Month: December 2007

Tomorrow is the bloggers unite, acts of kindness challenge. Bloggers all over are invited to perform a random act of kindness and blog about it. This challenge should create tons of ripples of love around the world. I am definitely going to take part. You should too.I’ll share my story tomorrow.

My life is a miracle.

I decided that I would use my life coaching skills for the Kindness Act for Bloggers Unite.

My Angel in a White Tee mentioned that his goal is to become a fire fighter so I contacted the Miami-Dade Fi.re Department to find out what he needed to do. It turns out that he has to be EMT certified before he can even begin the application process.

So I called the community college to find out when the classes start and what he would need for the application process.

I wrote down all the details and when he called me I said, “Now I told you that I was a life coach and it’s in my nature to try to help people accomplish their goals. So I called and got all of the information that you need to begin the process of becoming a firefighter. Sometimes I push too hard when people tell me that they have a goal because I believe anyone can accomplish what they want to accomplish and some people become offended when I try to help them so let me know if I’m doing too much.”

“Naw…That may be just what I need. Man…I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

“Really? That’s good. So here’s what you’ll have to do….”

I really hope that I can witness his transformation from construction worker to fire fighter. If he really does it, I’ll be flying on air!

That’s my act of kindness. I hope you did one too!

My life is a miracle.

Speed through time….20 years from now. December 17, 2027

I’m sitting in my home office finishing off a memo to my staff when my phone rings. It’s my assistant.

“Ms. Tee. There’s a Keisha Jackson here to see you.”

My eyes light up. “Send her in.”

I stand up and smile warmly as a petite figure wearing a faded jean jacket and dark brown pants cautiously opens the door and steps in.

“Keisha,” I say and extend my hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Keisha’s eyes scan the room taking in the beauty of my most prized space. She walks over to my award wall and begins reading the awards, all given for my philanthropy over the years, my work as a noted therapist and inspirational speaker as well as a full collection of framed book covers of all of the books that I have written.

“This is my favorite,”I say as I point to a framed drawing given to me by my oldest son when he was only 5 years old. “This is why I was able to accomplish all of this.”

Keisha’s eyes begin to tear up as she sits down on the leather sofa and stares at her hands, now clasped tightly in front of her.

I know why she is here. My best friend Tamara sent her to see me. She’s 24 years old, a single mom and in a tough spot right now. I promised Tamara that I would take good care of her.

“Is that your husband?” Keisha asks, her eyes straining to see the framed photo atop my desk.

“Yeah, that’s him,” I respond and pass the photo to her. “That was taken the day we both decided that we were in love. It was a crazy day. He told me he loved me and we had only been dating for two weeks. But I knew it before he said it. I knew it from day one. He was the one. He treated me like I always deserved to be treated.”

As I’m speaking she gently places the photo face down on the couch beside her, staring at the ground.

I picked it up and placed it back on my desk, leaning against it as I studied her face, worn and worried.

“Ms. Tee,” she began and then paused for a moment before lifting her head to meet my gaze.
“Ms. Tamara told me that you would be able to help me if I told you what was going on but…I don’t see how you’d understand.”

I watched as her eyes scanned my body. From my designer shoes to my perfectly tanned and toned legs to my impeccable dress, manicured nails and stunning make up. Her head dropped again. Her shoulders began heaving up and down as her own scrubby fingernails raked through her hair.

“What won’t I understand Keisha?” I asked softly.

She lifted her head and her face tightened as tears streamed down her cheeks. The very next words she spoke shocked me with their venom.

“You won’t understand SHIT!” she spat out, rising from her seat, her voice trembling with emotion.

I folded my arms across my chest and watched her closely. There’s something about her…

“You don’t know what it’s like!” she screams. “You can’t help me! Look at you! You with your awards and plaques and your drivers and shit! You don’t know what it’s like! You can’t relate to what I’m going through!”

“How do you know that?” I ask her.

“Cuz look at you! You have a husband! I heard he’s a billionaire!”

