Month: March 2008

True Story that keeps floating around in my head.

I was 12 years old when I met him. I walked down to my classmate Tamia’s house one Saturday to attend our club meeting. After it was over all of the girls went home except me. My friend and I hung out, eating cookies and watching TV while her mother cleaned up.

The next thing we knew our girl time was invaded. Her male cousins had come over. They were 12 and 13. She asked them to leave us alone but they wouldn’t and ofcourse I didn’t want them to go.

The 13 year old, his name was Sheldon. He was very light skinned, with curly hair, slim build and green eyes hiding behind wire framed glasses that were very similar to the ones I wore. He didn’t say much. He just sat back and stared at me the whole time. He made me nervous but I didn’t show it. When my Mama showed up to walk me back home, he grabbed my hand with both of his and looked at me, never saying anything to me at all. Then he let me go.

That was weird.

I saw him again that summer. I was on a field trip and I saw my girlfriend, Tamia. It was the 4th of July. We were at the stadium or something. After I gave her a hug I looked to my left and who did I see…Sheldon.

I didn’t say anything to him. He came and sat next to me. He didn’t say anything to me. We just…sat, nervously munching on popcorn and feeling the tension of pre-teen attraction.

“I’ll see you later,” he said when the event was over. He had come with his family and they were about to leave.

“Ok,” I said and smiled at him.

I didn’t see him for many years after that but everytime I ran into Tamia she would say, “Sheldon asked about you.”

When I turned 15 I was a part of this summer program on the university campus that prepared us for the SAT’s. All local highschools were invited to send their brightest students so this was my chance to meet girls from all over Dade County. During lunch all of the Black girls would sit together and eat and talk about our schools and whatever else came to mind.

One day the subject turned to which boys at our schools were the cutest and these girls said, “Well, we go to HML and let me tell you the FINEST boy there plays football, he’s light skinned with green eyes and he’s soo FINE!”

They both looked at each other and said in unison, “Sheldon A****!”

My heart almost stopped. Football? Fine? Last time I saw him he was as skinny as me. Did he stop wearing his glasses? I didn’t say anything to them about it.

I called up my friend Tamia, who was going to a different highschool than I was and tI old her that the girls were talking about him in the program and she said, “Tee, Sheldon has changed a lot. He asked about you last month.”

I thought about him from time to time but I was on a mission to get into college and get scholarships and be all that I could be so I wasn’t too serious about seeing what was up with him.

I DID get into college, get scholarships and participated in many adventurous trips while I was away at school.

During my freshman year I went home to visit and Anna and I hooked up and we went to the mall at 163rd street. We were walking, chatting, getting numbers, the usual, when I saw this man working at FootLocker.

“Anna,” I whispered. “Look at him. I’m gonna go get that.”

“Aight dawg,” she replied. “I’ll be right here.”

I walked in and casually strolled through the store, looking at sneakers. I saw him look at me so I sat down to wait for him to come over. When he did I noticed his name tag and my mouth dropped open.

SHELDON.

He saw the look on my face and asked, “What’s wrong?”

I cleared my throat. “Do you have a cousin named Tamia?’

“Yes,” he said, studying my face. Then his eyes light up and he smiled. “What’s your name?”

“It’s me..Tee.”

He grinned. “Hey, here’s my number. I get off at 10. Call me. Let’s go out.”

I gave him a hug before I left and hell yeah I called his FINE ASS.

Damn! Dude wasn’t wearing glasses anymore. Dude must have found out about the gym cuz he was on swole and sexy as hell! Damn! He was nothing like the 13 year old I met back in the day.

I called him up and we made a date for the next night. He picked me up and we went to eat or something. I believe we took a walk on the beach too. The whole night was weird because everywhere we went people stared at us as though they were wondering if we were brother and sister. We looked too much alike, yet, we were very attracted to each other. I think we kissed and promised to keep in touch.

We didn’t.

After I had my first son I ran into Tamia on campus. She was also attending my university but had graduated highschool early, started college early and was finishing up law school. She came over to my apartment with a gift basket for my son.

“I talked to Sheldon the other day,” she said. “He still asks about you.”

“Oh yeah,” I said and adjusted my bathrobe. “What’s he up to?”

“He just got married girl. He married a girl who looks JUST LIKE HIS MOM. They could be twins!”

I laughed. “I hope he’s happy.”

“I think he is.”

“Tell him I said hey, okay.”

“I think he’ll be glad to hear that,” Tamia said and gave me a hug. “God Bless you girl.”

