Author: TPatterson

A Word of AdviceGood Morning Tee,Your word of advice is needed today. Ok everyday that I wake up I always say, dang you know what I would really like to wake up and start a day walking to my own place of business. Wow this is just about every person’s dream but not many can actually follow through with it. Only those determined and strong minded will succeed. Some even make it to their place of business but sometimes they crumble and fall. Do I really want to experience that?Like everyone I am terrified of failure what if I can’t DO IT. So I was thinking to myself I’m going to school to become a pharmacist did I dream about this when I was a lil girl HELL NO. I just went to school I thought to myself what profession in the health field makes a lot of money ok a nurse, nah a EMT, nah the physical therapist, nah bingo I got it! A pharmacist, hellz yeah they make a lot of money. I’m interested in learning about medicine even though I will not take a pill unless I’m in dying need. Ok I attend Miami Dade almost done with getting my AA. Oh my gosh classes are getting harder and harder is this something I really want to do?There’s that question again. Is it because I’m afraid I can’t do it so I just sometimes think about quitting. I always told my mama that I was going to take care of her when I become a pharmacist. Ok still I want my own business. Guess what Dianna loves hair and makeup. Why don’t you do hair?Cosmetology is something I always wanted to do. Heck I can perm Do my own hair. So I called Gina, Marie’s sister who is a beautician of course she was very positive if it’s something you really want to do you can really do it and make money. She said do it I will guide you and help you. But why am I so negative, can I accomplish what she has? What is my purpose GOD? I went to class yesterday and my head is racing I can’t think about what the professor is teaching, what a confused child I am. I told my mother I want to go to beauty school she’s like HELL NO WHAT ABOUT PHARMACY SCHOOL? There are too many beauticians that’s a slow business. You don’t know what you want to do with your life you can’t even finish PHARMACY school how you gonna start something else?KILL my spirit why don’t you! WHAT THE HECK SHOULD I DO THEN? I’m thinking about staying in pharmacy school because my goal is to be a successful black woman and take care of my mother when she’s older. I REPLIED:
OOH!

Good writing job!

Ok, listen up…

You will ONLY be your MOST SUCCESSFUL SELF if you are doing what you are passionate about! Dianna, I dont care how many figures a pharmacist makes, you will be miserable if that is the only reason you’re going down that path. The key to longevity and prosperity in the workplace is having a HEART for what you are doing.

You have already identified what you would love to do. Those thoughts of failure have to cease. If I doubted for one second that I would be a magnificent writer, I would have never made any moves toward it. Pursue that dream as if you KNOW it’s the only way you will succeed. Focus on that goal as if it is the KEY to life.

You want to take care of your Mama, and yes, that’s noble but toiling away at a job that you hate even if she is well taken care of is not the kind of sacrifice that you should make with your life when you have other options. She sacrificed for you so that you could do more than she did. She didn’t work all of those jobs and struggle with all of your siblings so that you can follow in her footsteps and do something you hate just for the money.

It’s time. Right now. You already have a mentor. You already have guidance and encouragement. All you have to do now is step out on faith. You know if I could I’d pay all of your bills and send you to cosmetology school. I believe in you that much. I know you’d be great!

At the end of your life, you will be able to smile with satisfaction knowing that you did something that most people are afraid to do, you followed your heart and made the most of the gift you were given. Dare to be unordinary. Do something different.

Love,

Ms. Tee

PS- I’m putting this on my blog- THANKS!