“Well, he was only a millionaire before I met him. But go on…” I say.

My words seemed to ignite a fire inside of her. She took a step toward me, shaking her head violently.

“You don’t know! You don’t know what it’s like! You don’t know! You don’t know me! You’ve never been homeless and hungry!”

“Yes, my dear, I have.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “No, you don’t know me! You’ve never been tossed to the side by the father of your children. Been told you were worthless and wanted to kill yourself because of it!”

“Yes, Keisha. I have.”

“Stop playin with me!” she shouted and took another step toward me, studying my face.
“No. You haven’t! You can’t tell me you’d know what it’s like to have to be the only one in your family to go to college and then have to drop out of school because you got pregnant! You’ve never been molested! You’ve never tried so hard to reach for your dream and fail miserably every time! You can’t know! Look at you! You don’t know!”

“Keisha..”I began and reached out to touch her. She flinched as my fingers gripped her shoulder. “Keisha, I do know.”

I lowered my eyes as teardrops formed in the corners. Now I see why Tamara sent her to see me.

She is me.

This was me.

So many years ago.

So many years ago when all I had was ambition and faith, very little knowledge and no one to back me. I was confused and hurt and miserable.

“Keisha,” I said and guided her back to the sofa. She was sobbing uncontrollably now.

I reached for a tissue and handed it to her. She blew her nose loudly and reached for another.

“Keisha. I know you see me now. I’m all poised and successful and content. But I wasn’t always like this. A long time ago, I was just where you are. I was confused. I was lonely. I was hurting.”

“You? You were?” she asked, lifting her head to look me in the eye.

“Yes. I was. I used to hate men. I would have shot them all if someone had let me borrow a gun!”

She smiled.

“Girl, I spent a night in jail once over a fight with my baby daddy,” I admitted.

“You did?” she asked, her mouth open in astonishment.

“Yes. I did. I was 8 months pregnant with my oldest son at the time too.”

“Me too!” she said, her voice rising and cracking. “I mean, I wasn’t pregnant but I had a fight with my daughter’s father and I went to jail for one night.”

“We have so much in common Keisha. You have so much to heal from. But it’s my promise to you that everything that I have, you can have, if you really want it. It DOES get better. Things get better and better every year. You continue to learn, you continue to fight for your dream, you get everything you want in the end.”

“Are…Are you sure?”

I nod. “I’m sure. Just as sure as I am sitting here telling you all this, one day, you’ll switch places with me and you’ll meet a young lady who is at the end of her rope and you’ll tell her that she will pull through.”

“I will?”

“I promise you Keisha. It’s a done deal. And when you do, you’ll realize that you went through all of that…to help her, to relate to her. To be able to reach out and show her what her future will become if she doesn’t give up.”

Her eyes are dry now as she looks up at me. All of the weariness is gone now. “Do you really mean it? Do you mean I can be like you one day? Could that happen to me?” she asks.

“It WILL happen to you. You can have more, be more and loved more than I have. But it all begins with a decision. You have to decide right now that you want it more than you want your next breath. When you decide to choose success for your future and focus on that, it will come. And I promise, I’ll help you.”

“You’ll help?”

“I’ll be here every step of the way.”

“You don’t mind.”

“It’s my gift to God. It’s what He made me to do. He gave me the gift of upliftment. I receive joy from that. Now go on in the restroom, it’s right over there. Wash your face, come out and we’ll talk. Now that we know where you’ve been, we can start working on where you’re about to go.”

My eyes follow her as she walks into the hallway and disappears.

I walk behind my desk and tap lightly onto my deskpad, sending Tamara a quick message.

I just met Keisha. I just wanted to say thanks for reminding me of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. I went through all of that…for this.

My life is a miracle.

Yet…I know something is different because I can’t even listen to Kanye’s music anymore. All I keep thinking about is his mom. And I keep thinking how sorry I am and how maybe when I spoke to her I should have phrased things differently or how maybe…I don’t know.

I’m so sorry. Cuz ya’ll know how much I care about him in a weird, fan-like, mega crush, unique to Ms. Tee way. I never meant to be like…this hurt over it though.

