Tag: Adventures With Steve

Today I decided to poke a little fun at myself and I created an adventure involving my imaginary boyfriend. It was so much fun that I decided to go even further and introduce him to you all. Don’t laugh…he’s sooo much fun!

Introducing My Imaginary Boyfriend Steve

I’m on the metrorail on my way downtown for yet another job interview. I’ve enjoyed 6 months of freelance writing and hoping for a call back on any of the interviews that I had been on but I wasn’t discouraged at all. What God has for me is for me. Until it presents itself, I’m going to relax and enjoy my vacation.

As soon as I step off at the Government Center station, this dude rushes past me and knocks my bag off my shoulder. I give him a dirty look and he stops.

“Sorry about that,” he says.

“Whatever,” I say and keep walking.

“I got something that’ll make you smile!” he calls out after me as I hurry down the escalators.

I ignore him and quickly rush through the crowd of business men and tourists. My interview went great and I’m surprised. I showed them all of me, including telling them “I am not a gossip person and I just want to do my work. If social obligations are a part of this job then it won’t be a good fit for me.”

The woman interviewing me laughed and shook my hand. “We’ll get back with you,” she says. “It’s truly been a pleasure.”

I decide to stop in at Wendy’s for a chicken sandwhich on my way back to the metrorail station. I’m nibbling on my sandwhich inside the restaurant and reading my book when I hear a voice.

“Hey Red.”

I look up. A greasy faced, gold toothed thug stares back at me. His white tee is stained with some kind of brown stuff and his shoes are busted and dirty.

“Hey,” I reply and immediately lower my gaze back to my book.

“Can I come sit with you?” he asks, taking a step toward me.

“Um….I’m waiting on someone. But thanks. I’m good.”

“Are you sure about that?” he smiles down at me.

“Yeah. He’ll be here any minute.”

Mr. Brown Stain dramatically gazes around the entire restaurant before saying, “Well, he ain’t here yet. Let me sit down for a minute.”

Ughhh…

I open my mouth to curse at him when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

“Hey Baby. Who’s this?” I look at the hand on my shoulder and my first instinct is to stand up in self defense when I look up and see the dude who knocked my bag off my shoulder. He gives me a half smile and sits down.

“Oh, he was just saying Hi.” I say.

Mr. Brown Stain stammers and walks away.

“Where did you come from?” I ask him.

“I was sitting over there,” he says and guestures toward a corner set. “I saw you come in but you looked so mean that I just laughed and figured I shouldn’t bother you again.”

“Good idea,” I say and check him out.

He’s not wearing the coat he was wearing earlier. He’s in a dress shirt and tie. His shoes look comfortable but well taken care of.

“Why are you always looking so mean?” he asks.

I roll my eyes at him. “I’m focused.”

He laughs. “Is that what they call attitude these days?”

I give him the dirtiest look I can muster and he simply laughs again.

“You’re good at that,” he says. “You should be an actress.”

“Well, I have to go. See ya later,” I say and then stand up to brush the crumbs from my lap.

“You missed one,” he says and I duck as his hand reaches for my face.

“Dude. Slow down. I don’t know you like that.”

“You’re so feisty,” he says. “Wanna fight? Release some of that anger?” He raises his fists in a boxing stance.

I roll my eyes again and then I soften a bit and smile.

“Alright. See ya later,” I say. I see him shake his head as I turn to leave.

I sit down at the train station as I wait for the northbound train. I pull out my book and then I feel a bump. When I look up, it’s the dude, smiling at me.

“Are you stalking me already?” I ask.

“Are you stalking ME?” he asks back.

“Man…”

“Look, I just had an interview and I’m done for the day.”

“Me too. Where’d you interview?” I ask.

“You’re nosey!” he says.

“Whatever!”

“Hey,” he says and reaches into his shoulder bag. It’s black leather and almost identical to the one I’m carrying. He produces a CD in a plastic case. “Do you like The Boondocks?”

I grin. “Ughh. Nigga you gay!” I say and scoot down on the wooden bench.

“That shit was so funny!” he says and laughs, a deep throaty laugh.

“You laugh funny!” I tell him.

“You have big feet,” he says.

“Shut up!” I retort. “I wear them with style.”

“Those things are as big as mine,” he says.

“You know what?” I say and give him a stank look.

“Ahhh, there you go with the attitude again. You’re much prettier when your nose isn’t all scrunched up.”

I blush.

“Ahhh, you’re blushing!” he says. “You like me don’t you?”

I laugh. “Shut up!”

“You’re in love with me. I can see it in your eyes. Love at first sight, huh?”

“Shut up!”

“You might as well go ahead and give me the number,” he says with a solemn expression. “I mean, if you don’t you’ll always wonder what if.”

I laugh.

“You can’t have my number. I don’t date.”

“Who said I wanted to take you out? I don’t have money to feed you!”

I crack up. “I guess we’re too unemployed professionals on the grind, huh?”

“Always,” he says. “So can I email you then?” He reaches into his pocket and produces a blackberry.

My heart hurts. He’s so funny but…I don’t want to risk letting him in. I don’t want to risk letting him get to know me and finding out that I’m way too over the top for him, to sexually open for him, too spiritually evolved for him.

Hmmm…

“Look, you can google me. I’m a writer. There’s lots of stuff online about me. If you like what you read, you can find my email and send me a note.”

I input my pen name into his phone.

“Ohhkay..” he says and places his phone back into his pocket. “I’ll do that. And you can hold this DVD I burned, it has the entire season 1 collection of The Boondocks on it. But notice I said HOLD, not have, unless you have $5.”

I laugh.

“Dude, you got jokes!” I say.

“That’s what they say. By the way, my name is Steve….”

to be continued…

I didn’t hear from Steve for another three days.

I’m sitting in front of my laptop and laughing at the comments on Mediatakeout when I hear the chime of an incoming email message.

I click on the link from a sender with the initials SH. The subject heading reads: You are amazing

I figure it’s one of my blog readers and I’m surprised when I read:

Hey Ms. Tee,

All I have to say is Wow. I googled you and spent the last 3 days reading all of your writing. I’ve read EVERYTHING and you really, really do need a book deal or a column or something. I don’t see how you put your heart into your writing like that. You’re def inspirational. You reveal the parts of you that most people would never admit to. I know I wouldn’t. But maybe it’s because I care too much about what other people think.

I found your blog too. It wasn’t a direct link but I did some digging and all I can say is…Wow. You’ve led an adventurous life. There’s something about you, Tee. You have the stuff that success stories are made of. I hope that you aren’t allowing this lull to get you down.

I’d like to talk to you sometime. Let me know when you have a minute. I’m usually up late, working on some projects.

Take care,

Steve

I read his email again and shake my head. He wrote some very kind words and I really appreciate them. Maybe we’ll be internet friends.

I clicked reply and wrote:

Hi Steve,

I’m usually up late too. Thanks for your kind words. I do believe writing is my gift. Inspiration is the basis of all of my writing. Do you have messenger? I have yahoo. We can chat.

Tee

Five minutes later, my email alert chimes again.

Hey Ms. Tee,

Naw…I don’t do messenger. Hell, I’m a man. I don’t even have a myspace page. But if you’re still a little nervous about giving me your number, I understand. We can email until you feel more comfortable. Have you heard back from the job interview yet?