Random Chatter

ptygrneyez: i cant take it anymore!
ptygrneyez: can me and the boys come love with u?!!
c316: lol
ptygrneyez: lol
c316: i’m not your mama!
ptygrneyez: lol
c316: yeah, walk it off! my PE coach would always yell that at us no matter what
ptygrneyez: lol
c316: even if your leg was cramping or your ankle was broken, you’d better finish that race
ptygrneyez: lol
ptygrneyez: hell yeah
ptygrneyez: thats gonna be my new motto
ptygrneyez: WALK IT OFF!
c316: lol. i hated that teacher!
c316: he was ridiculous
ptygrneyez: lol
c316: so insensitive, but hey it worked
c316: soooo…anyway what’s up?
ptygrneyez: im looking for another job
ptygrneyez: signed up with a temp agency
c316: wow. you quit?
ptygrneyez: not yet
ptygrneyez: im hoping to
ptygrneyez: girl each day im there i feel like im being stabbed over and ovr again in my heart
c316: ? not the pr thing?
ptygrneyez: yeah
ptygrneyez: i need a HUG
ptygrneyez: and dont gimme a SMILEY AGAIN!
ptygrneyez: lol
c316: aw.
c316: LOL
c316: is that the real reason why you don’t want to work there? dang it feels like you just started…
ptygrneyez: i did just start
ptygrneyez: on Feb 13
ptygrneyez: 2 months ago
c316: man, that won’t look good on a resume
ptygrneyez: why not?
ptygrneyez: im just trying to find my place in the world
ptygrneyez: honestly it shouldnt go on the resume
ptygrneyez: i dont want to do any of those things again
ptygrneyez: anyway
c316: that looks like a red flag. like you can’t hold a job or something. you’ll have to explain the time anyway
ptygrneyez: i dont mind
ptygrneyez: im a good interview
ptygrneyez: anyway
ptygrneyez: im not looking for a career JOB
ptygrneyez: i wont be happy at ANY job
ptygrneyez: just something i can tolerate
ptygrneyez: and be successful at
ptygrneyez: like my old job
c316: oh great
ptygrneyez: but the problem i have is
ptygrneyez: not wanting to schmooze
ptygrneyez: and hang with my co workers
ptygrneyez: puts a damper on the work relationships
c316: ah. i used to be against chatting and hanging out
c316: but now i think if you do it right, it can be cool
c316: now office romances, on the other hand are still too problematic in my opinion
ptygrneyez: lol
ptygrneyez: so u have HAD one?
c316: ahhh. no. i had a crush
c316: i’m glad it stayed that way!
c316: we were cool
c316: you don’t want to even see and ex let alone work with them
c316: …so i’ve heard
ptygrneyez: lol
c316: anyway the guys here are too young for me
ptygrneyez: lol
ptygrneyez: i hope u meet someone
ptygrneyez: i dont think God would give u the desire
c316: lol. true!
ptygrneyez: if it wasnt meant for u
c316: i’m not sweatin it. i’m so much more productive now, anyway
c316: not checking myspace every 2 seconds…
c316: not just sitting around the house sighing…
ptygrneyez: lol
ptygrneyez: have things changed between u two?
c316: not spending hours getting ready every morning, just in case
ptygrneyez: lol
ptygrneyez: u should do thaT ANYWAY!
c316: i guess
c316: ha!
ptygrneyez: everyday u should look yr BEST!
ptygrneyez: cuz u never know!
c316: that’s how long it takes!
c316: i’ve never done so much plucking and shaving and exfoliating in my life
ptygrneyez: lol
c316: don’t even talk about moisturizing
c316: some people don’t have it as easy
ptygrneyez: lol
c316: hey chica, i have to finish this bit of work up
ptygrneyez: ok chick
c316: good luck with your dream job.
ptygrneyez: lol
ptygrneyez: ohhh
c316: if you’re not careful, you’ll run through them like men! ptygrneyez: if it dont feel right
ptygrneyez: i have to move on
ptygrneyez: same with each job
c316: lol
c316: maybe date a little more before committing???
ptygrneyez: date?
ptygrneyez: what is that?
ptygrneyez: commit? what is that?
ptygrneyez: maybe i shouldnt let men come over
c316: getting to know…nevermind!
ptygrneyez: that would help
c316: hmmm…i’ll assume that was rhetorical
c316: yup
c316: have you ever played that slap game where you hold out your hands and see if the other person can slap your hand before you can pull away?
ptygrneyez: yeah!
c316: well in this whole relationship thing i’m trying not to see it like that
ptygrneyez: huh
c316: like there’s only the choice between hurting or being hurt
ptygrneyez: damn
ptygrneyez: im shivering
ptygrneyez: damn
c316: lol
ptygrneyez: tell me u made that up
ptygrneyez: so i can poretent like i made it up
c316: lol
c316: that’s my mind talking…
ptygrneyez: ok, good, now its mine
c316: lol
c316: tell me there’s another way to look at this game!
ptygrneyez: lol
c316: oh great….
c316: i always tried to be the one to pull my hand out real quick. i was never good at getting people
c316: dang
ptygrneyez: lol
ptygrneyez: sometimes i liked to get hit
ptygrneyez: just to end the game
ptygrneyez: cuz it bored me
c316: true
c316: oh dear.

