“Where are you?” I ask Steve as I move to grab a pen to write down directions.
“I’m downtown. Near the Carnival Center,” he said.
“Ok. I got the general area. Give me the address and I’ll pick you up at 8.”
“Sounds good to me,” he says and gives me the address.”What do you want to do?”
“It’s my choice?” I ask.
“We can do whatever you want to do,” he replies.
“Ok. I’ll let you know when I get there.”
I hang up and sit down on the edge of my bed. I’m excited to finally see him again but also nervous at the same time. I don’t know if I can do this though. The last couple of times I tried to date men ended in disaster. But no, it wasn’t really disaster. Being with them helped me to define what I really want in a relationship. It also showed me where I had been going wrong in my presentation of who I am.
No, I will not decrease my expectations for a man again. Everytime I listen to my friends and “give him a try” I’m always dissappointed in the end. I’m a pretty great judge of character and so far Steve hasn’t given me a reason not to trust him, so I won’t go into this with the evil eye.
We’re not dating. We’re friends. But yes, I’m attracted to him. Damn. It’s those glasses man. Why are dudes with glasses so sexy to me?
I bet he knows a lot about business. ~sigh~
I bet he can put together a business plan in no time flat.
I am getting so turned on right now. I need to chill.
Ok, Tee. This is the day you’ve been waiting for. This is your test. Can you hang out with a man that you are attracted to and not sleep with him immediately? You know what happens after you do that. You know that ruins everything. You lose all respect for him and then…ultimately you don’t respect the relationship because you figure he’s a slut and fucks anything in his path.
But that’s okay. No pressure. Every man is a link in the chain toward my good. He is in my life for a reason so I’m going to find out why.
I undress quickly, shower and then carefully select my favorite casual outfit. It consists of a pair of stone washed black jeans, a black pin-striped button down shirt with quarter length sleeves and black closed toed heels. I only button the middle two buttons of my shirt so that my undershirt is visible. Tonight I choose a dark purple camisole.
I put on my favorite bracelet, it looks like a chain of multi-colored gumballs. Then I choose a pair of green dangling earrings.
I brush my teeth then I apply my makeup with glee. I love applying my makeup. I smack my lips together with the final coat of lip gloss and smile.
One last piece. It’s my black suede cap.
I love my hat. ~sigh~
I love this outfit.
When I wear it I feel like…THIS IS ME! I AM WHO I AM!
I grab my red leather handbag and I’m out the door.
I hop on I-95 South and get off on the 62nd street exit. I make a left and then a right on Biscayne and ride all the way down until I see the Omni. I make another left a few blocks down and I pull up to this big building. I pull up front, turn my car off and walk inside to the front desk.
Before I can utter his name I hear his voice, “Hey Beautiful.”
I turn around and..ahhh…he’s so cute in a pair of pressed white linen pants and and a soft blue top. He looks so tropical tonight.
Hmm…I’m wearing all black. We sure don’t look like we’re going to the same place.
I walk over to him and give him a hug.
His cologne is soooo sexy. I give him an extra hug before I release him from my embrace and he laughs.
“Don’t try to have secks with me tonight. I don’t get down on the first date,” he says.
We walk back to my car and I open the door for him before walking around to get into my own seat.
“You’re hilarious!” he says and laughs. “So, where are we going?”
“Do you like pizza?” I ask him.
“Ofcourse, Are we going to the Beach?”
“No, just up the street is a pizza place that I love, then we can go for drinks.”
So I’m driving up Biscayne and the windows are rolled down. We’re listening to Freddy Cruz on Hot 105.1 and I’m telling him all about my love affair with this DJ.
“Since I was a little girl, about 13 or so, I would go to bed early every night at 8 just so I could listen to him in the dark alone. He has such a nice voice and all he plays are old school R&B love songs. I used to fantasize and cry, praying for my perfect love.”
He shakes his head at me. “And that was fun for you?”
“Yeah, actually it was. I figured that he wasn’t in Miami and he was out there somewhere, wondering where I was and when he was gonna meet me. I pictured him at home crying and thinking of me too.”
“You are so very special,” he tells me as I turn up the radio. I can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or not but I don’t really care.
“Oohh! You gotta know this song! It’s my favorite! When I was in 2nd grade I was in a talent show and I won 3rd place when I performed this song with the cutest boy in the 3rd grade, his name was Michael. I’ll never forget him,” my voice trailed off as I reminisced to the tune of Always by Atlantic Starr.
