Introducing My Imaginary Boyfriend Steve

Today I decided to poke a little fun at myself and I created an adventure involving my imaginary boyfriend. It was so much fun that I decided to go even further and introduce him to you all. Don’t laugh…he’s sooo much fun!

Introducing My Imaginary Boyfriend Steve

I’m on the metrorail on my way downtown for yet another job interview. I’ve enjoyed 6 months of freelance writing and hoping for a call back on any of the interviews that I had been on but I wasn’t discouraged at all. What God has for me is for me. Until it presents itself, I’m going to relax and enjoy my vacation.

As soon as I step off at the Government Center station, this dude rushes past me and knocks my bag off my shoulder. I give him a dirty look and he stops.

“Sorry about that,” he says.

“Whatever,” I say and keep walking.

“I got something that’ll make you smile!” he calls out after me as I hurry down the escalators.

I ignore him and quickly rush through the crowd of business men and tourists. My interview went great and I’m surprised. I showed them all of me, including telling them “I am not a gossip person and I just want to do my work. If social obligations are a part of this job then it won’t be a good fit for me.”

The woman interviewing me laughed and shook my hand. “We’ll get back with you,” she says. “It’s truly been a pleasure.”

I decide to stop in at Wendy’s for a chicken sandwhich on my way back to the metrorail station. I’m nibbling on my sandwhich inside the restaurant and reading my book when I hear a voice.

“Hey Red.”

I look up. A greasy faced, gold toothed thug stares back at me. His white tee is stained with some kind of brown stuff and his shoes are busted and dirty.

“Hey,” I reply and immediately lower my gaze back to my book.

“Can I come sit with you?” he asks, taking a step toward me.

“Um….I’m waiting on someone. But thanks. I’m good.”

“Are you sure about that?” he smiles down at me.

“Yeah. He’ll be here any minute.”

Mr. Brown Stain dramatically gazes around the entire restaurant before saying, “Well, he ain’t here yet. Let me sit down for a minute.”

Ughhh…

I open my mouth to curse at him when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

“Hey Baby. Who’s this?” I look at the hand on my shoulder and my first instinct is to stand up in self defense when I look up and see the dude who knocked my bag off my shoulder. He gives me a half smile and sits down.

“Oh, he was just saying Hi.” I say.

Mr. Brown Stain stammers and walks away.

“Where did you come from?” I ask him.

“I was sitting over there,” he says and guestures toward a corner set. “I saw you come in but you looked so mean that I just laughed and figured I shouldn’t bother you again.”

“Good idea,” I say and check him out.

He’s not wearing the coat he was wearing earlier. He’s in a dress shirt and tie. His shoes look comfortable but well taken care of.

“Why are you always looking so mean?” he asks.

I roll my eyes at him. “I’m focused.”

He laughs. “Is that what they call attitude these days?”

I give him the dirtiest look I can muster and he simply laughs again.

“You’re good at that,” he says. “You should be an actress.”

“Well, I have to go. See ya later,” I say and then stand up to brush the crumbs from my lap.

“You missed one,” he says and I duck as his hand reaches for my face.

“Dude. Slow down. I don’t know you like that.”

“You’re so feisty,” he says. “Wanna fight? Release some of that anger?” He raises his fists in a boxing stance.

I roll my eyes again and then I soften a bit and smile.

“Alright. See ya later,” I say. I see him shake his head as I turn to leave.

I sit down at the train station as I wait for the northbound train. I pull out my book and then I feel a bump. When I look up, it’s the dude, smiling at me.

“Are you stalking me already?” I ask.

“Are you stalking ME?” he asks back.

“Man…”

“Look, I just had an interview and I’m done for the day.”

“Me too. Where’d you interview?” I ask.

“You’re nosey!” he says.

“Whatever!”

“Hey,” he says and reaches into his shoulder bag. It’s black leather and almost identical to the one I’m carrying. He produces a CD in a plastic case. “Do you like The Boondocks?”

I grin. “Ughh. Nigga you gay!” I say and scoot down on the wooden bench.

“That shit was so funny!” he says and laughs, a deep throaty laugh.

“You laugh funny!” I tell him.

“You have big feet,” he says.

“Shut up!” I retort. “I wear them with style.”

“Those things are as big as mine,” he says.

“You know what?” I say and give him a stank look.

“Ahhh, there you go with the attitude again. You’re much prettier when your nose isn’t all scrunched up.”

I blush.

“Ahhh, you’re blushing!” he says. “You like me don’t you?”

I laugh. “Shut up!”

“You’re in love with me. I can see it in your eyes. Love at first sight, huh?”

“Shut up!”

“You might as well go ahead and give me the number,” he says with a solemn expression. “I mean, if you don’t you’ll always wonder what if.”

I laugh.

“You can’t have my number. I don’t date.”

“Who said I wanted to take you out? I don’t have money to feed you!”

I crack up. “I guess we’re too unemployed professionals on the grind, huh?”

“Always,” he says. “So can I email you then?” He reaches into his pocket and produces a blackberry.

My heart hurts. He’s so funny but…I don’t want to risk letting him in. I don’t want to risk letting him get to know me and finding out that I’m way too over the top for him, to sexually open for him, too spiritually evolved for him.

Hmmm…

“Look, you can google me. I’m a writer. There’s lots of stuff online about me. If you like what you read, you can find my email and send me a note.”

I input my pen name into his phone.

“Ohhkay..” he says and places his phone back into his pocket. “I’ll do that. And you can hold this DVD I burned, it has the entire season 1 collection of The Boondocks on it. But notice I said HOLD, not have, unless you have $5.”

I laugh.

“Dude, you got jokes!” I say.

“That’s what they say. By the way, my name is Steve….”

to be continued…

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