Share My World

Are you between the ages of 27 and 30?

Are you suddenly feeling overwhelming pressure from the changes that have occurred? Are you trying to make sense of it all?

Last Sunday while I was at the Art Fair, I ran into an artist and I asked her, “How are you able to support yourself while you’re in this artistic career?”

She pulled me to the side and then said, “Look, it’s not easy, but it’s about determination. I have an apartment in New York and I have two people living there. I also have an apartment down here in South Florida and I have a roommate. I teach art classes and I do spiritual readings on the side. My biggest project is my book, which is in its final stages of editing before being published. I put my heart into that book and I believe it’s going to be a success. But I have to tell you that I’m 63 years old and for most of the first half of my life I was a single Mom and I had to get a day job to take care of my daughter and myself. I hated every minute of it and I’m glad it’s over and now I can focus on using my gift.”

She stopped and looked at me.”You’re a writer,” she said. “Am I correct?”

“Yes, I am.”

“That’s what you are. That’s what you are supposed to be doing. But don’t stress yourself about it. Do a little at a time and you’ll get where you want to be. How old are you?” she asked.

“I’m 28.”

“Ahhh…You are approaching your Saturn Return. It’s a time of new beginnings and all of the old things you were trying to hang onto are shaken away like dead leaves from a tree.”

When I got home I did a quick search for Saturn Return and this is what I found:

Many of us approach our thirtieth birthdays with anxiety, even dread. We start looking for gray hairs and paying attention to ads for wrinkle creams. We question whether we are climbing the career ladder quickly enough. We hear the biological clock ticking loudly and worry that soon we will be too old to bear children.Astrologers call the period between ages twenty-eight and thirty “Saturn Return.” That’s because it’s the first time the planet Saturn completes its cycle through your birth chart and returns to the spot it occupied when you were born.

Internationally respected astrologer Rob Hand calls Saturn Return “one of the most important times in your life. . . a time of endings and new beginnings.”For most of us, ending a phase of life that is familiar and embarking on one that is new and untried is unsettling, even painful. Few people describe Saturn Return as a pleasant period. While undergoing your Saturn Return you may find yourself turning inward and reflecting on your individual destiny. You examine your true needs and desires and the role you want to play on the world’s stage. You may feel lonely and alienated from those around you, while family and friends think you are shutting them out. But this is a necessary period of consolidation, when you must retreat from the distractions of the outer world and focus on yourself at your most fundamental level. The Saturn Return is every individual’s search for the Holy Grail.

Coming of Age
The first Saturn Return marks the end of youth and the beginning of the productive adult years. It is now that you truly become an adult–not at eighteen or twenty-one. You realize your need to define yourself as an individual within society and to demonstrate what you’ve learned.

Newswoman Jane Pauley described turning thirty as having grown into womanhood. German film director Werner Herzog compared this period in his life with a maiden’s loss of virginity, a line drawn across his path marking the end of his youth.

This transition into adulthood is often accompanied by a sense of urgency, a feeling that you must try to accomplish everything you’ve ever wanted or planned to do now. Goals start to come sharply into focus. If you have not settled into a definite career, or have been pursuing one that is inappropriate for you, you’ll experience a strong push to establish yourself in a more fulfilling occupation. Sometimes this means a complete change.

During his first Saturn Return Vincent Van Gogh decided to be a painter rather than a minister. More frequently it means a new direction or specialization within your chosen field. Read more…

Although I am not well versed in astrology, I can understand where this theory comes from. Nearly everyone I know is trying to figure out what their next move should be and setting loftier goals for themselves. It’s as though we are all thinking, “I HAVE to have something to show for all these years of education, work, involvement in this relationship, etc. What have I done with my life?”

Since I turned 27, everything in my life has been in a tailspin. I feel like a naked tree in the cold winter wind, wondering when or IF I’ll bear fruit again.