S

No, I haven’t heard back from them yet. It’s okay. Everything that happens is divine. Umm…since you’ve read all of my writing, you know a lot about me and I know nothing about you. Care to fill me in? What part of Miami are you in?


I’m not in Miami. I was down there for a week, visiting my brother and his wife and meeting with a few people about a big project I’m working on. I live in New York. I have a brownstone in Brooklyn that I share with my friend Rick, but he’s moving soon so I’ll have the place to myself again.

I travel a lot for my work. You can say that I’m an investor. My passion is graphic design, but I only do it for fun, that’s not where the money is and I’m all about making LOOT. Are you from Miami?


Yes, I’m from Miami. Born and raised in the county of Dade. ~smile~ I’m from the inner city. A place called Liberty City. My whole family is from here too. Are you from New York? You don’t have that New York accent. Do you have a creative portfolio that I can look at?


A creative portfolio? Umm….You hiring or something? I’ll shot you a few jpegs of my work.
Well, yes and no about being from New York. I was born here but my father and I moved to Southern California when I was about 3 and he and my Mom divorced. So I was raised there. I have one brother, the one in Miami. I came back to NY after I finished school in Atlanta. I got a business degree from Clark, then came here to go to Syracuse and I got my MBA. I started law school, but I dropped out because my design business started taking off. That was about 5 years ago and I don’t regret it. I moved back to Brooklyn and although I don’t do design myself, I oversee a staff of designers, more like consultants and we do business all over the country. When I was in Miami I was interviewing a potential consultant.


So you’re saying you own a graphic design consulting firm? Wow.


Yes, I do. But it’s not my main deal. It’s a virtual business and I have people to run it for me. I just make sure the money’s coming in and I pursue other interests, like real estate. That’s where the money is.


Where’s your Mom?

She’s here. She lives in Carnegie Hill. I talk to her everyday. She got married a long time ago, but is now divorced. She’s retired. She used to be an interior designer but now she just hangs out with her friends. She travels a lot too. That’s where I get my traveling bug from.


What are you doing right now?

Umm..Emailing with you. I’m trying to find something good to watch on TV but I don’t know. Do you like that new Snoop Dogg reality show?


Yeah. I love Snoop. At first it seemed a bit scripted but I decided to give it another try. What I didn’t like was him pressuring his wife about expanding her business over their romantic dinner. But she handled herself well. I don’t like when others try to push people to be something they are not. Even though I’m a life coach, I don’t push. I learned not to do that, I allow people to tell me their dreams, I give them steps to move toward it and when they don’t do them, I can tell they are just dreaming for the sake of dreaming. Then I delve into why they are disatisfied with their lives and it’s rarely that they are not where they want to be. It’s mostly because they are not where other people feel they should be. I try to get them to understand that and then redefine themselves on their own terms.


You’re like a therapist. I can see it all in your writing. I hope I’m not being too forward when I ask, What’s going on with you and these men? Why don’t you have a boyfriend?


I don’t know. I think I sabotage most of my relationships out of fear. I’m working on that. But ultimately, what it comes down to is, I haven’t met anyone in real life that I really liked and they liked me back.


What do you mean “real life”?


Well. LOL! I have an active imagination. I tend to idealize the men I meet and fall in love with them based on qualities I imagine them to have, but they may not even have them because I don’t get to know them well before I fall in love.


Wow. You’re honest. So you’re saying you’ve never met anyone at all, that you liked in real life? How can that be? I saw so many men looking at you the day we met.


Yeah, they look. I see them looking but I’m so scared to talk to them that I usually just run away. I did meet a man last year who I thought was so great but I never got to know him and then I found out he has a girlfriend anyway. Oh well. Do you have a longtime girlfriend, wife or baby mama I need to know about?


ha haha…no. No serious girl, although I do date around sometimes. Nothing serious though. My Mom is pressuring me to settle down. She wants me to get married but I always tell her that I’m only 33 and I have time. I believe that.


Yeah. I do too. You have plenty of time. Well. it’s been nice chatting with you. I’ll check up on you again sometime soon. Will you be in Miami anytime in the near future?


I can be in Miami tomorrow if you want me to be! I think we should hang out. I think it’ll be fun. You can show me around Miami. Besides, I want my Boondocks DVD back. I hope you didn’t scratch it.


LOL! I didn’t. I watched a few episodes the other night. You will get it back in good condition. Don’t worry. Nice meeting you.


Likewise.

I’m really enjoying my virtual relationship with Steve.

Every morning he manages to send me an email to say Hi and ask how I’m doing. He’s laid back in his approach and hasn’t once asked me for my phone number again.

I like that. He listens.

I would like to talk to him, but I’m afraid. He seems to respect me and admire my writing and I don’t want to ruin that by allowing him to get close to me and find out that I’m really a..What’s the word? A Nut.

Last night he surprised me with his email message.

“I have a surprise for you,” he wrote. “I downloaded yahoo messenger to my phone so we can chat.”

Wow. But he was so against it in the beginning. I wonder what changed his mind.

“Why did you change your mind?” I asked him once we were connected.

“You’re acting all scared about talking to me so I figured that if I could reach you this way at any time, it’s better than nothing.”

Wow.

So I told him about grad school and how nervous I was. He “LOL’d” and reminded me that grad school is nothing like undergrad and the professors want you to succeed so that they can keep getting paid from your tuition. He also said that if I review everything that we discussed in class for at least an hour after we discussed it and made my own notes about what the lesson taught me, I’d remember most of what I learned instead of trying to review my notes before an exam or paper is due.

“I’m coming to Miami next week,” he wrote to me.

“Why?” I wrote back.

“Cuz I want to.”

“Which day?” I asked.

“Why you askin’ you don’t want to see me do you?”

“I like chatting with you.”

“Yeah. I thought so.”

“We only met two weeks ago.”

“I know. Whats the time limit before you can start having fun?”

“I don’t know.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“I just want to be friends. We don’t have to hang out like that. I’m a loner, really.”

“Ok.”

“Are you still coming?”

“Maybe.”

This really scares me. I had to talk to my friend Anna about it. When I recounted our conversation she sighed and said, “Just do you, Tee. It’s up to you.”

I know me and I know if I see him and we have a good time, I’m going to have secks with him then I won’t be able to like him after that. I’ll lost all respect. If I keep him at a distance I can learn from him, enjoy his personality and you know…he won’t be a one night stand.

No more one night stands!

My life is a miracle.

My sister thinks I’m weird because I have an imaginary boyfriend. When I try to tell her about Steve she just LAUGHS at me.

“Tee, Don’t you think that’s just a little PSYCHOTIC? You’re a grown person. Grown people don’t have imaginary friends.”

“Yes they do. If they want to. Besides, Tamara and Anna don’t think I’m crazy. They don’t mind hearing about Steve.”

“Because Tamara and Anna know that if they tell you the truth you aren’t going to be upfront with them anymore. I’m your sister and I know you ain’t going nowhere. Tee….You are being psychotic!”

I laugh. “Ok Teenie. If that’s your opinion, I don’t want to take that away from you. But the truth is, until I met Steve I’ve never started any relationship with a man and felt certain that good things were going to come from it. This is my first time, ever feeling confident that there is a man out there who was made just for me. If nothing else, this experience is giving me the opportunity to express how I want to be treated and then imagine scenarios where it could actually happen. I’m just happy that I thought of it.”