“Me” Time

I don’t know about spas. I don’t know about full service massages. But I do know that when the stress is high, a nice hot shower can relieve the pain if only for a moment.

This morning I woke up early to get my boys dressed. I sat them down to the table to have breakfast and I quickly undressed.

Mmm. It’s time for me now.

I turned on the shower full blast and didn’t bother to mix the cold water with the hot. I’m a big girl. I can take the heat. I step inside timidly, removing a plastic easter egg from the bathtub and placing it on the bath rack.

I close my eyes and sigh as I turn my back to the heavy stream of steaming water.

Ohh…Yes…Ohh…Yes….

I rotate my shoulders as the steady stream massages me into oblivion. Mmmm…It feels sooo good. Sooo good. Like someone is caressing me. Like someone is loving on me. Like someone wants to touch every part of me and make me feel oh so good.

“I need that.” I whisper into the newly created fog. “I like that.”

My nostrils are filled with the scent of watermelon as I soap myself up and down.

“Yeah…I need that. Touch me.”

Man, it’s that time of year again.

It seems like every 3 months I get this yearning for some physical attention. Yeah, I do have a booty call, but…I’m too old for that. I’m too fly for that. But it’s hard yo. I think sometimes all I need is a hug. A warm, slow hug followed by the sound of a comforting voice saying, “It’ll be okay. You’re doing fine. I’m proud of you. You’re wonderful to me.”

Thank you Daddy. I needed to hear that.

These hands that reach out gingerly to wipe tears away, make dinner and place bandages on boo boo’s, feign for some return affection.

But I get none of that. So for now, this hot shower will have to suffice. It feels so nice. Running down my legs. Slowly kneading my skin.Giving me just the fix I need.

Mmmm…I like that. I need that. It’s like that.

“MAMA!!!!”

Huh?

I feel a gush of wind hit my steaming body as my 5 year old snatches back the curtain and I’m jolted out of my fantasy.

“What do you want, boy?” I ask annoyed at the interruption.

“Yesterday when I took my lunchable to school I left it in my class and the security guard said he couldn’t find the keys to the classroom so I had to eat the school lunch.”

I shake my head and smile.

“Ok, so is your lunchable in your book bag now?”

“No, it’s in my teacher’s refrigerator.”

“Ok, that’s good Boo Boo.”

“Ok,” he says and releases the curtain as he leaves the restroom.

I shake my head.

Damn…The water’s getting cold now.

I guess “Me” time is over.

But I’ll be back. Back again for some of those sweet, sweet caresses that only the privacy and quiet of a nice hot shower can bring.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I remember the first time it happened. It was 1997. I was 17 and didn’t really quite grasp what just occurred.

The next time was the following year, 1998. Once again there I was frozen, crying and tingling all over my body.

I’ll never forget the way I felt those two times. I guess secretly through all the men and all the fumbling around in the darkness I secretly yearned to enjoy that experience once again.

But

Each

Time

Fell

Short

Until last week.

For 15 minutes after the intial shock and immediate paralysis of first my right leg and then my left. The shock waves rotated over my body from head to toe. I couldn’t breathe much less utter a word. I glance over at his bare chest as he strokes my arm and smiles down at me. “You okay?” he whispers. Tears flow softly down my cheeks as I exhale, Exhale, EXHALE.

The BIG ONE.

Now I see the light.

Now I have walked into the knowledge of the great T-Pain.

~singing~

I’m Sprung…(I’m sprung)
Now that he got me…
Got me doin thing’s I’ll never do
If u ain’t been I’m tellin you
I’m Sprung…(I’m Sprung)
Now that he got me…
Got me doin thing’s I’ll never do
If u ain’t been I’m tellin you…

Damn DUDE.

Damn…

Still Sprung

I think it’s a little more to it than simply being sprung.

I’ve been hiding this from everyone except a few of my closest friends who are so nervous yet excited for me.

Isn’t it so hard to admit that you care about someone? It’s like admitting it will instantly jinx it and it will explode in your face. Well..here I go.

Remember Dude? Yeah, the one who blew my sexual losing streak. But he’s also the same one I mentioned that reminded me of my “type”. I know that when you do the same thing over and over again you will get the same result so I was hoping that I wouldn’t like him so much.

But I do.

He’s funny. He called me one night asking me what I wanted him to bring to eat and I told him that I’d cook. When he got here the food was almost ready and I fixed our plates and we sat down. I took one bite of the steak and cringed.