At 28, I’m beginning a brand new career path, while feverishly trying to hold onto the old one because it brings me joy. Nothing in my life is the same as it was when I was 26. Even the friends in my tight circle have changed. I am no longer a religious person. I have taken risks that many would deem foolish all for the sake of growth. Life feels like one long train ride into oblivion.

If this theory is true then it brings a sense of comfort knowing that by the time I reach 30, I’ll have gained a tremendous amount of wisdom and experiences that will serve me for the rest of my life. Maybe I’ll even have a firm direction.I’m open to that. I’m open to stability and honing my craft.

Here’s to new beginnings and honest reflection…

My life is a miracle.

Man I love my grad program. It takes some effort to drive over there but once I’m there I don’t want to leave.

Let me tell you, grad school is so much better than undergrad. First of all, you don’t have to take those silly gen ed classes like Economics and College Alegebra. And..the best thing…classes are more discussion based, or maybe it’s just my focus that is that way.

Even more assuring is the fact that half of the class are parents. Tonight a woman brought her son to class because she couldn’t find a sitter. I remember in undergrad, I was the only one who had a child and had to do that. To see these people with full-time jobs and families and taking care of their children while going to grad school really comforts me. If they can do it, I can!

I went to therapy again today and afterwards I decided that I wasn’t so sure she’s the right therapist for me. She seems to be directing me toward a vision she has constructed for my life. She keeps trying to explain to me that I should consider another major, specifically social work. She says it would be a good match for my personality and she downplays the role of the therapist a lot.

I explained to her how this degree and information will help me with my life coaching and my writing but she still suggested that I try something else. I’m like, “I’m happy with what I have and I know what I want.”

She also suggested that I focus on school, telling me that it won’t be the best idea for me to try to become a full-time Mom while in grad school because it would be too much.

But when I think of all the others in my classes that are doing it, I don’t see why I can’t.

But the therapy is a good idea, it’s a chance to have someone help me focus on developing better habits in my thinking. She pointed out a few observations about my child hood that has affected me into adulthood. She says that my overachievement may stem from the fact that I never felt like I was valued as a child and I use an intense work ethic to validate my worth.

She says its not healthy to work the way and I do and it’s especially frightening to other team members who see me putting in so much effort and become threatened. That reminds me of what my old Director at the website used to say. Although she didn’t use the right words, she was trying to push me toward having a more balanced lifestyle.

I can see that now. I didn’t see it then. To me she was trying to stop me from doing what I love to do– WORK HARD. But now I see that coming in at 5am and staying until close to 10pm isn’t really a good thing.

I just wanted to do my best and produce the best work but I was doing way too much. In that position at the website, I did my job, but it was too easy for me so I created a whole other position for myself and pushed that to the limit.

I recognized a need and tried to fill it according to my capabilities and it WAS appreciated, it’s just I shouldn’t have to do that all the time. I just hate sitting around with nothing to do. My ethics won’t let me be at work and surfing the internet or chatting with my friends. I feel bad about that and when I have my own business, I wouldn’t want my employees goofing off like that so I’m trying to plant good seeds now because I believe you get what you give… but I was overdoing it.

The Prez used to tell me all the time, “Tee…PACE YOURSELF.” I never realized what that meant.

I remember most of my employers asking me, “Why are you doing so much?” I never understood their concern. I wasn’t gunning for a promotion or a raise, I just wanted to give my all. Why would they want to stop me from doing extra work when I LOVED what I did?

Duh…so I won’t burn out and end up…quitting because I was overwhelmed.
Doh!

It’s okay though. You live and you learn.

My life is a miracle.

And Tamara is tripping me out too.

Her birthday is about 3 months away and she’s all frantic about turning 29.

“I feel like my life is half over,” she said. I laughed so hard but I stopped when I realized that she was serious.

“What are you afraid of?” I asked her.

“I think I’m afraid of death.”

“Ohhh. That’s because you haven’t taken the time to sit and think about what happens when you die. It’s probably the fear of the unknown. All you have to do is choose a belief that makes you feel better about death. Let me tell you this story I read a while back….”

