A Whole New World

A few weeks ago I was in the fleamarket buying some mango salad for me and my Mama when my cell rings.

I recognize the number. It’s the temp agency. I roll my eyes.
These chicks havent called me in forever! What do they want now?

“Hello.” I answer stoically.
“Hi Tee, this is Carmen from the temp agency.”
“Yeah.”
“I have an assignment for you. Are you available?”
“Yeah.”
“Good, the assignment starts on Monday, the hours are 9-5 and the position is Assistant to the Headmaster at —, a private school.”
I raise my eyebrow.

Well, this is exactly the type of position I had been looking for. I accept the assignment and ask her to email me the details.

On Monday morning I head over to the school. I had heard about this school before. It was close to my house and I knew it was a fancy private school for rich kids. The tuition is ridiculous but the school was beautiful. Olympic sized swimming pool, armed guards and all.

I met my supervisor in the parking lot. She was surprised to see me there 30 minutes early. I’m always punctual, or rather, always early. I hate late people and I’ll do anything not to be one of them.

She is very pleasant to me as we walk through the school and reach Primary Hall where I’ll be working. She shows me my office and I sit down and get comfy. The Headmaster comes in and he too is surprised to see me there early.

Being his assistant was great. There was nothing difficult about the job at all. He asks me to do something, I do it. Quickly. No big deal. The main reason why I am such a fast worker is because I want to be free to have fun on the internet. If I’m done with all of my projects I can chat online and on the phone all day with my girls. CHAT CHAT CHAT CHAT! This job allowed me to do just that. I’m loving it!

As I meet people I am impressed by how welcoming they are. They are patient and kind to me and I explain to them that I am only temporary but they give me secret smiles as if they think that I’ll stick around.

I’m in administrative heaven. Especially as I talk to people and I hear that there is very little turnover in this school. Most people have been there for 10 years and never plan to leave.

As the days go by I’m falling in love. The main reason is that I feel so welcomed by everyone. I’m also very happy to be having such a positive experience with white people. Did I mention that black faces are a rarity around this place? There are only a few, but they are just as friendly as the others.

Everyday I go in and I smile to myself. I began to hope that they will hire me permanently. I later learn that I was only called in to fill the position until the new assistant is able to start so there’s no chance of me getting the job. I don’t care. I love being there, I love looking at all of the nice cars and fat wedding rings and chit chatting with Miami’s elite. A lot of Miami’s big business owners send their kids to school there. And a few well known celebrities have enrolled their children as well.

The business manager informs me that the new assistant will be starting the next Monday. I sigh. So much for a good thing. She smiles and tells me she doesn’t want me to leave. There is another position opening in the Upper School that she thinks I would be great for and she asks if she can forward my resume to the Director. Uh, yeah…

When I go to meet him he’s very nice. He says he’s heard all about my outstanding work ethic and endearing personality. He asks for my references and promises to let me know something soon.

While I’m there I’m invited to a faculty party. It’s supposed to be a luau at the school’s pool and we’re all instructed to dress in Hawaiian attire.

I’m excited about going because I want to see how the other half parties. When I arrive I get butterflies in my stomache. I call Anna and she tells me to just calm down and try to find any other Black ppl and sit with them.

I hang up with her and walk up to the greeting table. Hand shakes all around and the Headmaster’s wife tells me that she’s heard great things about me. They give me a lai, (sp) and I walk into the pool area. It’s late, around 8pm, the sky is dark but teh pool area is beautifully decorated with torches and the pool is filled with lit candles. There’s a mechanical surf board set up in one corner and tables set up for everyone to sit down with little fish bowls with real fish swimming in them. I don’t really know anyone well so I’m wondering who I can sit with when I walk by this guy who looks up at me and says, “Well, well, I don’t know who you are but you have to come and sit with us. This table is the shit.”

I laugh and respond. “Let me go get a drink and I’ll be right back.” I’m so grateful for his invitation. If he turns out to be an idiot I don’t care, at least I won’t have to sit alone. I’m soaking in the atmosphere as I spie servants walking around in bow-ties serving champagne and appetizers on silver trays. Wow, just like in the movies. I walk up to the open bar and the set up is so beautiful. There is a waterfall and plenty of fruit and loads of liquor. I order a strawberry daquiri and head back to the table and the gentleman who invited me to sit with him.

When I get there he’s smiling at me and offers me his seat. “You’re beautiful,” he tells me. “I’ve never seen you before.”

“Well, I’m temping in the Headmasters office. I’m his temporary assistant.”

“I’m doing the same thing in the Lower School. It’s a great job. This is a great school.”

“I’ve realized that.”

“Then we have to get you here permanently.”

I laugh.

As the night goes on I am simply amazed. I spend time meeting the other teachers and finding out about their lives and their interests. One couple owns their own jewelry company. His wife is a designer while he handles the business portion. They invite me to their studio and gives me a card.

