“You’re 32. It’s time for you to settle down,” My Mama said to me this evening after I shared my latest plans with her.
We went back and forth, but the result was the same, “OK. It’s your life. Nobody tells you what to do.”
I am a lot like my Mother, yet I’m not.
My mother doesn’t give a damn about socializing or being up in anyone’s business. She won’t pry. She won’t ask questions. She is not intrusive. She doesn’t care that much.
BUT- My Mama is also the type of woman who doesn’t back down when someone bothers her and she knows it isn’t her fault. She’ll be quiet for a moment, but she will react smoothly and with all her facts in order. I’m trying to be more like that.
She has always encouraged me to chill out, stay in one spot, but I’m not like her in that sense. She has worked for the same company for 25 years and I am adamant that I could not do that unless I owned the company. There are too many horror stories of devoting your life to a company and then being ousted with nothing to show for it. I don’t believe in that.
I don’t know what I’m doing in life. I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know much of anything except I’m willing to lose again and again because I already know what that’s like and how to bounce back from it mentally.
There is no set path in life even though my Mama tries to show me the WAY. I don’t want to go her way and she relents her stance each time, worries about me as I flutter. She’s sometimes proud of me in the midst of my GREAT RISKS but in the end I seem to falter back to the beginning again and I know she wishes I would just sit my ass down.
I wish the same but I know- this place isn’t the right spot.
~sigh~