Every damn day I’m looking for awesome women to profile. Every damn day I’m impressed and amazed by the things women do.
Every damn day I struggle with the idea that I am now only half hearted in my attempts to be great. I don’t really care about great anymore. I don’t desire the awards and fame and shit. I just want to be able to see my kids more often and to have great meals and great experiences with them.
But the other part of me is screaming, “Tee, you are no different than these women who used innovation to bring about their success. You’re just as smart- TRY HARDER.”
But then the other half says, “Who cares what anyone thinks? You’re not a saviour. Just have fun doing what you’re doing and as long as you can spend time with your sons and they know you love them and are there for them, the rest doesn’t matter.”
So I end up having an entire internal dialogue with myself.
“I can do so much more than I’m doing right now.”
“Yeah, but at what cost? You’ve already missed so many important moments with your sons. They barely remember when they used to live with you. How much more are you going to miss out on trying to make a difference in the world? Try making a difference in THEIR world.”
“I hear you but, it’s just, I have to do this. The things that I am gifted to aren’t average things. They make significant change in environments. I am not an average woman who cooks and cleans. I have world changing dreams because that is my destiny. I can’t hide from that or belittle myself because I have no desires for that anymore, can I?”
“All you do is dream. You take risks and it doesn’t pay off. You keep trying but nothing ever happens. You’re mentally ill. You think you’re special and you ARE but maybe not in this lifetime. Do you really think you can handle THAT life? I mean, the hidden agendas, the secret alliances, the quest for domination- you’re not like that. That’s what they do. They try to get as much as they can under the guise of helping people and you don’t care about that, you just want to be useful. Be useful to yourself. Your current job is enough. Just work there until it’s time to go and then, go, but don’t make anymore risks like you have in the past. It’s pointless. Give more meaning to the time you spend with your sons. Give more definition to the relationship you have with yourself. Those are the most important.”