Month: December 2008

Man…I’m so tired but still grateful for the chance to serve people as a waitress and treat them like stars.

I made hella cash last night. Only one table got rowdy with me and that’s cuz I told the man to keep his little $2 tip.

“Why you actin like that?” he asked me.

“If you’re only giving me $2 then that means I didn’t serve you well. You can come back and let me try again,” I explained.

“But I want you to have it.”

“I don’t want it. It’s for you.”

“No. You keep it. Obviously you didn’t like my service.”

“Well, you did make me wait 45 minutes for my wings.”

“I made you wait? Am I the one cooking?”

“Do you remember what I did for you last week?” He asked me.

“Huh?”

“I bought you dinner.”

“So?! You act like you paid my car note! Don’t be trying me like you did me a favor! Ughh!”

And this other table was this couple and from the jump, the chick was getting flip with me. So I said, “Ok, seems like you have a problem and I just got here. I can go get you another server because you have an attitude and I can have an attitude too so this won’t be a good experience for either of us,” I said firmly.

They apologized and told me they wanted me to be their server. Then the chick starts flirting HARD telling me how beautiful I am and asking questions like “Do you have a smoking section?” just to get me to come back to their table. She went so HARD, HARDER than any man who has ever approached me. And she was cute too so…I flirted back. LOL!

The best thing about tonight was the fact that another server made TWO tips that were over $30. I still haven’t done that yet. She was all happy and bouncing around all night. After our shift was replaced by the morning crew, 3 of us graveyard servers were sitting in the back rolling our silverware and she was simply glowing.

“Well tell me what you did differently tonight,” I asked her.

“Girl, it was YOU! I used your line. You know how you told me to smile when I greeted them and ask them how their day was…It WORKED!”

I’m glad I could help her. She said she really needed the money and now she could help her Mama out with some of her extra bills.

I’m glad I could be a good influence.

~sigh~ i’m enjoying this season of my life…at the same time I know nothing lasts forever and I’m curious to see when and how everything is going to change for me. Maybe this time next year I won’t have to be a server anymore. Maybe something BIG will happen for me in the new year. Maybe something miraculous. Who knows… I’ll just continue to sow good seeds, give creative inspiration every chance I get and watch it all come back to me.

I love my life! I am so glad to be alive.

This great excercise was shared by Jeanette Maw over at GoodVibe Coaching. I’m signed up with over 20 inspirational coaching websites and Jeanette’s is one of my favorites to read.

This is an excercise of gratitude and faith.

1. Jot down as many thoughts of yours that have already become the things and events in your life. Skip lines or leave a space between each bullet point. Note dreams of yours that have already come true or thoughts of yours that have already become things.

With the simple act of associating prior successes with successes you wish to experience, you will see you’ve been there before, you’re not learning any new tricks, just exercising that ancient muscle that you came equipped with that effortlessly creates the world around you.

The opportunity to become a professional writer.
I now walk into bookstores and see my books on the shelves.
See my sons on a regular basis.
I now have full custody of my sons and we are prospering.
A home of my own so I can see my sons when I want to.
My sons and I now have our own home and enjoy the freedom immensly.
Meet a man who doesn’t want to have secks immediately.
I am now actively engaged in a positive & uplifting romantic relationship.
My own radio show.
I now host my own television show.
Love my life everyday.
I see miracles in my life everyday because my life IS a miracle.
Excellent grades in school.
I now organize great workshops and events which bring notoriety to my grad program.
Write a self help book.
I now sigh with gratitude when I see my books on national bestseller lists.

Anything can happen…Why don’t you just imagine….

On Saturday night I worked my graveyard shift and then came home feeling exhausted. I usually have to caress the internet before I can rest so I kicked off my shoes, pulled down my pants, unbuttoned my shirt and threw my bra and work shirt on the chair.

I gingerly lifted my laptop lid and smiled at the blue screen asking for my password. Beep. Beep. Once I was in, I glanced at the sun streaming through my bedroom window.

Blah. Blah. Blah.. I typed into twitter, talking about my night at Denny’s. I think I even did a blog post about how my night went and then I saw a tweet on twitter from an old college friend saying he was about to cook. Immediately my thoughts raced back to when we were in undergrad and this dude used to THROW DOWN! He made the most amazing gumbo ever! And he used to date my sorority sister so she would get him to cook for some of our functions. ~sigh~ I miss him.

