A Really Weird Day

Ok. Ya’ll wanna hear something weird?


Listen to what’s been happening to me.

For the past week, everyday when I wake up and I go to the bathroom to get ready for work I hear “myself” say, “I am soo in love with you.” Only I’m not always saying it but I hear my voice saying it in my mind, I guess.

‘I am soo in love with you’ and it is accompanied by a very strong energy throughout my body.

I be like, “Damn girl…You are losing it. Why do you keep saying that to yourself?”

Maybe it’s God… That would be cool.

It feels like such an urgency. My heart clinches. And then I hear it and feel it.

But anyway…

Today I went in to work because I left my notes there. Everyone was there. I went in to my office and tried to start working but the computer was annoying me because I wasn’t able to manipulate it fast enough because it’s new and it was breaking my flow.

So I went into another office and was molding out my story. I was having so much fun! I feel like I’m smart. I never really felt smart before but now that I have to tell everyone what’s going on in a sharp and distinct manner I feel like —wow.

I am a reporter. Do you know what we do? We find the answers to the questions that you want to know. We tell your side. We tell theirs too. Sometimes we tell ours…but hey. We present information to the masses. We relay important news. If I had not sat on that telephone call with O.ba.ma. and written about it, a lot of people would not have known about his views.

I don’t know, man. It’s important to get the story and explain it correctly. To ask the tough questions that people want answered but are too afraid to ask. Or maybe they think no one will answer.

I’ll get the answer. I’ll ask for it.

I don’t know man. I feel like I’m falling in love all over again.

This be some good shit. This be some hot shit, man. I enjoy writing these pieces and now…with the new technique that Juanita taught me- OH!- It’s going to be a lot easier. This woman has taught me more in one week than I have learned the whole time I was at my former magazine.

She has special techniques for everything. She has such a giving heart. She is so smart! And she is like….so damn smart! I just wanna ask her about everything.

She gives me books to read. SHe gave me a book on reporting and editing. She makes me and my co workers watch videos on how to communicate effectively, how to represent your company, how to manage stress, how to give get what you need done and things like that. Not only do we have to watch them, we have to discuss them with her.

This feels so much like college again. This lady would make a GREAT PROFESSOR. I know it’s only been a week and I’m used to experiencing some major “switch up” around week 3 but I’m definatelly going to enjoy this while it lasts.

Ok…Ok.. I won’t be negative. Maybe she is this giving of herself all the time. Maybe she will continue to pour into me all the skill I need to be outstanding in ALL fields. I am going to do news, features, columns, television news, entertainment television, television production, radio, internet, podcast, youtube channel, fiction, non fiction, inspiration, biographies, poetry, scripts, songs, plays, spoken word, ‘how to’ guides, commercials for my university. shine as a Cover Girl model and inspiration leader.

Why not?

See why I have this FOG about me? I’m pressed. I have so much to accomplish and I don’t even know where to begin. I have to accomplish ALL of them because…I know I can. And since I know I can, I have to. Cuz I want to do all I can do. I wanna be all I can be— for real.

I keep trying and hopefully I’ll figure out which way is gonna work for me first.



I met a woman today.

She had long dark hair in two braids just like the girl Wednesday from that old monster sitcom from TV. In fact, her name WAS Wednesday. I thought it was cute.

We were sitting outside of one of my favorite spots and she told me she was here visiting her children, who lived with their Dad.

“How do you deal with being away from your kids?” I asked her.

“It’s hard because I live in California. I try to come here once a month to see them. They’re still young. My oldest is 7 and my youngest is 4.”

“How are they taking it?”

“They are mad at me.Well.. my oldest was mad at me for not being there but now I think she’s better with it and understands that Mommy and Daddy are not together anymore. But my youngest is my son and he is very angry with me. I call them everyday. One day I spoke to my baby and he said, ‘Mommy. I NEED you here with me NOW!’ I just cried and told him, ‘I’m trying. I’m trying. Mommy needs more time to get herself together.’ It broke my heart. But…I’m hoping that when they are a little older they will understand. I’m an artist. Those jobs don’t come with benefits. I try other things but they just don’t work out. This is what I’m good at.”

As she told me this story I couldn’t help but cry. I had the same conversation with my son and felt the same helpless feeling. They don’t understand what TRYING means. They just know that I am not there.

I’m looking all over at other single Moms to see how they handle things. Everyone seems to be doing just fine. Working their little jobs. Meeting their little men. Geting married and stuff.

I don’t know what the fuck is going on with ME.


I couldn’t even sleep last night, wondering how things were gonna turn out.

Point blank- I want my sons with me.

On the flip side- I know they need this time with their father.

On the real- I don’t know how I can do this career and still take care of them without having some help. And how can I hire help when I don’t make enough money?

So realisticaly I can’t be a journalist AND take care of my sons by myself.

