Author: TPatterson

OK, Everyone is going crazy over the Superbowl half-time show. Is this deja-vu? Must be me.

Anyway, I didnt see it because I dont like football unless the Gators are playing FSU but ive seen the replays of the now infamous scene where Justin Timberlake (~sigh) rips off Janets costume and exposes her bare breast. Evryone is up in arms because obscenity and nudity by FCC regulations can not be shown before 10pm when most children are in bed. I learned this in my Law of Communications class.

BUt here it is, a family show and ppl are getting naked. I mean, what did u expect from MTV? This is what they do. Now i know Im not completely pure cuz I watch Dave Chapelle and laugh at his jokes and I wasnt really offended by what happened at the half-time show because I adore celebrities and frankly, nothing surprises me with them. They know they have power and they do whatever they want to without consequence. They are American royalty.

The funny thing is, I keep hearing that Janet Jackson is under fire for the stunt she pulled and I just watched the O’Reilly factor and I wanted to punch him in the mouth for how he spoke about her and defended Justin. Is there a double standard here? Justin pulled the costume off, Janet was just standing there. Hes not getting any bad press. No one is making him stand there like a criminal and apologize to the nation.

If he werent so darn fine I wouldnt like him anymore. But we all know that this is just another story on the front page. Another scandal to talk about in the media. Nothing will change. Until we really want it to change. O-Reilly made some valid points tonight, ill give him that. Until we take a stand against money-grubbing media giants like MTV who are planting seeds of vulgarity in our society and producing offspring who consider this warped behavior normal, we will continue to contribute to the problem.

But my thing is, how can we go back? Its like my life in Christ. All I knew fun to be was, smoking, hunching guys, drinking and wildin out. Now that Im in Christ, there is nothing as exciting as those wild times and I struggle to find excitement in Christ.

So, after being so free and being exposed to so much nudity and loose morals, how do we show society that they can have fun without going to the immoral extreme of intoxication and fornication? How do we take a step back?

Today was the first time I can say I actually enjoyed work. I love it when I have work to do and today I had plenty so I was very pleased.

I know that sounds weird but who wouldnt want some work to do if they couldnt access the internet, read or send personal emails or chat? What else am I supposed to do? I betta have some work to do or I’ll go crazy.

My mama is getting on my nerves. She knows I have no long distance and when she comes online these days shes always telling me she is busy. Its tax seasonand she does ppl taxes on the side. I dont care about her customers I want to chat! I rarely get to interact with ppl as it is. Well, ppl I WANT to interact with. And she is usually a lot of laughs. But nawww, since tax season she think she a professional and be ignoring me for them funky customers. She know all shes gonna do with the extra cash is buy scratch-off tickets! My mama loves scratch-off tickets. For her birthday we sent her $40 so she can scratch until her fingers hurt. She loved it.

She really is easy to please.

So tonight I get to go to church. I havent been in 2 weeks and thats a lot of church I missed considering Im usually there 3 times a week. But alas, my baby’s nose is barely running so i can chance putting him in the nursery whose strict policy is NO RUNNY NOSES. So I used to go and get kicked out and I got tired of that so if he has a runny nose or a cough I just stay home.

But forget about all that. Tonight is church! Gonna get that word! Im gonna feel funny after not being there for two weeks. I hope everyone doesnt run and try to hug me. That annoys me. Well, Im easily annoyed.

Yes I am one difficult woman to deal with. But Im working on that. I guess. ~sigh

YAY!

My boys are gone with their daddy. Yes, he picked them up for his monthly visit this morning and they will be returning tomorrow afternoon. He lives out of town and hes a lawyer so hes busy and cant make it here that often. Its fine by me. Im used to taking care of them by myself.

Me and my baby daddy didnt always get along. I realize it was because he was trying to distance himself from me by being mean to me because he wanted to make sure that I KNEW he didnt want to be with me anymore. He didnt play mind games about that. He didnt go back and forth, he REALLY showed in every word he spoke and every action he made that he was no longer interested. I was so depressed for months. I mean, we do have two kids.

