Month: March 2008

Wanna hear something weird?

Sometimes, well, maybe twice so far…I wake up in the middle of the night because my right hand is moving. It’s not just moving, it’s typing something, tapping against my leg. I hear the words of the story in my mind but by the time I register what is going on, it goes away and I’m laying there thinking, “That was weird.”

Anyway, I just had another weird occurrence. My children’s father called me and asked me to pick the boys up because he was running late on the way home. I picked them up, took them for icecream and then we headed for campus so that I could be on time to my class. As we waited for him to meet us on campus, my son had to pee so he peed behind a tree.

When my children’s father pulled up he had one of his college buddies with him. Seeing him made my heart smile, except, it was still weird because we used to be friends too. Sometimes I think about college and laugh but at the same time I want to cry because my relationship with my children’s father began when I was just 19 and ended when I was 23. That was basically my whole college experience, including the birth of two babies.

My friends in college were his friends. We all hung out together, smoking out, talking about our futures, enjoying each other. I really thought that we were all friends. I loved them and I’m pretty sure they loved me too.

But now, I never speak to any of them. They were his friends first. Now he has a girl and I’m sure they’re friends with her. I’m also certain that he has made up so many wild lies about me and who I am and what I’m about, to make himself look better. But if any of those people from my college days remembered carefully who they themselves knew me to be, they’d know he was lieing.

It’s weird because in my heart I still love them but I know we’ll never have what we had. And for me that’s tough cuz, no matter what me and my friends go through, even if we do stop speaking for a while, I never lose that love for them. Never.

So I miss them. I hear they’re doing well. Jason and his wife and daughter. Rick and his wife and child, Mike and his wife, Mike O. and Twiggy and n’em. I hear Yvette got married and is prosperous.

The only friend I hung onto from that group was Kenya. I don’t know how that really happened because she and I weren’t even close when we were all a clique. Well, Mike O. and I still chat regularly. He says he’ll always be my friend.

Sometimes I wish I could have my friends back. They were all genuinely good people. Genuinely. At the same time, I don’t keep in touch with them, well, the reason used to be that I wasn’t proud of myself and therefore didn’t want to bore people with the struggle updates. So I distanced myself from everyone, hoping they’d forget about me.

They don’t. They still find me, one way or another.

And I smile everytime I read a line, or see a smile from those old loves.

Wondering if they know just how much I miss them and those lazy, smoke filled days of debate, music and daydreaming about our bright futures set to the backdrop of a quaint college town in north central florida.

It feels so good to be home and writing…

I’ve been on the go this past week, hanging out with guys and taking care of other business that I’ll share soon.

For the past two nights I’ve been going over to see my friend Kendrick. I met him a couple of years ago and we’ve been cool ever since. On Monday morning he texted me: “A new episode of The Big Bang Theory is coming on tonight. Why don’t you come over. I’ll make dinner. All you have to do is bring an appetite and a smile.”

That text made me laugh. He’s really sweet. “Sure, what time?” I texted him back and went on with my day.

When I got there I smiled and gave him a hug, handing him the strawberry shortcake that I brought for dessert. “I already bought cake,” he told me and I shrugged.

We talked and talked until 8pm rolled around. Then we settled down to watch the show. During a commercial, he brought out the food and glasses of wine on dinner trays. We ate and laughed at the 4 nerds arguing over whose part in the experiment was more important.

You know I love nerds, so that’s why I love this show. These guys are beyond geeky and that is so sexy to me. We then watched the next show, How I Met Your Mother. That show is hilarious, featuring my other favorite nerd, Dougie Howser.

After that we sat and talked well into the night. I like Kendrick. He’s a lot like Steve. He has the glasses, the corny jokes, the creative side, the gentleness. He’s a writer too, working on his first book. Or shall I say, almost done with his first book, he based the lead character’s looks on me, well, initially. She grows her hair out from a low cut to dreads by the end of the book which he says symobolizes her transformation and growth. It’s like an action based book, which he loves. I think the characters are heroes or something. I love hearing him talk about writing it.

Last week he took a day off and rode his bike to the beach. He sat down with his laptop and finished off a chapter. He said he did that because that’s how he always wanted his life to go. He pictured himself sitting on the beach writing…forever.

I thought that was an interesting idea. I think I’ll try it sometime. I’ll take a day and turn it into my dream come true, even though my dreams haven’t come true yet.

