Author: TPatterson

Well. I finished my last day at The VA Medical Research Center.

Hooray!

No more research for me. Now that I’m done I look back and I see that I’m not going to miss that place at all and I’m so excited to see what God has in store for me next.

I made arrangements to cancel my phone and cable/dsl. I have to go get my old car fixed for my little sister since I’m giving it to her, she is paying for the repairs and I am flat broke. No more income for me until I receive my new job so it’s going to be a little tight but we’ll get through it.

Tomorrow I start packing and giving stuff away.

9 more days until I make that five hour one way trip to Miami.

My mama is so excited to be able to have her grandchildren near her and watch them grow. Their paternal grandmother lives in Miami too so she’s ecstatic about them being around since she has no family left in Miami. My boys are going to be getting so much love and I can’t imagine what it is going to be like to have so many people around who are going to want to come and get them. Both of their godmothers live there and they have so many cousins to play with.

I can imagine myself going to my cousin Shawn’s house and saying, “Now ya’ll go and play,” while me and my cousins kick it on the porch and talk. Life is going to be so different.

So different.

People raised their eyebrows when she decided to leave. Who in their right mind would leave a cushy job with the government making good money to pack up and move five hours away without even the promise of a concrete full-time job? But Ms. Tee had a vision and a passion that was burning in her heart. A passion to write and speak and uplift. Though she had no idea how she would accomplish her goals, she knew that it was now or never. If she didnt chase her dreams right now, she would forever regret her decision.

So she packed up her sons and moved back to her hometown of Miami, Florida, moved in with her Mom and did everything she could to write and get published. She got off to a slow start and was discouraged from time to time but she encouraged herself by reading magazines and books and challenging herself to be better than the writers she loved. Eventually she was noticed by a best-selling book author, who took her under his wings and taught her the business of getting paid to write. She went on to serve her community, spending countless hours speaking to young women and encouraging them to go for the gusto, to dream far beyond their neighborhood limits.

Today she is an accomplished author and motivational speaker. She and her husband Nick Cannon are raising their four sons in a small town near Miami, Florida. She gives all credit to Jesus for giving her the gift of communication and the heart not to stand still and take what life gives. To day we recognize Ms. Tee for not giving up, pressing forward and inspiring so many others to do the same.

This is my hope. This is my life’s dream.

When I wake up in the morning all I want to do is write. All I fantasize about is inspiring people and being honest about my past mistakes and my struggles. All I want from you is to be open with yourself, to love yourself and to know that people love you and you deserve the best. I want all these things for you because I am searching for them myself.

Let’s find self-love together.

Are you thankful?

The word that was given to me tonight was so powerful that I had to share it.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Since we have to believe that God is in control of our destiny then we have to know that any circumstance is all a part of God’s will for our lives. Even when it is stressful or difficult there are lessons that we must learn before we can move on. God doesn’t require works or sacrifice from us. He wants us to be thankful and believe in His son. Our salvation is not dependent upon our effort to please Him. I had to learn that the hard way.

Sometimes in my race to make Him proud of me I hinder myself because I consider my mistakes to be the end of everything good He has for me. But God is not caught up in my mistakes, He is more concerned with my ability to get back up and thank Him for getting me out of the mess I made.

So when I was in the job situation where I was unhappy, I made things even worse by focusing on the negative and not being thankful for the provision. My bills were paid. I could go to Walmart and enjoy myself. My sons didnt want for anything. But in my heart all I was feeling was, “This is not right. I could be doing so much more,” which I do believe was my yearning to walk in my annointing but I never had any direction or inclination to change my situation. Yes God gave me the desire to write and uplift, but it wasn’t my time to move into that yet and I made my days miserable because I was not thankful.

I could have made things a whole lot better during my season there if I would have steadily praised God for His provision while I waited for direction on my next move. God knows the desires of your heart and He is faithful to provide accordingly if you abide in Him and His word abides in you. So no matter where you are today, if you are faithfully seeking His face and considering Him in all of your decisions, each day you wake up is another step toward your destiny.

But when we forget to be thankful we open up the door for so much confusion to come in. Our ungratefulness leads to bitterness and even mistrust of God. We look at the current situation and think that it will last forever but it won’t. There’s more in Christ. There’s more to life than our current circumstance.

Each situation should be seen as a step in a staircase. Without each step, the staircase will not stand. You are where you are because you need to be there to get to the next step. You are going through what you are going through because you need that lesson to help you through the next situation.

Will you get mad and hop over the railing because you can’t see the top of the long winding staircase? Or will you continue to climb, trusting God totally with your path and enduring all to get to the door that will lead to your destiny?

Believe me, your path has already been laid out. Step by step He is directing you, just dont quit because you can’t see why you have to take the long climb.

