Still Learning and Growing

Damn…

Life has been crazy but in the midst of it all I have the craziest sense of peace that everything is happening just as it should.

It stormed here last night. I woke up to the sound of booming thunder and rain. I smiled as I peeked out the window. Ahhh…It reminded me of the thunderstorms in Miami. I miss those.

I read that Kanye’s Mom wrote a book called Raising Kanye so I jumped up and flew to the bookstore to read some of it but it hasn’t been published yet. Boo!

I turned in 3 stories today. All 3 of the ones I did interviews for last week. My publisher called me into her office. “You’re learning!” she said. “The Lucy story is great. The lede is perfect! There are just a few minor fact checks and adjustments and this story is ready to go to press.”

I smiled.

“Now the other two…You’re going to have to rewrite. The Black Expo Q&A needs to be re written. Her quotes weren’t strong enough. You’re gonna have to turn it into a story. And the Fashion Week story, I didn’t give you a lede on purpose because I wanted to see what you would come up with on your own. What was your plan with this?”

Gulp. “Uh…I figured the strongest aspect of the story was the Naomi Campbell interview so I went with that.”

“But what about all of the other people you interviewed?”

“I didn’t like their quotes. They were kinda redundant and boring.”

“See. That’s your problem. You’re too judgemental when it comes to quotes. You’re thinking like a novelist. I’ve noticed that if the person doesn’t say what they have to say in a way that pleases you, you disregard the whole quote. As a reporter you can’t write the story without the quotes. You build from their quotes. The SUBJECT leads the story. You just have to follow it.”

I lowered my eyes to the ground and sighed. “I’m going to get better at this,” I said.

“Yes you will. By the time I’m done with you, you’re going to be excellent.”

“I want to be excellent now,” I whispered feeling a bit..challenged.

“You have to put your pride aside and get it right.”

“I will,” I said as I gathered my things to head back to my office and try again.

I am so grateful for this chance to learn and she is an excellent teacher.

~sigh~ Training ground.

Today I realized that Houston is only a pit stop for me. I don’t have to worry about making friends or settling in. Houston most likely won’t become my home. This is simply my training ground until I find my next opportunity. Hopefully I’ll leave here with lots of good clips and I can go on to a bigger market, hopefully in MIAMI where my boys are and I can somehow develop a support system which will allow me to continue on my path as a journalist.

I heard from my old boy toy in Miami recently. Remember my guy friend I called Dude? Well he called me up to check on me, asking about my relationship with JB.

“Well…JB and I were getting close, but right now we have pulled away. It’s not like that anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“You don’t sound sorry,” I retorted with a laugh.

“I don’t like to see you hurting,” he said.

“Who said I was hurting?” I asked with a laugh. “I mean…I was but I’ll be okay. I’m kinda used to things turning out this way with men. I thought it would be different but it wasn’t. I mean..The healing process is familiar to me. I’m alright.”

“Yeah..from the way you talked about him. I could tell you liked him a lot.”

“I did but….” I began as my voice trailed off.

“Look,” he began. “I’m gonna tell you this. When we were doing our thing, I just wasn’t ready for all of that. At that time it scared me because everything was happening so fast and I just want you to know that you don’t have to change a thing about the way you show love. Keep being you. And…when you get back this way…Make sure you give me a call.”

“Mmm…hmmm..” I said. He just wanna hunch.

I made another choice today after chatting with a chick who was completely enraged by men and promised never to talk to another man again because they are always a dissappointment.

I mean… I feel that way too, but continuing to dwell on it is not going to get me anywhere. I don’t want to be that bitter chick who pushes every man away. Right now I’m pushing men away because…ugh…I’m not in the mood but eventually I’ll try again. Just like with my career. Eventually, something positive will happen. I won’t become that maneater that I envision myself becoming.

Jaimee sent me an email that read something like: Before they go to bed at night, someone thinks of you.

For real?

I wonder who that could be.

If anyone out there is secretly in love with me, I’d like to know.

~smile~

I’m happy tonight. Like a true happiness.

I’m here and I’m making it. This trip DID pay off. I can’t wait to see what blessing is right around the corner.