By the time we arrive at the pizza spot, my vibrations are all buzzing and glowing. We find a seat under the stars and the waiter gives us our menus.
“I have no preference,” he says. “Whatever you want is fine with me.”
“Ooh, we’ll have the broccoli pizza then!” I say.
I love this spot. It’s like it’s own little world in the middle of Biscayne Blvd. There is a multitude of outside seating and a big screen that usually shows some sport or another. People of all races are always just vibing and fellowshipping. It’s a really chill spot.
After we place our order there’s a little lull in the conversation and I see him staring at me.
“You like my hat?” I ask him.
He smiles. “Yes, I do.”
“Good. I have 3 more just like it, but in different colors.”
He continues to stare at me with a weird expression. It’s almost as if he’s trying to figure out a rubix cube.
“What?” I ask him.
“You’re really beautiful,” he says. “Really. You are.”
“Thanks!” I say and shrug. “Um..How’s business going?” I ask him, eager to hear all the juicy details of his success story.
“It’s good,” he says. “Well, actually. I’m thinking about…I’m thinking of selling my business.” He clears his throat.
I gasp. “Why?”
“I just…I started it because I was a designer but my actual design skills weren’t that great so I had a bunch of people join me and it turned out that I was a better business developer than I was a designer and now the business side is taking over everything. It’s not as fun anymore.”
“But you’re making money, right?”
“Yeah but…did you ever feel like there’s more to success than just making money?”
I raised my eyebrow. “I don’t know. I’ve never felt successful financially before. I’d like to try it and then I’ll let you know,” I say and laugh.
He doesn’t laugh with me.
“I don’t know, Tee. You seem to have this extraordinary life. You live and you love hard and you’re not afraid to look foolish for your dreams. You’re so honest with yourself about what you want and you don’t let anyone make you feel bad about what you feel you deserve.”
I lower my eyes and sigh. It’s not as easy as he thinks.
“I’m sure you receive your fair share of criticism,” he continues. “But even through all of that hating, you gotta know that people wish they could just take the risks that you did. People wish they had the heart that you do when it comes to knowing what you want out of life. So many people don’t even know what they want. That’s a gift within itself. I’ve been doing this for 6 years now..and now it feels like I’m settling. I want more joy.”
I’m looking at him as he speaks so earnestly about his dissatisfaction. Even more than the words he speaks, I’m feeling his soul yearn for his true destiny.
The pizza arrives at that moment and after I place a slice on his plate and then mine I ask him, “Do you pray?”
He nods.
“Well, I don’t usually pray before my meals because I don’t wanna be religious about anything I do but I’m going to pray right now..for both of us.”
He chuckles. “You’re funny.”
I don’t close my eyes or bow my head. Instead I stare up into the starlit sky and speak to my Creator.
Hey God. It’s me and Steve in Miami. We’re very thankful that you allowed us to meet and become friends. I hope that your greatest intention for us coming across each other that day on the metrorail becomes apparent to us soon. For now we’re both doing well and having a good time with each other. We both have some things on our hearts right now, Steve is thinking about a new beginning and you know me, I’m always starting over..but that’s okay maybe one day all of the new beginnings will make sense.
I thank you right now for clear direction in Steve’s life about what he should do with his business. I thank you right now for a restoration of joy in his life and his spirit. I thank you for the great time we’re going to have tonight and I really, really thank you for this pizza becaue it sure smells good! Just lead us, God. We’re open to hearing from you and following your direction. We both want to be where you want us to be. Just show us where that is.
By the time I finished my talk with God, Steve is looking at his lap and his hands are clasped together.
“Ok Steve! We can eat now! I took care of all of that. Now all we have to do is have fun and wait, He’s gonna put us where we need to be,” I say to him and then CHOMP on my broccoli pizza.
He looks up, stares at me and grins.
I open my mouth so he can see all the gooey pizza inside.
“You’re so cute with them glasses,” I say and push my chair closer to his. “I may have to give you a spanking tonight.”
He still doesn’t speak or touch his pizza. He’s looking at me and grinning.
“You’re really..really nice,” he says.
“Well, you’re really easy to be nice to,” I say. “Come on..eat up! We’re going for drinks and I’m gonna get you FUCKED UP!”