The DJ breaks in and announces that the show is about to begin. Ooh, real Polynesian dancers! Real fire-eaters and everything.

The food is excellent! I’m drooling over the seafood and delicious appetizers. I look up and I see a Black man walk in. Finally. I was the only Black person there until he arrived.

Someone whispers, “Have you met Randall yet? He’s the middle school PE teacher. He’s single.”

“No,” I reply as I give Randall the once over. He’s tall, about 6’4″ and well built. Chocolate with a nice smile. But the funny thing is, the man standing next to him is who really caught my eye. To his right was a wide eyed Purchasing assistant I would later meet named Steve.

Steve is a little shorter, probably around 6 feet tall. Sandy blonde hair and electric green eyes. I smile at him and he waves at me and mouths hello.

“Ooh, look at me, checking out white men. Let me get outta here.”I think and laugh at myself.

The next Monday I’m on my way to the cafeteria for lunch. This is no typical school cafeteria. They hire caterers to provide lunch for the students at a whopping cost of $350 per semester for each student. The salad bar and sandwhich bar are great, but they also serve hot food like fajitas and other stuff I can’t even pronounce.

I get my lunch, a chicken fajita and some fruit and I walk outside. It’s a beautiful day so I figure I’ll eat in the garden. The garden looks like something out of a magazine. The flowers are flourishing, there are trees that offer just the right amount of shade and I don’t feel like I’m at a school at all. I feel like I’m at a romantic getaway.

I hear the grass rustling next to me and I look up. Oh my gosh, it’s Steve.

“Hi,” he smiles down at me. “Do you mind if I sit down?”

“Uh, no,” I stammer. “Go ahead.”

We talk and I find out that he works in purchasing and he loves working there. I tell him about my time at UF and that I’m loving my time at this school. His cell phone rings and he tells me he has to go but he hopes he’ll see me around.

Damn, that man has some pretty eyes. I laugh and return to my office to chat with my friend Dianna and tell her all about him.

I don’t know, I guess it’s the change in environment but these people at this school are loving me. I get compliments everyday from the women who work there. They love my haircut, they love my smile, they love my personality. They think I’m great. It’s hard not to get a big head when so many people are telling you how much they appreciate you being there.

I was even fascinated by meeting one of the parents. He came into the office and sat down. I greeted him and asked him to wait until the person he needed to see was available. We started chatting and I found out that he was a photographer named Brett. His crazy hair and eccentric dress reinforced his creative career. He also had some sort of accent indicating that he was not from this country. He told me he traveled to Europe about 10 times a year and he did fashion shoots as well as books and other odd jobs. His favorite was the time he spent in Africa photographing the African tribes. “I am very much interested in the beauty of the Africans.” he said and smiled at me. Look at this white man, flirting with me. LOL!

Last week he called my office and greeted me by name. I didn’t quite remember him but after a couple of seconds it clicked.

“Oh.. heyyy. How are you? Any exciting assignments come up?” I asked, excited to hear about his extravagant world.
“Yeah, actually I’m on my way to Spain for 10 days to do a shoot. And I was wondering, uh, if you some time when I get back, could I take you out for some coffee?”
I’m shocked. I pause.
“Uh, sure. That would be great.”
“Really? Well, can I have your phone number so that I can call you when I get back?”
“Yes.”
“Nice talking to you. You’ll hear from me soon.”

Over the past few days I have received a few text messages from him. The latest one came this morning: Hi Tee, Have a great week. I’ll talk to you soon. Brett

Oh my gosh. I don’t even drink coffee. I wonder what I’m going to say to this man when we go out. On the real, I’m looking for some work on the side. He may need a writer or have the hook-up. You never know. I’ll never know unless I go.

My assignment is not over yet. They have moved me to the receptionist desk, meaning EVEN more time to chat and still earn some good money. I love being there.

Sometimes I swear that saying is so true, everything happens for a reason.

All Up In The Air

I have a second interview today.

I’m apprehensive about going because I don’t really want the job. I mean, it’s an AMAZINg job as the assistant to a wealthy publisher of an affluent magazine, but it’s all the way on South Beach and the hours are 9-6. This means I will have to find someone to pick up my children EVERYDAY from school and with traffic I won’t get home until nearly 7pm every night, IF I leave at exactly 6pm.

If I was single with no kids I would be crying with joy right now. I know I did well in the first interview but the last assistant left the job because she wanted to start a family. I already have a family so I know it’s going to be a conflict. If I had a husband I could probably work this job, but I don’t and I don’t want to put my sons off on others on a regular basis.

But the thing is, they’re very much interested and it would mean some STABLE income. I still havent heard from the Director here at the Upper School about the position I interviewed for. But it was a long weekend, maybe he’s just getting settled. I can’t let a permanent position pass when I am still unsure of where I stand at this school.

