Addicted To Love

I’ve been lying to ya’ll.

I haven’t been telling the truth about the biggest pain coursing through my entire body.

Man…I am really…gone…gone off this dude. My heart is hurting.

HURTING!

HURTING!

It’s been 8 days since I heard JB’s voice. Not counting the hundred times I played his last voicemessage. Talk about ATTACHED. DAMN!!!

Now I see what he was saying when he would say, “We’re getting too attached. This is not good.” But I didn’t care because I loved talking to him. Imagine that…

Every morning we’d text message. Maybe once during the day. Immediately after work, we’d call each other. And then…just before bed. And since we’re both writers we would silently compete to see who could write the best text message greetings. It was fun! He was soo sweet.

And now…nothing.

I didn’t want to seem like a punk. I didn’t want to admit that I invested in this emotionally and I had no clue it was this deep.

I feel like someone snatched my skin off with their bare hands took out a BIG nail file and started filing away at my undermeat. I think I want to throw up. I never, ever, ever want to experience this feeling again. My heart ~gasp~ aches so much. I hurt. Sleep. Hurt. Sleep. Hurt. I went to the doctor today, don’t let me talk about them trying to sell me some drugs on the side.

YEAH! They are so dumb. Come on… how are you gonna tell me, “It kinda looks like something but the results aren’t back yet do you want to start the medicine anyway?”

HELL NO!

Pushers!

Damn! Back up off me, man.. Show me some positive signs on a paper with a lab seal on it. I’m not just buying your drugs. Do I look like a simp to you? You lucky I can pay for this visit. Trying to throw some extra drugs off on me.

They did that crap to me in college. They had me on a STD scare. I went and told my boyfriend and I was taking pills and all that. Then they gonna call me talkin bout, “The results are negative. Sorry.” “What the hell am I taking these pills for then? My man is looking at me sideways and Ya’ll just made some money!”

Ya’ll on commission?

Hell naw… “Don’t write an expensive prescription for cough medicine for my son when the store has the same thing for way less! I know what you doin!”

Pushers…

See…

I can go on and handle my daily business but at the end of the day, my throat closes in because I have not heard from him. I will not dial his number either because I don’t think it’s my place. He drives me absolutely crazy. I need Jesus to help with this one. JB was my crutch. I will get over this though. One day at a time.

I think he put a spell on me.

Help.

Sincerely,

Ms. Addicted To Love

I can’t post this, it’s too personal.

Oops.