Realistically, going back to Miami is out of the question unless I become significantly rich in the next couple of months or I decide that I don’t need to operate using my gift and can just take some random office job to pay bills and take care of my sons.

But I have so much more to give than that.

Do I even want to bring my kids to Houston? I don’t even know if I like this city.

So far, the city has been good to me, I must admit. But I still feel like I’m in a strange land alone with no one I can trust or go to for comfort.


I think Im just anxious about the whole thing. I can’t allow my impatience to push me to despair. My boys are with their Daddy. They are fine.

I miss them. They miss me. But this isn’t permanent. Somehow. Some way. We’re going to be back together again. And the pieces of the puzzle will fit together magically. My boys will be just fine. Our family will be together again. Their Dad will have easy access to them. I will be able to support us.

It’s going to happen.

My soul can’t wait. Then maybe I can rest. I can’t wait to see them again.

I daydream about them everyday.

Kim’s Leap of Faith

It’s daylight savings time today and I still don’t really know if my clock is right.

I heard some people talking about the early time change today and a woman said, “I don’t know. Something doesn’t seem right about this. I think they’re up to something.”

I thought that was funny.

Kim is making a big move.

She is resigning from her job and moving back to Chicago with no set income and she will stay with a friend. She says that she will no longer allow her job to hold her back from accomplishing all that she can accomplish. So she is moving back to the place she has been trying to get back to ever since she first moved to Atlanta. She has applied for job after job in Chicago with her company with no luck. She feels that her heart is still in Chicago and her future lies there.

I was afraid for her. Not just because she has a healthy car note but because I imagined her going through the things that I am going through and I would not wish this on my worst enemy (if I had one). So I was very hesitant about celebrating her leap of faith.

Tonight we talked about it and I told her I had a change of heart. If her heart says leap, then she must leap. I prayed with her and reminded her that my walk is MY WALK and God knows how much we can all handle. Though she may encounter a few challenges, God may want her testimony to be that things go smoothly and successfully.

“Girl, could you honestly see me going through what you are going through and living how you are living? Girl! I would be at the point of suicide!”

I pause. “Thanks dawg.”

“Naw..I’m just saying. He knew you were strong enough to handle that.”

“And He knows that you are a brat because He always spoils His baby,” I told her.

She laughed. “He sure does!”

“So you’re going to resign tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow I am going up in that camp and I am going to be done.”

Ok Kim.

I speak nothing but blessings as you take your leap of faith. May everyone watching you be led to the love of God by His powerful hand that will move in your life.







All for you my friend.

May you find your peace in Chicago.

Still Learning and Growing


Life has been crazy but in the midst of it all I have the craziest sense of peace that everything is happening just as it should.

It stormed here last night. I woke up to the sound of booming thunder and rain. I smiled as I peeked out the window. Ahhh…It reminded me of the thunderstorms in Miami. I miss those.

I read that Kanye’s Mom wrote a book called Raising Kanye so I jumped up and flew to the bookstore to read some of it but it hasn’t been published yet. Boo!

I turned in 3 stories today. All 3 of the ones I did interviews for last week. My publisher called me into her office. “You’re learning!” she said. “The Lucy story is great. The lede is perfect! There are just a few minor fact checks and adjustments and this story is ready to go to press.”

I smiled.

“Now the other two…You’re going to have to rewrite. The Black Expo Q&A needs to be re written. Her quotes weren’t strong enough. You’re gonna have to turn it into a story. And the Fashion Week story, I didn’t give you a lede on purpose because I wanted to see what you would come up with on your own. What was your plan with this?”

Gulp. “Uh…I figured the strongest aspect of the story was the Naomi Campbell interview so I went with that.”

“But what about all of the other people you interviewed?”

“I didn’t like their quotes. They were kinda redundant and boring.”

“See. That’s your problem. You’re too judgemental when it comes to quotes. You’re thinking like a novelist. I’ve noticed that if the person doesn’t say what they have to say in a way that pleases you, you disregard the whole quote. As a reporter you can’t write the story without the quotes. You build from their quotes. The SUBJECT leads the story. You just have to follow it.”

I lowered my eyes to the ground and sighed. “I’m going to get better at this,” I said.

“Yes you will. By the time I’m done with you, you’re going to be excellent.”

“I want to be excellent now,” I whispered feeling a bit..challenged.

“You have to put your pride aside and get it right.”

“I will,” I said as I gathered my things to head back to my office and try again.

I am so grateful for this chance to learn and she is an excellent teacher.

~sigh~ Training ground.

Today I realized that Houston is only a pit stop for me. I don’t have to worry about making friends or settling in. Houston most likely won’t become my home. This is simply my training ground until I find my next opportunity. Hopefully I’ll leave here with lots of good clips and I can go on to a bigger market, hopefully in MIAMI where my boys are and I can somehow develop a support system which will allow me to continue on my path as a journalist.