He took his first bite and smiled weakly at me. Then he tried the rice I made. I saw him pause. My face turned red.

“Uh, Tee, let’s go get something to eat.”

“Okay…” I muttered as I removed the plates and slipped on my shoes.

“It’s okay,” he told me as he gave me a hug and we walked to his car. “I’ll cook for you next time.”

He’s very nice to me. Except for the fact that after experiencing THE BIG ONE, and a near repeat performance the next night, I haven’t heard from him since. ~sigh~ I feel like he’s doing this to me on purpose… ~pulling imaginary hair~

So Sprung I am. I’ve been acting really stupid. Like, I call him everyday even though he hasn’t returned any of my calls since Saturday. Sometimes at night I have to take two showers to calm down because I want him so badly. I want more!

Truth be told, I may be a nympho. Naw, I’m playing. It’s just like Ruby explained it one time. She said that I close myself off to men so much that when I get one that excites me sexually I am ravenous and I won’t stop. She said I needed to find a balance between completely cutting men off and then devouring them sexually when the opportunity presents itself.

Hmm.. I agree I think. It’s just. I was so used to using guys for a quick relief. My booty calls are not emotional at all. We don’t kiss. We don’t cuddle. Eww…we don’t say nice things to each other. We only dial each other’s number for ONE REASON. No Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah. Although he’s very handsome I just wasn’t feeling him like that.

But Dude..

Damn…

He’s very nice to me. And I said to myself that the next man to be genuinely nice to me would get some very, VERY good treatment from me.

So much to the surprise of my friends I have decided to trust him until he proves to be disrespectful or mean. I won’t sit around waiting for him to mess up, I’m going to enjoy the happiness while it lasts and be extra sweet and extra loving.

According to my friends, well those who I have decided to tell about him, I’m doing everything the wrong way.

I think my mentality is the opposite of what most men want and what most women think men want.

My girls tell me, “Don’t answer all of his calls!” Why not? I like talking to him.

“Don’t give him none for 3 months!” Whatever! And risk falling in love with some dude who can’t satisfy me sexually? Yeah right. If he can’t handle me in the bedroom then there’s nothing he can do to get me to like him romantically. I need to know up front and if he doesn’t perform well we MAY??? still be friends but he will never get a second chance to make it right. And I’m so serious.

One day he asked me, “You like me a lot, don’t you?” I was a bit surprised that he asked that but I answered honestly, “Yes, I do.”

He smiled and hugged me close.

Sometimes I think this is too good to be true. Dude is sooo manly. None of that bitch-like stuff that some men get into like arguing with women and text messaging and getting all emotional. But he’s a Pisces so he IS emotional, he just knows how to hide it well.

He does things just like I like them. He didn’t at first though and my first instinct was to cut him off. In fact I almost did but my lil sister told me, “Tee, sometimes you have to teach men how to treat you. If he likes you he’ll listen. If he doesn’t then you can cut him off, but give him a chance to improve.”

So I decided to see if she was right. I figured that when men don’t show courtesy and simple kindness it’s because they don’t want to. Not true. After I had a talk with him about a couple of things I felt he should be doing he straightened up. He actually listened to me. Now I don’t have any concerns with him at all because he is mindful of how I want to be treated.

The things I mentioned were small but important things to me.Because they were important to me, they were important to him. I like that.

And I really like the fact that when he comes to see me, he grabs my booty when he kisses me hello. LOL! I LOVE THAT SHIT! ~tingling~

And believe it or not, we actually make out. We KISS! I hate kissing. It’s so boring to me. But I like kissing him. I like looking at him. I really like the fact that unlike most men I am interested in, he doesn’t seem to be phased by me.

For real, If I flirt with a man and he bites, the FIRST question out of his mouth is, “Why do you like me?” Ughh.. Why not? It’s like they don’t believe that someone (or is it just ME) would like someone like them. I hate that. Know your value! And respect that I’m not slumming or out to get anything from you.

Ahhh… I’m glad I got that out. I hate keeping secrets.

I have a guy friend who hasn’t called me in three days but who I miss nonetheless.

Good or bad, however this ends up I’ll be okay because I know that I will not treat him badly or be mean to him or hurt him in any way. I only want to be a blessing in his life. If he decides he’s not ready for all that then at least I know I didn’t allow my bitterness toward men to ruin it.