“Are you making gumbo? I miss your gumbo. I miss you.” I typed into twitter.

“Why don’t you drive up?” he tweeted back.

I sat there for about 15 minutes and then I was like, “Why not?”

I took a shower and jumped on the road feeling like a STAR. I miss being on the road. I miss driving and driving and smoking and drinking Coca Cola and listening to CD’s and coasting, coasting…

That ride took 5 hours and I was dead tired by the time I got to Gainesville but I found D’s house and walked in to a feast of chicken wings, barbecue chicken, mac n cheese, cornbread, hamburgers- man- all kind of good food!

I hugged everyone’s neck and sat down to eat as more and more people came in. I got to see this guy I used to LOVE back in the day- LOL! He is sooo my type though, nerdy looking, glasses, kinda slim. I even told him that I liked him but he wasn’t ready.

When I saw him I was like, “Hey T! I used to like you freshman year, what happened to you?”

He was like, “I was scared of you. At that time I wasn’t used to women being so forward. You invited me to your room and I….”

I laughed and hugged him. “That’s okay. You’re old news now.”

As more guys came in and my sorority sister Tonya came by we all sat in the living room catching up. You won’t even BELIEVE that these KIDS i used to hang with in undergrad have like..grown people jobs. LOL!

One of them is a CEO of a construction company. LOL! WTF? Who let him be in charge of something?
Another is a Supervisor for Department of Children and Families! LMAO! How the hell is HE gonna supervise anyone? He crazy!
Then my boy told me…LOL…I’m sorry, this shit is too funny! He told me that he is a health inspector! Hell naw! LOL!

I laughed and laughed as they passed drinks and we all took shots and hits just like the old days. Man..I was FLOATING…floating….something lovely…

It felt so good to relax and feel like a regular person and not think about my goals or dreams and building my brand. I was flirting with everybody because I felt comfortable enough to do that. Even though I have had secks with at least one of them- LOL- I still feel like they are my brothers.

Some of us took the party outside to the screened-in patio. While we puffed and sipped, a gang of dudes I had never met walked in. What’s interesting is…whenever I run into a gang of dudes I try my best not to make eye contact with any of them because I feel like that encourages them to talk to me and I don’t really want to talk to any of them. Seriously…I do not scope a crowd to look at men. That doesn’t interest me at all. I do check out all the women though… Women are just more physically appealing to me. Sexy curves, smells and mannerisms.

So we’re sitting outside and I’m smiling and listening to all of these men talk. Men are so interesting. I’m definitely one of those chicks who can hang in a crowd of men easily. I don’t prefer to do that, but men love having me around because I let them be them, and I act like them sometimes.

My friend is playing in my hair with his fingers and combined with the laaaa and the drank, it feels like I’m having secks. Ahhh..I loved the way he rubbed my head. It’s been so long since I’ve had some real AFFECTION. Secks? Yes, All the time. But AFFECTION and tenderness? No. Not in many years.

So these guys are sitting across from me and one of them asks what my name is.

“I’m Ms. Tee,” I tell him. (you know I tell him my real name) and look away, not really interested.

“Wow. What a name!” he says. “I’m just..Steve. Just plain old Steve.”

I sat up straight.

Did he say Steve?

I looked at him, examining his face. Glasses, kinda nerdy looking, kinda slim. Wow. He looks a lot like my Steve would look. What if he turns out to be like my imaginary boyfriend Steve?

He was wearing a red hat so I said, “Steve with the red hat.” He smiled at me for a little while.

By this time I am dead tired so I sit in the living room to listen to the girls talk. Did I mention that while I was on the patio all the women were inside the house? LOL!

I leaned back into a rocking chair and…dozed off. When I woke up everyone was gone and I had a blanket wrapped around me.

I was so mad that I missed the majority of the party… I made myself another plate of food and sat down to play on the net and watch TV and my friend D went to bed.

I’m watching some really good movies and enjoying myself when I drift off to sleep again with the TV on. All of a sudden I hear the door knob jiggling and I think, “Oh Lord, I hope D told his girlfriend that I’m here. I don’t wanna be in no bullshit.”

But when the footsteps got closer, a really tall figure appeared…and a red hat.

“Steve with the red hat,” I called out and he turned toward me. “Come smoke with me.”

“I guess I can burn one before I head back out,” he said.