I heard from my old boy toy in Miami recently. Remember my guy friend I called Dude? Well he called me up to check on me, asking about my relationship with JB.

“Well…JB and I were getting close, but right now we have pulled away. It’s not like that anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“You don’t sound sorry,” I retorted with a laugh.

“I don’t like to see you hurting,” he said.

“Who said I was hurting?” I asked with a laugh. “I mean…I was but I’ll be okay. I’m kinda used to things turning out this way with men. I thought it would be different but it wasn’t. I mean..The healing process is familiar to me. I’m alright.”

“Yeah..from the way you talked about him. I could tell you liked him a lot.”

“I did but….” I began as my voice trailed off.

“Look,” he began. “I’m gonna tell you this. When we were doing our thing, I just wasn’t ready for all of that. At that time it scared me because everything was happening so fast and I just want you to know that you don’t have to change a thing about the way you show love. Keep being you. And…when you get back this way…Make sure you give me a call.”

“Mmm…hmmm..” I said. He just wanna hunch.

I made another choice today after chatting with a chick who was completely enraged by men and promised never to talk to another man again because they are always a dissappointment.

I mean… I feel that way too, but continuing to dwell on it is not going to get me anywhere. I don’t want to be that bitter chick who pushes every man away. Right now I’m pushing men away because…ugh…I’m not in the mood but eventually I’ll try again. Just like with my career. Eventually, something positive will happen. I won’t become that maneater that I envision myself becoming.

Jaimee sent me an email that read something like: Before they go to bed at night, someone thinks of you.

For real?

I wonder who that could be.

If anyone out there is secretly in love with me, I’d like to know.


I’m happy tonight. Like a true happiness.

I’m here and I’m making it. This trip DID pay off. I can’t wait to see what blessing is right around the corner.

Breeding Success

I’m sitting around waiting for Tamara to have her baby. Her due date was March 11th but that has come and gone and we’re still waiting. Everyday I call her for an update but there is none.

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I wish I was there to spoil her but she says her fiance AJ is doing a great job. ~smirk~

He better be!

I actually saw AJ a few weeks ago. His team had a training weekend or something in Houston and he called me up when he got here. I cried when I saw him. Yeah I know…I’m always crying. But I was so happy to see someone I knew that I gave him the BIGGEST HUG ever! He just laughed at me.

We hung out for a few hours and then I dropped him back off to his hotel room. I can’t wait until one of my other friends comes to visit me. Or until I get back to Miami to see my family.

I kinda miss Atlanta. I guess I miss knowing where I’m going and where I am. This city is confusing to me. I still haven’t gotten a good picture of where everything is but I guess that will come in time.

Have you ever heard of an author named Reshonda Tate Billingsley?

She stopped by the office last week to say Hi. It turns out that she used to be the editor of the newspaper I work for. In fact, she’s helping out with a black college special I’m working on. I’m also enlisting the help of supercolumnist SueZette. She is always dependable when I need a good writer and she’s also making big moves by opening her own Image consulting and accessories business. And boy is business BOOMING!

Visit her site I-Cessories

If you’re still hanging around you may want to check my online portfolio. I will add the stories I write for the paper each week so you can follow my progress. The stories about Oba.ma and the feature story I wrote are both on there. Next week I’ll add my Naomi Campbell story and the rest!

Let me get some rest. I have a superbusy day tomorrow. The publisher buys us all food on Wednesdays so we don’t have to leave the office for lunch and we can meet our deadline. I’m working on a story about a black multi-media personality who just signed a multi million dollar contract with CNN. Guess where he used to work? You guessed it- at the newspaper that I am working for right now.

This place seems to BREED SUCCESS stories!

Have a blessed day!

The Game of Life

Tamara had her baby early Wednesday morning. As soon as I wrote my last post I got a text message from her that read, “Water broke…”

I jumped up in excitement and texted all of my other friends with the good news.


I couldn’t go to sleep.

Until after 3am!

Yeah..I was sitting up talking to God and wondering what was happening with her.

I was so upset. Mainly because I felt like I should be there for her. I keep having to remind myself that she has a man who loves her and he takes good care of her.

She has a man who loves her and takes good care of her.

She has a man who loves her and takes good care of her.

Ok. I got it now.

I don’t give a damn if he is 6’4″, I’ll break his neck if he doesn’t act right. And he knows it.

This morning I woke up and her man had sent me this picture.

Here he is!

8lbs. 8 ounces. 21 inches long.

I fell in love immediately! I have to get back to Atlanta soon so I can cuddle him up and kiss his tiny feet and teach him how to accomplish all that his little heart wants to achieve.

Work went so well today even though I didn’t meet my production deadline. I could have…but last night I thought that I could run out and pick up something to eat so that I could come back to my office and transcribe my interviews but when I got back to the building it was locked.