I would love to get the job at the school. It’s close to my house, to my son’s school and the environment is so pleasant. It could also lead to other positions within the school, who knows, maybe I can uplift and inspire the students here.

But off I go, to South Beach for my interview. I’ll let you know how things turn out.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Wacky Thoughts

Ahh… My feet feel better.

I’m always walking around here with these high heels on so today I decided, forget that, ima wear me some low heels. LOL! I HAVE to wear some type of heel, I’m only 5’1″.

Wearing heels makes me feel like a woman. In fact, wearing heels, wearing makeup and seeing the look on a man’s face when I smile at him, that makes me feel like a woman. Oh yeah and getting my period.

I don’t wear jeans and t-shirts (as an outfit) in public. Well, I’ll only wear them if I’m going to the grocery store. Otherwise I don’t think I need to wear that type of stuff because I’m done with college.

My friend Tonya called me yesterday. After telling her one of my stories she says, “You know you remind me of Eva. Your whole personality. Both of you know you are tight but you don’t want anyone else to know that you know you’re tight. Like you try to pretend like you don’t know.” huh?



My little sister cracks me up. One day I’m gonna feature her on this blog. The other day I heard her in the room with my sons. They were listening to music on her Ipod and my 4-year-old was telling her which songs to play and which songs to skip. When she got to ‘Knuck If You Buck’ he told her to skip it. She looked at him and said, “If you don’t like Knuck If You Buck, then I don’t love you.” “PLAY IT!” my son screamed.

We got in!

Well, we FINALLY got into Cafe Iguana on Monday night. This would have been my FOURTH time trying to get in but I was lucky this time. I was leaving work early on Monday night when I called my girl Melissa to bother her. She always text messages me while I’m at work saying: Hey, let’s go out. Like I can really go out, I’m at WORK!

Anyway, I called her and asked her if she wanted to go out. I didn’t really expect her to say yes. “Come pick me up right now.” She said. Damn. I looked down at my outfit. Now, every other time I had tried to get into Cafe Iguana I had been looking immaculate with my heels, makeup perfect and everything. Tonight I was just coming from work and I was wearing a plain sky blue button down shirt with the shirt tails hanging out and a pair of blue jeans with some tan boots. Very, uh, regular. So I called my girl Vicky to ask her what the dress code was on a Monday night. She said that ppl wore jeans so I felt better.

On my way to get Melissa, my phone rings and it’s Vicky. “Girl, I’m in my car. I left work early so I can go out with you. And guess what? We don’t have to wait in line. I have a VIP card that will get us all in for free.”

TRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEE!

“We’ll meet you at your house then.”

We drive up to Pembroke Pines and enjoy a few laughs with Vicky before heading out to the spot. We don’t have to rush, we’re going VIP.

When we get there ofcourse the line is jam packed. After about 20 minutes of driving around in circles looking for a parking spot we finally find one and waltz up to the front of the ridiculous line.

Yay! We’re in!

The place is, oh my gosh…You HAVE to go there to feel me. The lights, the music, the furniture, the crowd, all make up one HOT HOT night spot. No wonder the wait in line is usually an hour or more.

For once, I’m not gonna go into too much detail, let’s just say your girl is STILL smiling from all that fun. I’m going back again, next time on a Thursday night. I heard the crowd is a little different then, more mixed races. I’ll give it a month or so though.

This weekend, we’re going to Coconut Grove to see Damon Wayans perform at the Improv.

Ya’ll know what? I LOVE being grown. I’m so happy. It’s crazy.

Yeah!

An Open Letter to My High School Algebra Teacher

Dear Ms. Olwell,

I couldn’t help but write this letter. I never thought I would have to but I do. First off, I’d like to apologize for skipping your class all those times. It was sixth period, after lunch, kinda hard to come back from the beach on a sunny day. You know how that is. And I’m sorry for sitting there in the front row with Dianna passing notes while blatantly ignoring your lectures.

See, I figured I was going to be a superstar. I just KNEW I was going to be a writer. I never thought algebra would have any part in my life. Oh Ms. Olwell, I was so wrong.

Why just yesterday I was at work when my business manager came to me requesting I build a table in Microsoft Word with a list of current tuition prices on it. The table compared our tuition prices with other private schools in the area. After my beautiful table was created I beamed with pride.

“Now,” she said while skimming another list with her eyes and frowning. “Take this year’s prices and compare it with last year’s prices for all of the schools. Make another column showing the percentage increase in tuition for each grade level from each school.”

I froze.

Who me?

“Sure, I can do that.” I said and rushed back to my desk.

“DIANNA!” I typed into the IM. “Do you remember how to do percentages?”

“Hell no girl. Now you know neither one of us was paying attention in Ms. Olwell class.” She typed back.

