Another Day, Another Day

My phone rang early this morning.

Thank God I can receive calls even though I can’t dial out.

It was my little sister, Teenie.

“Auntie Verna died this morning.”

“Huh?”

“They say her heart just stopped.”

“It just stopped?”

“It just..stopped.”

Man…

Every year for the last four years someone in my family has died.

I will do my part by writing the obituary and the copy (content) for the funeral program and my Mama will design the program and have it copied. Last year I stood at the door and handed out the copies and even read the obituary, which I called The Life Portrait during the funeral. I don’t think I’ll be able to make it to the funeral this year.

Before my heart stops…I have to see my kids again. But the thing is, if I go down to Miami I know I won’t want to come back.

I’ve done my best during this past year to go for the gusto and I’ve followed God’s path for me. When one door shut, another opened and I fearlessly walked through. Do you remember when I used to be afraid to drive on the expressway? Seems so long ago huh? Now look at me…Thousands of miles away from Miami. From the only home I’ve ever had. I’m all by myself and I am not afraid. I am such a strong woman of faith. I can’t believe this is my life.

What will I gain from it all? When will I see the reward of my sacrifices? When will someone recognize my value? When will I get to show love again?

And most importantly…What am I doing wrong? You know..I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong I think it’s like TD Jakes said when I went to his church, he said that sometimes you are pushed toward God’s will for your life by uncomfortable circumstances.

Dallas..I don’t know why I like it here so much when there’s no love here.

Maybe Dallas is trying to push me away. I’m in love with a city that doesn’t love me. Sound familiar?

Ahhh…It’s the story of my life…. I’m always pushing and pulling, trying to make a spot for myself. People be looking at me like…We ain’t invite you in here? ~smile~

All I know is, there has to be a place for me somewhere. There has to be a place where I will be encouraged to give and grow and people won’t be intimidated or annoyed by my potential.

I have to figure this out…My channels of communication with God are clouded due to my emotional state. I think my period is coming on or something man… I need clarity. I need it now. I know it’s coming. I do trust and believe for my perfect answer in God’s perfect timing.

And…I know my family will be okay…