The next night he invited me over again and I went to hang out and eat. The conversation turned to “Us” and I began to get nervous. It’s crazy that even though he’s very close to the type of man I want, I’m still not attracted to him.

Then I remembered Tamara telling me, “You’re never attracted to men you KNOW. I wonder if that could happen.”

Yep, I’m always attracted to men who are unavailable to me in some way. When I met with my therapist today I told him about that and asked if there was something wrong with me.

“You mean, you’re NEVER attracted to men you meet?” he asked me.

“Well, I guess you’re right. I can’t say NEVER. But the men I’ve had the most intense feelings for, were unavailable to me.”

“Maybe that’s what excites you. Knowing that you can’t have them.”

“But that’s not good. I know what it feels like to be attracted to someone. I had that feeling with this man I met who lives in Dallas. I want to have that feeling again, with someone who is available to me. Why doesn’t it happen like that? Maybe I’m asexual or something.”

My therapist shook his head and hid a smile. “Only you know the answer to that,” he said.

“Well, I’m probably not asexual but I do think this is a problem.”

“Well, what about your ex husband? Were you attracted to him?”

Husband? Oh, he means my Baby Daddy.

“At first I wasn’t attracted to him. But after I got to know him better, I liked him. And it tripped me out because I wasn’t attracted to him phsyically yet I had this pain in my heart when he wasn’t around or I didn’t hear from him. That’s when I knew I ‘liked’ him– when I missed him when he wasn’t there.”

“But you just said that you had to give it time for the attraction to grow. Maybe that’s what you need to do with the men you meet, give it time.”

“But I can tell off jump that I don’t like them. I never meet anyone I really like. I want to fix that.”

“Well, look at this way. Instead of saying that you never meet anyone that you really like, just say to yourself that it hasn’t happened yet.”

“It hasn’t happened yet? Hmm..That’s a good perspective. Just because it hasn’t happened, doesn’t mean it’s always going to be like this.”

“Yes, and you can look at all of your goals in this way. Instead of saying, ‘I never get it right’ just say ‘It hasn’t happened yet.'”

That’s the crazy thing about attraction. You can’t control when it happens. You like who you like and there’s nothing you can do about it.

I wonder if most women have this ideal man in mind, but somehow they deduce that they can’t really have that type of man, so they settle. What if you meet a man who is almost what you want, but physically, he’s unnappealing to you?

Do you go ahead and be with him because he’s nice to you, he’d make a good father and he’s stable financially even though your heart is kinda like..blah when you see him?

I wonder if anyone actually met and married the person who made their hearts go OoooWeee!!!

I hope it’s possible because if it’s not, then I’ve let a few good men slip right through my fingers.

I’ve had an interesting run on the chat.line.

I started using it a little over a month ago after my laptop went back to HP and I was feeling a little bored late one night. The commercial came on TV saying, “Meet local singles in your area” and I laughed and remembered the first time I called that line.

This was before everyone had internet in their homes, before chatting and blogging became a way of life for me. I was home on break from college during my freshman year and me and my sister were up late talking when we saw the commercial. “Let’s try it,” I told her and we both laughed.

I met this guy on there that night. We ended up talking for the entire night and meeting up the next day. He was georgeous, respectful and very much into me. His name was Joshua.

We kept in touch for years. On each of my visits home, it was as though he could sense I was in town because he always called when I got back. I met his parents. We went shopping, had dinners, it was really cool. He never tried to have secks with me. We lost touch after I got into a relationship with my (future) children’s father.

A couple of years ago my friend Sylvia called me up and said, “Tee, do you know a guy named Josh?” I was dumbfounded. After all of this time he still remembered me and when he met Sylvia and found out what college she went to, he asked if she knew me. We hooked up for a brief period but after getting to know him more I realized that I didn’t really like him like that.

So I called back this year and I’ve had some fun dates and conversations. The funniest thing about the chat.line is the fact that if you’re talking to a person and you’re not interested in what they’re talking about, you can hang up on them, no strings attached, no one blowing up your phone or stalking you. You hang up and that’s it. I find it funny that most of the men on there hang up on me quite easily. I guess my type of conversation isn’t what they are looking for and I’m not good at phone secks so….

I really like it when they hang up on me because then I know they aren’t just hanging in there, completely hating who I am and what I’m about but hoping to get a shot at some cootchie. They have no idea what I look like so they’re judging me based solely on my conversation and the ideals I express to them.

