I’m not sure if it’s just me or if it’s…yeah, it’s me but I think I’m becoming discouraged about grad school. It’s not like it’s hard it’s just…I don’t like feeling like I’m succeeding and this semester I’m not doing well on my tests. I hate tests. I don’t test well and I’m beginning to feel like this was a mistake. I love learning what I’m learning but when I’m trying to “study” AKA memorize shit I think my heart is resistent to what I’m reading. I studied for my last exam and I still didn’t do well. PLUS, all that shit I studied, I don’t remember at all now.
Maybe this wasn’t the right road for me. I’m not an information regurgitator. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I’m not as smart as I thought after all. Maybe I need to step back and really see if this degree is worth me feeling like an ass and not passing exams. I just want to eat. I really, just want to eat on a regular basis and have money to take care of my kids. The same shit, the same fucking dream since I graduated undergrad and I have yet to accomplish it. This is crazy to me. All this talent and drive and energy and absolutely nothing to show for it.
I’m going to bed. Why try to study this shit if I am not going to remember it anyway? Am I wasting my fucking time in school?