So this morning I had to do all of the transcribing and the organize the story and then write it. Guess what? I think I’m getting it.

As I organized my story I kept hearing my publisher’s voice in my ear asking me questions. “What’s the point here?” “Where are you going with this?” “Did you include all of the important information?” “This is not a novel. Tighten it up.”

So as I wrote I made sure to address each of those issues. I know she thinks my writing is flowery so I made sure to be stingy with the adjectives and start with a summary lede.

I was so nervous when I finished it. I handed it to her and she handed me a story she had written so that I could proof it.

She handed back my story before I could finish reading hers and when I looked at it I almost cried. There were very little corrections.

“It reads well,” she said and smiled.

“I’m getting it,” I grinned.

“I think you already got it,” she replied.


Don’t stop! Pop that pu**y! Let me see you DOO DOO BROWN!

Go head! Go head! Go head! Go head!

One leg up! One leg up! One leg up! One leg up!

Jump around! Jump around! Jump around! Jump around!

Shake that thang, pop that thang!


So after work I was so tired that I went right to bed. And I woke up feeling refreshed and happy.

Then I frowned when I looked at my cell phone and realized; It’s 2:00 in the morning.


My schedule is off.

But guess what? I have so much to share with you. My publisher gave me a book called The Game of Life and How to Play it.

Oh my gosh! I think this is going to be the book that I start giving away because it has totally transformed my thinking. EVERYBODY GO OUT AND GET IT or I will feel personally responsible for giving it to you and you all know I haven’t gotten my first paycheck yet.

As I read I type up all of the key principles that move me, print them out and tack them up on the board at my office. Here are just a few life changing principles that I read today.

If one asks for success and prepares for failure, he will get what he has prepared for.

Damn…Damn…Damn..James! I do this all the time! I believe that God has great things for me but I’m always preparing to receive the worst, just so I won’t be dissappointed in the end. I gotta change that. I will prepare for success!

Man must prepare for the thing he has asked for, when there isn’t the slightest sign of it in sight.

Lord! I know I be doing just the opposite. Just the other day I was saying to my friend, “I’m not looking at apartments because I don’t have any money right now. Why would I look?”

Hello! Why not? Why wouldn’t God give me a great place to live where I won’t have to be locked up under someone else’s control? I have high standards of living and I am certain He will meet them. I’m going to start looking tomorrow.

You can control any situation if you first control yourself.

Can I just crawl under a house and die?!!

Actually, I have been learning to control myself a lot more lately and I see the evidence of that principle at work in my life. The other night when I went to FashionWeek the coordinator was being a bitch to me and my photographer. But I knew it was because she was stressed so when she rolled her eyes at me and gave my photographer a dirty look, I didn’t say, “Hey you white bitch! Gimme my credentials!” Instead I smiled and told her, “I’m sure everything is going to go well tonight. Everything looks great so far.”

I’m glad I did that because my publisher called her the next day, right in front of me, and asked her about my performance. Whoa!

She said, “She was so understanding. She did a great job.” I was hoping she didn’t mention that my photographer and I were both sipping wine that night. LOL!

What a man says of others will be said of him, and what he wishes for another, he is wishing for himself.

Ha ha! Check your heart!

I know there are some people out there reading this secretly hoping that I will fail. They are afraid of me. They think that I will accomplish more than them because they see my tenacity. They pretend to be cool with me but secretly they want the light to shine on them so they try to present themselves in a way that should yield praise and admiration and they hope with all their heart that I will fail. They think my failure will justify their misery.

Get this…I don’t really care. What you are doing in your life has no direct affect on me. I don’t compare myself to others around me because…fuck it..they aren’t me. I see God in everyone therefore I can be genuinely happy when others are happy though sometimes it makes me want more too. But I NEVER wish bad on anyone. NEVER. I don’t have to work on that principle because its simply a part of who I am.

I can shine on my own because I am the star of my own little world. ~smile~

That’s enough for tonight..err… this morning. I hope I’m not lazy at work tomorrow.

Let’s Grow Together

Did You Buy The Book Yet?

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket(This is not the only cover in print at this time. Your copy may look different.)

Please go to your local bookstore and buy this book. It is only $9 and it has rocked my world since I began reading it.

This book is so powerful that I want to share my growth with you. While I am reading this book I will not write another story about my journey in Houston. I will only discuss the most fascinating principles that are presented to me and once I am done with the entire book, then I will continue to share the blessings of God and what He has done in my life.

Please buy the book, read along and grow with me.

The enlightened man, therefore, endeavors to perfect himself upon his neighbor. His work is to himself, to send out goodwill and blessings to every man, and the marvelous thing is, that if one blesses a man he has no power to harm him.