What I was hoping to get out of the chat.line was to meet someone to talk to on a regular basis. I sometimes feel like I’m doing a STUDY on men and their motivations for their actions.

I went out with a few men from there and I learned that:

1) Guys on the chat.line aren’t ugly by a long shot. Each man I met, 4 in total, got FINER and FINER.
2) Guys on there aren’t looking for a relationship or a friend. They are impatient and don’t want to put in the effort of pursuing a woman so they are looking for a quick hit.
3)Most of the men on there claim to be in bad relationships and are looking for comfort outside their relationship. AKA. Quick secks.
4) Women on there sell pu**y.
5) Men are looking for women who sell p**y.
6) People lie about how they look, just to get some attention. (Same as the internet)

Basically, it’s a meat market. But if you’re in the meat selling game, you’re gonna be happy.

The last man I met on the chat line made me not want to ever get back on there. No, it’s not because he’s so horrible, it’s really because…I like him a lot. We talk everyday and the way his mind works entices me. I have learned so much from him.

I have met him. I went to visit him at his job. We’ve had breakfast together and everything. I know he wants to sleep with me but I’m more attracted to his mind than his body so I just enjoy his conversation. He’s cool with that.

His take on relationships intrigues me. He’s my age and from my old hood. He has a girlfriend who he is very much in love with. Our relationship is one of those relationships where…I get to ask him all of the questions I want about relationships and what men think and he answers honestly and even though he regularly cheats on his girlfriend because, “I love pu**y too much.” I respect his opinion on issues and the way he handles his live-in girl, his finances and his baby mama.

I know that sounds crazy but…he’s a very smart man. He says he often discusses relationship issues with his friends and anyone who comes his way because he thinks differently than most.

As we talked I gave him situations from my past regarding men and he would tell me what was going on, from his perspective.

I told him that I cheated in a past relationship and admitted it to my former boyfriend and he said, “I would have been hurt. I would have probably broken up with you. But honestly, to this day, we would have been MARRIED.”

I laughed. “Married?! What? He broke up with me and kept it moving, even though he was doing the same thing.”

“See,” he said. “You’re a real woman and all that other stuff you said you wanted in a man has to come after finding yourself a REAL MAN. A REAL MAN won’t walk away from a woman who is woman enough to admit she made a mistake. Those fake niggas who are all about perception want to be with someone who acts perfect or who they can act perfect for. The key word is ACT. No one is perfect and everyone fucks up sometime. I can forgive someone for what they do, if they don’t try to treat me like I’m stupid by lieing to me. You cheated. You admitted it. I would appreciate a woman more for her honesty cuz you telling him had nothing to do with you, you did it for him. You could have kept that shit to yourself and kept him in the dark about the whole situation but him knowing that information benefitted him in the end. That shows that you loved him. That’s a real woman.”

When I asked him how he was able to maintain such a promoscuous lifestyle even though he had a live-in girlfriend he said, “She doesn’t stress me. I don’t stress her. She rarely asks me for anything cuz she has her own. She doesn’t go through my phone. She doesn’t call me a hundred times when I’m out. She knows I will never disrespect her and I love her so much because she’s everything I need. She cooks, great secks. She’s educated, she’s a counselor. She works 3 jobs. She takes great care of my kids. When ever she needs me, I’m there. If she wants me to drop what I’m doing and come be with her, I do it, but that’s because she doesn’t stress me..And if I needed her to do the same thing, she would.”

“My chick will dress up like a stripper for me. Once she even planned to give me a 3some but my stupid ass didn’t know what was going on and I told her I wanted to go home. Women don’t understand that your man wants you to be their eveyrthing. Be their hoe, be their slut, be their good church girl. Do it ALL! Man…I want to give her all of me but that’s gonna be hard. I want to but damn…pu**y is so good!”

One night he told me this story. He said he was out at a neighborhood party with his boys when he ran into some chicks from his middle school. They all stood outside catching up on their lives when he told them about his girl and his outside relationships. He said the women called him nasty and perverted and told him he was garbage for being like that when he has a good woman at home. At the same time, he has a friend who was also at the party engaged in the same conversation. The friend took the pitiful route, talking about how his wife didn’t love him, did him wrong and didn’t sleep with him anymore. The women ate the story up, comforting him and telling him things will get better.