As long as I’m walking tall, I can walk away knowing that maybe he just wasn’t ready for a real woman who is about honesty, self improvement and satisfying her man instead of creating crazy drama.

There are men like that out there and it’s okay to be that way. Everyone grows in different stages. Hopefully, I’ll meet someone who is exactly where I am.

Let God Speak

I just had a disturbing conversation with someone who loves me very much but hasn’t quite grasped how to show it yet.

I remember when I used to be where she is. I was a brand new Christian and all I wanted was to share my love for Christ with everyone. Since I’m a bit aggressive I would consistently recite scriptures and introduce my beliefs any chance I got. I thought I was ministering to them. I thought I was introducing them to the light but my method was all wrong.

My friend told me that God told her that I need to go to church.

Ok. I hear you.

But this isn’t the first time she has said that. So I told her that the best way to get me (or anybody) to go to church is to tell them you’ll pick them up and take them with you. Casually invite them, don’t press. I don’t mind going I just have visited and visited and I haven’t found my place yet. But by constantly telling me I NEED to go it makes me not want to because I don’t want to do it to please you.

What made this conversation so annoying is that she was SCREAMING at me that God told her to tell me and she said that even if I never speak to her again she was going to be obedient and, “YOU NEED TO GET YO BEHIND IN CHURCH!”

She even hung up on me. LOL!

I can’t even be mad at her because I know her heart is to share the joy of the Lord and to see me walk in complete happiness. But trust God with me. I’m His daughter too. He loves me just as much as He loves you. He will guide me. He will lead me where I need to be. Pray for me if you feel so strongly.

I remember going to my friend Vicky’s house to hang out the night before she moved away to Atlanta. She had invited other friends too and one of our old classmates from UF showed up. So we are all hanging in the kitchen eating and talking and every other second he brings up Jesus. Watching that interaction was so surreal to me. I could FEEL my eyes being opened to how my so called ministering had been received in the past. Whenever he would speak it would cause all of us to pause and a slimy tense cloud would fill the atmosphere. It wasn’t the right time for that.

Before he left he invited Vicky to pray and I could tell she was so uncomfortable as he held her hands and prayed for her.

I know you want others to share in your joy but do it in LOVE. New Christians go through this period where they feel like they see the light and everyone else should too. Remember that your life changing moment came in it’s own time and no one rushed or condemned you.

I see it all the time and it’s so sad to me. A person who just started living for the Lord will run out and tell you all about how you are wrong and how you aren’t going to be blessed unless you shape up. They will even go so far as to criticize other Christians and the way they serve Christ when just a few months ago they weren’t living what they are preaching. A quoted scripture means nothing to a person who doesn’t believe in its power. You’re wasting your breath when you could be a living example of God’s acceptance and love.

Darling…I know God commissioned you to go out and spread the gospel but I do not ever remember Jesus criticizing someone for not doing things the way He did them. He didn’t even require the recipients of his miracles to believe in Him. He blessed them according to His love for them. He never tried to guilt trip anyone into serving Him.

There’s nothing I can do to stop this necessary journey to spiritual maturity because I went through it and I’m sure every new convert will feel the same excitement about a new relationship with God. It’s a good thing. Just, don’t be upset when people start to back away a bit. It’s a bit unnerving to watch someone flip like that and then get upset because they expect you to do the same.

Now I’m in a place where I’m cool with my relationship with God. I seek Him daily. I pray non stop and I ask for His guidance in all matters. What I try to do each and every day is to SHOW love to others whenever I can. It hurts me when someone misinterprets my intentions and takes it for bad but I can’t do much about that. I won’t stop showing love just because someone else doesn’t know how to accept it.

You live. You learn. You grow.

But in the end, your relationship with God is the most important thing. You have to be true to yourself and not be afraid to worship in your own special way. Worship with your LIFE! Don’t let your outpouring of religious practices and servitude be your only act of worship.

I worship God by being honest about who I am and where I am in Christ. I’m not the perfect Christian and I don’t know anyone is. As much as others would like for me to go to church and be in my Word to meet THEIR standards they have to approach me the right way.

If you feel like I’m not in my Word enough, don’t condemn me. Ask to come over to study with me. Invite me out to meet your friends who love Christ. Show me what the fun in Christ really is.

