Aches & Pains

Damn…

I don’t understand.

How did I end up here?

I want my Mama.

No I don’t. She’ll just tell me to take a shot and go sit my drunk ass down.

I don’t know what I want.

I want to follow the rules but I also want to be happy.

Where’s the dividing line?

Where’s the guarantee that either path will lead to my ultimate happiness?

I want to be happy and fulfilled in my career. But I also want to be there for my sons and enjoy the fulfillment of being a mother. I miss being a Mama everyday. I couldn’t enjoy this career if I had my boys. Not doing it all by myself.

Have I traded my blessing of motherhood for a dream that isn’t even guaranteed?