I called three people and emailed them my two lists praying that one of them would send me the answers before she came to check up on me.

My heart is beating fast and I’m trying to remember what I’m supposed to do. Why can’t I write a nice speech for her? Why can’t I write a jingle? I can write the bomb letter. Why she gotta ask me to do percentages, man? Now I look dumb.

“How’s that coming Tee?” she asks as she whisks by my desk.

“Uh, I’m working on it.” I respond tentatively.

“Any problems?” she pauses and looks back at me.

“I can do ANYTHING.” I say and smile at her. “Give me a minute, please. I’m almost done.”

I wait about five more minutes and my friend Stu calls my office.

“I just emailed it to you. You can enter it into your table now,” he says and laughs at me.

I look at it and breathe. “Thanks Stu.”

“All you gotta do for me is break me off some of that paycheck.”

I input the numbers, print it out and hand it to the business manager who simply glances at it, makes some copies and puts it into her briefcase as she heads out the door to her meeting.

Whew!

I really should’ve payed attention in class.

And you know what Ms. Olwell, you told me that my laziness would come back to haunt me. Lesson learned.

Yours Truly,

Ms. Tee

It’s My Season Shawty

I’m about to confess something deep. You won’t believe this and neither do I really, sometimes I think I’m even making it up, but by the missed call counter on my cell phone, it’s very much a reality.

Are you ready for this? Naw. You ain’t ready.

I, Ms. Tee, have been dating.

Yeah. Deep breath. Calm down. Relax.

Now SCREAM!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I can’t believe it either. Something happened in the New Year. Something changed in me. Something that I exude makes me very attractive to men all of a sudden. It’s more than the usual “Hey, you’re beautiful.” compliments that I get all the time. These are actual men who are doing whatever they can to persuade me to spend time with them. And I’m not talking 2 or 3 men, I’m talking 6 or 7 trying out for the team.

I’m like, “Hey, I have two kids, two jobs and NO TIME.” They are still running after me saying they will take 15 minutes if I can spare it.

Who me?

I’m not doing anything differently. I’m not being extra witty or extra sexy. (I’m sexy by nature, not cause I hate ya) I’m just having fun with my girls, going out more and not paying any men the least bit of attention and they come running. EVERYTIME I have said, “Ok, I’m gonna go out and have some fun with my chicas.” I end up with a handful of numbers.

There are certain things about me that I always thought turned men off. 1) I like to drink. 2) I am comfortable with my sexuality. 3) I am messy (ex: my dusty car) 4) I’m not afraid to say what I mean. No guessing games. I’m not coy by a long shot. 5) Not much of a challenge to figure out. Ask me and I’ll tell you straight up. I’m beginning to think, “Hey, ain’t nothing wrong with THAT!”

This week alone I have already had 3 “first dates” if you want to call them that. I call it, “the second look”. Which means I get to see that guy outside of the atmosphere in which we met. We talk and laugh and I decide if I want to see him again. So far this week, 2 No’s and 1 HELL YES!

You know, I’m scared a bit. I’m used to being admired from afar. But what do I say to these guys? Should I really be entertaining the thought of a relationship? I mean, I have two sons. I don’t want to subject them to craziness. And I’m actually afraid of ‘liking’ someone. Going out to eat is one thing. Laughing on the phone is another thing. I have no problem being friends with guys. But what if one of them, you know, like, wants to BE with me? I’ve only had one boyfriend since 1998, so you see why I’m nervous.

My bestfriend Tamara told me, “Tee, just be your old crazy, emotional, loving, giving self. It’s not even about finding somebody. Some of these guys may just be lifelong friends. You decide what you want the relationship to be. Hang out, get to know people and enjoy yourself.”

So yes, I confess, Ms. I WILL NEVER DATE, has turned the other way. Is it a lack of trust in my relationship with God? Is it loneliness? Or is it that I’m finally feeling on the inside the same way I look on the outside? Or maybe all these men are crazy.

Individual dating stories coming soon, for your reading entertainment.

My 10 Letters

Things I’ve never said, but should have…

So Ms. Thang, you think you’re hot stuff. You know what? You are. All these years you’ve teased me, calling me, “Captain Bucky No-hair” and “Four eyed Tee with the bucky teeth.” But that’s okay. That was your role. You played it well. You’re grown now. FULL GROWN. I must admit I HATE it when you try to talk to me about sex. I don’t wanna hear about how many inches that nicca was. Ewww… I don’t wanna even THINK about you having sex. But I’m glad you have started to open up to me. It’s good that we can support each other now, cuz back then it seemed like a tug of war. I know I tell you all the time, but I’ll tell you again, I’m proud of you. You’re responsible, you’re sensible and you’re loyal. Those are important qualities and I’m so glad you grew out of that defiant stage. My favorite thing about you is the fact that I know for sure, if someone tries me, you’ll KICK ASS! 🙂 I need that kinda protection. LOL!