So I was mad for a long time and hurt because as soon as he broke up with me he got back with his ex who is not even cute and shes annoying. And I’m not just salty, its TRUE. She aint even cute!

But whatever. That hurt me a lot so I used to just sit in anger and cry and marinate in that pain. Until one day I was sitting up playing with my kids and out of nowhere I said, “God, I just want your best for me, if it’s not him, then thats okay.”

I couldnt believe I had said that. I had been praying and standing in faith that we would get back together. I was claiming it in Jesus’ name!

How deceived I was. I just wanted what I wanted, I couldnt imagine that anyone else would want me or that God had someone else for me.

But now I see the bigger picture. God wanted it that way. God hardened his heart against me because God has someone so much better for me. The man He intended for me to be with all along. And even though I have two kids, this man will STILL want me and love me and I wont have to settle.

And no, I dont have to date around and take whatever comes along. I will have the man that God had set aside for me and I wont have to do a thing to get him.

If you have no idea what Im talking about, look to your left and click the link that says RECEIVE YOUR SOULMATE. That’s my story that I put on my Blackplanet page and it explains why I dont date.

Its pretty wild, I KNOW! But watch and see, God has a supernatural blessing for me. And who knows, it could happen sooner than I think. ~wink

What a delicious weekend. My boys are on their way back in town and I got to hang out with Bev. I met Bev on BlackPlanet. This online hang-out spot. We never really talked much but something made me invite her out for lunch because she went to UF like I did and I really enjoyed her company. She loves God and is a good woman. What more can I ask for? Well, she seems to be JUST like my friends. I mean EXACTLY.

Pretty, funny, loves God and driven. Before I can even tell her the things that I love to do and dream for she is already saying them to me. She wants to live nice like I do, which means making great money and splurging on shopping trips, vacations and cultural arts. I want to do those same things one day! Well, she cant do them now either but its nice to talk things into existence.

The thing I like about her is that she doesnt have JESUS JESUS JESUS in every sentence, though her love for Him drives each word, ya feel me? She’s not trying to save my soul, yet I dont believe she will allow me to corrupt my inheritance. I invited her to my church because she was looking or a church home and she has been coming faithfully ever since. I am actually surprised that I like her so much.

I didnt want any new girlfriends. I know that sounds un-Christlike but really, it’s annoying trying to get to know someone new and figure out if they’re trustworthy or true. I’m too old and I have enough good friends already, not to have to do that. But, Im glad I met Bev.

But the BIGGEST thing that happened this weekend was getting a note from my sorority sister Shay. She had the BEST news: SHE’S SAVED. She’s on fire and seeking to know God more and I cried when I got that email. She is so beautiful and loving and I can see how God is going to use her in His kingdom. Wow. Its so wonderful to see your prayers being answered and God restoring the people you love to Him.

Yeah.

Hey!

I got two kids for sale! One crying, whining. One eating, sleeping juicy kid. LOL

My boys are my absolute joy. Even when I have to spank them bottoms I just wanna hug’em and squeeze’em and love’em. They’re sooo cute and juicy. I want to eat them up.

The only time I am annoyed is around 4am when Solomon wakes up and tries to play. I get realy annoyed them because in two hours we have to get up and Im not ready to get up early. Usually he falls back asleep after an hour and Im stuck awake looking at the ceiling. Man…

But there is nothing better than going to pick them up from daycare after work. I fly to go get them and I love it when they run to me when they see me.

My sons are so good I wish I could order some more. I want two more just like’em. Two more juicy, delicious babies. My husband better watch out, whoever he is, cuz Im already plotting to have some more. Two more boys and a girl that will look just like me. That sounds like a plan. I hope he is with it.

Dang this boy wont stop crying…I betta go see what happened.

You know what?

I love my supervisor/doctor/director/boss. Neale is so adorable with his little bow-tie. He’s such a wonderful man of God, and his heart directly reflects our Pastor’s heart. He has changed his priorities and is now a family man who is chasing God’s kingdom instead of wealth and success, he told me that himself.