“How did you come up with this?” she asked with a laugh.

“Well, everyone I talk to on a consistent basis is in a relationship. Everyone but me. I got tired of hearing all these relationships stories when I had nothing to add. So I made him up. And the more I think about this idea, the more I like it. It’s really me acting as though I already have the type of man that I want. I’m grateful that he’s so patient with me, that he’s so much more business savvy than I am and that he’s just…nice to me. I don’t get that often. I now realize that if my mind can’t imagine having a healthy, fulfilling relationship, it’s less likely to happen in my reality.”

“Where the hell did you get the name Steve?”

Well, there are several people named Steve who have had a major influence on my life.

1. Steve- AKA The Attorney- Although he turned out to be a big, fat liar, I really liked him and enjoyed every single conversation that we ever had. I became excited when I was communicating with him because he was so smart and he was uplifting too. He gave me my first taste of being excited about possibly having a future with a professional man. I don’t speak with him anymore though, and I don’t want to but I’ll never forget making out like little kids in the car on the side of the street; that was a beautiful moment. I want my Steve and I to have that kind of attraction.

2. Steve- My Big Brother- When I was 16 I met my first mentor and she married her childhood friend, his name was Steve. Steve treated my mentor Traci sooo well. I always looked at him like he was an angel. When I was in college he would write letters to me to encourage me. He has no idea how much I appreciate him. He was someone who really cared about me. My Steve will be just as sweet and thoughtful.

3. Steve- My Summer Love- During one of my summer visits to Cincinnati, I met a man named Steve. I think I was 19 years old at the time. I loved Steve. He was beautiful. If I had to choose a man to be the model for how my husband should look, I’d choose him. He was light skinned like me. He had a big nose like mine. Big feet like mine and he used to wear an orange sweat suit. I would call him Garfield. He took me to campus to visit UC. He took me to church with him. We would do it all the time, in the basement, on the floor, everywhere. I really liked spending time with him. He was so smart and so gentle with me. We clicked. I often wonder what he’s up to. I heard he got married and started his own computer business. That made me so proud of him. Wherever he is, I hope he’s ridiculously happy because during that summer romance, I know I was. My Steve and I will love being around each other all the time.

4. Steve- The Ultimate- The ultimate model for my perfect man came from none other than Steve Urkel. ~sigh~ I used to be so mad at Laura for dissing him. I didn’t understand why she didn’t see his inner and outer beauty. He set the mark. My Steve will be just as beautiful as Urkel and equally intelligent.

I can’t wait to see what will happen between us. Since I’m creating this relationship I can only imagine wonderful experiences.

We had been chatting off and on for the whole day and I was getting tired of sitting at the computer.

Inside I felt a twinge of fear, but I said to myself, “Self. He’s nice to you. He’s patient too. You don’t have to worry about anything. You can control this. Things don’t have to turn out the way they have in the past.”

So I took a deep breath and typed into the messenger: Hey. Can you call me?

The screen was blank for about a minute before the yellow light blinked again. What’s your number?

The phone rang five minutes later and my heart beat fast when I heard his voice.

“Hey Tee. What’s up with you, girl?”

“Hey big nose!”

“Yo mama gotta big nose!”

“Yo mama got a nose job and she still look like….like…. Fuck. I’m not good with jokes.” I admit.

He laughs. “So Ms. Tee. I finally get to hear that voice of yours again, huh? You are so hard to get next to!”

Hard to get next to? If he only knew…

“Should I lock this number in? Add you to my favorite 5?” he asks with a chuckle.

He’s such a nerd. “No,” I say.

“Why not?”

“This is my house phone number and I don’t have a cell phone. You can only call it when I tell you to.”

“You don’t have a cell phone?”

“No. It’s not in the budget right now,” I said, my voice quivering. I’m feeling humiliated. Here I am a grown woman, a mother of two children, a supposed professional and I can’t even afford a cell phone. How sexy is that?

“I understand,” He responds solemnly. “Is that why you didn’t want me to call you?”

“Part of it,” I say. “But also because I was nervous. I just wanted to make sure that we could be friends. Sometimes men say that they want to be friends but then when they start to like me, I get scared and I push them away immediately. I’d really like to know you for longer than that.”

“Well if that’s what you want, that’s what you’ll get,” he says. “What’s up with you?”

“I’m the same as I was earlier when we were chatting dummy.”

“So earlier you were telling me that you wanted to talk about the law of attraction,” he reminded me.

“Yeah, but I was too tired to type it all.”

“So go ahead.”

“I’m too tired to explain it all,” I say and laugh. “Sorry. I just need to be inspired. I work on inspiration. I can start things without inspiration but then they don’t turn out well and then I’m pissed off because I’m a perfectionist and I can’t live with myself when I deliver less than perfection in anything that I do.”

“But how do you write like that? How do you write so much? It’s really good. I feel like I’m a fan.”

“Well, I’m an emotional writer. And I’m an emotional person. Whenever I’m feeling a particular way, if i sit down and write, it flows easily. I love it. It’s when I feel most at peace and most successful. When I’m writing…. It’s like, there’s nothing else in the world that I’m 100% sure I’m good at. It’s like easy breathing to me,” I tell him as I lean back on the sofa and close my eyes in pleasure.

“You sound like you’re hooked on drugs!” he exclaimed.

“Naw, I’m not I just…I’m in love with writing. It sometimes consumes me and I can’t sleep and I don’t feel like eating and I dream of the day when I can run a website or a magazine and not have to focus on bills and then I’d also write great articles examining life issues and talking to experts about their opinions and stuff. You know how when people get their doctorate they have to do research and studies and then produce their findings in a journal?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I always fantasized about doing that, but I never wanted to go back to school. I wish I could do my studies and produce books based on the findings. I want to help people understand themselves better.”

“You want to heal the world, don’t you?” he asks.

I giggle. “I guess so. Seems like such a big task for a little lady from the inner city who can’t even afford to keep her cell phone on.”

“Money is fluid, It comes and goes. It’s no big deal.”

“To YOU it’s not. If I had unlimited money, I’d still have my children with me and I’d be happy.”

“If you had unlimited money, you may have your children with you but you wouldn’t necessarily be happy,” he counters. “Everything that you went through since you left your children with their Dad served a purpose, I believe that. If you didn’t go through all that, you wouldn’t appreciate what is about to happen in your life.”

“How do you know what’s about to happen in my life?” I ask.

“Trust me, I know,” he says.

“You’re always asking me about me. Why don’t you tell me your dream?”

“I already told you.”

“What?”

“I want to have a family business. I don’t know what that’s going to be though. I want to be a team with my wife. I want us to build something together. But until I meet her, I don’t think about that much, I guess when we hook up we’ll figure it out together.”

I can’t believe he just said that.

“Why are you so quiet?” he asks.

“I’m just thinking.”

“Thinking what? You’re in love with me, huh?”

“Shut up! You are so damn arrogant!”

“I am not arrogant I’m just aware of the truth.”

“You’re conceited. You think you’re all that!”

“I KNOW I’m all that. I can have any woman I want.”