We grew up together. We battled each other due to dominant personalities and still managed to compromise enough to remain friends. You know, it really hurt me when we graduated highschool and I heard all these bad things about your reputation. I knew the real deal, I knew who you really were. All those people who talked smack about you, they don’t know you dawg. They don’t deserve to know you. Even though sometimes you made choices that I would have never made, I admire you because you kept your head up high through all the judgements passed down on you. While I would melt under the scrutiny, you stand tall. Sometimes I think you’re stronger than I am. Your willingness to try, mess up and try again, well, it AMAZES me. When I met you, I had no idea that we would know each other this long. I had no idea that you would know me as well as I know myself and that you would love me even on my crusty, fussy days. Every woman should be so lucky as to have a friend like you. B.F.F.

Hey You! Yeah, you. Damn you sexy. Damn you handsome. I’ve been waiting a long time to meet you. Honestly, I never thought I would meet you. I didn’t believe I deserved someone like you but there you are, loving on me in a way I never could imagine. You accepted me and my shady past. You accepted my emotional hang-ups and rigidness. You broke through my tough exterior and allowed me to love you. I love loving you. I love lotioning you down when you get out of the shower. I love spooning with you. I love fixing your food and kissing your ear lobes. I love the way you love my sons. I already love the baby you will give me and the many years and joys of parenthood that will follow. I know you’re out there somewhere. I know you exist. I know you’re looking for me and I hope we meet soon. I have so much love inside. I know I’ll make a good wife-I’ll cook if you clean. LOL! I won’t break your heart. I’ll treat you as if you are a gift from God, because you will be. Until we meet…

Dang girl! What happened to us? For years we were so cool, but something changed a lil while back and I can’t put my finger on what. Sometimes I try to sit back and figure it out but it’s a mystery to me. All I know is that I’m not feeling as close to you as I once did. What’s weird is that it doesn’t really bother me.

I cringed when you told me that you found me through the google search engine. That is what prompted me to change my url. I really didn’t want to be in touch with you anymore. That’s why when I left, I didn’t say goodbye to you. But you, Miss Aggressive, just didn’t take the hint. Once again, you barged your way into my life without an invitation. I run from you because when we were close, I was the absolute worst person that I have ever been in my life. Even when I was promiscuous I felt better about myself than when I was your friend. I felt obligated to hang out with you. I felt like you would guilt trip me into being your friend because of God, saying, “You can’t just walk away from me, God put us together for a reason.” I would try to explain to you that God loves me and He wouldn’t do me like that but you wouldn’t listen and I felt guilty so I stayed being your friend. That whole time was so messed up. You were manipulative, gossipy and plain out selfish. Dawg, I saw those qualities early on and if it wasn’t for me trying to please God and love everyone I would have left your behind alone from the get-go. But on the real that whole church experience had me dealing with a lot of guilt, so I’m glad I left. I check on you from time to time because I really did love you. Not in the way you said I was supposed to but in a detached way, it’s still love nonetheless. I don’t wish bad on you. I just wish you would allow me to define the parameters of our relationship. And right now, while I’m still stinging over how ugly I was when we were friends, I would rather not talk to you at all. I’m still healing from that.

Dammit. I hate the fact that I see you and I still melt. How come I think you’re so georgeous and everyone else in the world thinks you’re ugly? I guess love is blind. What I miss most about you is having sex on a regular basis and how you would just swallow me with your big arms and stroke me with your big hands. You’re so damn black- mmm, that’s so tasty. I don’t think anyone is blacker than you. What I don’t miss is you comparing me to all of your female friends. No, I’ll never be as good a conversationalist as your bestfriend’s girl. No I’ll never be as good a cook as Lissette but I have good qualities too. I don’t think you ever recognized that. Sometimes I think I was just a trophy for you cuz you sure liked to pick out an outfit for me and parade me around. You say I’m too ghetto, but you know you like that. I’m your wet dream from the day you turned 15. That ghetto beauty chick from round the way. That chick you always wished you could get, but then you got me and didn’t know what to do with me. So you tried all you could to decrease my worth and it worked cuz I lost myself in you. What a fool I was. Snuffed my bright light. Took me years to replenish the shine and now I’m back with even more carots than before. So as you marinate with that dorky chick thinking back on how I use to make you scream while I took care of all of your needs. I want you to remember that you could have had it all. It was right there before you all on a platter, doesn’t matter- now. You just lost out.