Don’t let it be about words and making sure you clock enough hours in church. Let your light shine by itself. Express the excitement that God has brought into your life and share your blessings. Pretty soon others will want a piece of that too and will come running to you for guidance. Then…THEN you can be a mouthpiece for God because their eyes have been opened and they have a willing ear to hear.

Live a life of love and acceptance. Celebrate the efforts of your friends as they serve God, don’t condemn them. For people who aren’t familiar with Christ you are their only representation and no one wants to grow closer to someone who is constantly telling them they fall short.

Live your life. Live it in love. Speak it in love.

Let God speak through you.

Inspire Me

I don’t get to share with you all my side writing projects but I will give you a little taste of my favorite venture, writing daily inspirational words. This was also published on Bahiyah Woman Magazine.

Dose of Inspiration- I am the Master of My Emotions

I stepped outside myself today and took a good look at what I saw.

Damn, that’s a nice haircut.

Nice simple dress. My favorite. $10 at Wal Mart. Don’t tell nobody.

Then I noticed the smile on my face and realized that it was strained. I’m struggling to maintain myself because my emotions seem to be all over the place. What can I really do about it? I’m a Cancer and I’m a girl.

We’re emotional by nature, not cuz I hate ya.

But do I really have to be a slave to my emotions? Can I ever manage these moods that rise and fall like the tides?

Yes I can.

I can master my emotions by understanding that emotions are a part of nature. It’s okay to feel and to express the pain or joy of my heart, but I have to remember that every emotion I experience is a segway to the next emotional experience.

The ball keeps rolling. My emotions keep coming. No mood will last forever. No sadness will overtake my life. Each experience yields an excitement or sorrow that is unique to that moment and I will not allow myself to marinate in that emotion.

I can master my emotions.

I can recognize that my feelings are important and natural. I recognize that the moods expressed by others are also ever changing. Just because someone presents a bad attitude today, doesn’t mean that they will be like that forever. They are experiencing the same type of shifting emotions that I am privy to.

I will not treat others based on how they react to me.

I will not allow someone’s attitude about their temporary misfortune to thwart my efforts to please God by being a blessing to others.

I will master my emotions by understanding that this uneasiness in my heart is caused by fear of the unknown. I’m tense. I’m nervous. I’m afraid to open up. I’m impatient about my destiny. I have the desire to love again but I don’t want to risk the pain that love brings.

All of these feelings could lead to my being frustrated and difficult toward people when they don’t deserve it.

I will master my emotions as I remind myself that “this too shall pass”.

As surely as the sun sets with a tear in my eye, the rising sun will dry it away.

This moment is not the definitive moment in my life.

I am not a slave to my emotions.

I will accept all that is me and keep on rolling, just like the tide.

***********
Extra Inspirational Reading written by Ms. Tee!
Avoid Stress To Be Your Best.

Heads Up

Today I interviewed another artist. I was hired to do his bio by his manager. Yeah, I’m back at that again. It’s easy money even though I’m not too confident with that type of writing yet so my prices are very low. So far I’ve done 5 bios and only one of them is stellar to me.

Being attached to the entertainment industry in Miami means being invited to some parties for networking, blah blah… I usually don’t go but due to dire circumstances, I need all the work I can get so I have to dust off the old party dress and find a babysitter so I can mingle.

It was quite an interesting time with this particular artist. He used to have a hit song in 2001 and toured with Ludacris and performed with Trina. He said The Ying Yang Twins opened up for him at some point. Then, after the whirlwind of his celebrity died down and another hit replaced his at the top of the charts, he found himself homeless and living back with his parents as he joined the staff of a lawn care service to make ends meet.

Sitting there listening to him tell his story was so wild to me. He went from making $20,000 a month to taking the bus to work. But he’s back at it again. Five years later he has a new single that is being played on local radio stations and he has a whole new name and image. We listened to his CD and I couldn’t help but be blown away. His approach is very..uh..unique. That’s all I’ll say. I’d really like to see how or if the public will buy what he is offering.

I’m just glad he is taking a chance. Sometimes it seems that all of our hopes and dreams crash and burn right in front of us. We stand there with our mouths open, not knowing what to do next. If it didn’t work this time and we gave it our all, then why should we waste our time again?

Man, I’m right in the middle of a storm. Everything that was stable to me has been taken away all within one week. It seems like everything and everyone has deserted me just when I needed it most.