“Ughhhh..You’re so conceited!”

“You like that don’t you?” he whispers.

“Don’t use that sexy voice on me!” I scream.

“You love me, don’t you? It’s okay. I’ve been there before. I promise to make you feel good everyday.”

“You suck! You need to calm that shit down!”

The line goes quiet.

“I…I want to see you,” I can hear myself saying and I can’t believe it.

He’s quiet. “Huh, What did you say?”

“I want to see you sometime soon,” I say again.

“I heard you the first time. I just wanted to be sure,” he teases me.

I laugh. “I hate you.”

“No you don’t. You love me. But for now we’re just friends.”

“Friends,” I confirm. He drives me nuts.

“Can a friend take you out tonight?” he asks.

“Tonight?” I laugh. “What you gonna do, have a virtual dinner with me?”

“I don’t have to. I’m here in Miami.”

“You’re here?!” I jump up to my feet and glance out the window.

He chuckles. “I got here last night. I was hoping you’d want to see me but I wasn’t going to ask. I just thought about it. I wanted you to tell me you wanted to see me.”

“That’s the law of attraction!” I exclaimed. “You get what you wish for if you aren’t in resistance to it!”

“Huh?”

“I mean, if you want something and you relax and don’t worry, it’ll happen! You did it! You manifested meeting up with me!”

“Ohhhkayy. If you say so. So does that mean you want to go out?”

I pause. He manifested me. That makes me feel so good. I’m going to go out and have a good time with my friend. We are going to laugh and drink and eat and everything will happen just as it should. He’s nice to me. I deserve it. There are good men in the world and I just met one.

“Of course I do,” I tell him. “Where are you?”

“Where are you?” I ask Steve as I move to grab a pen to write down directions.

“I’m downtown. Near the Carnival Center,” he said.

“Ok. I got the general area. Give me the address and I’ll pick you up at 8.”

“Sounds good to me,” he says and gives me the address.”What do you want to do?”

“It’s my choice?” I ask.

“We can do whatever you want to do,” he replies.

“Ok. I’ll let you know when I get there.”

I hang up and sit down on the edge of my bed. I’m excited to finally see him again but also nervous at the same time. I don’t know if I can do this though. The last couple of times I tried to date men ended in disaster. But no, it wasn’t really disaster. Being with them helped me to define what I really want in a relationship. It also showed me where I had been going wrong in my presentation of who I am.

No, I will not decrease my expectations for a man again. Everytime I listen to my friends and “give him a try” I’m always dissappointed in the end. I’m a pretty great judge of character and so far Steve hasn’t given me a reason not to trust him, so I won’t go into this with the evil eye.

We’re not dating. We’re friends. But yes, I’m attracted to him. Damn. It’s those glasses man. Why are dudes with glasses so sexy to me?

I bet he knows a lot about business. ~sigh~
I bet he can put together a business plan in no time flat.

I am getting so turned on right now. I need to chill.

Ok, Tee. This is the day you’ve been waiting for. This is your test. Can you hang out with a man that you are attracted to and not sleep with him immediately? You know what happens after you do that. You know that ruins everything. You lose all respect for him and then…ultimately you don’t respect the relationship because you figure he’s a slut and fucks anything in his path.

But that’s okay. No pressure. Every man is a link in the chain toward my good. He is in my life for a reason so I’m going to find out why.

I undress quickly, shower and then carefully select my favorite casual outfit. It consists of a pair of stone washed black jeans, a black pin-striped button down shirt with quarter length sleeves and black closed toed heels. I only button the middle two buttons of my shirt so that my undershirt is visible. Tonight I choose a dark purple camisole.

I put on my favorite bracelet, it looks like a chain of multi-colored gumballs. Then I choose a pair of green dangling earrings.

I brush my teeth then I apply my makeup with glee. I love applying my makeup. I smack my lips together with the final coat of lip gloss and smile.

One last piece. It’s my black suede cap.

I love my hat. ~sigh~

I love this outfit.

When I wear it I feel like…THIS IS ME! I AM WHO I AM!

I grab my red leather handbag and I’m out the door.

I hop on I-95 South and get off on the 62nd street exit. I make a left and then a right on Biscayne and ride all the way down until I see the Omni. I make another left a few blocks down and I pull up to this big building. I pull up front, turn my car off and walk inside to the front desk.

Before I can utter his name I hear his voice, “Hey Beautiful.”

I turn around and..ahhh…he’s so cute in a pair of pressed white linen pants and and a soft blue top. He looks so tropical tonight.

Hmm…I’m wearing all black. We sure don’t look like we’re going to the same place.

I walk over to him and give him a hug.

His cologne is soooo sexy. I give him an extra hug before I release him from my embrace and he laughs.

“Don’t try to have secks with me tonight. I don’t get down on the first date,” he says.

We walk back to my car and I open the door for him before walking around to get into my own seat.

“You’re hilarious!” he says and laughs. “So, where are we going?”

“Do you like pizza?” I ask him.

“Ofcourse, Are we going to the Beach?”

“No, just up the street is a pizza place that I love, then we can go for drinks.”

So I’m driving up Biscayne and the windows are rolled down. We’re listening to Freddy Cruz on Hot 105.1 and I’m telling him all about my love affair with this DJ.

“Since I was a little girl, about 13 or so, I would go to bed early every night at 8 just so I could listen to him in the dark alone. He has such a nice voice and all he plays are old school R&B love songs. I used to fantasize and cry, praying for my perfect love.”

He shakes his head at me. “And that was fun for you?”

“Yeah, actually it was. I figured that he wasn’t in Miami and he was out there somewhere, wondering where I was and when he was gonna meet me. I pictured him at home crying and thinking of me too.”

“You are so very special,” he tells me as I turn up the radio. I can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or not but I don’t really care.

“Oohh! You gotta know this song! It’s my favorite! When I was in 2nd grade I was in a talent show and I won 3rd place when I performed this song with the cutest boy in the 3rd grade, his name was Michael. I’ll never forget him,” my voice trailed off as I reminisced to the tune of Always by Atlantic Starr.

By the time we arrive at the pizza spot, my vibrations are all buzzing and glowing. We find a seat under the stars and the waiter gives us our menus.

“I have no preference,” he says. “Whatever you want is fine with me.”

“Ooh, we’ll have the broccoli pizza then!” I say.

I love this spot. It’s like it’s own little world in the middle of Biscayne Blvd. There is a multitude of outside seating and a big screen that usually shows some sport or another. People of all races are always just vibing and fellowshipping. It’s a really chill spot.

After we place our order there’s a little lull in the conversation and I see him staring at me.

“You like my hat?” I ask him.

He smiles. “Yes, I do.”

“Good. I have 3 more just like it, but in different colors.”

He continues to stare at me with a weird expression. It’s almost as if he’s trying to figure out a rubix cube.

“What?” I ask him.

“You’re really beautiful,” he says. “Really. You are.”

“Thanks!” I say and shrug. “Um..How’s business going?” I ask him, eager to hear all the juicy details of his success story.

“It’s good,” he says. “Well, actually. I’m thinking about…I’m thinking of selling my business.” He clears his throat.

I gasp. “Why?”