So we sit and we must have talked but I can’t remember what it was about. Oh yeah..he told me that he was my age and we went to undergrad together. I was like, “You look wayy younger than me.”

He also tells me that he’s a DJ and a party promoter and I raise my eyebrow.

I think I fell asleep on him because when I woke up he was gone. I even got up to look around the house for him. I don’t know. I guess I wanted to see him again.

So I went back to sleep on the supersoft couch and sometime in the early morning I hear the doorknob jiggle again and when I look up..its the red hat.

“Steve with the red hat? Where’d you go? I was looking for you.”

I follow him into one of the bedrooms and he’s on the computer looking for something. I sit down next to him like he invited me and I’m looking at the computer too.

“Let’s go to breakfast,” i tell him.

“Ok,” he says and we head out just like we are to a homey restaurant to eat some french toast and croissants. I feel so comfortable with him. I like that.

While we’re driving back to D’s house he looks at me nervously.

“Um..What are you doing today?”

“Nothing. No plans,” I say.

“I have to go to the mall to buy another back for my earring. You wanna come?”

“Yeah..I like hanging out with you. But let me change first.”

We go back to D’s house and shower and get dressed. I’m wearing my gray hat with some regular jeans and flip flops, a regular orange tee and my jean jacket with the hole in the elbow. I’m also wearing my glasses. I feel so fly even though I’m not dressed up for real.

We hop into his car and go pick up one of his friends to drop him off. We never even make it to the mall because all day long we’re riding and visiting people. He takes me EVERYWHERE. We go have drinks at Friday’s. We even go for drinks at this other restaurant too. I can’t even remember half of the people that I met that day. Everyone is a blur of introductions.

I am so amazed to learn that, not only is Steve a DJ, he releases mixtapes around the topic of L-O-V-E. How amazing that our shows are about relationships and we’re both Dj’s. He even used to be a teacher. Nice. One of his other adorable assets is the fact that he is a graphic designer. ~sigh~ I so need a reliable designer and his shit is HOT! He can design webpages too. His website is off the chain really. He has all the skills that I NEED to learn, PLUS, he’s excellent at math. I swear, he appears to be my other half.

But the KILLER, KILLER characteristic that really made me go wow was…he always speaks so gently to me. At one point while we were walking back to his car he bent over and bit me on my arm hard. I was like. “Ow.” And he just said. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

He’s the kind of man you can talk with forever about anything and he can actually keep up with you. I can tell by the way he talks about people that he’s a good person. He’s non judgemental just like me and that’s a breath of fresh air because lately I’ve been dealing with one of my friends and I am going to BURST if I don’t tell her that her negative ass comments are gonna be the death of our friendship. I’m trying not to do that…

But anyway…damn this post is long. LOL! But it’s my blog and I do what I want to.

So anyway…Dude is impressive to me. I am not impressed easily. He didnt even try to fuck. When I asked him to scoot closer to me while we were out drinking he was like, “We have plenty of time for that.” Wow.. Just like MY Steve said to me.

It made me wonder if he was another DL Dell..and I watched his mannerisms closely. I kinda thought I saw some “fabulous” in him but I’ll have to watch again when I get another chance. He’s really, really impressive with his conversation. I mean…he’s like 6’4″, tall and slim, nerdy with a nice smile and spirit. I’m not sure if we have chemistry physically but I do know that I like him and would like to see him again.

So…we’ve been talking on the phone since I got back. We decided to work on a project together. But already…it’s over. He told me TWICE that he would call me right back when we were on the phone and he never called back.

I take that as a sign of disrespect…

He was supposed to come see me tomorrow but oh well..

Yes, I am dissappointed because I felt so comfortable and uplifted when I was with him but look..if I got THAT close to meeting my STEVE, man…imagine what could happen next.

Wow…

I had such a beautiful, wonderful, lovely, delicious dream last night. I’m all choked up because I LOVE to dream and in THIS dream…

I met Kanye and he liked me. We liked each other. We spent time together walking in the park, laughing and joking and we went shopping. We were holding hands in the mall and even took a nap in the park under the tree. He was in between my legs with his head on my chest and he smiled at me before dozing off. I squeezed him with my arms and kissed his forehead. He had on a white tee and some jeans and people kept approaching us asking him to do appearances and shows and he responded to some of them, but others he brushed off.