Once there was a doctor who was treating a patient in the examining room. The patient told the doctor that he was afraid of dieing and the doctor asked him, “Do you hear that noise?”

“What noise?” the patient asked, and leaned forward.

“That scratching noise.”

The doctor went over to a door and opened it. A big dog burst into the room and ran all around.

“That’s my dog,” the doctor said. “He has never been in this room before but when I opened the door he ran right in. He wasn’t afraid to come in because he knew his master was in here. The same with you. When you die, you go to be with your Master. How can you be worried about that?”

“That’s a good point,” Tamara said.

“And here’s your word for today,” I told her. “RESIST NOTHING. That means that whatever your biggest fear is, come to a point where if it happens, you know that you will still be okay. RESIST NOTHING. Embrace every thing. It’s ALL for your good anyway. All of it!”

I am so excited about turning 30! That age is so sexy to me. We won’t be in our 20’s anymore and everything will not be so stressful. We’ll have figured out more about ourselves and what we really want from life. I am so tired of my 20’s and all this wishy washyness, not knowing where I’m going or what I’m going to do. I think my 30’s will be so much better. Besides, we have 2 years before that happens, why worry now?

Man… Everyone I know who is over 30 is so…chill with theirs. They went through so many life changing events in their 20’s that the regular ups and downs of life don’t phase them as much anymore.

Man…my life has changed so much over the last 2 years..It can only get BETTER!

~dancing~

Shake that thang! Get it!

Work it trick!

My life is a miracle.

I see it transforming every day.

Well, I’m learning so many interesting, life altering things in my classes. I am amazed with each lesson. But of all the lessons that I am learning, my human sexuality class is challenging me the most.

I thought it would be fun to discuss sex and sexual habits because I considered myself to be pretty freaky. But I ain’t nowhere near as freaky as the people we have been studying and..a lot of these topics push me way out of my comfort zone. I had no idea that I had a space that was “outside of my comfort zone” when it came to sexual matters, but I do.

In two weeks, I have to turn in a report and do a presentation on Gender Identity Problems. This is where a person is one gender but feels like they should have been born another. ~shivers~

I don’t even know why but this makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like thinking about this.

And tonight…the lesson was about culture and homosexuality. We watched a video about two couples, one gay and one lesbian who are involved in healthy, long-term relationships. By the end of the video I was crying as the two men explained what their love was like. It was the most beautiful description that I have ever heard, and I have certainly never witnessed any heterosexual couple describe their love in this way.

When the lights were turned back on, I thought to myself, “Maybe homosexuality isn’t a problem. Two people who love each other this much shouldn’t be ostracized for their love.”

This is so wild to me because when I thought about homosexuality, I used to think completely about sex. It didn’t really occur to me that love, trust and dedication were involved in these relationships too.

If you remember, over the course of my writing on this blog, I would often question my sexuality, wondering if I was gay. Even my now defunct myspace page had under the heading orientation: Not sure.

I do find women to be sexy, beautiful people, but when it comes down to it, I’ve never met a woman who I wanted to be in a relationship with. I can appreciate their beauty and be sexually stimulated sometimes, without confusing it with being my bisexual or a lesbian.

After the video, everyone made their comments. Most were along the lines of, “Love is beautiful, no matter who you are with.”

We then discussed the theory that LOVE & MARRIAGE are socially constructed concepts. This made a few people raise their eyebrows.

One man spoke up and asked, “How can a man and another man, or a woman and another woman, really experience true love- The kind of love that God made us to experience?”

There was a collective gasp across the room and everyone pretty much ignored his comment, although I could tell people were offended by their murmurs.

A few more minutes into the discussion he spoke again, “But aren’t we forgetting about how God feels about homosexuality? What about what the Bible says? This society is becoming so permissive and encouraging people to just do whatever they want to do as long as it feels good.”

I lowered my gaze and shook my head. I remember when I used to think like that. I thought that my beliefs should be the standard for everyone. My truth was the truth and anyone who didn’t agree was wrong and doomed for damnation.