“I just…I started it because I was a designer but my actual design skills weren’t that great so I had a bunch of people join me and it turned out that I was a better business developer than I was a designer and now the business side is taking over everything. It’s not as fun anymore.”

“But you’re making money, right?”

“Yeah but…did you ever feel like there’s more to success than just making money?”

I raised my eyebrow. “I don’t know. I’ve never felt successful financially before. I’d like to try it and then I’ll let you know,” I say and laugh.

He doesn’t laugh with me.

“I don’t know, Tee. You seem to have this extraordinary life. You live and you love hard and you’re not afraid to look foolish for your dreams. You’re so honest with yourself about what you want and you don’t let anyone make you feel bad about what you feel you deserve.”

I lower my eyes and sigh. It’s not as easy as he thinks.

“I’m sure you receive your fair share of criticism,” he continues. “But even through all of that hating, you gotta know that people wish they could just take the risks that you did. People wish they had the heart that you do when it comes to knowing what you want out of life. So many people don’t even know what they want. That’s a gift within itself. I’ve been doing this for 6 years now..and now it feels like I’m settling. I want more joy.”

I’m looking at him as he speaks so earnestly about his dissatisfaction. Even more than the words he speaks, I’m feeling his soul yearn for his true destiny.

The pizza arrives at that moment and after I place a slice on his plate and then mine I ask him, “Do you pray?”

He nods.

“Well, I don’t usually pray before my meals because I don’t wanna be religious about anything I do but I’m going to pray right now..for both of us.”

He chuckles. “You’re funny.”

I don’t close my eyes or bow my head. Instead I stare up into the starlit sky and speak to my Creator.

Hey God. It’s me and Steve in Miami. We’re very thankful that you allowed us to meet and become friends. I hope that your greatest intention for us coming across each other that day on the metrorail becomes apparent to us soon. For now we’re both doing well and having a good time with each other. We both have some things on our hearts right now, Steve is thinking about a new beginning and you know me, I’m always starting over..but that’s okay maybe one day all of the new beginnings will make sense.

I thank you right now for clear direction in Steve’s life about what he should do with his business. I thank you right now for a restoration of joy in his life and his spirit. I thank you for the great time we’re going to have tonight and I really, really thank you for this pizza becaue it sure smells good! Just lead us, God. We’re open to hearing from you and following your direction. We both want to be where you want us to be. Just show us where that is.

By the time I finished my talk with God, Steve is looking at his lap and his hands are clasped together.

“Ok Steve! We can eat now! I took care of all of that. Now all we have to do is have fun and wait, He’s gonna put us where we need to be,” I say to him and then CHOMP on my broccoli pizza.

He looks up, stares at me and grins.

I open my mouth so he can see all the gooey pizza inside.

“You’re so cute with them glasses,” I say and push my chair closer to his. “I may have to give you a spanking tonight.”

He still doesn’t speak or touch his pizza. He’s looking at me and grinning.

“You’re really..really nice,” he says.

“Well, you’re really easy to be nice to,” I say. “Come on..eat up! We’re going for drinks and I’m gonna get you FUCKED UP!”

After eating our pizza, we went over to a bar on Biscayne and had two glasses of wine each. We giggled our way back to his side of town, laughing about random stories from our childhood, particularly our dating disasters.

I parked when we got back to his building. “Let’s go across the street,” he suggested and he led across a park and to a bench overlooking the water.

“I hope it doesn’t rain,” he said and looked down at me.

“If you BELIEVE it won’t rain, then it won’t,” I said and grinned.

“Ahh, here you go with the law of attraction stuff again. Some people say that SECRET stuff is really a SECRET cult!”

“Boy please! It’s not a cult, it’s just a new way of thinking. It really changes your life because it helps you to direct your thoughts toward positive things. I’ve been practicing and..I’m telling you, I’m living a better life because of it.”

“So you get more stuff?” he asked me.

“No, I don’t get more stuff. Really, it’s like it freed me from thinking of myself as a victim of my circumstances. If we can conciously choose our thoughts and see the emotions behind those thoughts produce more circumstances that are aligned with those emotions, then I can’t blame anyone for my fears coming true. No one has control over my emotions and thoughts but me. I used to be such a victim, feeling like everyone was out to get me. And they WERE, cuz in my mind they were. Now I feel like the people I meet will love me..or I try to feel that way most of the time.”

We talked well into the night which surprised me because well..I’m not used to that. By the time we caught the hour, it was almost 4am.

I told him I had to go and he walked me to my car.

“Are you okay to drive?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“Will I see you later today?”

“Um…on the late night, I have class tonight and all day I’m busy looking for jobs, writing articles, blah, blah…”

“You gonna give me a hug?” he asks softly.

I roll my eyes. “You asking for a lot,” I joke and step towards him.

“You’re a cool kid,” he says and pats my hat.

“I’m full grown.”

“Almost. You’re not 30 yet.”

Over the next 3 weeks, we talk every day. We develop a habit of calling each other in the morning to say goodmorning and in the evening to discuss our day. Sometimes we stay up until 4am just talking about dumb stuff like his interest in comic books and superheroes.

“Bat Man was the BEST superhero ever!” he told me.

“How come? Why not Superman?”

“Because Superman was BORN Superman,” he explained. “He came to earth with his cape and Superman outfit. He was born to be a Superhero. But Bat Man..man..any of us could be Bat Man. He chooses to be a Superhero. And think about it…He lives in Gotham city and that’s the most crime filled city in the world. But he lives there and he fights crime and he’s never gonna rid the city of crime but he fights anyway. How many people do you know would fight a battle when you know you couldn’t win?”

Sometimes after we’ve talked and have to force ourselves to hang up the phone, I lie awake and think of him, replaying our conversations in my mind.

Sometimes it makes me tear up because for once a man in my life isn’t trying to figure out how my talent could benefit him, or even trying to control me or tell me what I need to improve. It’s like he doesn’t want anything from me but friendship.

And I’ve noticed that he doesn’t tell me what he thinks about a particular area of my life. He’ll ask me to give him more info before he makes a comment and even then he never just offers his opinion unless I ask. I like that.

I don’t have to be superstrong, superstar Ms. Tee with him. He’s cool with the insecure side of me too. He offers assurance that everything is divine and God led and He even helps me to understand my BBDD’s side of the story by putting the situations I tell him about in the best possible terms.

I think he’d make a good therapist. When I mentioned that to him, he said his Mom told him that once but..he wasn’t really interested in doing it professionally.

Truth be told, he reminds me of JB. I can say anything to him. We can talk about my sexual history, my fears, my spiritual path and it’s like..he sees me as some shining star.

He never labels me like the others did. No “You’re selfish” or “You’re obsessive” or “You lack the capacity for growth”.

One night I asked him if there was anything about me that he thought I should change and he said, “Tee, how can I judge you for having a past or being who you are? If you’re passionate about something then you’re passionate. If you’re into sex then as long as you’re doing it because that’s what you want to do then, you’re an adult, you can do that. I’m not your judge. I don’t want to be that in your life. I just want to enjoy being with you because just thinking of you excites me.”

He says he doesn’t have a girlfriend or isn’t dating anyone but in the back of my mind I wish he was. Someone whose spirit is this sweet should be getting some head on the regular.

When I told him that he cracked up. “You volunteering?”