Written By Margot Zaher and Jafree Ozwald
www.EnlightenedBeings.com

Just take a deep breath and let yourself relax. That’s right. You can just allow everything to be exactly as it is for this moment. Everything is already taken care of. You can take a permanent vacation into the innermost essence of your being and relax completely here. The more you can relax into this space, the easier it is to flow with the mysterious river of Life. Conscious relaxation allows you to open up to your greatest power and embrace your entire life without even having to do a thing. There’s no efforting involved in relaxation, its simply a continuous release into being with what is.

We’ve found that you can relax deeper when you let yourself trust the situations happening in your life right now are for your highest evolution and enlightenment. So explore what its like to trust in something bigger than you, like the Universe. Let go for a few moments of trying to manage your life, and let it guide you. It always knows what’s best for you, so play along with it and let yourself trust in its way, just like you would trust your closest lover or friend. It may become an experience that transforms the rest of your life.

“For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe.” ~Larry Eisenberg

Imagine right now that you are allowing yourself to fall into the warm welcoming arms of the Universe. Relax into this warm embrace, just like you would fall into the arms of a lover. Let go, and completely trust their love. Feel their protection and deep intimate care for you. Relax into these feelings as deeply as you can. It can be soooo easy to surrender to this because it FEELS sooo good! When you allow the Universe to provide and care for you, it will orchestrate your life in the most divine ways.

The Universal intelligence is very smart, and knows the exact experiences you need to awaken you to your highest potentiality. Trust it. Know that each experience gives you a gift the moment you start relaxing into it. There are no wrong experiences and no mistakes in this divine orchestra. The Universe is brilliant. It knows the grand design, the bigger picture and overall puzzle of your life. It knows that you fit perfectly into this amazing puzzle, and will show you everything when you relax and open up to it.

It is dangling the keys right in front of you to unfolding your souls mission here. You don’t have to figure out a thing. Just relax deeply, and the answers will reveal themselves effortlessly to you.

“Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.” ~Ovid

The deeper you can let go of attachment to your body, mind and its beliefs, the easier it will be for the Universe to manifest your dreams into a living breathing reality.

Many of us have been falsely taught that we must work really hard to succeed in life. Perhaps you were taught that there are certain “correct ways” to approach a relationship, a job offer, or make the right decisions if you want to be “successful”.

Maybe you inherited the belief that you have to keep pushing yourself to stay afloat and survive, and that if you stop and rest the bills won’t get paid and you’ll starve. We are very happy to inform you that these beliefs are not true. They are just thoughts and can be easily released since they do not raise your vibration. The more you can drop your beliefs around the way things “should” be, the deeper you can relax into your body, and the more receptive you become to greater opportunities and ab undance that is knocking on your door.

“If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it.” ~Herodotus

Just for today, give yourself the gift of a full hour of deep and total relaxation. Start with finding a place where you will be undisturbed and is relatively quiet. If you cannot find such a place in your home, take a long walk out in nature! (yes you can do it alone) When you find your spot, sit down, relax into your body, and start surrendering to what is. Trust the natural unfolding of each new moment. When your heart is open and deeply relaxed, your entire energy field is also open, creating a healing expansive feeling for every person that comes in contact with you! You will soon find that your own body enjoys this immensely and automatically expands your chest/heart area leaving you with a deep peaceful feeling inside. The interesting side benefit from this is that the more your heart expands, the easier it will be for you to manifest your desires instantaneously, because you can F EEL the divine essence that is already inside you.

Just from resting you will literally manifest your life’s ultimate peak experience. If you wish to go deeper, practice relaxing into your body throughout each day. You’ll eventually get very good at it and become a super strong manifesting magnet, more than you thought was possible. You will easily and effortlessly attract more of what you want when you know HOW to let go, and are allowing the Universe to take care of the details. So instead of stressing about what you have to get done next weekend, start with relaxing inside and let the Universe reveal to you it’s magic.

You just might discover that the most amazing people and outrageous opportunities have been sitting right right beside you this entire time. Enjoy!

You know why I love what I’m learning in this program? It helps me to redirect the thoughts I’ve had about myself.

My professor mentioned that therapy is not a science it’s an art and because of that we will all develop our own unique style of approaching problems with out clients. But, he said that the choice of school we attend will greatly affect our counseling style.

Our school’s approach to marriage and family therapy is solution focused, non-confrontational and laid back. We don’t focus on the problem or the negative emotions, we focus on creating better circumstances and unique outcomes that will give us a clue on how the problem can be solved.