“At the end of the night, how many women do you think he slept with?” he asked me.

“I don’t know.”

“NONE.”

“At the end of the night, how many of those women do you think I slept with? NONE. But two of those women pulled me to the side and told me that they wanted to fuck me. Can you tell me why it went down like that?”

“My guess would be…because a man who is with a woman and complains about her seems weak and pitiful. Why would any man be with a woman and have to complain? I hate that. I’m always thinking, LEAVE THAT BITCH ALONE! It makes me think something is wrong with him. But a man who is happy in his relationship is more appealing because it’s obvious he has what it takes to attract a good woman and he knows what to do to keep her.”

“I like that. And that’s how I feel too. I NEVER complain about a woman I’m with cuz when it gets to the point where I have to complain, I let her go. Life’s too short for that shit.”

I enjoy my “interviews” with these men but I’m a bit bored with the whole thing so I haven’t called back in a while. I’m still hopeful that one day I’ll meet someone who treats me well AND I’m actually attracted to him.

I’m praying and believing that those two qualities aren’t mutually exclusive.

I found this game today during my search for more deliberate creation articles and authors.

It’s called The Prosperity Game.

I signed up and it seems like the object of the game is to get used to the idea of receiving money and spending it. For so many of us, when we are given a certain amount of money, we buy a little and then try to save the rest because we aren’t sure if we will ever get any more.

This game teaches us that there is an abundance in the universe and there will ALWAYS be more so spend what you have and enjoy your life, trusting that more is on the way.

You first start out with a check for $100. What will you spend that 100 dollars on? The next time you play the amount of your check increases and the game encourages you to dream bug and spend it all. You can buy things like a motorccyle and you can even buy experiences like finding your true love, or personal growth like, learning to love yourself– but you have to be able to put a monetary value on these things.

As I tried to put a monetary value on my goals, I went with the premise of “How much would I pay to have this happen in my life right now? or How much money is this worth to me to have this happen in my life right now?”

Well, since this was my first day I don’t know how this excercise will affect me but I’m open to seeing what happens as I learn to trust that every dream I have will come true and money is really not a source of tension, but a means by which I can achieve the feelings that I want to achieve; prosperity, balance, freedom.

I think you should check it out.

My life is a miracle.

I started the Prosperity Game last night and after I was done spending my first TWO checks (Got ahead of myself with excitement) I used the journaling option to list 5 things I’m grateful for. Writing about these things really made me smile, raised my vibration and I just felt more at ease about life.

Next I spent two hours reading the forums on the site to see how this game affect other people’s lives and every post that I read caused me to believe in magic. People have reported an increase in income, in life satisfaction and MIRACLES as they get their minds trained to believe that they can spend money without worrying about lack. It’s not even about what great things began to happen in people’s lives once they allowed themselves to open up to the idea that money is always on its way, it’s more about how people credited completely small blessings to miracles.

Life really is a miracle, but it’s only that way if you choose to see it. Last week I found $60 in a pair shorts and I shrugged and said, “Dang, I must have been really careless not to miss $60.” If I look at my life as miraculous then I could have thanked God for the miracle instead of condemning myself.

It’s all about perspective.

So today I expected a miracle. I woke up and asked God for a happy surprise, a mango, a miracle and a phone call from someone who appreciates me.

I did get the happy surprise ( a writing course I ordered arrived today), I didn’t get the mango (yet) and I actually got two new paid writing gigs today for totally different publications and both editors contacted ME before I could introduce myself to them. It’s still early so maybe I’ll get that phone call with appreciation..who knows.

Man…Can you believe it? I’m a writer. I have always wanted to call myself one. Even though I’m not where I want to be, I’m still being published on a regular basis and I get PAID for what I write. I’m actually living my dream. Most people who major in journalism can’t say that they ever got published or even attempted to. This field takes sacrifice, but I know the sacrifice will pay off.

I was published twice this weekend and I didn’t even notice!

I need to raise my rates for my freelance writing. When websites and individuals need my help with their projects I always quote them prices that are extremely low.

Today a little voice inside me said, “You’re quoting them such a low price because you’re evaluating how difficult it is for YOU to do the project. It’s not about how difficult it would be for you. It’s your gift, it won’t ever be difficult. If they could do it themselves they would and because they can’t, they hire you. You are more valuable than that. Stop short changing yourself.”