I think of you as my brother but it’s weird cuz I’m definately attracted to you. You know how we get down. ~winks~ You know how tight we are. I appreciate you on the level that I appreciate my bestfriends. You say the words that every woman needs to hear. I wish everyone had a friend like you. When I call, you come running. I like that. Though I know we could NEVER be together in a relationship it’s fun sometimes to pretend like we are. Like peanut butter and jelly, we just go together. You make me laugh. You make me mad. You make me sick most days. But on the right day, you make me feel like I could fly without wings.

Never before have I been in such conflict over how I feel about a person. Never before have my opinions changed. Growing up I used to hate you because I felt like you were so negative and always accusing me of doing crap that never even crossed my mind. And no way did I believe that ALL boys were just out to get my panties. Uh, so sorry. You were absolutely right about that. But on the real, I don’t know what got into you that night. I didn’t even know it affected me this much until I had my sons. My biggest fear is that they will be molested like I was. I know I treat you funny when you’re around them, but can you blame me. I keep a close watch because I’m afraid for them. In my heart I know you love them and would never hurt them but I thought you felt the same way about me.

You’re my honey bun. My sugarbear. My coo-coo pop. My lover bunny. You’re my little man. I love you more than I love myself. You are my reason to live. You are my driving force. I hope that you will always love me the way you do now. I hope you will always think I’m beautiful and wonderful and splendid. I will never, EVER stop believing in you and doing whatever it takes to make sure you are comfortable and well taken care of. You’re my gift. I’m your gift. Thank God for you.

It’s been a minute since I felt the intensity of your presence. I know you’re still there. I know you care. I know you smile down on me everyday. I know you weep for me because of my rocky start in my relationship with you but you have a path set out for me that will guide me back. There was no better feeling than when I was completely delighted in you. I would wake up in the middle of the night praising your name and wake up in the morning singing and telling you how much I love you. Now, my mind is so focused on trying to become financially secure that I forget to just let go and trust you. But see how you are, even better than all my wonderful friends combined. You still adore me and will use me to be a blessing to others, even when I know I don’t deserve it. Always, your baby. Ms. Tee

More Questions

I stole this from The Brutha Code. Hey, did ya’ll know Ted is bow-legged? Mmmm, mmm!

1. What movie(s) can you watch over and over again? My BestFriend’s Wedding, Brown Sugar, Malibu’s Most Wanted, Friday Trilogy

2. What is your favorite drink? Strawberry Soda

3. If you could adopt a wild animal what would it be? Not an animal lover…at all

4. If you could have any car in the world what would it be? BMW 750 IL

5. If you were going to a remote place and could only take one cd, what cd would you take? Gospel WOW 2003

6. Would you rather miss the beginning or end of a movie?The beginning

7. Which is worse being in a place that is too loud or too quiet? Too quiet. I am animated and I make lots of noise.

8. Which is worse. . . getting a flat tire or a speeding ticket? Flat tire- I just have to pay the ticket. I have no idea how to fix a flat tire.

9. Would you rather change your past or know your future? I would love to know my future. Will my sons be okay? Will I be using my (writing) gift to make money? What will my future children be like? What are next week’s winning lottery numbers?

10. What celebrity do you lust over? LL Cool J (He’s classic)

11. Would you rather be a trashman or a proctologist? TrashWOMAN

12. What kind of cologne do you wear? I’m wearing Opium right now, but if I could afford another bottle I’d be wearing the sweet scent Ruby gave to me last year called CoCo Chanel.

13. Would you rather speak with God for a minute or add a year to your life? I always talk with God. Now if He’d actually ANSWER in real time, now THAT would be amazing!

14. Would you rather end hunger or hatred? Hatred man.

15. Do you tend to date people younger than you or older than you? Younger

16. How do you feel about tattoos? Don’t do it. I regret getting mine and I will regret it for the rest of my life.

17. What talent do you wish you possessed? I wish I could sing. I’d be an amazing performer because I’m already dramatic.

18. Are you generally an optimist, pessimist or a realist? I keep it REAL, but on the optimistic side.

19. If you were given $50,000 to throw a party for someone . . . who would it be and what kind of party would you throw? I would never waste $50,000 on a party. But if I HAD to I’d throw a party for my sons with 6 bounce houses, clowns, popcorn, water games and rides. It would be kiddie heaven.

20. If you were a Peanuts character which character would you be? Marcie

21. Do you get heartburn and if so how do you cure it? Never

22. How do you like your cookies. . .crunchy or chewy?Chewy- warm w/ milk

23. What have been your highpoints and low points of 2004? High: Moving to Miami and turning 25 Low: Being so broke that I could not leave the house for 2 days because I had no gas or gas money.

26.What is the best gift you received this Christmas? A week away from my sons.

27.What is your most memorable vacation? The week I had away from my sons.

28. Do you kiss the first date? Depends on how smooth he is.

29. Name five of your favorite junk foods. I don’t like junk food like that. But if I had to have something sweet it’d be Brownie icecream or a Snickers bar

28. Describe your dream wedding. Wedding Dreams scare me.

29. What are your favorite pizza toppings? Sausage and pineapple. No, I didn’t say HAM and pineapple. I said sausage and pineapple.