In my own life, I love to use absolutes.

I always meet the wrong men.

I never understand math.

I can’t succeed at any job I have.

If I saw a therapist who was educated at my school, the first question they would ask is, “Were there any times when you met a nice guy?” “Was there ever a time when you got the math problem right?” “Can you remember a time when you felt successful at work?”

Since nothing is absolute, the client will have to remember an incident where she experienced the opposite of what she believes to be true. Through exploring that opposite experience, she can analyze why it was a positive experience and what she and others did to create it. Then she can try to recreate those scenarios with the understanding that if it happened once, it can happen again.

Same with me.

I read a marvelous statement in one of my hand-outs. It was a synopsis of Milton Erickson’s theory of Self Fulfilling prophecy. Have you heard of that before? It basically means that whatever we expect to happen, will happen.

Another pyschologist named Merton (1957) elaborated on Erickson’s theory by saying, “the tragic and often vicious circle of the self-fulfilling prophecy can be broken by abandoning the initial definition of the situation which set the circle in motion in the girst place.”

In my case: Meeting men = being rejected

Merton says when one predicts an event, the EXPECTATION of the event changes their behavior in such a way that makes the event more likely to happen.

Think about it. When I go out and I expect that everyone is going to hate me, I’ll probably sulk in the corner and be rude to people who come my way. The reaction I get from being that way will be disgusting looks and being ignored. I can then go home and say, “I KNEW IT! Everyone hates me!”

But if I go out and I say to myself, “I’m going to meet so many handsome men tonight,” I’ll probably walk in with a gleam in my eye which will attract all the handsome men due to my confidence. I can STILL go home and say, “I KNEW IT! Everyone there loved me!”

Whatever you expect to happen, WILL HAPPEN. And it’s not because of who you are, it’s because your behaviour made it so. In everything we do, we hold a belief, and with that belief, subconciously, we are searching for clues to validate that belief, whether it’s negative or positive.

Look at that dude on American Idol tonight; the 17-year old kid. In his intro video before he sang his song, he kept saying over and over how he didn’t know the song, that it was hard and that he was very, very nervous. When he came out to sing, he messed up so many times. He predicted it and it came true!

I know it’s hard to change the expectation for certain situations because the negative memories of those experiences seem to outnumber the positive ones, but if you try, you can change your expectation by focusing on that one time the circumstance didn’t turn out in a bad way. And if you can’t remember a time when things went smoothly, then use your imagination to create a hapy scenario. Focus on that daydream all the way through the event and watch how differently things turn out.

Watch. Relax. Smile. Enjoy.

Once again, I didn’t sleep at all last night. This was strange to me because I wasn’t worried or anxious about anything at all.

Around 2am I got a text from a guy I used to talk to and I called him back to give him a pep talk about his life’s direction and managing his emotions during this difficult time.

“Are you using your techniques on me?” he asked with a laugh, referring to the information I’m learning in school.

“Yes, I am. Are they working?”

He laughed. “They are. I feel like you just recharged my battery!”

“I told you, I can’t turn it off. The more I learn, the more being a therapist becomes a part of who I am.”

That’s not always a good thing though. About a month ago I met a man who was so attractive. We were fooling around in his room when he whispered, “You know I’m a secks addict, right?”

“Are you really?” I asked. “Is it interfering with your life’s productivity? Do you find that you are unable to handle everyday tasks due to your increased interest in secks?”

“Huh?”

“I just read this chapter on sexual addiction and it said….”

“Wait,” he interrupted me. “We can talk about the chapter later.”

I almost died laughing. Like I said, I can’t turn it off.

After falling asleep sometime around 6am, I woke up at 9 frustrated and groggy. I had a phone interview at 11am which I had to postpone because the man wasn’t feeling well and I prepared myself to go see my therapist.

When I got there he greeted me with a smile, as usual and he asked me how I was doing.

“I’m fine, I just couldn’t sleep at all last night and the night before and I don’t know why because I’m not worried about anything.”

“Well, let’s watch your sleeping pattern over the next week and we’ll see what may be the cause of that,” he said.

We talked about a number of things and somehow the conversation turned to my relationship with Steve.

“Have you and Steve had a fight yet?” he asked.

“No. We don’t fight. But we did have some conflict because he won’t have secks with me.”

“Why did you choose that as your first conflict?”

“Beause I wanted us to have to deal with an issue that is foreign to me.”

“What did you learn from this?”