Just like pimping ain’t easy, walking in God’s light ain’t easy. But who said your walk with Christ was going to be all rosey? You had to die to allow Jesus to come in and to continue to die to your own desires and flesh is to continue to allow more of Him in. “Not my will but your will be done, Lord.”

When you gave your life to Christ you were so grateful for being chosen by Him and being forgiven. Never forget that. You were chosen by Him. You are forgiven.

Make an effort to live each day with a thankful heart. It lessens the stress and pleases God. And soon you will be able to look past the rickety step you are on and focus on the bigger picture which is the peace of God that awaits you as you allow Him to lead you into your personal heaven on earth.

Now go on and thank Him.

Lazy bum.

I’m supposed to be packing and I put in a good hour worth of putting useless stuff in the garbage and then I…..lied down for just a minute, which turned into two hours and then, awww, it’ll get done later.

I’m wearing my mu-mu. You know those dresses your grandma used to wear around the house that looked like a curtain, with those wild colors and big giant flowers all over them? Well, I got mine when I was pregnant and I still love it! Don’t need underwear with this get-up, just float and be free. Easy breezy.

My mind is free… I’m forgiving myself for not forgiving myself. You feel me?

Everything is not as deep as our minds make it out to be. We sometimes create drama on our own when things are actually peachy keen. I think the key is to be satisfied with yourself, knowing you gave your best try and you did it with the right heart. If things didnt work out, ok. That’s cool. Try something else. Life goes on and on and on.

Funny comment

In my time tutoring Anna on hooking up her blog, she says to me, “I thought html was an abbreviation for hotmail.”

Wa,wa, waaah

Must be that kool-aid she be drinking.

I’m getting EXCITED cuz Mother’s Day is coming! This is one of those days where I feel extra pretty and extra special. The daycare helps the kids make cards for me and ALL of my friends call me to honor me and I LOVE IT! I think I’m gonna take myself and my boys out to eat dinner. We havent been out in a while and we deserve a treat. I think I want some skrimps.



GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS!

I’ve got my first column assignment for the paper down in Miami. I have to counter another columnist who says kids (young girls) shouldn’t have kids and if they are caught having sex or getting pregnant, they should be punished by having to wear a chastity belt or having their tubes tied. This is going to be fun.

I’ll keep you updated.

I got a call from my girl Kenya tonight and it is always a pleasure to speak with her. You know the one who lives in Brooklyn, going after her fashion design career. Well, we got to talking about so many different things one of them being perspective.

As a journalist I realize that almost everyone is critical of the media. They say we like to sensationalize and only show one point of view. Well, I’m sorry to tell you but that is our job. We paint the picture of events according to our own PERSPECTIVE, how we felt, how we saw it and that’s all you can expect from us.

Yes, there are those big wigs out there who control the money and can decide what information the public needs to know based on their own agendas, but for the most part all we’re doing is telling you a story based on what we experienced and everything should always be taken with a grain of salt.

Even on my weblog, I tell a story or give my take on things. It’s MY OPINION. It’s not necessarily fact or written in stone. My emotions may sometimes cloud what actually happened and push me to insert more of my heartache or joy or whatever.

Even as I was doing research I was getting pretty excited because I was taking my findings as truth. But just like I have my space on the internet, any fool can have theirs too. So just because someone posts something on the net or you read about it in the paper doesnt mean it should be taken to heart. You have to step back and recognize that the writer is human and is fallible.

Kenya gave an example of something as simple as Penicillin. For some Penicillin may be the thing to change their life. For another who has an allergy it could be death to them. Just because I can’t take it doesn’t mean you shouldnt. You have to figure out the truth for yourself.

Most people only tell you what they want you to know. I try to be more transparent and allow you to see what’s really in my heart, but at any given moment I can decide that I want you to see me in a certain way and I have the skills necessary to make it happen. You don’t know exactly what’s going on in my head unless I tell you and even then I can choose not to tell the whole story.

I’m not telling you not to trust me or the media because there are writers out there who make it a point to be as factual and accurate as they can. Just understand that just like you may have a motive behind your actions or words, most people do too.

Never take someone’s opinion as the word of the Lord. Never try to force yourself to conform to what others believe to be true. Seek the truth for yourself and do what I do when I read; I enjoy the writing for the pure art of it.

I always say, it doesnt matter what you say, it’s how you say it. An effective communicator grabs people’s attention and holds it long enough to plant some seed. Whether they are saying anything worth listening to is besides the point. Even though entertainers like Eminem are projecting a worthless message, I have to give the man props for being talented enough to get people to listen. Take that same talent and drive and arm Him with the word of the Lord and just imagine what he can do for God’s kingdom.

And if you are a writer out there I challenge you tonight. I challenge you to take control over your gift and give the people the truth according to how you saw it and to uplift, not degrade or manipulate your readers. When you write you should want readers to come away from your piece, informed and thoughtful.

We inform. You decide.

Happy Mother’s Day!