30. What’s your favorte cereal? I LOVE cereal. But different types for different moods. If I’m REALLY hungry and I want some cereal that’ll fill me up like meat, then I eat Honey Smacks. If I want to treat myself to something sweet, I’ll eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch. If I’m in a regular mood, I’ll go for Froot Loops, but if I want to taste some really good “milk left in the bowl” I’ll eat Frosted Flakes. By the way, I eat my cereal out of a big cup, never a bowl, less spills.

31.Who did you last have an argument with? My Mama

32. What is your weapon of choice? If I’m mad at you then you won’t be invited to hang out with me, therefore you miss out on some crazy fun.

33. Do you hold grudges or do you let things go easily?Depends on the person.

34.What is one thing you need to do but don’t? Clean up more often. I’m a mess.

35. What size is your bed? What bed?

36. What do you wear to bed?Sweat shirt, t-shirt and sweat pants in the winter. A t-shirt in the summer.

37. Is your belly button an innie or outtie? Innie

38. Do you prefer white or wheat bread? Honey Wheat. White bread tastes like paper.

Exhale…

One of Them

I’m feeling lovely today. Thanks for asking.

Well actually, there’s a little unrest in my heart. But I’ll call Mimi and talk to her about that.

These days I am really regretting my participation in my former church. It has caused so much guilt that still exists in my heart. Check the archives around April and May. You’ll read all about my confusion, their opinions and my desire to be around people who love me. I felt like I didn’t fit in there and I was told it was because I wasn’t trying hard enough. I was told that they were my family and I should love them more than I love anyone else in the world. I couldn’t get my feelings to line up and I felt horribly about it. I tried to force myself. I felt like something was wrong with my relationship with God because I could not get that principle to sink in.

I’ve heard of other people who have left the church before and it’s always talked about as if they messed up their whole life when they left. I would love to meet someone who left just so I won’t feel like I’m the sole idiot who didn’t “get it”.

Actually, my experience there kinda makes me not want to join another church at all. I don’t EVER want to feel like this again. I don’t ever want to meet another Pastor or feel obligated to feel certain feelings and then feel guilty about it.

I Know What They Want

So remember that I told you that I was going to see Damon Wayans at The Improv last Saturday night. The next day my friends called me asking, “Was he funny?”

Uh, yeah, he was funny. That ticket was almost $40 he had betta be funny! Well, he wasn’t Chris Rock funny, but he was funny. And you know, all this time I thought he was kinda funny looking. I mean from Major Payne, he was kinda weird looking to me. But Dude is FINE! He has a very nice body.

The only thing is, both my friend Dianna and I both agreed- Dude looked like he was high. At one point during the show he got this far away look on his face and paused for about 10 seconds. Then he snapped out of it and apologized for zoning out. I raised my eyebrow at that.

Let me tell you about this one joke he told that had the audience stunned. (I tried to remember as best I can)

“Men HAVE to lie to women,” He says and takes a sip of his bottled water.

“We see a woman walk in and we approach her saying: Excuse me Ms. But I saw you walk in that door and I said to myself, SELF, you can not allow yourself to breathe another breath until you know her name.”

The woman giggles. “But you’re still breathing.”

“That’s because I had to have enough air to get over here to merely bask in your presence.”

The woman giggles again. “My name is Mary.”

“Mary,” he gasps. “What a unique name! Mary, I know I’m not worthy to ask you this. And I know that it’s probably not possible because of the magnitude of your beauty and your essence, but can I , maybe, just be allowed to stand here, I know not right next to you but somewhat close to you, so that some of your radiance can radiate onto my being and improve my life in some way?”

“If only you ladies knew what we are really thinking,” he said and flipped the script.

“So I see these titties walk in the door. And I’m thinking, Damn, them some nice titties. Then I take a second look and I see this azz like DAMN and I just picture myself grabbing her thick ass and flipping her over and just STICKING IT, STICKING IT until that bitch screams!”

The room is quiet. Only a few ppl snicker.

Damon laughs. “I know that make ya’ll a little uncomfortable don’t it? I bet all the men in here with their ladies are thinking, “Ha, ha, ha, Funny, funny. Now move on to the next joke Damon.” But that’s really how we think.”

I had finished my drink called The Punchline so I was feeling this joke. Mostly because my friend Ernest had just told me the SAME thing the day before.

“When ya’ll girls go out and we try to holla at ya’ll. Ya’ll be thinking it’s because of ya’ll outfit or hair or face. Let me tell ya something. When you hear them saying Dammmmnnn…when you walk by you’re just hearing the first half of their sentence. They let it trail off. The whole thing would go something like, “Dammmmmnnn. I would F&^% the S)#$^ out of her!” No, It’s not your aura. They’re imagining you and them starring in a porn scene together.”