“I’m serious,” I told him. “I hope my sons grow up to treat women like you treat me.”

“Tee, that means the world to me. I know how much you want them to be good men.”

“I really do. I believe they will be,” I whispered intp the phone. “Even when other people question the way that I teach them, you know, letting them tell me anything without being mad at them for it, or not spanking them or how I show them lots of affection, in my heart, I don’t feel like I’m doing the wrong thing. So I don’t care what people say. All I’m really trying to do is treat them the way I wish I had been treated when I was growing up.”

“You’re doing fine,” he assured me. “Your boys are going to love you forever. Tee, this is just one season of your life and it’s already getting better cuz look..you met me.”

“Haha..You’re conceited, You gotta reason too!”

“I know you like me,” he commented. “Why don’t you tell me.”

“I like you as a friend,” I offered hesitantly.

“So you don’t want to be my lady?”

“Umm..lemme call you back.” I hang up quickly and dial 404— —-. I need to talk to Tamara.

“Prince! Steve is tripping. He’s getting all crazy on the phone!”

“Calm down Tee,” Prince says and yawns. “What did he say?”

I recounted the conversation to her and she laughed. “Tee, he was just asking. He wasn’t ASKING. You know what I mean?”

“Ohh. Cuz it scared me.”

“Girl, you are a trip. And anyway, if he did ask, why are you so scared? You already like him and he’s nice to you. Tee, remember what I told you, sometimes in order to get over a fear, you have to face it.”

“Shut up Prince. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

I call Steve back and he answers on the first ring.

“What happened? You got scared by my question and had to call one of your homegirls? Probably Tamara, huh?”

Uhhh…”Whatever. I had to go to the bathroom,” I lie.

“You’re lieing,” he says flatly.

“Leave me alone,” I say.

“You’re a trip,” he says and laughs. I’ll be down there tomorrow so be ready to meet up with me by 7.”

“Damn…Is that how you think it goes? You runnin thangs now?” I laugh.

“Be ready by 7. We’re going to my brother’s house for dinner.”

“WHAT?!”

“You heard me.”

“Steve???”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow when I see you. I’m tired. I have to go. Goodnight.”

Ohhhhh shit!

I was so nervous all morning as I searched through my closet for something to wear. This was only our second date after all and now I was going to meet his brother and his wife.

I chose a simple black dress with green accents on the collar and the quarter length sleeves paired with some strappy black flat sandals and a black hand purse.

Steve called at 5pm. “Hey you, are you almost ready?”

“No, not yet. You said 7.”

“Well, I’m here and you can come by to pick me up at anytime.”

I got dressed and drove over to the building where I picked him up the first time. He was standing there looking smart in a pair of pressed jeans and a crips white polo shirt.

“Do you want to drive?” I asked him.

“Sure, he said and hustled over to the drivers side, adjusting the mirrors and seat to fit his 6 foot frame.

“Tee,” he said as he looked over his shoulder into the backseat.

“Huh?”

“Never mind,” he said.

A few minutes later he pulled into a gas station and I glanced at him with a puzzled expression.

He didn’t say a word as he pulled up next to the gas pump, filled my tank with gas and then vacummed out my car, throwing away old water bottles and old napkins that were on the floor.

“Umm, thanks,” I said.

He patted my hand and grinned. “You DO need a maid!” he joked.

“Um, Where does your brother live?” I asked.

“He lives in Coral Gables.”

“Well, do you rent at the same hotel everytime you come? You stayed with him the first time I met you, but the second time you were at that building.”

“Oh, that’s my condo,” he informed me. “I usually rent it out but when we met it was being cleaned after my last tenants moved away. So now I stay there.”

“So you own it?”

“Uhh..yeah.”

“Do you own the brownstone in Brooklyn too?”

“Yeah. By the way, Rick moved out this weekend. You can come visit me anytime now.”

Wow.

“What is your brother’s wife like?” I ask him.

“Well, she’s a lot like my father’s ex-wife. The woman who raised us. She can be a bit cranky at times but she’s sweet once you get to know her.”

“What did you tell them about me?”

He looked over at me and laughed. “I told them that I met a woman that I like a lot and I wanted them to meet you.”

I didn’t know what to say so I changed the subject.

“What was it like being raised by someone other than your Mom? I know you and your Mom are still very close. Was there any tension between your Mom and StepMom?”

“Naw..Mom was cool about it. I mean, we were boys so she knew that it would be a good idea for us to be around our Dad. In case you’re wondering about your boys, don’t worry, they’ll never lose their love for you. We didn’t. We knew who our Mom was but Janice was nice too. We love them both.”

As we drove down I95 and off into South Miami we chatted about my classes and his latest adventures in New York.

“Oh, I have something for you,” he said and pulled a small satchel from the side door.

I hadn’t noticed it when I picked him up.

“What is it?”

“You have to guess.”

“Uhhh….”

He grabbed his cell phone from his waistband and dialed a number. The satchel vibrated.

What the?????

“Open it,” he told me.

“When I picked up the satchel and opened it, I laughed.

“You bought me a Blackberry?!” I exclaimed.

“Yeah, can’t have you around here without a cell phone, can I?”

“Thank you Steve! But um…” I reached into my purse and produced my cell phone.

“I got paid for a story yesterday and I turned my phone back on,” I informed him.

He laughed. “Well, I guess you have two phones then. Don’t worry about the bill, it’s a company phone.”

We rounded a corner and I sat back, enjoying the beautiful scenery. Coral Gables looks nothing like North Miami. The houses here all look like mansions compared to where I grew up. Whenever I get the chance to drive down south I like to fantasize about one day living in such a beautiful place.

“We’re here,” Steve announced as we pulled into a powder blue two story home with a magnificent circular driveway.

“Hey, I need your help,” I told him as I stepped out of the car.

“What’s going on?”

“Um..well, I’m a little nervous and when I get nervous I sweat a lot..um..down there. I’m so self concious about it so just tell me if you smell anything.”

He laughed and laughed. “Oh yeah, I remember that story. You’re crazy. You’re fine. Don’t worry.”

Steve pulled out his keys and opened the front door. Two little brown dogs jumped up and ran toward us, sniffing my feet and jumping up on Steve as we sat our packages down.

“What’s in the box?” Steve asked.

“Oh, it’s a chocolate cake.”

“Did you bake it?”

“No way. Publix did.”

“Ofcourse!”

Suddenly a dainty woman appeared. She looked about my age with a short black bob and a flower print dress with heels.

“Hello Steve,” she said and gave Steve a hug before turning to me. “And it’s nice to finally meet you Tee. I’m Brenda.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” I managed to squeak out. This lady was FIRE! She looked like a million bucks. Her bob was flawless and pressed just right. Even the toe ring she wore was stunning.

We followed her to the living room, which was cozy, yet splendid. The color scheme was all white, except for a few yellow daisies set in colorless vases on the end tables. The sofa was plush and inviting. I followed Steve’s cue and sat down beside him.

“Chill out,” he whispered. “It’s just my brother and his wife.”

“Mark!” Steve called out. “We’re here!”

“What’s up?” Mark said, seeming to appear out of nowhere.

I tried to hide my suprise at how handsome he was. He and Steve could have been twins, except he was a much more muscular version. Just two years older than Steve, Mark has made his living in banking and was now a vice-president of a mid-sized bank downtown.