So I will. Just because It would take me a few hours to do the project doesn’t mean that it would take a less skilled person the same amount of time. Recognizing my value is one of my immediate goals.

I just finished part I of this writing course. Man..I really love to learn. The excercises he teaches really blew my mind. They also reminded me of the process in which I’ve developed to write my papers in grad school.

If it’s a big topic then start by writing 6 questions about the topic. List all six on a single page. Then start doing the research to answer the questions and record the answers underneath each question. After you’ve done all the answers, infuse your own thoughts on each quote you’ve pulled.

Next, erase each question, one by one. As you erase the question write a transition from the previous topic that flows easily into the next topic.

By the time I’m done with this, my paper is almost completely written and then I’ll have to clean it up with formatting and that’s it.

Anyway…I can stay at this computer for 14 hours a day and most days, that’s where I am. I LOVE TO LEARN. So lemme get back to learning from this writing course. I have a feeling this is about to change my career.

My life is a miracle.

And I’m creating things in my life everyday. It’s amazing to watch it all happen. The biggest thing I’ve created recently has been my greater sense of self. I’m more aware of what I want and I’m not afraid to express that even if it means saying No to someone else.

I’m not a people pleaser by far, but you can say that I’m a people praiser. I love to be a part of showing someone how special they are, but most times it came at the expense of giving them parts of me (including my time) when I did not really want to give it.

I gave out of obligation thinking, “This will make him happy and it doesn’t really hurt me to do it so…” or “She really wants this so let me go and do it for her”

For the past two weeks I’ve been learning to say NO. I don’t want that. I don’t like this. I’m not interested. It hasn’t been easy.

Selfish maybe?

Yeah you can call me that if you’d like. Mutter it under your breath or scream it out loud because I’m realizing that no one’s opinion or approval really matters.

I realize that I’ve backed off from a few of my friends. Maybe it’s the insecure part of me that knows that they judge me against the standards that they have for their life. Or maybe it’s just the part of me that no longer wishes to explain everything I feel or do or strive for. Whichever it is, I like it.

I like not having to answer the phone and explain what’s going on with me. Ever since I changed my number I’m so relieved…. Seriously. Before I felt like I was obligated to answer, to listen to opinions and to explain why I was making the choices that I was making to anyone who was bold enough to ask.

Now, I don’t.

It feels nice.

I’m loving these past few days actually. I’ve been working on my projects, shuffling the smaller ones along and enjoying the bigger ones. My days are no longer idle and I’m glad for that because when I have too much time, I tend to sit and think about what I don’t have.

What I do have is much more important. Who I have in my life right now is what really matters, not some old memories of people who chose not to stay or I chose to push away. Today is what matters most. Not hoping for the future or condemning myself over the past.

Today is what matters most.

Today I am…healthy.
Today I am…intelligent.
Today I am….loved by my sons.
Today I am…doing creative work that I love.
Today I am…in communication with people that I know love me.
Today I am…a creative genius.

It’s really a wonderful day, no matter what the weatherman says…

Spooky….

Tonight I dragged myself to campus to attend a lecture given by a best-selling author. I only mention that I had to drag myself because I was/am so tired from staying up so late working on my big project. I’m so krunk about writing this that I can hardly sleep and I get my best work done during the wee hours of the morning when there’s nothing to distract me.

I’m so glad I went to the lecture. He didn’t reveal much but what I got from his speech was to hang on and to write about what I love most. “I write for me,” he said referring to the fact that his crime thrillers are what he’s interested in most.

He also revealed that once he began to write full-time, he treated his writing like a full-time job, working from 9-6pm each night. He began each day by reviewing the work from the previous day and editing it JUST ONCE, and then continuing on from there free-writing until his brain drained for the day.

Wow. As I stood next to the table filled with his many novels, I felt chill. You know I’m not a novel writer (yet) and I’m not a published author (yet) but inside I FEEL like one.

I can see myself giving lectures and workshops and stuff. Maybe my old publisher was right, maybe I’m better suited for writing books than writing news. We’ll see, won’t we?

After the lecture I walked over to class and to my amazement no one was there. That makes TWO DAYS in a row that my classes have been canceled. Yay for me! I get to work more on my own project!

I also went to see my therapist today. I felt kind of like I was wasting his time because I didn’t have a crisis to discuss. When I told him how I was feeling he asked, “What’s the difference between the person you are now and the person you were when we first started these sessions?”