“Well, I learned that men can have secks issues too. And that when a woman does something that hurts a man, the pain can last a long time. I never considered that before.”

We talked some more about my patterns with men. He discovered that I push men into having secks with me, taunting them if they don’t.

“Why do you play that game?” he asked.

The question stunned me. Me? Games? Wow. I guess that is a game.

“I guess I want to see if he’s really into me or not. If he succumbs to my pressure then he’s not worth my time. I guess I’m testing his resolve.”

“Would you consider that the man may be doing the same with you? Maybe he’s thinking, ‘If she does it, then she doesn’t care about a relationship’.”

“I never thought about that.”

“How do I love myself more?” I asked him later in the session.

“Well, you can accomplish that by giving yourself pats on the back for the things that you do well. You have some very big goals, but with any goal, things happen step by step. Rome wasn’t built or destroyed in a day so if you’re confident enough to believe in your dream then the process to getting there should be enjoyed.”

When the conversation changed to my children, I admitted that I am often overwhelmed by negative thoughts and I want to change them. As my voice wavered, I could feel the tears about to flow. As he pulled out a piece of paper I realized something profound.

Therapists can’t actually help you with any of your problems. All we (they) can do is help you to manage your emotions and encourage you to take steps to handle things more efficiently on your own.

“What we’re about to do is work on helping you balance your thoughts,” he said.

My facial expression must have given him a clue about how delighted I was at the concept because he said, “You haven’t gotten to balancing thoughts in your studies yet, have you?”

I shook my head.

“Ok, let’s begin. Give me a situation or thought that causes you to feel negative emotion.”

“Um…The fact that I can’t provide a home for my sons.”

“Ok, we’ll go with that. When you think about this, what emotion do you feel?”

“Hurt. Pitiful. Like a failure.”

“How would you rate your mood right now on a scale of 10% to 100% with 100 being completely hurt and pitiful?”

“Um…around 40%”

“What are the automatic thoughts or images that you think of when you have those feelings?”

“Um…Maybe that I’m not a good enough Mom or a good person.”

“Is there any evidence in your life that supports that belief?”

“Umm..I don’t know where you’re going with this but this is too negative and I don’t want to go there,” I explained as I covered my face with my hands.

“Give it a chance. We’re not done,” he said and continued writing. “Any evidence?”

“Well, I haven’t kept a job and I can’t have my sons with me right now,” I told him sadly.

“Now this next question may be a bit tough at first, but I think you can handle it. Is there any evidence that does NOT support your claim that you are not a good Mom?”

I shook my head, feeling so low.

“Come on…Think back to the paragraph that I asked you to write. You listed a lot of things that are great about you.”

“Well, people come to me all the time for advice and encouragement. People have actually said to me that they learn from me about parenting and some have even told me that knowing me has helped improve their lives.”

“Now we can work on a balanced thought,” he said. “You can use all of the statements you made before. I feel hurt and pitiful right now AND although I can not take care of my sons right now, people come to me for help and see me as important in their lives.”

Hmmm…

“So Instead of focusing on the negative part solely, I can balance my thoughts by including the positive aspects too?”

“Yes. If you practice this, when you have a negative thought it will be balanced by the positive evidence and won’t produce so much angst. Now tell me what percentage do you feel hurt and pitiful with this new balanced thought.”

“About 20%.”

“That’s great! With the new thought, you cut the negative emotion in half.”

I am so glad that I stuck in there and didn’t quit after the first therapist wasn’t a good fit for me. This new guy is excellent and I’m learning so much from him.

You know what? I am so proud of myself right now. I’m in this period where I recognize my issues and I’m not sweeping them under the rug. I’m facing them head on and Just like any other goal, I’m adamant about seeing them resolved.

For the first time in my life, I’m not playing the victim. I’m taking responsibility for my life and working to make it better.

I absolutely love where I am and you know, I appreciate the time and circumstances that allowed me to get here…

I am absolutely stunned, blowed and flabbergasted. I’d like to thank my Angels because I ain’t seen nothing like this in undergrad!Damn I’m a scholar!~poppin my collar~

I read an article today online called Four Keys To Hearing From God.

What amazed me were the similarities between hearing from God and the spiritual practices that I have been reading about that have nothing to do with Christianity.

It’s interesting to me that when spiritual people speak of hearing messages from spirits and writing them down, we tend to get this feeling that they are evil. But when I was growing up I learned that the Bible was written in the same manner; certain people heard a voice from what they perceived to be God and they wrote down the message..but we believed them.

