to wear black all week long. I don’t know why…I just feel like I should put NO effort into trying to be
 cute at all while I’m there.
She says she’s feeling a little confused. Like…she’s happy she’s 30, but she doesn’t want to turn 30. I can imagine what she feels like. You leave your 20’s and you think, “I should really have my life together by now. What happened?”
That’s crazy though…
We all have these milestones that we create in our minds and they often lead to us becoming dissappointed in ourselves when we don’t reach them. What we NEED to do is learn to say YES to life and what it has to offer. Getting mad about shit that we want that doesn’t happen ain’t gonna change a thing.
YES to my Baby Daddy always telling me I’m a loser. He ain’t gonna change. Why get 
mad?
YES to not knowing if I want to stay in grad school. It’s okay to question things.
YES to the fact that most men think I’m gay or bi. What the hell can I do about that?
YES to living in Miami and enjoying my sons once a week. It’s my life and my choice and no one feels it but me.
YES to the fact that I make about $130 a week. I still eat and live and drive everywhere I want to go. And I look good while I’m doing it.
Just say YES. Don’t resist that shit. Resisting it is not going to solve it. Just say: Alright. This is where I am. I can’t transform this shit at this moment so I’m going to look for good things in THIS moment.
I know….I know…Easier said than done. But its also easier to be sad than happy. Why would I want to choose that for myself?
I hope this weekend is magical for Tamara. I hope something so grand happens that she walks away floating. I hope I am a contributor to that. I hope that everyone who is coming into town for her has a safe trip. I hope for a miracle for her.
I hope too many guys don’t try to be up in my face. It’s annoying and I know they don’t want anything but pussy anyway. I have a yeast infection. Leave me alone. Guys don’t like the REAL me when they get to know me. They always put up a wall when it comes to emotion and affection. No…and No.. But they do like the way I look. That’s about it.
And I hope Tonya meets a boyfriend like she says she wants to. And I hope he’s not gay…after all..this IS Atlanta we’re talking about.
Anyway…lemme go pack. I’m flying out of Ft. Lauderdale this afternoon.