The rest of the class let him have it. I felt so sorry for him. He was only standing up for what he believed to be true but everyone in the room let him know, in no uncertain terms that if he was going to be a therapist, he needed to keep his personal beliefs to himself and not try to push clients in his religious direction.

“Truth is a socially constructed idea,” my professor stated. “Everything that we perceive to be a fact, is only a fact because socially, we have agreed to believe it. See this table. Well, it’s only a table because we all agree that when we see a structure that looks like this, we should use it in this way and call it a table.”

A classmate added to the discussion, “What if a client comes in because he’s depressed because his family won’t accept his homosexuality. If you counseled him and told him that he was wrong for who he was, he may just go outside and kill himself because the person he came to for help sided with the people he was ostracized by. You can’t do that to someone.”

The class ended after our professor shared a story about how one of her most challenging students changed her perception of sexuality. She said that while teaching this course she had a student who was androgynous. The student would argue everytime she brought up sexuality and gender roles. She said this student frustrated her and certainly made the semester tough for her and the rest of the class. But after it was done she realized that we are all PEOPLE first..that our gender is only a part of who we areand shouldn’t dictate how we behave and what is expected of us.

How many of us fall into the roles that society says we should have? If you’re a woman, you should learn to cook and clean and take care of children. If you’re a man you have to work and provide for the family.

What if the role assigned to you by society doesn’t fit your interests or abilities? I for one, CAN cook and clean but I’m not good at it or interested in it at all. Am I less of a woman or person because I’m not interested in those things?

I don’t know man…this class is really stretching me.

My life is a miracle

Wow. Is it February already? What happened to January? Where did it go?

I am so excited about Valentines Day! I finally have a date! I’m taking my sons out to dinner. I’m so happy to be here with them. I’m so happy to be able to do fun things with them.

I’m watching Extreme Homemakeover. Every week I cry and cry when they shout, “MOVE THAT BUS!” I’m still fantasizing about one day having a beautiful home like they do. I thank God that I won’t have to go through tragedy to get one, I just have to trust and move faithfully toward my goals.

My dreams have changed a bit. No longer do I feel like I need to be this superstar journalist although I do want to make a difference in people’s live through my writing. I really just want to..be successful at being a Mom.

I’m making all of these changes and I’m trying new avenues that I’ve never considered before. We’ll see what becomes of it all.

It’s through my own self discovery that I find solutions to common issues and I write about it all with honesty, or at least I try to. It’s funny that these days, my writing is mostly relationship based. But really, that’s nothing new. I guess all of my writing is like that.

I’m writing for a new website now, contributing articles about healing relationships, which is exactly what I’m learning about in grad school and exactly what I hope to experience in my own life. My biggest desire is for my relationship between my son’s father and I to be one of mutual respect and trust.

Speaking of relationships…most of my friends seem to be enjoying theirs. Tamara is moving forward with her “friend” but they are both feeling the strain of their long distance relationship. The last we spoke about it, he was planning to move to ATL this coming summer to be closer to her. I wonder what’s going to happen with that.

She said the most beautiful thing the other night. She told me that in her last relationship she felt like his preferences for her weren’t what she would have preferred for herself but she liked to make him happy so she went along with his suggestions. In this relationship, his preferences for her are exactly what she wants for herself. “It’s a relief that who I am and want to become is alright with him,” she said.

Kim said something similar just today. “I think I lost myself in my last relationship,” she told me. “I was so wrapped up in catering to him and his personality that I never really was myself. With my boyfriend, it’s like he’s pulling me out of my shell and I’m not afraid to express myself and be who I am.”

It’s wild to see Kim like this because she was hung up on her ex for YEARS. Even most of her friends thought that she was moving to Chicago to try to get back with him. But when she got there, she met this man that she is now with. She really didn’t like him at first. She used to dogg him out all the time and I remember her saying that he kept telling her, “I am going to have you. You are going to be mine.”