I’m trying to get over it. I feel so stupid cuz I’m always loving people who don’t even know me or love me back but I can’t help it.

I just can’t listen to his music anymore.

And that’s a big deal for me.

My life is a miracle.

I’m on the phone with my guyfriend Anthony and he asks me, “Are you jealous?”

“Huh? You mean am I jealous right now?”

“Naw. I mean if I was out with you and you thought a woman was flirting with me, would you be mad?”

I laughed. “No, I’d be impressed. No woman ever thinks any of the men I mess with are cute.”

He laughed.

“If I was out with you,” I continued. “And a woman was flirting with you and she was cute, I’d tell you to go see if she wants to come home with us.”

“Ha! You’re loose!” he said and laughed.

“Pretty much.”

My life is a miracle.

But there’s still some growing for me to do.

I decided to let My Angel In A White Tee go…

And when I told Tamara about it she sent me this email.

Okay, dont take this the wrong way but I dont understand you. I dont see how one min you are just looking for someone to kick it with you find it and in a matter of secs you just dismiss them like that.

I hate to say dog but treat men like they are objects. You just use them for a quick fix and then dismiss they ass. Wow you gotta be careful with that Tee because that is not really good natured. It is not good Karma.

I know that it is a waste of time if you have someone that you are not interested I totally agree with you on that but Tee it is like you give these guys a taste of you knowing that they are going to fall for you.

Why are you wasting your time and others ppls time like that? Really not cool.

I think that if this is how you are going to be then stick to doing that and be upfront with these guys and just let them know you are just looking for a one night stand and after that they can go about there way. So it becomes their choice.

Well, it’s kind of like this….

Dear Men Of The World,

I have fun with you. I really do. But the reason it’s so easy for me to dismiss you is because, you don’t really add anything to my life that I will miss when you’re gone. Ok, we have secks and that’s cool, but I can go a long, long time without it and feel fine.

Other than that, none of you have ever done anything extraordinary or mind blowing where I just…had to have you near me.

Am I missing something? Is my brain wired wrong? I want to feel like you are necessary and add something beautiful to my life but so far none of you have shown me that. And so far, I have not missed a single one of you after I have let you go.

I’m not sure what other women experience. You know those women who fight to keep their relationships and compromise and just put up with all type of shit but…I don’t have what they have or maybe you haven’t given me what you have give them because before I sit back and make the decision of whether I feel like dealing with a dude or not, I ask myself, “What do I lose from losing him?” and I always reply, “Nothing.”

I’m the supportive one. I’m the one who helps you learn who you are. I’m the one who believes in your dream with you. I’m the one who gives good head. I’m the one who does everything valuable in a relationship. You don’t do anything for me but give me dick.

Anyone can fuck me. Your dick is not that valuable.

I’m gonna flip my emotions right now and say what I want. I’d like to meet someone who adds to my life in a way that if I even THINK about leaving them, I won’t be able to because of how much value their presence has in my world.

Until then, if I’m not feeling you, I’m not feeling you.

My life is a miracle.

So I decided to have “the talk” with My Angel In A White Tee. When he called to see if he could come see me I gave him some excuse and he got quiet.

“Aiight.” He hangs up.

He called me later this evening and said, “What’s up? I’m coming through.”

“Didn’t I tell you…” I began.

“I’m coming through. Be there in a minute.” He hangs up.

I sit there, staring at the phone.

I know he ain’t tryin me like it’s all that.

Hmmm…

I feel funny…

I kinda like that.

~scratches head~

When he gets here I’m in my favorite pair of jeans and a wife beater. I walk outside and we post up on his truck. Damn…he is looking so cute!

“Yeah. It sounded like you had an attitude earlier. I’m gonna have to break you out of that,” he says and pulls me to him.

~sigh~

That’s right, Daddy.

Break me out of it. That’s all I really want.

I need someone who isn’t afraid of me! Someone who cares enough and is man enough to tell me to sit my ass down with all that craziness.

