She’s gone.

I hadn’t spoken to her in so long but I’ll never forget how much love I had for her.

I met her through this white girl named Suzy that I tried to be friends with back in the day. We didn’t make it. We’re both crazy in the same way and there can only be one crazy friend in the group. Even still, I check up on Suzy from time to time, because we came from the same place, battled the same spirits and dreamt the same dreams. Even though we don’t speak often I’m proud of her. I’m happy how her life turned out and I relish in all of her accomplishments. Seeing her happy gives me hope and makes my day, even though we can’t stand each other most of the time. ~shrugs~ It’s a weird kind of love, I know. I guess only God can do that.

One day, Suzy introduced me to her little sister, Yelena. From the moment I saw her I knew I loved her. Isn’t that strange how that happens? You meet someone and you just…know. You know you have similar spirits and my heart went out to her because I wanted her to live for the Lord and I wanted to fix all of her heartache and I wanted to rescue her but I couldn’t because only God can do that.

All I could do was listen to her, laugh with her and pray for her. When I saw her I saw myself and I wish I could have been the balm which would ease her soul, but only God can do that.

I got a comment from Suzy earlier today asking me to read her blog. I clicked her link and these two words stood alone on the top of her page.

She’s gone.

Who?

I read further and discovered that Yelena had been getting sick since Thanksgiving. She had been having seizures and had even been hospitalized.

But she was supposed to pull through.

Doesn’t it make a more powerful testimony if things turn out well in the end? Where’s her happiness? Where’s her wonderful husband? Where’s her chance to shine and show everyone that a rough beginning doesn’t mean a rough ending?

How does God get the glory in this?

I just don’t understand.

Your latter will be greater.

Where’s her latter? When do I get to rejoice with her?

I’m going over and over with this in my mind. I’m trying, I’m trying, but I can’t figure out how a young single mother who came from so much pain can leave her little girl to remain and we still praise His name. What am I missing? What don’t I see? I need you God to come speak to me. Were my prayers unanswered? What did I lack? I’m trying to make sense of this, but I guess…

Only God can do that.