Funny how he was right.

I have absolutely no desire to be in a relationship with anyone right now. Sometimes when I hear my friends talk about their relationships I think about it but the thought doesn’t linger for long. My strongest desire is to become a full-time, successful Mom again. I know I can do it.

It’s all about…keeping it moving.

I decided that I’ll try an experiment for this month. Each day I’ll try to pinpoint a reason to be proud of myself. I actually wanted to do this in January, but the shock of being back in school and the depression that followed caused me to lose sight of my goal.

Sooo…

Today I am proud of myself because I am encouraging to everyone in my life. People feel free to discuss really intimate details of their lives with me because they know that I don’t judge them and I won’t try to change them, I accept them exactly as they are.

My life is a miracle.

But in this miracle I need some help. In particular, help with my research. I love my classes, I adore my program but I can not grasp the research part of my lessons.

I have spoken with my professor about it and she gave me some direction on how to come up with a research topic. I was clueless about how to do that. I contacted my girl Ana (not the one in Orlando) and she gave me a whole tutorial on how to begin looking at databases. I wanted to kiss her for doing that.

I went to the library and they gave me a short tutorial on how to search the databases. I was able to find an article to use as a reference in my first presentation, but that was only ONE article. Most people have 5-6.

I don’t know what I’m doing and typical me…I’m criticizing myself for being slow to adapt to this new world of academia. I’m just not getting it.

Can I do this? Why the hell not? None of these people in my classes are geniuses. They may have more experience since most of them were psychology majors in undergrad so they already know how to do the research but…I’m equally as capable.

I’m feeling so much pressure from this. You know you can’t make any less than a 3.0 each semester or they kick you out of school. I never made a 3.0 in undergrad. But this isn’t undergrad, this is different.

I’m under a lot of pressure these days because I feel like I’m behind on the learning curve. Add that to the fact that each day I am not able to provide a stable home environment for my sons through a stable income for myself, I feel like I’m just…overwhelmed by all I have to do. I feel like I have to do it all right now.

I don’t want my boys to forget about me. I have to keep my promise. I feel like I have to be successful at SOMETHING, really, really soon or I’ll explode at any moment.

~exhale~

I just want my boys back with me. I’m tired of having to go through their dad to see them. His girlfriend is a trip, calling me screaming and acting immature. I can’t even go on a fieldtrip with my sons without her signing up to go too. Can I please have some alone time with my sons? I’m sure it makes you feel important to play the Mama but…hello..they have a Mama. I want to enjoy my sons too.

Damn…You get to see them more than I do. Can I have a holiday to myself without you telling me, “I have plans with them already.”

I don’t give a fuck. Have some kids of your own! Damn! That man ain’t never had to TRY to get me pregnant..What’s going on with ya’ll?!

I’m sorry.

Sometimes I wish I could be mean. If I really think about it, there are lots of things I could say to hurt her feelings and his, but, I think I’d rather die than try to make someone feel bad about who they are or their situation in life. That doesn’t feel right to me. And I’ve dealt with those type of insults all of my life and I never fight back because I know how it makes me feel when my BBDD calls me names and I wouldn’t want anyone else to feel like that. So I suck it up and just take it.

They only do it because they KNOW I’m not going to snap back at them. They KNOW I’m just going to be quiet and try to walk away. I can’t help being like that, I just can’t insult people or intentionally try to hurt them. I can’t be critical like that.

I can’t even be around people who are constantly talking about how other people look or discussing other people’s lives. When I meet a person who does that, I immediately know that we can never be friends, cuz I don’t wanna hear that. That shit don’t affect me in any kind of way. Why the hell would I care what Janice wore to the club the other day? Why do I care that Sabrina’s man is cheating on her?

~shrugs~ I don’t care.

I’ve learned in class that people who spend time criticizing other people’s lifestyles and life choices are really masking their own dissatisfaction with their own lives. They’re saying, “Let’s take the focus off of my insecurities and place it on someone else in order to make me feel better about myself.”