His wife was a manager of a boutique on South Beach and she definitely looked the part.

Mark sat down and pulled out a magazine. I smiled as he turned to page 33.

“So you’ve read one of my latest stories?” I asked him.

“I sure did. When Steve told me that you were a writer I was impressed. I do a little writing myself, mostly poetry though, but I’ve never been published.

“It’s not that tough,” I told him. “Just choose a magazine that you like to read and send a poem in. When I worked for a magazine in Atlanta, we’d get poetry all the time and I’d choose the best pieces and publish them. It all depends on the editor and the seasonal features being produced.”

“Well, maybe I will. Would you like to read some of my writing?”

I gasped. “I sure would! Do you perform your pieces?”

Mark chuckled. “Oh no! I rarely even share them. But I guess I could read some for you after dinner.”

“Yay!” I squealed and everyone laughed. “I’ll perform one of mine too. We can play some games!”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Steve stifle a laugh.

“What you laughing at?” I asked him and pinched his arm.

“You. You’re always ready to perform.”

“Are you an actress?” Brenda asked me.

“Something like that. I guess. I can act, but I’m not interested in a career like that. I’m in graduate school, trying to see if I can hang in the academic world.”

“That’s right, Steve mentioned you’re going to be a therapist,” Brenda said as she smiled a wide grin.

“Yes, a Couples therapist. But really I hope to do research about communication issues and write books about relationships and stuff like that. I’ve just written an article about Dealing With Regret.”

“What was your advice?” Mark asked.

“Um, well I reminded the readers that we all have choices to make in life and no choice is the wrong choice. If we learn to trust ourselves to make the right decisions, even if things don’t go the way we envisioned them we’ll feel better knowing that every decision leads to our ultimate destinies. No decision should ever be regretted. No regrets!”

“You’re right!” Brenda remarked and then shocked me by asking. “Do you regret leaving your sons?”

I gasped and looked at Steve. He shook his head.

“Um…No. I figured it was the best thing to do at the time. And I didn’t leave them, their father asked for them,” I replied curtly.

“Well, I don’t have children but I couldn’t imagine leaving them at such a young age. Don’t you feel bad about that at all? I mean, they are your children after all. Every child needs a mother.”

I gulped as my blood began to boil. “They have a mother. I’m a part of their lives. I see them every week and we spend time together.”

“But still..I can’t imagine doing that because….”

Steve cut her off. “Brenda. Tee says she has no regrets. Leave it at that. She is just fine with her arrangement.”

“I’m sure she is,” Mark interjected. “Um..everybody, let’s go have dinner.”

Steve and I left his brother’s house immediately after dinner was over. I wasn’t interested in dealing with his brother’s wife.

Since it was still early, around 11 pm I asked Steve what he wanted to do.

“We can go out if you want to? What’s your favorite spot?”

My eyes lit up. I’ve always wanted to try this, let’s see if he’s down.

“We can go get some drinks at this spot. But only if you’re adventurous. Are you down?”

He laughed. “Whatever you wanna do.”

I drove us back up to North Miami and then over to Biscayne Boulevard. When we got out of the car Steve looked puzzled.

“What’s this?” he asked me.

“You’ll see.”

We walked inside and the lady at the front greeted us. He paid for our admission and we walked through an entrance into….

THE BIGGEST ADULT ENTERTAINMENT CLUB IN THE SOUTH….

Steve couldn’t stop smiling. I was so glad because of that. I hoped he wouldn’t be offended. We made a beeline for the bar and ordered two drinks before choosing a seat just outside of the mainstage.

The place wasn’t too busy yet so we had time to take in the scenery and check out the women, walking around half naked and flirting with the men. After laughing, talking and ordering our second drink, I leaned over to Steve and asked, “Are you ready for a dance?”

“What?!”

“I want to buy you a dance…” I said and winked.

“You want to watch me get a dance from one of these women?”

“I sure do.”

He paused. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I am. Let me pick one for you.”

I scanned the room looking for a nice one. Their well designed costumes and firm bodies made me smile. Steve watched me with a fascinated expression.

“You’re a trip, you know that?” he whispered in my ear. For the first time since we met, I felt a sexual tension between us. I backed away and noticed this dark skinned chick walk by and smile at us.

As she walked away I had this feeling..Call it attraction or whatever but from the way she walked, her swagger. I knew she was the one.

“I’ll be back,” I told Steve and followed the woman.

“Hi,” I said and smiled at her. “I brought my boyfriend here for a dance. Would you dance for him?”

She looked me up and down and smiled at me.

“Sure, where is he?”

“He’s over there but I’d like a private dance upstairs. I’d like to join you. What’s your name?”

She grinned and blushed, “CoCo” she replied, her dark brown eyes shining. Her body glitter was on point and her Wonder Woman costume fit just right. Mmm…She smells like vanilla.

We both walked over to Steve and I could see him shift uncomfortably in his chair.

“Steve this is CoCo. Do you like her? She’s going to dance for you.”

Steve cleared his throat and stood up. His eyes spoke to me. “Are you serious?” I grinned.

We walked up the staircase and pass the bouncer in front of the private rooms. We chose a booth near the back and I stepped aside and pushed Steve down into the black leather seat.

Keith Sweat’s sexy single NOBODY drifted from hidden speakers and CoCo began her seduction of Steve. I stood by and watched as she rolled her body for Steve, his eyes darting back and forth between me and her cleavage as she moved closer and closer to him.

With one precise movement, she removed her top, exposing herself to him.

“Relax,” I whispered to him. “Enjoy yourself.”

CoCo whined her body in a way that I never could and I could see why this was her profession. She climbed onto his lap and began to grind her pelvis on him. Every so often I could hear soft murmurs escaping her lips as she continued to provoke an erection. His hands twitched before grabbing onto her bodacious booty…

(Sorry..no HOB details *Circa Brown Suga 2005*. This isn’t an erotic blog)

Outside of the club, we walked in silence back to my car.

“Did you like that?” I asked cautiously, silently hoping for a positive response.

He stopped and grabbed my arm, pulling me to him in a tight embrace.

“Let’s go back to my place,” he whispered in my ear.

“Yes…let’s do that,” I agreed.

In less than 15 minutes Steve and I were parking my car and then standing outside of the elevators waiting to go up to his condo.

During the entire ride from the Strip Club both Steve and I were silent, each lost in our own thoughts. I wondered if tonight was the night that Steve and I would go from friends to lovers. In the past I made early sexual strides with men, sometimes to test them sometimes to satisfy my own perverted desires.

I’m headed to his house. I know what goes down when you go to a man’s house on the late night. I’m not opposed to the idea either, but what’s going to happen tomorrow? I want to continue to be friends with him.

How did he really feel about me after I took him to get a lap dance? I can’t seem to meet a man who doesn’t think I’m trashy because I like that kind of thing. But yeah..I do. The thought of my man being seduced by another women arouses me. I don’t know why but it does.