I can not BELIEVE that I had such a positive dream about Kanye. Although I’ve been loving him in my mind for years, every time I dream about him he’s either kissing my sister or we’re trying to have secks and he can’t get it in. Something weird happens and he never really likes me. I always wake up disappointed thinking, “Why doesn’t he like me?”

I wonder what blocks I have released where I can actually have a dream that this beautiful man likes me. You know I’ve been dealing with that for a while, the belief that any man that I deem worthy, won’t actually like me back. I haven’t experienced a positive interaction yet in my life. It’s always a mismatch.

But then again…

Please be aware that when I write about the Steve I met this past weekend I am talking about a REAL person and yes, this is his REAL name.

I am so afraid of how I feel right now. Steve…Man, just saying that name freaks me out. How could I spend so many months fantasizing and writing about my imaginary boyfriend and then meet a guy who reminds me so much of him, who has the same name? That’s freaky!

Now listen, the last time I wrote about the REAL Steve I said I wasn’t going to work with him anymore because he didn’t return my phone calls when he promised to.

He texted me this morning apologizing but I ignored his text because honestly, I had already deleted his number from my phone and I texted him the night before telling him not to even worry about helping me with my projects because I can handle my shit myself. You know, being a brat. I vowed not to speak to him again.

But as the day went on I kept thinking about him and I wanted to hear his voice so I called Tamara so she could talk me out of calling him but she didn’t answer and I know what she would say anyway, “Tee. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing. If you don’t do it now, you’ll do it later and it’s better for him to know the real you now, than be surprised by it later. Act like you wanna act. Be you.”

I knew she would say that, but I still wanted to hear it.

So I called him. He answered. My heart was hurting something awful.

“How are you?” he answered.

“Ughh..I think you got me dawg,” I managed to say.

He laughed and laughed. “Oh yeah…”

Now it has already been established that we “like” each other. LOL! What an infantile term to describe attraction but I’ll run with it.

“I like you,” I told him.
“I like you too.”
“Well I saw you first.”
“Well as soon as I saw you I knew there was gonna be something,” he said
“What do you mean?”
“People know as soon as they meet someone how far it’s gonna go. Like, when I saw you and we were looking at each other, i saw it.”
“What did you see?” I asked curiously.
He paused for what seemed like a minute. “That we could have something…”
“Well I wasn’t thinking that!” I blurted out.
“You didn’t have to,” he replied quickly. “I’m the man.”

This man drives me nuts.

He actually thinks he’s going to be more successful than I am. That’s preposterous!

“Dude!”I told him. “I study success for fun. I just wrote an eBook about how to accomplish big things. This is what I do! I teach people how to achieve their dreams.”

“Well while you’re dreaming, I’m doing,” he replied smartly.

“What?! I’m doing it too! You have no idea how talented I am. I don’t know who you think you’re talking to.”

“The money I’m making is gonna be for generations!”

“So?! The money I’m gonna make is gonna feed nations! What you tryin to say?” I asked.

“I’m sayin..Do you really think you could handle being with someone like..for example Diddy? Could you be with someone who is always on the grind, always busy and building his business?”

“Nigga please! I’ma need you to catch up with ME! I got shit to do too, an empire to build. You gonna have to catch up with ME!”

“Yeah right…”

“What did you say?”

“We’ll see…”

I don’t know who the fuck this dude thinks he is…Ughhh…I feel like I have to teach him a lesson. There’s no way he’s ever in his life gonna be more successful than I am. No way….

Towards the end of the conversation he said, “So I got your specs for the project and I’m thinking I’ll be able to really go through it tonight…”

I take the phone away from my ear and stare at it. Didn’t I tell this dude I wasn’t working with him anymore?

“I think the best way would be to actually hear the presentation than for me to read it,” he continued.

Ughhh…It’s like he just ignored my temper tantrum.

~sigh~

I need that.

I appreciate him.

What a crazy ass night at Denny’s! Two customers complained about me! LOL! That’s cuz if a customer gives me attitude I simply won’t serve them. But I did get a good “talking to” from my manager when one of my complaints said he was gonna call corporate on our store. Man..that man had an attitude from jump and I could have just ignored him until he walked out but noooo…I tried to be nice, tried to serve him and when he wouldn’t stop barking at me I told him that i would find him another server. That’s when he got mad.

~sigh~ Ya’ll should be nice to us, we work for $3.77 an hour AND we handle your food. Most times I’m able to calm the person down when I can tell that they are taking out their life issues on me, but sometimes my niceness makes them even more upset. My manager told me that if a customer is rude to me to just…ignore them and serve them. I’m gonna try to do that next time.