I’m scratching my head and wondering if I have any enemies. To my knowledge I have none so I will consider the people who speak, think and act ill toward me in the place of the word “enemy”.

When I read this passage for the first time I immediately thought of two people. First, my Baby Daddy, who, to this day, can’t even answer the phone when I call without barking at me or acting like I am irritating him. Even when I call to discuss the boys he reacts in the same manner and for a while it frustrated me because we broke up more than 5 years ago. Since then, in all honesty, I have not done a thing to try to hurt this man or spoken ill of him or even plotted against him in any way. In his imagination, I suppose, I am this spiteful woman who is jealous and bitter because we are not together but anyone who knows me KNOWS I expect more from my future mate than what he has shown me he is capable of.

Even when I send him messages of gratitude via postal mail, text message or email, he ignores them. When I am nice to him, it seems to irritate him even more. That hurt me for a long time but no more. Even if he won’t receive my blessings, I will still bless him and continue to pray for him.

I will continue to treat him the way that I believe he should treat me as the mother of his children. I bless him and I am not afraid. Many people warn me to be careful because he is a lawyer and he has my children right now. They fear that he will trick me and I will never get my kids back.

To that I say- NO WAY! My sons being with their father right now is a part of God’s divine plan for my life. They are safe, happy and well taken care of. Even though he THINKS he is hurting me, he is not. He is simply a tool being used by God to push me toward my destiny. I will never fear what he can or can not do. He does not rule my world. He does not control my destiny.

The principle states that if I bless him, he will have no power to harm me and I receive that, in Jesus name. Amen. I will get my kids back when it is time.

The only other person I can think of who has ill will toward me is a woman that I used to work with. I have never met a woman like her in my life. Sometimes I would sit back in amazement at the recognition of her character, disguised behind a label of “woman of God”. It shook me to my foundation to interact with her because I had never encountered a woman with such a spirit in my life. To lie and plot to hurt someone’s feelings and discredit them shows her blatant insecurity and dissatisfaction with her own life. I thought women like that only existed in movie plots.

Today I will let go of my distaste of her behavior. I bless her to prosper and she will receive a copy of this book in the mail, as a blessing to her. I only pray that she reads it and finds peace and satisfaction within herself.

I bless you both and I send out to you my prayers and apologies for ever reacting in a manner that did not demonstrate God’s love.

Good-will produces an aura of protection about the one who sends it.

Unbeknownst to me God wove me together with a fabric laced with unconditional love. He also gave me a heart to uplift and show appreciation for everyone who comes in contact with me. At times I felt ashamed of being this way because I felt like it made me seem like a kiss-up. And sometimes the recipient of my praise and honor would push me away causing me to feel like an idiot for trying so hard to show them that they are admirable and worthy of my praise.

I still continued to love like this appreciating those who were whole enough to receive my love and kindness and feeling bad that others could not handle it and ran away.

Why was I able to stupidly fuck around with random men, lose so many jobs, move to cities I had never been to and live QUITE LOVELY with little to no income?

I am protected. The law of Karma won’t allow me to fall because God made me into a person who always tries to spread goodwill. I am compulsive about it actually and it used to be a burden but now I count it my joy. My efforts at being a good person to all I meet were seeds I had sown so long ago and I am reaping the rewards of those seeds right now. I am healthy, safe and positioned to prosper.

I can not lose anything that belongs to me by divine right.

Over the years you have watched as I have lost many jobs, endured failed attempts at romantic relationships and seemed to fail at making a peaceful connection with the father of my children.

Today I say…That’s okay. Nothing which God has planned for me can ever be taken away. My divine right to my blessings and my future are mine and will not be altered by man. I can not lose any friends/men/jobs/ideas that belongs to me by divine right.

If any of these things were lost, it is because they were not mine to begin with. Like Ruby told me the other day, “If it was supposed to work out, then it would have worked out.”

I receive that and I will no longer live in fear that my past will repeat itself in future endeavors or relationships. I “lost” those things/people because they had no place in my life in the first place.

Just as my friends were cheering when I told them about the job offer at the school, which would come with a free apartment- only to find out later that I did not get the job which seemed PROMISED after all. I was sick the whole day that happened. I couldn’t eat or sleep or even talk on the phone. But what happened by the end of the day?

I got a phone call from the publisher of the newspaper asking me to come in the next day to begin work.

What is divinely mine can not be taken away from me. What I believed was a good thing and seemed to be a blessing from God to remedy my lack of housing and my lack of income turned out not to be from God and I know this because…if it was a gift from God, I would have it right now.

My divine right to God’s destiny for my life can not be denied by man. If it walked or ran away, it was not mine to begin with and I will rejoice knowing that every rejection guides me toward my true destiny in Christ.

So long as a man resists a situation, he will have it with him. If he runs away from it, it will run after him. Agree with the adverse situation quickly and it will go away.