That shit is wack. Just like crack.

But I’ll probably never say any of this to either one of them in person. I just can’t. I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing I made someone feel bad about an issue they are probably sensitive about.

My BBDD used to ask me, “Why don’t you tell me I need to lose weight?”

Umm…Because if you don’t think you do, then I don’t think you do. Why would I create a problem that doesn’t exist? If you think you have a problem and you want my opinion, then I’ll support whatever you need to do to make you feel better.It’s not my place to pick you apart and tell you what you need to change about yourself. It’s no one’s place to do that.

Changing anything about ourselves is ultimately up to US. Anyone who pressures you to make changes is doing you a disservice because if you do decide that you want to change, you’re only doing it to make them happy.

And if you’re constantly changing who you are to please the people who say they love you, you’ll be stuck in that cycle forever and they will never be satisfied. Do you hear me? They will NEVER be satisfied with you.

~sigh~

It’s funny that all of my friends have the ammo to really hurt me because they know my sensitive areas, but not one of them has ever said anything to intentionally hurt me. Never. Not even when they were upset with me.

Today I’m proud of myself because I have developed great friendships that are based on mutual respect and trust. There’s nothing better than that.

My life is a miracle.

And I am blocking the miraculous events in my life by focusing on what I DON’T have versus what I WANT to happen.

I apologize for any negative vibes sent forth as I try to sway my emotions to become more aligned with my belief that God has my best interests at heart.

If I truly believe that everything has been aligned for my good then I should relax and enjoy every single day.

I’ve been neglecting my spiritual practices and I believed that has directly affected my satisfaction level. Ignoring my spiritual side is making me cranky and unnappreciative. I’m not doing what I was doing before visualization, daily readings, affirmations, meditation, positive manifestation excercises and I haven’t seen any magic happen in my life since.

I want to get back to that. I need to get back to that. Doing all those things consistently kept me floating on air. I was also better able to coach the other people in my life toward peace.

I promise I’ll get back to it, for you and for me.

Again..forgive me for losing focus.

God…I’m ready to get back to trusting you again.

My life is a miracle.

I had a dream last night where I cussed someone out like I’ve never done before. I was talking DIRTY and mean spirited and..When I woke up I felt so bad.

But I forgave myself and proclaimed, “Today is going to be a great day!’

And it was…

I didn’t stress myself about anything at all today. I told myself that everything that I want to happen wasn’t going to happen TODAY so I didn’t expect it and it allowed me to relax.

I made a few phone calls to get sources for my next newspaper article. I organized my notes and followed up on the requirements for one of the jobs I applied for. I read a chapter for my human sexuality class and then I went to campus to meet my group member. I’m so glad she decided to meet with me because she helped me with my research process.

With just a few strokes of the key, I manged to get most of my research done for my Gender Identity Disorder paper. There was one thing I didn’t understand though.

If Gender Identity Disorder is about people who don’t feel like the gender they have is the one they should have…isn’t that directly related to socially constructed gender roles? I mean, if we are all born HUMAN, should it matter what kind of traits we have, be it masculine or feminine? Who decided that a man should behave in a certain way and a woman should behave a certain way?

If we weren’t socialized to submit to society’s expectations then maybe this disorder wouldn’t even exist.

Hmm…I don’t know. I asked my classmate what she thought and she was like, “I don’t know.”

“So what about the lesbians who dress like boys? Are they doing that because they wish they were boys or because they like women so they think that’s how they should dress?”

My classmate replied, “I don’t know.”

After we met, we had lunch together and she showed me pictures of her ex-girlfriend, who was really cute by the way.

“Did ya’ll used to cuddle and kiss and stuff?” I asked her.

She smiled, “Yes.”

“What happened with ya’ll?”

“She got married to a man her mother introduced her to. Her parents were pressuring her to get married because they didn’t like her lifestyle and he had money. She’s divorced now and wants to get back with me.”

“Will you?”

“No. I don’t think so.”