I’m so excited I stayed up until midnight so I can celebrate. I know, I’m a geek, but Mother’s Day really excites me even more than my birthday because everyone has a birthday but not everyone is a mother.

Motherhood is blissful. I don’t regret it for a minute. In fact, I have to calm myself down because when I look at my two boys I want more. But with no contenders for the husband position, it’s gonna be a while, and that’s okay.

My younger son made me a card with his scribbles and handprints. My older son made me a flower pot and he thinks its his. It has some seeds in soil and he wants to water it everyday. He’s so adorable.

I can’t explain how much my boys mean to me. Sometimes I’ll ask them, “What’s your mama’s name?” just to hear them say, “Mama.”

I’m their one and only Mama and they fight for the treasured honor of sitting on my lap every single day. They are very good boys, I’m blessed I know. If it wasnt for God making them that way I wouldnt have gotten through school like I did. They are very obedient and vibrant and they have cute personalities just like their Mama.

My only wish is that they grow to be young men who respect and love God. I plan to be a righteous example to them because I know what they know of God, they learn from watching me. It’s a big responsibility but I know I can handle it.

It’s funny how some things you didn’t plan for or even desire, can make your life so much more fulfilling. I have a purpose through my sons; to love them as God loves me.

Be empowered to prosper through Christ.

Hey!

I’m in the process of giving all this stuff away. Mostly kids clothes and accessories, Goodwill is gonna be so lucky!

I also have to get my old car fixed so I can drive it down to Miami on Saturday. My little brother is going to ride behind me so I can take more stuff down. I dont have as much stuff as I thought. After throwing things away I realize that the majority is all of our clothes and the kids toys. Not too much to pack up.

I was chatting with Anna tonight because I realized that my real name is all over this internet. But I’m cool about it because there is no real personal info and I have to realize that by writing and speaking I am going to live a very public life so I have to get used to people knowing who I am.

She suggested I use an alias but I want to use my real name as my professional name. I LOVE MY NAME!

I think that when I get married to my man Nick Cannon, I’ll change my last name to his, but still use my maiden name as my professional name. I think he’ll be cool with that and he can call me Mrs. Cannon behind closed doors.

Anyway, I’m really enjoying this time off. I had no idea how much I would appreciate it. That job really tore at my spirits. It had me feeling like life was gonna suck forever. But it’s not, I just had to step out on faith and I can’t wait to see what will happen with my writing.

The newspaper accepted my first column for publication. In the middle of writing it I had to stop and praise God because I couldnt believe that I was FINALLY doing something with my gift. I almost cried because I feel like God is really going to use my writing to touch so many people.

I wrote about how true fathers could break the cycle of teenage pregnancy. I believe that it is one the best pieces that I have ever written. I gained so much wisdom about the importance of family from my church here and I know I will share all of this wisdom with the city of Miami and eventually the world.

The column will be officially published on Wednesday and I will post it here so you can read it.

I hope everyone is feeling as good as I am, because right now I’m just feeling peace.

Who’s Out There?

Hey. I see you. I know everytime you stop by. I wonder why you never say anything or let your presence be known. I share with you my intimate thoughts and you allow me into your being without giving anything back.

They call people like you lurkers. You visit my spot daily, snooping but never say Hi.

Does my sassiness intrigue you? Are you enamored by my words? Are you afraid to leave your mark thinking that I won’t find you as appealing? There’s nothing to worry about my friend. If you can relate to anything that I write then there is an obvious connection between us. I’m very open and friendly.

Say Hi. Share your story. I would really love to hear it.

You know…things get really serious when you take down your pictures.

I’m sitting here looking at my life being stashed away in boxes. I’m getting rid of a lot of things. Packing things away to be dealt with at another time. But there’s something about bare walls that truly signals a departure.

Before I leave there are a few things I must do. I mean, besides turn off my utility and phone and clean out the fridge. Before I leave I must search my life’s attic and clear out some cobwebs so I can peacefully make my journey on to the next stage.

I have complete peace about going down. Everything I’m missing here is waiting for me: friends, family and the opportunity to be a writer. However, there are still some places of unrest in my heart and I must get some closure before I go.

The only thing is, what kind of closure awaits me? You ever feel like you want an answer to a question in your heart, but you don’t know exactly what kind of answer that you want? Or for that matter, is receiving your answer really the best thing? Maybe some things are better left unkown. That way you won’t have to deal with the answer not being the one you expected to hear.

One more day in Gainesville. Shutting it down.

Well I just got in from picking my boys up from daycare and as we’re eating popsicles my 3 year old son starts to recite his colors and what each one means.

“Red means stop. Red means hot.

Green means go.

Blue means cold.”

“Mama, what does white mean?”

I hesitate a minute. “White means clean.” I say timidly.

“What does black mean?” he asks trying to find a correlation.

“Black means………..”

Damn.

“Let’s go sit down and eat our popsicles,” I say and he forgets his question, for now.