“Well, back then I was so angry with myself about not being where I wanted to be. I felt like a failure and I felt like I wasn’t going to do well in school because it was all so new to me. Now..I ain’t worried about grad school. Getting my first A let me know that I’ll be just fine. And…even though my situation hasn’t changed much since we started, I don’t feel like Im a failure. I’m doing well. I’m writing more. I’m using the techniques that you taught me and I’m not stressed about where I think I should be. I’m more about looking at things like this is a necessary part of the big picture.”

He smiled at me. “That’s what I like to hear.”

Another epiphany came to me as I drove back home. My guyfriend told me last night, “I feel like I can be myself around you. I feel like I don’t have to pretend to be anything or act like I’m something I’m not. It feels good to have someone to talk to like this.”

Everyone tells me that.

I used to think it was a great thing but now I’m starting to realize that this “openness” makes men think they don’t have to show me simple courtesies that they usually show a woman. They don’t have to be gentlemen or treat me like I’m tender and fragile. Men say anything around me and they talk any way that want and I don’t really care because I’m kind of vulgar too but…

Once I took this guy out as a favor for a friend and by the end of the night I wanted to punch him in his face, he was so disgusting to me. He actually said, “So what do I get?” as I dropped him off home.

“You get to get out of my car,” I told him.

“You ain’t gonna let me fuck?” he asked.

“Get out of my car!” I screamed.

Since then I’ve been trying to analyze why certain men act like this with me. What kind of signal am I sending out? It’s not like I dress slutty. I’m very conservative. It’s not like I tell any of them that I am attracted to them. I definitely wasn’t attracted to him. I didn’t flirt with him at all, even though the whole night he kept saying how kissable my lips were and how he thinks we’d be a good match for each other.

I kept thinking about my friend and how I was doing her a favor, trying to ignore him, making jokes about how he’d get some soon enough and he didn’t have to try to flirt with me.

Ughhh…

I swear…I hope I never see him again.

But there’s something that I need to do to try to change this. Maybe I should wait a while before I allow men to feel so comfortable around me. I don’t know.. It’s just…I want people to be who they are and I want to be able to be me too…So I allow that and..I don’t know.

I guess it works out for me because I get to see what assholes they are up front, instead of months later like most women…

I love my life!

I had an exhilarating chat with my friend Kenya tonight. I love to hear the updates on her various creative projects, she’s always expanding and trying different things.

She has been asked to be a part of an innovative media company and her joining has led to me being introduced to a new client. Gotta love that!

As I asked her questions about the company’s founder, I told her that he made a smart move by bringing her on. Kenya has held a plethora of jobs in different creative fields and while most people would frown at a resume that is so eclectic, I can see the value in someone who is well-rounded like she is.

I remember my friend Jenny introduced me to her aunt who is a motivational speaker. Her aunt told me not to buy into the facade that the more jobs you have, the less appealing you are to your intended career. “If you are a speaker and you go out for a speaking engagement they’re more likely to hire you if you’ve actually worked in an environment (In her case business motivation) or lived through an experience that the audience can identify with. The more jobs or experiences that you have, the more speaking engagements that you can get.”

As I spoke to Kenya I remembered an email that I received a few days ago. At the time I was too busy writing so I clicked past it, but when I opened it up tonight I realized how this email could change my life.

Back when I first got back to Miami I developed a program that fuses my love for creative arts with inspiration. The program was designed for children. I visited schools and spoke to Centers but most of them gave me a “Come back later” reply.

This email said that one of our biggest art companies has money to give away in a new intiative to develop more arts programs in South Florida. All you have to do is apply and ask for what you want. The best ideas get funding, but you’ll have to get a matching donor once they give you your award.

Cool right?

I quickly located my old brochure material with my program idea and copied and pasted it into the application. I sent it off. I never hesitate on moving forward with inspired ideas. What for? The quicker you get it done, the more difficult it is to talk yourself out of it.

After that I forwarded the email with the info about the grants program to all of the artists I know so that they can apply too.

What? I ain’t scared of having competition. Why should I be? There is no competition on the divine plane and God always gives me what I need. When people have information that could help someone else achieve their dream, I think it’s selfish to keep it under wraps. My success does not limit your success and your success doesn’t limit mine.

I’m not racing against anyone. I’m just trying to make my dreams come true…And part of that dream is helping those around me to achieve theirs.

Good luck to everyone!