How many years have I floated through life expecting all men to belittle me, scream at me and beat me down with their criticism the way my stepfather did when I was a child? How many men have I met who have done this same thing to me even now as an adult?

My fear of men had overtaken my life so much so that I would cringe in fright if I saw a man approaching me, even if he wore a smile. I just “knew” that he would love me for a little while and then get to know me and then use all of his strength to crush me and tell me how dumb/unrealistic/unsuccessful/unfit for him I was.

And guess what? I got just that.

I will no longer run away from men. They have no power to label or hurt me. I will stand up to the thing that I feared most and give nothing but love. I will expect nothing but love. I will receive love, appreciation and gentle affection from this day forward. I will command the respect that I give and I will continue to love the way that I know how.

I will not run away. I will not hide. I will face this monstrous fear boldly knowing that God wants to show me a different side of men. God is my ghost buster and all of those ghouls will be eliminated as I walk in this new truth.

One is often cured of his faults by seeing them in others. Life is a mirror and we find only ourselves reflected in our associates.

When I moved to Texas I continued to meet people who reminded me of myself. In onewoman I saw the giving heart, the love of sillyness and laughter. The longing for unconditional love and the desire to receive that love through my good deeds.

In another woman I saw the self centeredness. The brattiness and the idea that the whole world should bow down to my every whim because I am great and everyone should know it.

When I met both of them I saw myself so much in them that it scared me. Knowing this woman has shown me a side of myself that I can not allow to surface for much longer. I can’t have every single conversation be all about ME. I can’t continue to expect things my way all the time. I have to give more and be willing to focus on others more. I want to change.

I can also greatly appreciate the friends I have had for a long time. I admire them and look up to them so much that I tend to put myself a step below them. But how can I have such wonderful friends if I were not a wonderful friend?

The mere fact that Tamara is my bestfriend proves that I am a woman who is trustworthy, loyal, smart, beautiful and warm. Because she has proven to be those things—so am I.

I am a reflection of the company I keep and I am proud of that.

Living in the past is a failure method and a violation of spiritual law.

I once told a man, “I really like you. I’d like to give this a try.”
To which he replied, “But how can you say you will be faithful to me when you know you have never been faithful in the past?”
“Because I said I can,” I replied firmly.
“But your past actions are an indication of your future actions. How do you know that you won’t do it again?”
“Because I’m saying I’m not.” I said, trying to convince him.

He was never convinced. He continued to negate every good thing I said about being honorable and faithful to him. When I would say, “I think you’re so wonderful and I can’t get you off of my mind.” He would respond by saying, “Oh, it’s just a phase.”

Yeah. I really stuck it out through all of that.

But he was right. It was just a phase. A phase that should have ended much sooner.

How dare someone throw my past in my face when I shared with them in honesty because I wanted to be completely open with them? I had not even THOUGHT about being with another man the entire time we were “dealing” so it hurt even more that he would accuse me in that way.

That is not a friend. He basically called me a liar to my face and I sat there for months, pleading with him to forget my past and believe my words.

I don’t have to beg God to do that. And I will never do that again with a man.

My past is my past and I can do nothing about all of that. I will rejoice in memory of the good times and rejoice over the resolution of the bad times. All bad things must come to an end. And that end is NOW.

I will not carry that crap over into my present or my future. I will not negate my blessings because of past mistakes. I will walk ahead with a clean slate and an open heart, ready to receive all that God has for me.

More to come… If God has spoken to you through these words, please leave a comment or an email and let me know how any of these principles apply to YOUR life.

The Game of Life
Part III

I’ve finally made my peace with Houston. I’m actually loving this city, meeting great people and riding around town in peace.

You wanna know why?

I choose to.

I choose to walk in peace and expect blessings at every turn.

Because of my newfound direction, I am being spiritually attacked every night through my dreams. Every night since I have started reading this book I wake up in a sweat, exhausted from running away from the fears of my past. Since I won’t allow those old fears to linger for even a moment while I am awake, I see that those negative spirits are still against me, trying desperately to discourage me. But I won’t allow them to.

When I awake I simply say, “Thank you Lord for the gift of today. I believe a miracle is going to happen today and I can’t wait to see what it is!”

Speaking affirmations
Thy will be done this day! Today is a day of completion; I give thanks for this perfect day, miracle shall follow miracle and wonders shall never cease.

Kenya called me early this morning and as usual we shared about our individual journeys to greatness. When I told her about my affirmation of the day she said, “You ever watch the Incredibles?”

“Ofcourse,” I said. “I love that movie!”

“Remember the part when the boy was sitting outside on the bike and his Dad came by and asked him what he was doing? He said, ‘Waiting for something amazing to happen.’ Isn’t that cool?!”

Wow. Imagine what life would be like if instead of waiting for the ball to drop, we waited in excitement for divine connections and promised miracles.

