Burning Bridges

I need to address this mainly because I need to figure this out for myself. Writing out my thoughts helps to clarify my feelings and I always understand myself better after I write versus just sitting there THINKING and trying to make sense of what I’m feeling.

I’ve been feeling kind of bad since I had to cut someone off recently. He really didn’t DO anything to me persay, I just think he doesn’t have any manners and that is unnacceptable in my world. I know that I should be treated in a certain way and he doesn’t seem to know how to treat me. I gave him THREE chances. THREE times I dealt with him, being patient but each time he still treated me the same way so I decided that enough is enough.

I would never treat anyone like that so fuck him, to the left with his ass.

Then in my conscious I heard, “But what if you need his help later? Isn’t it better to jut distance yourself from him just in case you need his support later?”

Then I said to myself, “Fuck that. If I can’t depend on him to treat me with respect now, why would I think he’d be there if I needed help in the future?”

So I told his ass to lose my contact information.

If I ever see him again I will act like I don’t know him. I have ZERO tolerance for disrespectful men. Am I too harsh?

~sigh~

I think of the last two people who mentioned that phrase, “Don’t burn your bridges…” to me.

One of them was Young CEO. After I cussed his ass out for not living up to his word when I got to Houston, he reminded me that I shouldn’t burn my bridges.

And when Kia took me to that Spirit worshipping ritual and I distanced myself from her she gently reminded me, “Don’t deplete your resources, Tee.”

But how can I trust you to be a resource if you have shown me that you are untrustworthy and untrue?

Why would I ever need to go back and ask you for help when you have openly disrespected me?

I don’t believe God would do that to me so I will continue to chuck those crumbs to the side when I meet people who don’t treat me the way that I know I should be treated.

God please show me the right way if my heart is wrong? I don’t want to keep people around to USE them when I feel like I need something. I want people around me whose spirits are good and we can encourage each other to grow in different areas.

Please change my heart if I’m too hard on people when they mess up.

I don’t want to be mean…but I do expect excellence because that is what I try to give whenever I can, in friendship, in my work ethic and in any romantic relationship that I was unlucky enough to pursue.

I don’t know.

I don’t like rejecting people because I want to love everyone forever but…some people have shown me that they don’t know how to love me back and I just can’t accept that anymore.