And then there’s the matter of the Holy Spirit, it lives within us, guides us and whispers to us during times of need. That reminds me of the ‘Higher Self’ that spiritual teachers write about. They suggest entering into quiet time, or meditation, to hear from God, listening to that inner voice that will guide us. Isn’t this one and the same?

I find more similarities than contradictions when I read The Game Of Life by Florence Scovel Shinn. Her book was Bible based, yet it taught the ideas behind the law of attraction in a way that was easy to understand.

Why do we feel we can trust a book [The Bible] that was recorded so many,many years ago, yet distrust the messages of spiritual leaders today so easily? Isn’t the same God who whispered words of instruction during the days that the Bible was written, the same God who guides us and protects us today? Is it impossible to believe that God can still be speaking to people today? Was Jesus the last messenger of God?

Is the Bible the only true message from God? Why can’t we trust ourselves to hear directly from God?

Are we all battling over defining who God is when the God we seek is actually the same concept? Is the name what is important or the message of love?

I think maybe it has to do with the tradition of religion. If so many others are doing it and it seems to work for them, then why should I step outside of the box and try to think and hear for myself? If I do this then am I merely following the crowd?

I don’t have the answers to any of these questions yet I think they are important to consider. A friend of mine told me, “Curiosity killed the cat.” She mentioned this old age because she will not embrace any teaching that doesn’t directly come from the Bible and she will not consider calling God anything other than God. She’s not into questioning anything because she wants to go to heaven.

What’s wrong with questioning? What’s wrong with seeking? Why do people sigh and shake their heads in dissappointment when they learn that I am defining my spirituality for myself?

I no longer fear Hell. I don’t believe it exists. I don’t look forward to heaven either because I believe that we are with God right now and we don’t need to wait for later. Sometimes I think that those concepts were created in order to pacify the masses.

“We can do whatever we want to them today,” the religious leaders of the past could have said. “And keep them focused on the afterlife. If they listen to us then they’ll get into heaven, but if they disobey they will go to hell.”

The idea of receiving an eternal reward or punishment doesn’t resonate with me anymore. We spend 60 plus odd years on this earth and then for the thoughts we thought or the deeds we did or didnt do, we get to spend an infinite amount of time reaping the reward or consequence of those actions– huh?

This idea of social policing through religion isn’t that bad. It gives us a good guideline of how to treat each other, but is instilling the fear of hell the only way to get someone to behave in the way that you want them to?

Would I want someone’s love or dedication because they fear me?

Why can’t I love others and treat them fairly because that’s what’s in my heart to do without fear or expectation of a reward or punishment?

And furthermore, is this entire journey that I’m on, seeking God’s divine will for my life, just a ruse to disguise the fact that I have certain goals and I want to go after them using God as an excuse instead of taking responsibility for my own choices?

I don’t know. I do know that I heard from God [or what I perceived to be God] back when I asked for Him to come into my life. I heard Him say, and it was a genderless voice, kind of like a ‘knowing’, but it was audible; “I forgive you. I forgive you. I love you.”

Years later I was praying and I heard the same ‘knowing’ say, “I will guide you.”

Was that me, God, Holy Spirit, my Higher Self or even a spirit speaking to me? Does it even matter? Those words made me feel like my life has a purpose and provided comfort.

Yeah..Now I can see why so many people embrace religion, it’s much easier to go by the book than to trust yourself to figure out an answer to life’s questions…

My sister thinks I’m weird because I am learning about self hypnosis and I practice it whenever I have a quiet moment. She caught me doing EFT and laughed so hard.

My parents say that I belong in another universe because I’m out of touch with reality.

What’s it like being me these days? Kinda peaceful. Kinda lonely too.

I don’t really have anyone that i can discuss these questions and spiritual ideas with. I am longing for an open mind to cross my path, someone who is not welded to the idea of a particular religion and who can talk from a scholarly, yet emotional perspective of one who wants to understand themselves better and find the congruence in different spiritual practices.

I’d love to have a conversation with someone who has studied many ideas. Someone whose interactions with other people of different spiritual backgrounds has shaped who they are. I’d like to meet a gentle soul, who is all about sharing love.

I can’t find anyone who won’t say, “Read the Bible, that’s it.”

I’m open to more than that. I’m open to seeing the true hearts of men and how they really found peace. Someone who is not caught up in the “how do i get the most things in this life” mentality but more about “how do I give the most love to myself and others” mentality.

No pressure. No worries.

Everything I ask for is given. I’ll let you know when this person crosses my path.