~sigh~

Tame me, Daddy.

I really need it.

~sigh~

My life is a miracle.

I came across this excercise today and I figured that I would share. If there is nothing else that I have learned that you should take with you, it is the fact that through appreciating what you already have, you will attract even more things to appreciate.

Let’s go on a rampage of appreciation shall we!

My Favorite Things:

My favorite thing about my sons is the fact that they take great care of each other.

My favorite thing about my friends is the fact that they allow me to be ME and never discourage me from living my life the way I want to live it.

My favorite thing about my work is I get to work from home, doing what I love to do at my own pace and convenience.

My favorite thing about my relationship status is I meet men all the time and they are all being so sweet to me. I can pick and choose what qualities I like best and then the very next man I meet has those qualities and MORE! Wow!

My favorite thing about my living situation is I have no bills to pay (yet) and the refrigerator is always full of food. I don’t have to cook or clean (much) and there’s always someone to talk to.

My favorite thing about my spiritual journey is I am free to evolve into whatever God wants me to. I’m not bound by anyone’s rules or expectations. I celebrate my life and love for God daily. What a relief!

My favorite thing about my body is the fact that I am the same size I was before I had my children. It took me a few years but I’m back to 130 lbs and I love it everyday!

My favorite thing about my sister is the fact that she is so happy and content in her life. Everytime she receives a blessing I feel like it’s ME and her life is better than it has ever been.

Now ask yourself how each of your favorite things can be improved.

Wouldn’t it be nice if… my sons and I had a wonderful home of our own. I’d be willing to take turns sharing them with their father because he is teaching them so much about being disciplined young men which is the perfect complement to my teaching them how to love and dream fearlessly.

Wouldn’t it be nice if…my friends and I were able to see each other more often. We’d enjoy weekend trips to visit each other and allow our kids to get to know each other better. Every chance we’d get, we’d be able to hug, laugh and share in each other’s happiness.

Wouldn’t it be nice if…my work became more financially lucrative. Instead of $100-$350 a story, I’d be earning a beautiful salary doing just what I loved to do, write and create feature programs for a website or a print magazine.

Wouldn’t it be nice if…my relationships status suddenly changed and one of the wonderful men I met was everything I ever wanted in a man. I’d stop running from relationships and embrace it wholeheartedly in an effort to make up for the mistakes that I made in my past relationships. The next man that I decide to like (and he likes me back-LOL!) is going to be so lucky. I am going to be soooo good to him.

Wouldn’t it be nice if…my living situation got even better. I’d love to find a home in Miami Shores that is reasonably priced, spacious and even better than all of the homes I had previously lived in.

Wouldn’t it be nice if…my spiritual journey deepened and flourished. As I am learning how to focus on the things that I want and watch as they appear, it would be great to be able to just wave my hand like a magician and connect to God without worrying or wondering about anything.

Wouldn’t it be nice if…my body was more toned and all my stretch marks dissappeared.

Wouldn’t it be nice if…all of my sister’s dreams came true. She’d be running her own business and loving her life everyday!

Ahhhhh….

Isn’t it way more fun to focus on what you appreciate and what you want to happen than it is to focus on what you lack and what you don’t want to happen? My goodness, this habit has seriously improved the quality of my life. I hope it does the same for you.

You get everything you ask for.

Q: What are you asking for?
A: Whatever you are focused on.

I’m focused on happiness and abundance. How about you?

My life is a miracle.

I’m going to try to articulate this in the best way possible.

Tamara told me that I shouldn’t write about this because it’s too spooky but oh well.

Just last night she and I were on the phone and we were talking about the email she sent to me and my response to it.

She said, “Let’s try an experiment. We both know that when you meet a man and you sleep with him, you lose all interest in him immediately.”

“That’s true.”

“Ok, next time you meet a man and you are attracted to him, don’t sleep with him. I want to see if you can be attracted to a man, if the attraction can get to the point where you really want him.”

“Want him for what?”