At one point she asked me if I was going to write about her. I leaned my head to the right and pursed my lips. “Maybe. I guess so.”

“Just don’t use my real name okay?”

After I left her I went to find my advisor but he wasn’t there so I went over to the Writing Center and had the people there edit my story.

There’s a writing competition that is accepting all kinds of entries. I figure I may as well give it a shot. Before the man started correcting my paper, I told him what to expect and I was dead on. My problem in my writing is sticking to one verb tense. I’ll go from present, to past to present progressive and not even notice it.

After that I went to the computer lab to do some more research and I found so much interesting information that I’m considering changing the topic of my paper. I was all up in those journal articles like…”OOh for real? This is juicy!”

I was dead tired by the time I got to class, 6 hours after I had first walked on campus. But ofcourse my class is never boring and I was fascinated as my professor gave an example of a client that he had.

The child’s parents brought her in because they felt she was too shy. Introverts like myself get a bad rap. People think something is wrong with us because we don’t get all excited when we’re around people and we enjoy being alone.

He asked the girl’s parents to leave the room and he sat down with her.

“So you’re shy?” he asked.

“I guess,” the girl said. “It’s just that when people tell me I’m shy, it makes me want to be even more quiet.”

“Well, let’s try an excercise,” he said.

They proceeded to make a list of about 15 occupations that would fit her personality. Then they made a list of occupations that would suit a more extroverted person.

He explained to her that there’s nothing wrong with the way she is. There’s room for everyone’s personality to achieve success in a career, you just have to make a good match. Being a writer, a computer technician, a mathmetician or a therapist are good matches for people who work things out more efficiently in their minds.

See..That’s what I love about being in this program. We don’t learn how to fix anyone’s problems. We don’t blame them for having an issue. We never try to make them feel as though they are doing something wrong, if it IS wrong (like rape, pedophilia, stalking), then we explain how they can channel their desires in a more socially acceptable way.

We help them to come to terms with how the issue is affecting their life in a negative way, if it is at all. Sometimes it’s OUTSIDE influences that have a problem with the behavior and the client doesn’t really see it as wrong.

We help them to become comfortable with their “problem” until they realize it’s not a problem at all, it’s simply a reaction from some negative perception they made up in their minds and can be easily changed once they change their perception.

One case study I read involved a man who loved to masterbate to porn magazines and felt so much shame he couldn’t have an erection when he was with a woman. The therapist helped him to release the guilt associated with this action. Once the man was over the guilt, he felt more normal and his problem went away.

After reading this..I prayed, “Lord PLEASE send me someone with a sex related issue so I can practice my techniques on them!” ~smile~

It’s so funny how people think the things they do are so abnormal. There’s nothing you’ve done that someone else hasn’t done.

I love the fact that the client and the therapist work together as a team. We’re not experts. We co create possibilities for a brighter future for the client.

This program helps me to feel better about who I am and what I want out of life.

I am sp proud of myself because I’m adjusting to the academic life. I’m not giving up. I’m going to do well.

My life is a miracle.

I’m so funny. I put way too much effort into my proposal for my paper. When everyone passed theirs in, they all had like..one paragraph and I had a whole page. I’m glad I did that though, my paper will be easier to organize.

After I turned it in, I picked up my first paper to see my grade and….I got 6 points out of 10. I have to do it over.

For the first time in my life I’m not dissappointed in myself over a failure. There were mostly formatting issues that I can easily correct so I’m taking it in stride. Someone told me about buying software that automatically formats your paper for you so I’ll get it the next time I get paid for a story.

I don’t know how to explain it…Ever since I started back with my spiritual focus, I haven’t been stressed about anything.

I decided that I’m going to take it one day at a time. One story at a time. One application at a time. One breath at a time.

I’m not rushing anymore, I’m gonna stroll.

La, la, la…Whatever, whatever.

Stressing about achieving goals hasn’t done anything for me in the past, I’m gonna try relaxing and allowing life to happen…

I’m proud of myself because I’m learning to relax.