I’m scared.
I have so much going on and I feel like I’m not in control of any of it.
I’m doing so much but I feel like I have so many pots on the stove, yet I have no idea what I’m making or even if this meal will be a real meal.
Who’s gonna eat it?
Hell.. I can’t even cook!
I’m so scared. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life or where I’m headed or if anything in my past has anything to do with my future and I feel like I’m all alone and I have to contend with my BBDD constantly trying to beat me up.
I study relationships, yet, I’m a failure when it comes to that area.
I’m supposedly a journalist, yet I don’t have a job in that field, I write for free for the most part.
I’m supposedly a mother, yet I can’t even take care of my children. What good am I?
I’m trying to see what I’ve done all this time.
I’m trying to understand where I’ve gone wrong and how I can make it better.
I’m trying to see if there really is a PATH I’m on or have I just been hopping from square to square.
WAIT!
Calm down…
Balance your thoughts. Do it now..
Ok.. ~panting~
I may not know what is about to happen but I know that it always works out.
I may not be able to take care of my sons but my sons love me anyway.
I may not be a staff journalist, but I am still a professional and I am good at what I do.
I may not be what I thought I was gonna be…but I’m alive and I have to keep living.
I may not have a place to live lined up for next semester, but I have a place to live right now.
I’m stronger than I think I am.
But damn..I’m tired of having to be so strong.
I want to relax and have fun sometimes too. I’m always hustling and trying to make a connection to further my career. I’m always trying to expand my portfolio. I’m always trying to make a difference in someone’s life.
I am…
Always…
Trying…
Trying…
And it’s wearing me out..