Awww…I feel so bad about what I’m about to write cuz I know those readers who have been following me at least since the beginning of this year are all excited because I met someone who reminds me of my imaginary boyfriend Steve. Well, I decided not to pursue anything with him. This feeling in my heart won’t go away and I don’t like it. It’s like a pain, maybe it’s fear, I don’t know. All I know is..if this is what it feels like to “like” someone I’d rather not have this experience. I was happier before I met him, worry free and just chillin…

Maybe we can be friends, if not, oh well. I have learned a lot from him though. He challenges me in a way that no one, not even Tamara has ever challenged me. After I sent him that angry text telling him that he doesn’t have to worry about my project, we spoke and he said, “So, tell me something. You were willing to throw away our business relationship because you were feeling emotional?”

I gulped.

“Tee, that’s not right,” he said. “Look at how many relationships that you’ve ended that could have been beneficial to you. And all because you felt..whatever it was that you were feeling. You have to get a tighter hold on your feelings. Let business be business.”

I know. I know.

Fuck.

I’m not deleting him from my phone, I’m just not calling or expecting anything from him anymore. I feel a HUGE sigh of relief right now…

I realize that I’m not ready to take the risk that so many take when they fall in love. Not ready and that’s okay by me. ~shrugs~

It’s not like I know what I’m missing…and…I really enjoy my life the way it is. Man free…Worry free…

Yesterday I had the chance to go to the Florida Entertainment Summit organized by Elora Mason. She is one beautiful woman with a firm hand on the pulse of the entertainment industry in South Florida.

The event I attended was a brunch with Rick Ross on Miami Beach. My boy J and I rode out there and to my surprise I was pushed into a sea of smiling DJ’s. I mingled, exchanged contact information and was introduced to some of the hottest DJ’s around the country. Since I’m a brand new DJ on the scene, I had no idea who most of those people were, but they were really receptive to me anyway.

I even got a chance to meet Rick Ross and invite him to be on my radio show. He was very sweet and cuddly and said he would love to do it.

Wow. Everytime I try to pull away from the entertainment industry I get pulled right back in. I guess it’s my love for creative expression. Here are a few pics from the event.

Fear.. That’s it. It was fear that pushed me to say, “Let’s forget about Steve before I pop a membrane.” I think the whole thing of starting something new with someone is trusting that they are being honest and wondering if they like you as much as you like them.

That’s crazy scary!

In trying to handle my emotions better than I have in the past I decided to try a new technique. First, I admit that I am scared. I accept it. Then I think back on how much fun I had with Steve and enjoy the memories. Then I did the one thing that caused me perfect peace….

I released all expectations for what I wanted from him.

After doing this, it didn’t matter if he called or not or if he liked me or not. What mattered most was how he treated me when we were together. I focused on that instead of what I thought he was lacking.

Even if he never calls again, I had a great time with him.
Even if this doesn’t move past friendship, I am still glad to know him.

After I released my expectations..I felt so good! I immediately IM’ed Tamara to tell her and she said she was happy for me.

Not even a half hour later my phone rings. It’s Steve.

“What’s up?” I say.
“What’s up? I want to see you.”
“Well, I can’t drive up there today,” I tell him.
“Who said you have to drive up? I’m on my way down to Miami.”
“For real? Well, when will you be done doing what you’re coming to do?”
“I’m already done doing what I’m coming to do.”
“Ok. What time will you be here?”
“7.”
“Well, what time do you want to meet up with me?”
“7.”
“Ok, call me when you get close then and I’ll come get you.”

Whew! I looked around at my disaster of a room and I sighed thinking- damn I have to clean up. It took me all day but I’m glad I did it. By the time the sun went down I got a text from him saying he was in West Palm and gave me the directions to meet up with him in North Miami.

I was happy and smiling as I parked my car in front of the restaurant that he suggested. When he walked up to me I gave him a friendly hug and we sat down and talked and talked. He has an interesting take on so many subjects that are near to my heart. He’s writing a book too but he wouldn’t tell me what it’s about because he said I would steal his idea.

I had plans to go to a poetry night that my friend J organized so Steve came with me. We listened to a few poems while he critiqued the organization of the show and venue. He and J know each other from undergrad and they’re both from Miami so it was a college reunion of sorts.