“Want him for no specific reason, just want him, and I’m not just talking about sexually.”

“Want him for no specific reason? Wow.”

“Yeah, there’s this feeling that you get when you meet a man and the tension builds up because you are attracted to him and you are around him but you don’t do anything about it.”

“Well, I’m gonna have to deliberately manifest a man to be attracted to because I am never attracted to men that I just meet. I usually just choose from the men who are attracted to me.”

“Just try it and see what happens.”

“I don’t know Prince,” I say. “I’m rarely attracted to men like that cuz I don’t base attraction on looks.”

For the rest of the night I’m feeling restless. I just feel like I need to go out somewhere. I don’t want to have men all up in my face so I don’t want to go out by myself. Hmm.. Who can I call?

Mr. Angel In a White Tee has done a 12 hour shift so I told him to go home and get some rest. None of the other men I talk to live in Miami. Hmmm…

I know! I’ll call my friend Cleve. He’s a really nice guy who doesn’t try to sleep with me and we always have fun together.

I call Cleve up and ask if he minds having some company. Of course he says he’s down and he picks me up to go to his house. On the way over there I’m telling him about my new challenge. “The next man I meet that I’m attracted to, I won’t sleep with him,” I say.

He raises his eyebrow and says, “And the next woman that I meet and she tries to sleep with me, I’m going to tell her no, I’m not ready.” he laughs as we walk into his apartment.

This is my first time going to his place. We usually go out or he comes over to see me. We sit down, turn on the TV and I take out my dinner to eat. I hear a strange sound and I look around.

“What’s that?” I ask him.

“Oh…That’s the door.”

When he answers the door I hear him say, “What’s up dawg? Come on in.”

He walks back in and a man follows close behind him.

“This is my brother,” Cleve says to me and I rise to shake his hand.

“I’ve met your brother and this is NOT your brother,” I counter.

“He’s my brother,” Cleve says.

I take a long look at this man. He’s about 6 feet tall, pale skin and handsome as hell. His voice is so deep and sexy.

Damn! I sit down uncomfortably and continue my meal as they talk.

I’m feeling weird. I feel nervous. What the hell is wrong with me? We all sit and talk and have a beer as we attempt to watch a bad movie. We’re having fun and we’re laughing and I’m enjoying myself.

“Well,” Cleve’s brother says. “It’s time for me to make a move. I’m going to meet these fools up the street.”

He rises, gives Cleve a pound and a hug and then walks over to me and offers his hand.

“It was very nice meeting you,” he says. “By the way, you have beautiful eyes.”

I giggle.

He leaves. When Cleve walks back in, I’m like, “How the hell is he your brother?!”

“My Daddy has children from all these different women,” He begins. “And we all know each other. We’re brothers.”

“What is he? Is she white?”

“His Mama is white, so he’s half.”

“Damn, he was fine!”

Cleve laughs. “You want me to give him your number?”

“NO!”

Cleve looks confused. “So you say you liked him, he’s single and you’re single. Why can’t I give him your number?”

“Don’t do that! Don’t even mention it to him.”

He sighs and says, “OK Tee.”

When I get back home I immediately call Tamara and tell her what happened. “I NEVER meet men I’m attracted to up front,” I say. “The last time this happened, it was The Prez.”

“I know! This is spooky, Tee. We JUST talked about manifesting this a few hours ago. I didn’t expect you to meet someone TONIGHT. That’s crazy! Well, let’s use him as the object of our experiment then,” Tamara says. “I wonder if you can continue to be attracted to him if you get to know him and don’t sleep with him. I’ve never seen you be attracted to anybody other than your fantasy crushes.”

“But what about The Prez?” I ask her.

“Yes, you MET him and you were around him sporadically but you didn’t really get to KNOW his personality. You were attracted to an image of him that you made up in your head. Tee. you’re never attracted to men you KNOW. I wonder if that’s possible. Even if you get to know him and you decide that you don’t like him, that may not be a bad thing. You have this ideal image in your mind of the type of man you want and when you meet someone who doesn’t have those qualities you dismiss him easily. Maybe it’s just that you know what you want and you aren’t going to settle until you have everything you want. That could be why you never stay interested in a guy for long.”

