I’ve had an interesting run on the chat.line.
I started using it a little over a month ago after my laptop went back to HP and I was feeling a little bored late one night. The commercial came on TV saying, “Meet local singles in your area” and I laughed and remembered the first time I called that line.
This was before everyone had internet in their homes, before chatting and blogging became a way of life for me. I was home on break from college during my freshman year and me and my sister were up late talking when we saw the commercial. “Let’s try it,” I told her and we both laughed.
I met this guy on there that night. We ended up talking for the entire night and meeting up the next day. He was georgeous, respectful and very much into me. His name was Joshua.
We kept in touch for years. On each of my visits home, it was as though he could sense I was in town because he always called when I got back. I met his parents. We went shopping, had dinners, it was really cool. He never tried to have secks with me. We lost touch after I got into a relationship with my (future) children’s father.
A couple of years ago my friend Sylvia called me up and said, “Tee, do you know a guy named Josh?” I was dumbfounded. After all of this time he still remembered me and when he met Sylvia and found out what college she went to, he asked if she knew me. We hooked up for a brief period but after getting to know him more I realized that I didn’t really like him like that.
So I called back this year and I’ve had some fun dates and conversations. The funniest thing about the chat.line is the fact that if you’re talking to a person and you’re not interested in what they’re talking about, you can hang up on them, no strings attached, no one blowing up your phone or stalking you. You hang up and that’s it. I find it funny that most of the men on there hang up on me quite easily. I guess my type of conversation isn’t what they are looking for and I’m not good at phone secks so….
I really like it when they hang up on me because then I know they aren’t just hanging in there, completely hating who I am and what I’m about but hoping to get a shot at some cootchie. They have no idea what I look like so they’re judging me based solely on my conversation and the ideals I express to them.
What I was hoping to get out of the chat.line was to meet someone to talk to on a regular basis. I sometimes feel like I’m doing a STUDY on men and their motivations for their actions.
I went out with a few men from there and I learned that:
1) Guys on the chat.line aren’t ugly by a long shot. Each man I met, 4 in total, got FINER and FINER.
2) Guys on there aren’t looking for a relationship or a friend. They are impatient and don’t want to put in the effort of pursuing a woman so they are looking for a quick hit.
3)Most of the men on there claim to be in bad relationships and are looking for comfort outside their relationship. AKA. Quick secks.
4) Women on there sell pu**y.
5) Men are looking for women who sell p**y.
6) People lie about how they look, just to get some attention. (Same as the internet)
Basically, it’s a meat market. But if you’re in the meat selling game, you’re gonna be happy.
The last man I met on the chat line made me not want to ever get back on there. No, it’s not because he’s so horrible, it’s really because…I like him a lot. We talk everyday and the way his mind works entices me. I have learned so much from him.
I have met him. I went to visit him at his job. We’ve had breakfast together and everything. I know he wants to sleep with me but I’m more attracted to his mind than his body so I just enjoy his conversation. He’s cool with that.
His take on relationships intrigues me. He’s my age and from my old hood. He has a girlfriend who he is very much in love with. Our relationship is one of those relationships where…I get to ask him all of the questions I want about relationships and what men think and he answers honestly and even though he regularly cheats on his girlfriend because, “I love pu**y too much.” I respect his opinion on issues and the way he handles his live-in girl, his finances and his baby mama.
I know that sounds crazy but…he’s a very smart man. He says he often discusses relationship issues with his friends and anyone who comes his way because he thinks differently than most.
As we talked I gave him situations from my past regarding men and he would tell me what was going on, from his perspective.
I told him that I cheated in a past relationship and admitted it to my former boyfriend and he said, “I would have been hurt. I would have probably broken up with you. But honestly, to this day, we would have been MARRIED.”
I laughed. “Married?! What? He broke up with me and kept it moving, even though he was doing the same thing.”
“See,” he said. “You’re a real woman and all that other stuff you said you wanted in a man has to come after finding yourself a REAL MAN. A REAL MAN won’t walk away from a woman who is woman enough to admit she made a mistake. Those fake niggas who are all about perception want to be with someone who acts perfect or who they can act perfect for. The key word is ACT. No one is perfect and everyone fucks up sometime. I can forgive someone for what they do, if they don’t try to treat me like I’m stupid by lieing to me. You cheated. You admitted it. I would appreciate a woman more for her honesty cuz you telling him had nothing to do with you, you did it for him. You could have kept that shit to yourself and kept him in the dark about the whole situation but him knowing that information benefitted him in the end. That shows that you loved him. That’s a real woman.”
When I asked him how he was able to maintain such a promoscuous lifestyle even though he had a live-in girlfriend he said, “She doesn’t stress me. I don’t stress her. She rarely asks me for anything cuz she has her own. She doesn’t go through my phone. She doesn’t call me a hundred times when I’m out. She knows I will never disrespect her and I love her so much because she’s everything I need. She cooks, great secks. She’s educated, she’s a counselor. She works 3 jobs. She takes great care of my kids. When ever she needs me, I’m there. If she wants me to drop what I’m doing and come be with her, I do it, but that’s because she doesn’t stress me..And if I needed her to do the same thing, she would.”
“My chick will dress up like a stripper for me. Once she even planned to give me a 3some but my stupid ass didn’t know what was going on and I told her I wanted to go home. Women don’t understand that your man wants you to be their eveyrthing. Be their hoe, be their slut, be their good church girl. Do it ALL! Man…I want to give her all of me but that’s gonna be hard. I want to but damn…pu**y is so good!”
One night he told me this story. He said he was out at a neighborhood party with his boys when he ran into some chicks from his middle school. They all stood outside catching up on their lives when he told them about his girl and his outside relationships. He said the women called him nasty and perverted and told him he was garbage for being like that when he has a good woman at home. At the same time, he has a friend who was also at the party engaged in the same conversation. The friend took the pitiful route, talking about how his wife didn’t love him, did him wrong and didn’t sleep with him anymore. The women ate the story up, comforting him and telling him things will get better.
“At the end of the night, how many women do you think he slept with?” he asked me.
“I don’t know.”
“NONE.”
“At the end of the night, how many of those women do you think I slept with? NONE. But two of those women pulled me to the side and told me that they wanted to fuck me. Can you tell me why it went down like that?”
“My guess would be…because a man who is with a woman and complains about her seems weak and pitiful. Why would any man be with a woman and have to complain? I hate that. I’m always thinking, LEAVE THAT BITCH ALONE! It makes me think something is wrong with him. But a man who is happy in his relationship is more appealing because it’s obvious he has what it takes to attract a good woman and he knows what to do to keep her.”
“I like that. And that’s how I feel too. I NEVER complain about a woman I’m with cuz when it gets to the point where I have to complain, I let her go. Life’s too short for that shit.”
I enjoy my “interviews” with these men but I’m a bit bored with the whole thing so I haven’t called back in a while. I’m still hopeful that one day I’ll meet someone who treats me well AND I’m actually attracted to him.
I’m praying and believing that those two qualities aren’t mutually exclusive.