Sure Im working in research which is not exactly where I thought that Id be. Nor do I find it remotely interesting. Ive been kinda feeling like its my time to serve. To be his assistant and put myself aside. I decided to stop thinking about where I want to be and help my brother out in his time of need. I know it sounds corny but its true. I mean, my job is not horrible, it pays well and my doctor really cares about me. As long as I have a servants heart to do my work with excellence Im sure God will not allow me to miss out on my life’s mission.

After all, seasons are time limited and for this season I choose to put myself aside and be a blessing to someone else. Just being real.

What’s happening to me?

I used to laugh at the old ppl for going to bed at 9:00.

It’s 9:30 and Ive been fighting sleep for 2 hours. Oh no… I must be getting old. I cant hang with the young folks and Im only 24.

I’m out like polka dots and scrunchies.

~zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

You know what?

I cant sleep now. Isnt that funny? I just lied down and started talking with God and I remembered a conversation I had today with Charlene my co-worker. She was telling me that she had never been tested. She had never gone through great drama or trauma in her life. She wondered how heaven could possibly be any better than the life she was living now because she is so happy and complete in Christ.

Then she asked me what struggles I was going through and I was shocked because I couldnt think of anything to tell her about. I realized that TODAY I am completely drama free. As God continues to show me things He needs to improve in my life, I am no longer dwelling on them, allowing them to negate the good He has done in my life. I take it in, ask God to help me in that area and roll on. Im not going to stress anymore. I give it to Him.

So you guys, right now I am filled with joy, joy, joy! And its not because I’m rich, have a nice car or a man, I’m joyful because I am blessed to be drama free and right smack in the middle of God’s will for my life.

You know, I did SOMETHING right. I had to. I’m so blessed right now. I cant believe I came out of all that pain and drama and God has brought me to a place of just being cool with being me, recognizing those things I need to work on and still having joy because I’m depending on Him to get me through them.

The peace of God is so wonderful.

I love you all so much. Thanks for allowing me to share with you in my process.

Mimi’s Getting Married!

Mireille (Mimi) is engaged and I met her fiance for the first time this weekend. I was about to go out to lunch with Bev and Mimi calls and I hear this manly voice in the background. I ask Mimi who that is and she says it is Chris. I laugh and say, “So he is a REAL man!” and she asks me what Im wearing. I reply, “I’m looking too good so you better come with it!” She says she will be over in 10 minutes with Chris.

Perfect timing. My house is clean! LOL. SO I can have surprise company. ~ROFL~

Ya’ll know Im not the neatest person, ok Im pretty messy ad unorganized but thats why I gotta get rich so I can hire maids. ANyway…

Im kinda nervous because now I am about to meet the man that is going to be Mimi’s other half. (I HAVE to ask permission before I share the story of how they got together but BELIEVE ME, you aint ready to hear about this!)

I’m feeling really emotional. Mimi is like my big sister. I love her as much as I love my bestfriends. She is one of my bestfriends. She is amazing. So, Bev arrives and we’re talking about clothes while my heart beats fast because I know that I am about to meet this man who will replace me in Mimi’s life. Ive known for a while that she was going to get married but now its real to me and I struggled with accepting it because I was jealous and I wanted her all to myself.

She knocks on the door and I fling it open and cover my eyes. I can feel him step in and I uncover my eyes and scream.

BROTHA IS SOOO FINE! He is tall with huge muscles and light skinned with green eyes. Mmmmm. Go head sista! I smile at him and I cant say much. Im in shock because this man is going to become my brother. I ask him for a hug and he gives me one and I feel a peace about the whole situation. I ask him, “Do you think you can love Mimi more than I love Mimi?” He looks at Mimi and says, “I think so.” I reply, “Well, I hope so but I dont know about that.”

They leave and me and Bev go out to eat and have a great lunch. WHile I am out with her Im realizing what a cool girl she is and how blessed I am to have such phenomenal friends. Seriously, ALL of the women I hang with are dynamic. If I was man I could pick any one of them to marry and Id be deliriously happy. Cuz they are the marrying type. ALL OF THEM.