“Well, if I see him again, I will definitely NOT sleep with him. But honestly, dawg, this feeling is so new to me. It’s like I WANT to get to know him more.”

“That’s the feeling you should have with men. And when you wait and decide that you like them BEFORE you sleep with them, then the secks is so much better,” she says.

“Ok, Prince. But damn! I can’t believe this. Everything that I want to happen..happens!”

“That’s how it is, Tee. I noticed that a long time ago with my Mother. Everything she says is going to happen, happens, whether it’s good or bad. Now my sister and I have to tell her that we don’t want to know what she thinks is going to happen.”

“That’s the law of attraction. The power of the spoken word!” I say enthusiastically. “Wow. This is no joke.”

My life is a miracle.

You know I’m all introspective and shit. Everything that happens to me has a deeper meaning and I meditate on it to figure out what this piece of puzzle means to the rest of my life. Maybe I shouldn’t be that way but…I am. And that’s quite alright.

So ofcourse I’ve been thinking about my relationships with men since my last couple of conversations with Tamara, PLUS the fact that the 3 women who I speak to on a regular basis are ALL in romantic relationships right now so it’s a major part of all our conversations.

Anna’s married and still getting used to her man actually living with her. He snores sooo loud!

Tamara is in some kind of fantasy land with her (not)man. I’m in a hotel on the beach, Tee. It’s so beautiful here. Seriously Tee. My new thing is this…Don’t settle. Everything you want in a man is out there. Just wait. Don’t settle because when you do and you’re sitting there thinking, “This isn’t what I really want.” It’s because what you really want is out there. I’m telling you, it is.

Kim is acting a fool in Chicago. She emailed me last week saying, “I’m single again.” By the time I called her she was giggling and telling me about how she threw one of her fits and had to basically beg her boyfriend for forgiveness. Kim is a BRAT! She’s worse than me! If she doesn’t get her way..oh boy! Especially with men. Usually they just bow down and kiss her ass but not this time. She told homeboy that she wasn’t dealing with him anymore because he didn’t do what she wanted him to do and he said, “OK.”

Poor Kim said she almost went crazy when she realized that her days just aren’t as happy without him. “I want him, Tee,” she admitted.

“Yeah. Tamara mentioned that feeling to me just last week,” I told her. “She said that at some point, you meet a man and you want to see him, spend time with him…you just…want him around for no reason in particular.”

“Well, that’s how I feel. He makes me feel so good,” Kim said. “I need to stop acting so stupid with him. He said that he’ll think about taking me back.”

“Child please. That man knows you’re the best woman he’ll ever meet. He’s overjoyed right now that you’re kissing up to him. Give him a little more, feed his ego. He’ll be back.”

While I’m listening to all of this and juggling the men that are in my life I was beginning to feel a little down about the whole relationship thing. But then…as I thought about it, I smiled.

Ok. So what if I have yet to meet a man that I was genuinely attracted to in real life.

The only reason I began to feel bad was because my friends were inputting their advice about how I should go about entertaining men. The only advice I give them, “Do what makes you happy.”

What makes me happy? So far, none of these men have done anything specifically designed to make me happy. Until I meet one of those, I’ll just keep doing what I do– tasting a little bit of what they have to offer and then moving on when it’s not what I want.

I don’t feel bad about it. But I can understand my friend’s frustration because they want me to join in the fun and joy of having a relationship too. I welcome that, but…I won’t force an attraction just because he’s a nice guy and other women are running after him.

It’s not that easy being the last one of my immediate crew to be in a serious relationship. But what really makes it easier to handle is the fact that they all share their romantic stories with me. I live the best love life through them and sometimes I even dream about the stories they tell me, which is a pleasant switch from the nightmares I used to have about those messed up relationships they were in before.

I want what I want and ~shrugs~ Fuck it..you know… I believe I can have it.