Late Night Barbecues

I’m in the grocery store looking at cards to send to my sons and I find one that brings tears to my eyes. It reads:

I wish I may
I wish I might
Have you here
To hug all night

~sniffling~

I really need a hug. I miss my sons. I try to look at it as though they need this time with their dad. They are having so much fun with him that I don’t feel too bad, I just wish…

I wish I could be a better mom for them. My track record isn’t so great with handling jobs but I keep on trying…

While I’m in the grocery store I notice that a guy is looking at me. I roll my eyes as I pass him because I’m on the phone with Kim and I’m not the least bit interested in talking to any men.

By the time I’m done picking up my clothes detergent, Publix sub sandwhich, sweet tea and turkey slices I get in line and guess who is behind me? The guy.

He’s with another guy and a chick.

He spies the twix I picked up from the counter.

“Eating all of that candy isn’t good for your teeth,” he says to me.

I roll my eyes. “I can eat what I want,” I say. “It’s a treat. I deserve it.”

“Well maybe you do,” He says and extends his hand. “Hi, what’s your name? I’m Ty.”

I shake his hand firmly and look away.

“Why are you buying this food when you could come to my house tonight? We’re having a barbecue?”

“Tonight?” I ask him and eye his basket. I see chicken and hamburgers and hot dogs. Mmmm….

“We live just down the street. Come and get some food.”

Hmmmm….I was just praying that I get a home cooked meal that I don’t have to cook. Living the single life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I eat out a lot and when I’m home I eat cereal or sandwhiches or hotdogs. Yeah…I’m lazy.

I call his phone from my phone so he can get the number. He seems very polite and I get a good vibe from him. He has no idea that he’s the first man I’ve given my number to since I’ve been here.

I go home and unpack my groceries, planning to turn in early. He calls within 15 minutes.

“Hey Tee,” he greets me.

We chat a bit. He tells me that he just came back from out of town.

“Why did you go out of town?”I ask him.

He pauses and asks, “Are you the police?”

“No,” I say and shake my head. Thuggish.

“You ready to come over?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know you like that and I don’t want to come by myself. Let me call you back.”

I call Vicky but she’s busy so I figure I’m not going. I call him back to tell him and he tries to persuade me to come. “Do you need me to call my Mama so she can tell you that I’m a nice guy and you should come to my barbecue?”

I laugh..”Yeah, do that.”

He clicks over and calls his Mama.

I laugh.

Ok, I’ll go. I’m hungry man.

I stop by the gas station and pick up a 6-pack fo Corona before I head over there. IT’s easy to find and it’s a beautiful home. As soon as I walk in I smile. THIS is the kind of place I can imagine my sons and I living in. I can’t WAIT to get things together…

I meet his friends and I’m impressed. The women are really nice. The men are too. We go outside on the patio and talk a bit. For the first time I look at him. Hmmm…White tee. Air Force ones. Kinda on the thin side. Pitch black. He reminds me of someone. Hmm..He reminds me of Joe.

Wow. He looks just like Joe.

That’s a good thing and a bad thing.

He seems very sweet as he grills up all of the food, while trying to catch a few plays of the football game and still entertain his friends. His Mama calls and he spends time talking to her as if they are buddies.

“I love you Mama,” he says before he hangs up. I smile.

“So tell me something,” he asks. “And stop me if I’m being too forward but…since you just moved up here, when you get lonely, do you curl up on the couch and call your dude back in Miami?”

Ahhh..He wants to know if I have a boyfriend.

I pause considering the answer I want to give him.

“Something like that,” I say.

“I figured,” he says.

His friends sit down to get on some spades after we eat the most delectable food I have eaten in weeks. But um…am I the only black person in America who doesn’t know how to play spades?

I stand behind his chair and watch him play. His friends are hilarious. I make sure not to get too close to him because I don’t want him to try me too hard but I do feel comfortable around him. He does seem like a genuine person. But they ALL seem genuine at first.

“Excuse me if I get too bold,” he tells me as he stands and attempts to grab me by the waist. “I’m very affectionate.”

I roll my eyes as my body tenses. Please let him back away. I’m scared.

“Could you massage my neck?” he asks me once he sits down again, since I’m standing over him.

“No.”

“Why not?’

“Cuz I don’t want you to get used to it.”

“Damn. Its like that? Just this once?”

I roll my eyes. “No.” I say firmly.

He smiles up at me. “You’re above the influence.”

I laugh. I’ve made up my mind about him already. He’s definately booty call material but he’s not boyfriend material. But do I even want to go that route again? He seems to need a little direction in his life. All my life I’ve been motivating men. I’m not sure if I want to do it again.

I make sure that I don’t give this man any indication that I desire his advances. I’m actually being kinda stank wit’ it. He is still being sweet to me. It’s after midnight and I signal that I’m ready to go. He walks me to my car and I’m nervous as hell cuz he’s standing too close.

“Let me give you a hug,” he asks. I let him bring his body close to mine and he gives me a long squeeze. I’m in turmoil. I like it. A lot. I miss the feeling of a man’s arms around me. I need this hug. I almost cry because I realize how much I needed this touch.

The physical touch is so very important. We’re human. We were all made to relate and touch is the most powerful form on interaction. Touches heal. Touches speak more than words. It’s been a minute since I have been touched in this way.

“When can I see you again?” he whispers in my ear. My body immediately tenses up and I realize that I’m not even hugging him back.

I don’t respond. “When can I see you again?” he repeats himself.

I pull away from him and frown. “I don’t know,” I say and open my car door. He closes it behind me and smiles repeating the directions to find my way out of his subdivision.

“Call me tomorrow,” he calls out.

“Whatever!” I say and then gulp because I realize that I said it loudly. He turns around. “Why did you say that?” he asks me.”You’re not gonna call?”

I shrug. “Leave me alone I’m tired.” I say and wave as I drive off.

As I drive home I think about him. It would be nice to have a guy friend in this city. He loves to cook. His friends say he loves to clean. I don’t know man. He’s too much like my type. That’s not a good thing. My type of men don’t turn out to be good for me.

Hmm…Ok, this is it. If he calls me again, I’ll go hang with him and his friends. All of them were cool. But I won’t call him no matter what.

I take his number out of my phone as I unlock my front door.

It’s all in his hands.