I was telling my mama this and she said, “What about crazy Anna?” I said, “Ma, all Anna wants is a family. She may be buck wild but as soon as she gets that man she desires she will be faithful and love him and raise her children and live a good life. I dont see her messing up. It’s what she has always wanted, a man to love her and act right.” I hope that he is saved and can love her with the love of Christ. If that is the foundation of their relationship, then Anna will be crazy in love and happy.

I thought about Jenny V. who I admire so much for being so generous and smart and shes a LAWYER, who wouldnt want her? I thought about Stephanie with her stank attitude. But shes a great homemaker and so doggone classy. I wish I was like her in that aspect. Nadia’s the bomb cuz shes goofy but smart, giving but strong. I would marry her in a minute. And my girl Tamara- man, I dont know what her baby daddy is thinking. He actually thinks he can find someone better than her! yeah right! Actually, I wouldnt marry Tamara, she’s too skinny, but I would fix her up with my brother cuz I know she’d treat him well.

Then I thought to myself, “If I was a man, would I marry myself?” ABSOLUTELY NOT!Why? Cuz Im CRAZY! For real! If you know me you KNOW I’m crazy! I’m emotional. I wouldnt put up with myself for more than a couple months, then Id have to get out of there QUICK!

And thats cool. ~smile~ Cuz my husband will be NOTHING like me. He’ll be georgeous, Im sure, and talented in the arts, but he’ll be the type of man who will grab me up and throw me on the bed and slam the bedroom door!

Singing that song, ‘Come Baby Come’ by whoever those guys were:

I slam the door!

Huhh!

When I come into the bedroom!

Wham! Bam!

Cuz Im the King of the Castle!

Na, na, na!

~Whoooo~ Let me guard my thoughts before I go too far. ~he, he, he~

Calm down girl. Yeah….He’ll know how to handle my emotional trips and ofcourse he’ll love me with the love of God, forgiving me and supporting me while letting me know who is in charge. I need that. ~batting my eyelashes~

Yeahhh righhhhht.. LOL

Will all this REALLY happen? Will I ever meet LLCoolJ? LOL! I wish!

Im happy for Mimi though. I pray for her and I wish her the best in her relationship. Shes my DAWG!

Whoa REALITY hit me today.

Somehow I thought that I was different. I thought I was special. I thought that because I served God and He loved me I wouldnt have to settle or compromise.

Since I started my job I have become increasingly unhappy with it. I guess I never thought that it could be possible that I work hard all these years, struggle through school, finally graduate and then take a job that bores me and makes me uncomfortable.

I pictured myself graduating, and going somewhere cool to write or plan events or do SOMETHING creative. Instead I am here, looking at statistics and filling out forms for who knows what and emailing them all over to who knows who. It’s not difficult. It’s not. Its quite simple. But whatever happened to going after my dreams? Whatever happened to using this gift of writing and motivating to inspire the world?

When I get home Im usually too tired to stay up late and write and I hate to ignore my sons who I havent seen all day just to get my thoughts on paper to help me sort things out.

All day at a job that stifles my spirit, then home to take care of my boys and release my frustration in a bowl of icecream. Then it’s bedtime for all of us. At least when I was in school I had time to relax a bit after I did my schoolwork, or while I was doing it. My fun came from chatting online and writing emails, no big deal, but it was all I had. Now I dont even have the energy to do that anymore.

All my life I watched my stepfather Allen work two jobs to help take care of our family. TWO JOBS for as long as I can remember and he still isnt breaking the poverty level. Is that what life is all about? We rush from one stage to the next, hoping and dreaming that our end will be worth the work and the wait. But we get there. We smile, we stand and wave and receive our applause. We walk out into the sunlight and turn into one of them. We work because we have to. We arent SUPPOSED to enjoy our work, its not a promise. I just realized that.

We raise our standard of living because we make a little more money. Now we’re trapped because we cant quit the job we have now. We’re stuck performing these tasks because we have bills to pay. For most people pleasure doesn’t equal pay. For those who have turned their passion into profit, they had something else to fall back on, or someone to take up the slack while they pursued their dream.

What am I to do? I have two children. I know what i have to do. Work. Just keep going to work until I drop dead.

At least I get to keep writing in this weblog. I guess that’ll have to be enough.