Man…I’m not even sure if we should be doing this. This could potentially end our entire relationship because once the condom is discarded, my interest goes in the trash with it.I blinked twice as I heard a familiar voice in my ear. I looked in the back seat. No one. Huh? Wait..who is that?I gasp as I see a tiny figure sitting gingerly on my left shoulder. Oh shit! I’m going crazy!”Tamara?” I murmur.”Yeah girl,” the tiny pixie-like figure replies in a tone that almost sounds like a song. “I know what you’re about to do. But Tee, I want you to remember that when you have secks and it’s with someone you love, it’s so much better than random secks.”I glance over at Steve, who smiles while the elevator continues to ascend to his 10th floor apartment.All of a sudden I feel a prick on my right cheek. I look over at my right shoulder and it’s Anna in the same seated position, smoking a blunt. I laugh.”Turn him out,” she says frankly and takes a long puff. ” Show him how Miami rides out. Remember what I taught you.””Ohh Tee,” Tamara sings. “Love is beautiful. Don’t you want love instead of secks?”Anna interjects, “Bitch please! Show him what you workin wit’! Handle that!”I shake off those pixies as the elevator stops.
“Tee.” Steve’s voice surprises me as he gently guides me off the elevator. “Daydreaming again?” he asks and grins. “What’s your fantasy tonight?” I giggle nervously.He smiles and unlocks the front door to his apartment. It’s pitch black as he closes the door behind us and then I hear him clap twice and the lights come on.

“You have THE CLAPPER?!!” I giggle. “You are a nerd!”

“Yeah. It’s a life saver.”

I stretch my eyes wide and walk through his home. He takes his time showing me each room. It’s a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo on the 10th floor of a waterfront property. The furniture is sparse but placed with precision throughout the apartment. The place is immaculate and kind of sterile.

“It doesn’t look like anyone lives here,” I tell him as we step out onto the balcony.

“Well, no one does right now. I lease it for a few months at a time or I stay here when I’m in Miami.”

He guides me to the tan colored leather sofa and he sits beside me. We’re both sitting there like teenage virgins home alone for the first time.
After a minute of uncomfortable silence, he rises and walks over to a tall mahogany chest in the foyer. He opens a drawer, retrieves something and walks toward me with a smile.
“Wanna play cards?” he asks and drops the deck on the coffee table.Cards?Aww…He’s scared. I laugh to myself. Let me loosen him up a bit.”No thanks Steve, but I would like to play a game.””What game is that?” he asks, his voice lower than usual. He’s still standing in front of me as I curl up on the couch, removing my sandals and giving him the ‘come hither’ look.”Well,” I reply softly. “You be the cop and I’m in the back seat of your squad car. You just caught me driving under the influence.”He stares down at me with a thoughtful expression.”Come here…” I tell him firmly. He submits to my command and I reach out to pull him on top of me so that we are face to face.”You’re beautiful…” he says.”So are you.”I move my head to the right and take a whiff of his cologne. “You smell good,” I tell him. I plant a soft kiss on his neck and I feel his body stiffen.”Tell me you like that,” I say.”I like it.””What about this?” I ask as I kiss him again, this time more firmly sucking on his neck.He moves away from me quickly and I sit up straight.”What happened?” I ask.”Nothin…Let’s play cards,” he says and pulls the coffee table closer.I’m confused. “I don’t want to play cards. I want you to come here right now.”He freezes and then turns to me.”You can’t have everything you want, you know.” he says.”According to the Law of Attraction, yes I can,” I tease him.”Tee, Let’s just chill. I mean, I want to spend time with you.””We spent time together all night, I want to do something different,” I say, raising my voice an octave.”Well, let’s watch a movie then,” he says and grabs the remote.I give him the dirtiest look I can muster. A look that usually grabs men by the balls and forces them to do my bidding.”Wait…”I stammer. “Steve…Are you gay?””What?!” he asks and turns to look at me. “Don’t play me like that.””What you mean? You DID used to live in Atlanta..I know how they get down. Did you meet a dude named Dell?””Slow that shit down,” he says and changes the channel.”Come here,” I whine and rub him on his back. “I just want to be close to you.””We are close,” he says firmly. “Chill out.”I suck my teeth and roll my eyes. “Nigga you gay,” I say and stand to pull on my sandals.

In one swift motion he grabs me and pins me on the couch. His face is inches away from mine and his grip is tightening as his brow wrinkles.”What?!” he hisses. “You want me to pull off your clothes and fuck you like the rest of them bitch ass niggas? You want me to pull up your dress and fuck you like you’re a slut?!”His face is tight and his voice is so low. I would have been scared except…”You’re turning me on,” I tell him playfully.He shakes his head and releases me. “I knew that shit would. Man…”He places his face in his palms, his elbows resting on his thighs.”Tee,” he says softly, his voice but a murmur. “You don’t have to do this everytime. You don’t have to be like that. Don’t you know who you are?””I do know who I am. I like secks. I like you. Let’s have secks.”He turns to look at me. “Tee. I could have secks with you right now, but afterwards I’d think you were easy and gave it up to any man who crossed your path. I wouldn’t respect you. I wouldn’t keep you. You can’t do this. You can’t keep doing this. You’re better than this.”My throat tightens. I can’t even find the words to respond.
“Let me go then,” I say, fighting the urge to cry.”No. I invited you here because I want to spend time with you. I want to hold you. I…I care about you.” His voice is strong, yet tender. It’s as though he’s pleading with me.

“Man,” I say playing the hard role. “Lemme go outside and smoke and I’ll think about it. I grab my purse to reach for a Black and he takes it from me.”What? Are you my Daddy now?” I ask with a frown and stand up.”I’m not your Daddy, but I am your man and you’re gonna quit that smokin shit and act like the lady that you are,” he says firmly.”Nigga please!”He stands in front of me. The heat from his body caressing me, causing me to go weak.”Call me a nigga again and see what happens…I’m not a nigga. I’m a man. Remember that.” Damn..He’s so…so…damn…..I roll my eyes at him and place both hands on my hips.”I’m sleeping on the couch,” I announce and sit back down.He walks away, into the kitchen. I hear him fumbling with the cabinets. I then hear clinking noises.”What are you doing?” I call out.”Don’t worry about it. Go in the room,” he calls back.”I ain’t goin in the room, I’m sleepin out here,” I say defiantly.I hear his footsteps approach and my heart beats faster. He stands in front of me, pulls me to my feet and turns me around so that my back is pressed against his stomache. He leans down, placing his mouth near my ear.”Get yo ass in the room, Tee. Don’t make me say it again.”I blink twice, my body reacting to his deep, sexy voice.I walk numbly into his bedroom and sit down on the bed. He enters the room shortly after with two wine glasses. He places them on a tray that is sitting on his nighstand and then goes over to his closet and returns with a t-shirt and a pair of shorts.”You can wear this if you want babe,” he says.I smile at him, take the clothes and head to the bathroom to change. When I get back he’s wearing a wife beater and a pair of basketball shorts. He has soft music playing and two candles lit on his nightstand.”Here you go,” he says and hands me a glass. I sniff the dark wine and take a sip before sitting on the bed next to him. He pulls me closer and hugs me tightly, almost spilling my drink.”You’re a brat,” he says and bites my ear. “But you know that already. What am I going to do with you?””Keep doing what you’re doing,” I say and lean back against him. We’re both silent for a while and I replay the night’s events in my mind. Wait a minute…What did he say earlier?Did he say he’s my…MAN???