~sigh~
I just got off the phone with a classmate. She explained to me, in detail, how my paper is supposed to be organized. She even offered to meet with me before class tonight to show me one of her papers and look over mine. This is her last class before she goes into practicum, which means she’s going to start seeing clients. I’m so grateful that everyone is so helpful.
Angels do exist.
I really think I have writers block. I wish I could take this time to relax and focus on my school work but I’m not doing that. Everyday I wake up thinking about my next career move, I’m calling someone up to ask for their opinion on this career choice, I’m thinking about my kids and how I miss them, I’m thinking about how I’m going to make a home for us, I’m thinking about my editors and how my stories are being perceived, I’m thinking about my personal brand and how I’m not that good at making a good impression, especially with men that I don’t respect.
And most of all, I’m thinking about school and how everyone I know says they make straight A’s and I don’t even see that as a possibility because I can’t even write this damn paper. LOL! I make me laugh!
Oh Lord, maybe if just ONE aspect of my life was secured, I wouldn’t have so many other things to think about and I could focus all of my nervous energy on school, but since nothing is the way I want it to be, I’m constantly trying to come up with ways to push my life in order…and honestly, most of them are not things I’d really want to do.
“Just put something down on paper,” my advisor told me last week. “Start with that. Write something down and turn it in. We’ll work on it from there.”
Ok, I’ll do that. But besides that I have to take the MAT next month, two classes at MDC, the certification test for teachers and I don’t want to completely let go of writing articles because I need that money and I want to continue being a journalist.
You know what’s funny? I haven’t checked my stats over at Embrace Your Fantasy because I haven’t written on it in a while due to so many other pressing issues but…every single day I get a new subscriber. People are signing up for updates and I don’t even know where the traffic is coming from. I really want to continue writing for that. It helped to put me in a good mood and I loved the positive feedback.
Damn I wish I was a stay at home Mom!
Then I could work on websites all day and study, pick the kids up and hang with them, put them to bed and write some more.
I’m a lot less anxious than it seems. After all, I did get some the other day and…that was relaxing. ~smile~ I won’t have to date again for another 4 months or so…. The process of choosing someone to share myself with is annoying. But in the end, I’m happy and relaxed. I don’t hurt these men. Before I engage them, I make sure to find out if they want the same thing I do.
Ahhh…Writing it all out, releases the tension and makes me laugh. I’m gonna get there…wherever THERE is…LOL!