Wow…
I had such a beautiful, wonderful, lovely, delicious dream last night. I’m all choked up because I LOVE to dream and in THIS dream…
I met Kanye and he liked me. We liked each other. We spent time together walking in the park, laughing and joking and we went shopping. We were holding hands in the mall and even took a nap in the park under the tree. He was in between my legs with his head on my chest and he smiled at me before dozing off. I squeezed him with my arms and kissed his forehead. He had on a white tee and some jeans and people kept approaching us asking him to do appearances and shows and he responded to some of them, but others he brushed off.
I can not BELIEVE that I had such a positive dream about Kanye. Although I’ve been loving him in my mind for years, every time I dream about him he’s either kissing my sister or we’re trying to have secks and he can’t get it in. Something weird happens and he never really likes me. I always wake up disappointed thinking, “Why doesn’t he like me?”
I wonder what blocks I have released where I can actually have a dream that this beautiful man likes me. You know I’ve been dealing with that for a while, the belief that any man that I deem worthy, won’t actually like me back. I haven’t experienced a positive interaction yet in my life. It’s always a mismatch.
But then again…
Please be aware that when I write about the Steve I met this past weekend I am talking about a REAL person and yes, this is his REAL name.
I am so afraid of how I feel right now. Steve…Man, just saying that name freaks me out. How could I spend so many months fantasizing and writing about my imaginary boyfriend and then meet a guy who reminds me so much of him, who has the same name? That’s freaky!
Now listen, the last time I wrote about the REAL Steve I said I wasn’t going to work with him anymore because he didn’t return my phone calls when he promised to.
He texted me this morning apologizing but I ignored his text because honestly, I had already deleted his number from my phone and I texted him the night before telling him not to even worry about helping me with my projects because I can handle my shit myself. You know, being a brat. I vowed not to speak to him again.
But as the day went on I kept thinking about him and I wanted to hear his voice so I called Tamara so she could talk me out of calling him but she didn’t answer and I know what she would say anyway, “Tee. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing. If you don’t do it now, you’ll do it later and it’s better for him to know the real you now, than be surprised by it later. Act like you wanna act. Be you.”
I knew she would say that, but I still wanted to hear it.
So I called him. He answered. My heart was hurting something awful.
“How are you?” he answered.
“Ughh..I think you got me dawg,” I managed to say.
He laughed and laughed. “Oh yeah…”
Now it has already been established that we “like” each other. LOL! What an infantile term to describe attraction but I’ll run with it.
“I like you,” I told him.
“I like you too.”
“Well I saw you first.”
“Well as soon as I saw you I knew there was gonna be something,” he said
“What do you mean?”
“People know as soon as they meet someone how far it’s gonna go. Like, when I saw you and we were looking at each other, i saw it.”
“What did you see?” I asked curiously.
He paused for what seemed like a minute. “That we could have something…”
“Well I wasn’t thinking that!” I blurted out.
“You didn’t have to,” he replied quickly. “I’m the man.”
This man drives me nuts.
He actually thinks he’s going to be more successful than I am. That’s preposterous!
“Dude!”I told him. “I study success for fun. I just wrote an eBook about how to accomplish big things. This is what I do! I teach people how to achieve their dreams.”
“Well while you’re dreaming, I’m doing,” he replied smartly.
“What?! I’m doing it too! You have no idea how talented I am. I don’t know who you think you’re talking to.”
“The money I’m making is gonna be for generations!”
“So?! The money I’m gonna make is gonna feed nations! What you tryin to say?” I asked.
“I’m sayin..Do you really think you could handle being with someone like..for example Diddy? Could you be with someone who is always on the grind, always busy and building his business?”
“Nigga please! I’ma need you to catch up with ME! I got shit to do too, an empire to build. You gonna have to catch up with ME!”
“Yeah right…”
“What did you say?”
“We’ll see…”
I don’t know who the fuck this dude thinks he is…Ughhh…I feel like I have to teach him a lesson. There’s no way he’s ever in his life gonna be more successful than I am. No way….
Towards the end of the conversation he said, “So I got your specs for the project and I’m thinking I’ll be able to really go through it tonight…”
I take the phone away from my ear and stare at it. Didn’t I tell this dude I wasn’t working with him anymore?
“I think the best way would be to actually hear the presentation than for me to read it,” he continued.
Ughhh…It’s like he just ignored my temper tantrum.
~sigh~
I need that.
I appreciate him.