It’s almost 5 o’clock in the morning and I am so tired but I want to write some more. I finished putting together the editorial for tomorrow a few hours ago and since then I’ve been responding to emails and doing research. I still read A LOT. I have to keep up on the latest news and thoughts from leaders in personal development. Most often, I don’t have to order their products because being on their email lists, boy, they give away a lot of information for free.
I was so ugh earlier today but I am feeling better now. SOMEONE, who shall remain nameless, sent me her negative energy. I hate when she does that. I told her to keep it to herself cuz I don’t want it. I no longer worry about her life like that and my life is more simple because of it.
I remember her Mom telling me, “Worry about yourself!” At the time, I couldn’t. I felt like I had to make sure she was okay. In fact, she IS okay. I’m the one who had been carrying about her frustrations with me even when she had let it go. Now I’m learning not to do that and it feels so damn good.
I spoke with Anna tonight. We talked about everything, her new man, how good it feels to be loved by someone who is dominant. She says he doesn’t express himself verbally but his actions show how he feels about her and she loves it.
She said, “Girl, he woke up and was getting ready for work. As he got dressed he said, ‘Lil Man is going to his cousin’s house today. Lil Mama is going to spend the day with you. The money’s on the dresser. Go pay the light bill.'”
GIRRRRRLLLL! I almost had an orgasm when she told me that story!
Imagine, a man who sets the tone? Really? You mean, you don’t have to give him instructions fr his day and remind him to take care of business? For real?
Wow. Add to that the fact that she just got a new car, her first brand new car and I think Anna’s life is definitely taking a turn for the better. It all lines up once you get your attitude right.
I also expressed to Anna a secret hope that I never even try to admit to myself. It’s something that I don’t believe can happen. Anna said that it is definitely a possibility and to stop worrying about HOW, just know that it can.
I appreciated that and told her so. She was like, “I’m just repeating back the words you give me.”
True.
Something has changed in Anna lately. “I didn’t used to respect your opinion,” I told her. “But now you’re so in tune with who you are and you’re not settling for less that I have to respect that.”
I just finished eating two bologna and cheese sandwhiches. I hope to fall asleep soon. Sleep seems like a chore these days. I can’t just relax because as I’m laying there I keep thinking of different people to reach out to and different stories to write for my site.
Oh yeah… Remember that prediction about me meeting my ONE, a MAN, who’s supposed to love me. I try not to think about it because it causes me grief.
Imagine ME, with a MAN who actually UNDERSTANDS me! Can’t imagine that. I DO imagine all the hell he’ll catch if he tries to holla at me because I do not give anyone a chance because I assume they won’t know how to deal with me and I’m so tired of being misunderstood or looked at as though I am crazy.
So tired of it. People assume they know who I am and what I’m thinking but they’re usually wrong. Instead of assuming just ASK me. Anna says thats what she likes about me the most, the fact that instead of assuming about how she feels, I ask questions to gauge what she feels.
When I wake up I have to hop on a bus and go to the center on the beach to meet with the director about my project. This weekend I have to meet with the dude from the homeless shelter. He wants to meet me in person to talk with me. I think he’s going to try to talk me out of it. He says he is amazed by my passion.
You know who I really want to meet with? A SPONSOR. Can someone PLEASE say they are going to give to my fund so I can relax a little bit? LOL
Something good will happen with this. I just have to expect the best and not allow my own fear of failure to override the mission.
Generally, I’m healthy mentally. I just get upset when people offer unsolicited opinions. It throws me off because I’m torn between listening and wondering why they have the audacity to offer an opinion that I haven’t asked for. Is it because they think I’m not capable of making a decision for myself? That’s how I take it. I take it as an insult. But I realize that comes from years of having to make choices for myself and now I don’t trust anyone’s opinion because I know most people are self serving.
Anyway, the birds outside my window are annoying me. I am looking forward to moving but not the cleaning up and giving away everything part. I have to do all this laundry before I can donate the clothes. I already promised my bed to a friend. I don’t have much else. It’ll be me and my bookbag and a duffel bag and that’s it. I wonder how much I can fit in there.