After the poetry we headed over to Iguanas for a few drinks but I had to remind Steve that in his hoody, sneakers and t-shirt he probably wouldn’t be able to get in.

When we got there, sure enough, the bouncer stopped him and told him that he wouldn’t be able to get in with his outfit. I don’t fight to get into clubs so I was ready to leave but Steve spoke with the bouncer for a few minutes and then the bouncer walked us both in and took Steve’s hoody and jacket and put it away for him.

“What did you do?” I asked him.
“Everything is for sale,” he replied as he ordered a drink.

We sat at the bar checking out the women and talking for a couple of hours. One cute girl came and sat by us with her friend and Steve said, “Let me buy us all a shot.”

“Not tonite,” i said firmly. “We’ll do that another time.”

“Look at you,” he said and smiled at me pulling me closer to him.

As we drove home I asked him if he wanted to go out again…maybe to the strip club.

“Not really, unless you want to.”

“No, let’s go back to my place.”

And BACK TO MY PLACE we went…

I’m always comparing him to my imaginary boyfriend Steve and for the most part he meets all expectations, even the smart ass part. I’ll admit, Steve and I argued some of the time we were together but in hindsight I can tell that it was a part of the “I’m teaching you how I like to be treated” phases of the relationship. Each time we were able to get past it and…

And…we thoroughly enjoyed our time together when we got back to my place. I put on my Corrine Bailey Rae CD and we sat down and…

What do you call it when a man completely takes the lead and gives you an hour of foreplay that is so sweet and so tender that you forget he’s there because it feels like you’re in heaven? And afterwards he holds you so tightly and kisses you as you fall asleep together. You only wake up to kiss again and snuggle some more, your bodies sticking to each other but neither one wanting to move away…

Man…I’ve been dreaming about the day when that would happen. It finally happened. ~sigh~ I don’t know what to call that experience but it wasn’t ‘fucking’.

The next morning I drove him to meet the friend he had come down with and I gave him a cautious hug because I didn’t know what else to do. When I got home I just laid on my bed and relived all of the events from the previous evening.

Him telling me, “I think I want to take a chance with you.”

Me feeling so beautiful and special in his presence as he reminded me, “When you are with me, you can have whatever you want.”

I had told him about my bad habits with men, you know, fucking them and throwing them away immediately afterwards and I could tell he was wondering if I would do the same to him. So I called him up to check up on his trip.

“What’s up?” he answered. “How are you feeling?”
“Good. I just…I just wanted to tell you that I don’t want to stop speaking to you and I don’t want to run away from you and I’m feelin you.”
“I heard that,” he said and I could hear the smile in his voice. “When can I see you again?”
“Um…tonight.” I replied. “I don’t have to be to work again until Saturday. I’ll come up and see you this time.”
“Is that what you want to do?”
“Yes.”
“Then that’s fine with me.”
“Wait. Before I come I have to tell you that I’ll use the money you gave me for my trip but when I get up there you’ll have to completely take care of everything and make sure I have money to get home on Saturday.”
“Is that what you want?” he asked me.
“Yes.”
“Then that’s what you’ll get.”
“Wait. I also need you to know that you don’t have to entertain me. All I need is a comfortable place to stay and internet access and plenty of food and I’m good.”
“Is that what you want?” he asked again.
“Yes.”
“Then that’s what you’ll get.”
“Ok, I’ll be on the road in an hour and I’ll see you later.”
“Ok. Call me after you leave…”

Ummm…I’m in Gainesville right now waiting for him to come back for me…

I’m nervous but…I’ll just have to take the risk. I’ll let you know how this all goes…

Whew! Just got back to Miami and I’m kinda tired, kinda pissed. I don’t even want to go into the details, sorry everyone, but I have to say that the Steve I met in Miami and had a great time with is not the Steve I met when I was up in Gainesville. He is completely different when he is around his friends. I’m not gonna say that the trip was a total bust but..it turns out that Steve has not been honest with me from the beginning and…

when I got to Gainesville he acted like he didn’t believe I was really there and more like he told me not to come. I was shocked. Why would I take a trip without telling you? Why would I come if you told me not to? Did you think I was joking when you were whispering all of those promises in my ear over the phone?

Um…When I say I’m going to do something I do it.

He showed me what kind of man he is…and I happily accept it and know that he could never be the one for me.

Relief!