I’m waiting for something AMAZING to happen!

I promise you that ever since I have begun to expect a miracle everyday, EVERY SINGLE DAY I have received one. No lie.

Show financial fearlessness and faith in God. The reasoning mind would say, “Keep every cent you have as you are not sure you will get any more.” The fearless mind would create opportunities for blessing knowing that God is the supplier of my needs and not a job.

My friend Kim is a perfect example of this. She has been wishing and hoping and applying for jobs in Chicago consistently for over a year. Last month she found snow tires on sale and called me to tell me that she was going to put them on her car. She lives in Atlanta and has no use for snow tires and her current tires are absolutely fine. In fact, her current tires are still very valuable because she has a luxury car. Kim went ahead and purchased her tires, believing in faith that she would be moving back to Chicago.

The day she went in to turn in her letter of resignation she called me and told me that the HR department stopped her because she had been called to interview for the exact position that she had been applying for!


Such is my same case. Remember the night before I had to move out of the condo in Vinings back in Atlanta? That night all I had was a few dollars in my account and nowhere to go but I believed that I was going to Houston and I packed up my car.

At the last minute an angel showed up with an envelope full of money and no strings attached. I made it all the way to Louisiana with that money because I had faith.

When you have a little and you horde it, believe me, you will keep it. But it is those seeds you sow into others and yourself that reap the greater benefit.

Imagine me with my meager savings, waiting anxiously on my first paycheck. After reading this book I ordered 9 more and sowed a seed in others so that they will be blessed too. I can’t wait to see what comes of that!

I fully expect a miracle.

Man’s thoughts, deeds and words, return to him sooner or later with astounding accuracy.

I’ve mentioned before that I KNOW the reason I am blessed today is because I have made a lifestyle of blessing others financially, emotionally and with praise. I have a wonderful, beautiful group of friends who call me consistently to tell me how much I mean to them and that is what keeps me going. We feed each other blessings and we reap the blessings of being true friends.

So I’m sitting here wondering how all of this translates into my romantic relationships. For the life of me I can’t remember being involved with a man and him giving me the love and patience that I was giving to him. But I refuse to believe that my actions were for nothing. One day I will meet an amazing man who will be so patient, so encouraging and so wonderful to me. Believing in me just the way my friends do and loving me just like them. Except he’s going to be fine as fuck. And wealthy as hell. And smart as hell. And love to please me sexually. And love the Lord!

I give what I want to receive. And I will receive what I give. That’s a promise.

Man can only be what he sees himself to be and only attain what he sees himself attain.

This is why I always stress the importance of reading. Reading stretches your imagination and allows your realm of hope to expand.

Ever wonder why kids in the hood who “make it” are often rap stars or ballers?

Guess what they spent their days doing? Watching music videos and ball games. That is what they began to idolize so that is the area in which they defined their success.

Because I was a voracious reader and writer as a young child, my mind was transformed by the written word. If I had been introduced to someone who was an artist and I saw the financial and emotional success of that person, I may be a whole different person.

And it’s okay if your imagination lends itself to simply desire a nice home, financial stability and a happy family. If that is enough for you to be happy, you don’t need to be consumed with trying to “catch up” with your neighbors because they are chasing their dream while you are living yours.

Desire is a tremendous force and must be directed in the right channels, or chaos ensues.

This statement brings to mind the movie THE CRUCIBLE, starring Wynona Ryder. This movie brought to life the events surrounding the Salem Witch Trials where all of these people were killed after being accused of being witches.

Guess what all of this craziness stemmed from?

A group of bored chicks in the woods who felt like they had to dance naked and sing to receive the desires of their hearts. Their desires were so strong, most of them desired a specific young man’s affection, that the whole town was turned upside down. The main character wanted so badly to be with a man who was married. Her desire was manifested and he slept with her and immediately regretted it.

This one act of adultry in a sequence of ensuing events, caused this man’s ultimate death. And guess what the chick did? She dissappeared to another country.

If we want something badly enough and we take action, we will get it. But that’s not always a good thing. I have a good friend who was so adamant about catching her man in the act of cheating that everytime she looked for “clues” she found them and worried herself silly.

If we always get what we look for and we continue to look for the negative in people, hell yeah we’re going to receive that. But it is when we have those strong desires that are in no way connected to our destiny that we experience craziness.

I’m trying and trying to be a model but no one will even look at my pictures. So lemme go try to get on film in a different way. I may have to take off my clothes but maybe someone legit will notice my shine and get me back on the right path.

Or maybe I’d love to have this particular car but it’s not within my budget right now. But those tourists on South Beach have exactly what I want so lemme go catch one of them slipping. You’ll get what you want, but you’ll also reap your reward for that act.

We should all be of the mindset that we only desire what God has for us. Imagine if God had actually answered my many, MANY nights of prayer that me and my Baby Daddy would be back together.