Last night I started to get a little sad while sitting in my living room by myself. I called my girl Tonya and asked her to stay on the phone with me and keep me company even though I knew it was late. Ofcourse she was there for me. Funny how I’m the woman with the encouraging word and last night I had to encourage myself.

I thought to myself, “If any of your friends called you and told you that they had lost all that you have, what would you say to them?”

Then I got really excited because I know EXACTLY what I’d say.

I’d say, “Oooooooh SHIT! Do you understand what this means? You lost all of that without warning or reason and you can’t understand why. Well that’s all I needed to hear! This desperate situation looks like material for a miracle girl!”

“Can you imagine that God is about to replace all that you have lost with MORE! Remember how you moved down here to Miami and you couldn’t afford your own place or storage and you had to throw years of memories and trinkets in the city dump? Remember how you cried? And look at you now! All that has been replaced and MORE. So don’t sit up there and act like you don’t know how God is going to handle this. You KNOW He’s got this and everything you lost wasn’t yours to begin with so it HAD TO GO! Get ready girl! There’s about to be a multitude of blessings in your life!”

Yeah. That’s what I would have said.

So that’s what I have to believe.

The nice guys do NOT always finish last. Evil is not the ruler of the Earth. No matter what I will not allow a few slimy people to make me feel as though I can never be nice to others again. I won’t allow a misunderstanding to push me to never trust again. I am so open with people. I share so much of myself and my heart and I know this makes me vulnerable but it is what it is.

I am who I am.

I am so grateful for my wonderful friends and my little sister who gets on my nerves sometimes. As much as I hope to inspire and motivate others, they keep me moving. They keep me focused. I love them so much. No one could ever replace what they’ve contributed to my life and I will spend the rest of my life thanking them for loving me so much. I promise.

Friendly Advice

I’m in the dollar store when my phone rings and I smile because it’s one of my favorite people in the world.

“What’s up chick?” I greet her.

“I know you’re busy because you just picked up your kids and all but I need some quick advice.”

I giggle. “Aiight chick. What happened?”

“Well, I was kinda mean to my boyfriend. Well, I meant to be mean but I didn’t mean to be, if you understand what I’m saying.”

“Yeah I feel you.”

“And I feel bad cuz I think I hurt him. He may be upset with me.”

“Ok.”

“Sooo…I need to know what you think I should do to make it up to him.”

“Where are you now?”

“I’m on my way over to his house.”

“Hmm..Here’s the answer and you gotta follow my instructions to the detail, ok?”

“Ok.”

“Ok, first things first, when you see him, if he’s upset it’ll show in his actions. Don’t be scared away by that though. Walk right up to him and push him down to a seated position. Then I want you to look him right in the eyes as you slowly kneel in front of him. Unzip his pants. Keep eye contact now girl! And then…”

She laughs, “Go to work?”

“That’s right, do yo thang Ma.”

She laughs even harder.

“Hey now,” I interrupt her. “You gotta remember to pause every now and then to say I’m sorry. Do it like this. ‘I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I love you…'”

I laugh.

She laughs too. “Girl, I was NOT expecting you to go there but…it actually sounds like a good idea.”

“It’s a GREAT idea! Even if he is upset, he won’t be for long. Believe me, that’s the BEST way to say I’m sorry.”

The Weirdest Thing

It’s the weirdest thing. My friend Marsha called me the other day seeming frantic about my situation. “What is your plan?! You have to have a plan!”

Uh…I don’t. It’s out of my hands chick. Calm down.

It’s amazing to me that I am completely calm during what could be called the most difficult situation I have ever been in. I tried to get excited and upset and overwhelmed because that’s what I’m used to doing but..I just can’t.

I keep thinking back on all the obstacles that I faced and all the heartbreak I have been through and I see how God scooped me up and blessed me each time. So if I can see how He has always provided, how can I NOT trust Him this time?

I have no weight on my shoulders. I sleep very well each night. I am enjoying my life even more than ever before because it seems that this mayhem is my miracle.

I refuse to freak out and scream. God has a GREAT track record when it comes to taking care of me and my sons. I’ll let Him handle it. I’ve been faithful over all that He has given me and I have honestly done the best I could. This rough spot is not a punishment it is proper positioning for me to receive my destiny.

I will not fail. I will not miss out on what God has for me. It is all in His hands regardless of what my friends, family or associates say.

GOD HAS GOT THIS!

So I’m about to go drink a Carona and watch some TV. My situation can worry about itself.