When he said that a light went off in my brain.

No wonder!

No wonder why I barely talk to any of the men I had been seeing. Nine out of 10 tried to put their hands on me. They look at me like I’m the last damn porkchop, licking their lips and ogling my body. I thought I wanted that but I don’t. Yeah, on the phone, they play the role like they’re so interested and they think I’m fascinating and delightful but when I’m standing in front of them, all they do is wring their hands and bite their lips.

So I’m like this, if you try me, I’m not talking to you anymore- EVER! I know that’s a bit harsh but damn, if EVERY man comes at you like it’s all about stickin then that mess gets old. Sure, I want to have some sex, but I want it to be on my own terms, when I’m ready. I’m not saying I have a pre set time limit or anything I just don’t want to feel like I’m some man’s booty call. I’m too old and too cute for that. On the real, I know I’m worth more than that.

As of now I’m not excited about dating anymore. No, I’m not going back into my shell. I’ll carefully consider future offers. But now I know the truth. I know that when men look at me they don’t want to hear about my hopes for the future— all they want to do is hit.

That’s sad.

********************

Check these out!

Check out Panama’s take on the female ego. Derrick’s experience with House Wrecking Hoes. Juli explains why she likes Black men.

Today’s Story

There’s an excitement inside my soul tonight. A lingering, mysterious excitement.

I dunno. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I got a nice surprise this morning. I woke up at 8 am thanks to my noisy sons. Went out and picked up breakfast because we were out of breakfast foods and then ran by the bank. When I got back my son’s father called, “Wuzzup Ms. Tee, Get the boys ready, I’ll be by to pick them up in 30 minutes.”

When did he get into town?

Ofcourse that changed my entire plan of action. I WAS gonna take us to the barber shop because all of us need cuts and then I promised to take them to the carnival before going to work tonight. But GREAT, their daddy is here and he can do all that.

They were so excited when I told them that he was coming to get them. They love their daddy. They were jumping up and down and being extra good so that they would not get into trouble before he came. When I opened the door they ran out and gave him hugs and started jabbering away. I smiled as I watched this interaction. My boys do love their daddy. Their daddy loves them too.

As they drove away I realized that I would have the entire day to myself. Whoa! Pretty tight! I still needed a cut so I called my brother to see what time he would be at the shop. He didn’t answer. I decided to finally handle some personal business. I was nervous about checking up on it. See, when I quit my job at the newspaper and it took so long to find another one, I let my car insurance lapse. I just didn’t renew it. So I figured that by now my liscense should have been suspended. I’m pretty good at saving and I have enough money now to take care of it, so I logged on to the DMV website to check the status of my liscense.

YOUR LISCENSE IS VALID



Whose liscense is valid? Not mine. My insurance ran out last August.

I praised God and jumped around and then called my insurance agency. I told them I needed to create a new policy. A minute of silence and then the agent told me that my policy had never been inactive, meaning all this time I was driving around thinking I was driving HOT, I wasn’t. My policy doesn’t end until March of THIS YEAR and I owed just a couple hundred dollars to keep it current.

I paid the money and then changed my address from the one up in Gainesville. Damn. I shouldn’t have done that. The address change made my bill go up by ANOTHER $200 dollars. Yeah, auto insurance in Miami is ridiculous. But like my friend Nikki once told me, “If you ever have a problem that money can solve and you have money, then you don’t have a problem.” That is soooo real. So I just paid the damn bill and rolled on.

I sat back and smiled in a happy mood. I just have this feeling. This weird, happy feeling. Like I have a secret stash of diamonds that no one knows about.

I called my brother back and went over to his shop. I love my brother. His cuts are so precise. And he does a MIRACLE on my eyebrows. This time I actually paid him to compensate for all those other times I took my sons in and walked out without giving him a dime.

I then went over to see my girl. Hey, what’s an afternoon away from your kids without hanging with your friends? My girl Marsha was under the hair dryer when I got there. Her hair is ridiculously long and shiny. When she washes and sets her hair she has to sit for HOURS under the dryer, but I kept her company while she dried and we chatted about all kinds of girl stuff and I updated her on the latest men in my life, my job search and my boys.

Afterwards we went out to eat and vent over some amazing seafood about whatever was on our hearts and we challenged each other in a few personal areas. That’s what I appreciate most about my friends, we don’t always agree, that keeps us in right standing because no one’s actions are ALWAYS right.

After promising to get together next weekend to shop, I dropped her home and went home to take a quick nap before coming in to work. I think I may even hang out tonight after work.

So I’m here…and I decided to write today’s story.

You know, everyday has its own story. It’s all about deciding if you want to tell it.