One of Them

I’m feeling lovely today. Thanks for asking.

Well actually, there’s a little unrest in my heart. But I’ll call Mimi and talk to her about that.

These days I am really regretting my participation in my former church. It has caused so much guilt that still exists in my heart. Check the archives around April and May. You’ll read all about my confusion, their opinions and my desire to be around people who love me. I felt like I didn’t fit in there and I was told it was because I wasn’t trying hard enough. I was told that they were my family and I should love them more than I love anyone else in the world. I couldn’t get my feelings to line up and I felt horribly about it. I tried to force myself. I felt like something was wrong with my relationship with God because I could not get that principle to sink in.

I’ve heard of other people who have left the church before and it’s always talked about as if they messed up their whole life when they left. I would love to meet someone who left just so I won’t feel like I’m the sole idiot who didn’t “get it”.

Actually, my experience there kinda makes me not want to join another church at all. I don’t EVER want to feel like this again. I don’t ever want to meet another Pastor or feel obligated to feel certain feelings and then feel guilty about it.