No Problem, No Pain

It doesn’t hurt anymore.

When I call my boys to say goodnight, I can hear her in the background. I picture them all lounging happily, enjoying life- a family.

I used to cringe in pain because I wanted to have the family that she has. I wanted the man that she has. I wanted the life that she has. I envied her. I pitied myself for not being woman enough or pretty enough or smart enough to hold on to the man I loved with everything in me. I wanted to be the wife and proud mother of his children. But that didn’t happen. And you know what?

I don’t hurt anymore.

I’m glad my boys have a woman in their life who loves them like she does. They have nothing but good things to say about her. They think she’s funny. They think she’s pretty. She’s sweet to them and gives them kisses and hugs just like I do.

It’s not a competition between me and her. My relationship with their father didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean that it was because something was wrong with me. It’s because we weren’t a good fit.

My kids have another woman in their life. A woman who loves their daddy to pieces and treats them as though they are little kings.

That’s nice.

That’s very nice.

And for the first time, in so many years.

I’m okay with that.

I appreciate that.

I’m okay…