That’s funny!

Sorry…the thought seems proposterous now but back then I would pray and fast for it. I would cry myself to sleep at night thinking about it. THANK GOD my desire wasnt strong enough. Or thank God his desire was non existent because I would have gotten what I wanted and been joined to the wrong man for the rest of my life or until he killed my spirit.

I don’t want what I want. I want what God wants for me. And God has spectacular things in store for my life. He’s going to help me raise amazing sons of faith who love their mother and are a blessing to people wherever they go.

Faith holds the vision steady and adverse pictures are dissolved and dissipated.


This is what Kim was talking about when she said, “Tee, you don’t give yourself enough credit. You have more faith than you think you do.”

She was right. How else could I spend a night in a homeless shelter and walk out crying with joy? How else could I watch my bank account dwindle and still reach out and bless others?

I know without a doubt that God will bless me with plenty one day. So much so that I have promised all of my friends that I will pay for their children’s college educations. That is my gift to them for being great friends. And I believe that 100%.

So even though I’m living like a nomad, bouncing around like no one cares about me. I see the Ms. Tee of my promise and she’s living quite nicely, quite LOVELY, sippin on mixed drinks next to her private pool.

I will be a blessing to others financially. I KNOW IT. I BELIEVE IT. I receive it right now.

I cast this burden of lack on the Christ (within) and I go free to have plenty!

Hell yeah! Guess what I did on Friday?

I went shopping. Not even playin…

I got a nice dress, some new heels and a pedicure. I got my chin waxed (you know I needed it!) and I even got a haircut. I expected that although this money was going to be gone for now, God would replace it when He knew I needed it.

And guess what I woke up and did today? I decided that I would treat myself to a nice lunch at Pappadeaux where the food is sholl nuff good!

I walked up in the piece fighting myself because I really don’t like to spend money like that but I know that I deserve a good meal. I sat down on the patio and waited for my server when two guys and a little boy approached the table.

I looked at them like they were crazy… But then I realized…

I was sitting at their table while they got their food. It turns out that on Sundays there is a buffet brunch. WOW! They invited me to stay and have my meal with them and I was grateful for the company. I shared with them a little about my journey and they shared with me their story.

When one of them accidently knocked over his drink. The dude got up, wiped up the spill and even came around to my side of the table and noticed that a few drops of his drink had landed on my sandaled feet. Dude got on his knees and wiped my feet. I was blowed. He cleaned my feet!

Then he paid for my meal and I left happily.

Thanks GOD!

I cast my burden of a lack of income, love and opportunity on Christ and He has been SOO FAITHFUL to provide.

Doubts and fear poison the mind and body, attracting disaster and disease.

Did I mention that when I left Atlanta I was scared out of my mind. I felt like I was watching someone else’s life as I drove the 7 hours to Lousiana to meet Ruby.

As soon as I got to Louisiana I got sick. I stayed sick for over a month, my body aching and my cootchie going through all kinds of drama.

And remember before I left Miami to move to Atlanta I was in the hospital and sick for so long. It was because my mind was filled with fear and I didn’t know what was going to happen to me and my sons. I attracted disaster with my lack of faith.

So when my girl Kim called me the other day complaining of a headache and a sudden outbreak of acne I was like, “Eww…Girl, what’s going on in your heart? You know those symptoms are merely an indication that your mind is not at peace. If you want your beauty back you better cast your worry on God and trust that He will direct you. Don’t be walking around here looking ugly for no reason!”

More to come!


Ok. so why did Ruby just call me with this story.

“Girl, remember my friend J?”

“Yeah, how’s she doing?” I asked.

“Girl, you know how she finished at Florida, taught for a little while and traveled the country some and then took a job as a nanny?”

“Yeah girl. I’m feeling that!”

“But girl, how about she just got hired to be the nanny for [the most super beautiful celebrity couple on this planet. Yes. I’m talking about THEM]!”

“Stop lieing!”

“No girl. I just wanted to share that so you would be encouraged because all of these different seemingly disconnected experiences that you are having will lead you to be the PERFECT fit for who you are going to be.”

“I am blowed dawg!”

“Girl yeah…When she met them they said she was perfect because she was biracial, she used to be a teacher and she was well traveled and experienced.”

“I am blowed dawg!”

“Yes girl. Tee, it’s on its way. YOU are on your way.”


“It’s real. She just called me 5 minutes ago. She was feeling frustrated before that because she was looking at other people and it seemed like they were so successful, going to law school and making headway in corporate America. She felt so defeated because she wanted her own family and the men she was meeting were GARBAGE. Now she gets to travel all over with them and experience the celebrity life.”

“I’m sorry dawg. I have to go call all of my other friends and encourage them with this story. Talk to you later!”

Just In Case You Haven’t Heard…

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