At the beginning of this year I was out strolling through downtown Hollywood when my sons and i came across a tarot reader. I shelled out the 5 bucks and got a reading and he predicted something very unusual.
Now that I’ve had many months to think about it, his prediction was correct. He said that I would have a huge career change- I am no longer becoming a counselor. He said that my new career path would be in full swing by the summer. Sure enough, this entire summer was spent involved in my journalistic project as a offset of my work on my website.
He also predicted that I would experience a tumbling down of some major beliefs that I thought were true but really weren’t. Now that I think about it- damn, he was right. At the time of the reading I was in grad school, about to finish my final semester and trying to figure out how to make some money while i do it. I could have sworn on a stack of Bibles that maybe I could become a Christian again and that the world was largely good and people were basically helpful with pure hearts and intentions.
Now, I don’t believe any of that shit anymore. My heart grieves by the encounters I had during that project. It changed my whole worldview and I no longer want to be a part of leadership or anything like that. I can’t be phony or manipulative and I wont change just to experience what the world calls success. I can’t change. I’ve tried but it feels so wrong to me.
So yes, when I drew the TOWER card in the reading it was correct. My whole world flipped upside down. I no longer communicate with my childhood bestfriend, I have lost the desire to be close to everyone and my goals are very dim. I still have goals, but I am not pressed to achieve them. At most I daydream about having my own place where I can walk around naked and pay my bills through owning my own business and pushing it to prosper but still, if it doesn’t happen, I won’t beat myself up about it.
So anyway, enough background, a couple of weeks ago I found that tarot reader and got another reading. I asked 3 questions this time, not out of an extreme desire to know the future, but really, since he had been right the first time, I was kind of curious to see what he’d say and if it would come true.
I asked about my career and he said that I was now building a foundation for the rest of my career and that things would really take off for me by the time the new year arrives and in the following 3 months. He suggested I start a network of women. I found this to be strange since I never mentioned what my career path was or that I had started an empowerment website for women. His suggestion was on point but I am honestly puzzled over how to get strong women to help.
I asked about my disasters with men. “Please tell me if this is my fault that I keep meeting men who hurt me,” I asked him after a recent incident at work. “Am I doing something wrong?”
“No,” he assured. “It’s not your fault and you’re doing nothing wrong. Believe it or not, these experiences will help you in the future.” I was so annoyed by that response.
Last I asked him about the older man I met during my project. He was the one who changed my whole view of men. Now, when I meet a young man, I am turned off and even if I am interested it only lasts for a day or so. “I want someone 50 or older,” I told Sylvia. “I really liked the way I felt with him.”
He told me that the older man was indeed a good guy. “He is a teacher,” the tarot reader said. “And he’s very good at it. He’s going to be a very important part of your life as he’ll help you to have more confidence in yourself as a woman by treating you well and he’ll teach you how to enjoy life and have fun.”
I was shocked. First of all, me and this man haven’t seen each other in over in a month and there are no signs that I can see that we will ever see each other. Right now he’s a good memory, but the emotions behind how I felt when I was with him are almost completely gone. It’s kind of like a towel you get out of the dryer, after a few minutes in the airconditioning, it’s almost completely cold. That’s how I feel about him now yet, we do exchange emails every so often. I like writing with him, sometimes I flirt, sometimes we just talk shit. It’s fun.
I have no idea if or when I’ll ever see him again. The wild thing is- I asked the tarot reader if our relationship or friendship would be long term and he said- No.
I learned earlier this year that all predictions aren’t set in stone, the predictions indicate what would happen if you continued on the path that you are currently on. If you keep thinking the same thoughts and moving forward with your current plans- this is what you’ll end up with.
Then my mind went off on a rampage like it usually does when i start asking questions that have no concrete answers. I wondered if I could love someone if I knew from the beginning that we weren’t going to last. How much emotion could I really put into it knowing that either he would hurt me or I would meet someone else?
That reminds me of that movie, The Timer, where people could elect to buy a TIMER to wear that would countdown the exact time they would meet their soul mate. What would you do in the meantime? Would every relationship be a time filler until you knew your ONE would arrive?
All interesting questions. I guess we won’t know the answers anytime soon. But I’ll let you know what happens.