Month: November 2008

I had a great Halloween with my boys. They invited me to their school for their class(es) Halloween parties. Thank goodness their classrooms are side by side, I only had to run a few feet to make sure I was present at both throughout the hour and half festivities.

I’ve been having nightmares again. Yeah, the ones about men. Men trying to stab me with syringes and knives. Men trying to rob me and kidnap me. I thought I was past this. I hate that I still feel this way and I’m working hard to get over it. I ordered a book that was recommended to me called Ex-Free: 9 Keys To Freedom After Heartbreak and I read it in one sitting since it was very short.

Right away I could tell that it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for since I harbor no bitterness towards my EX for breaking up with me. I’m glad he did. I ain’t looking back. I’m not holding on to him at all, I just wish we could have a better relationship. Nearly 7 years after we broke up, he still seems to be angry and bitter towards me. I have relatively little experiences with men that differ from what I’ve experienced with him. I’m wondering if it is possible to meet a man in real life (as opposed to fans of my blog) who could treat me with tenderness and be a real friend to me without needing something from me in return.

My 2nd book which I’m now in the process of writing is about men who don’t treat you right. Although the title was chosen to elicit shock and more as a catchphrase, it’s really about how to handle those negative experiences with men better. Hopefully, as I write it, I’ll be able to heal myself. I plan to write the whole thing this month. Wish me luck!

I have a lot going on in my world these days. Many new opportunities have presented themselves and I’m exploring each one which would mean developing a new skillset that would make me more valuable as a person. I’m open to change because I realize change is indicative of growth. I love the woman I am becoming and I love who I see in the mirrow each day; a woman who is fearless, vibrant and embracing the process of BEING and BECOMING.

I am thoroughly enjoying facebook my 2nd time around. I think I like the people on my friends list so much better this time and it’s so cool to reconnect with people from my youth and see how they are living great lives and enjoying themselves.

I think I made a new girlfriend, which doesn’t happen often because I’m not pressed to make friends and my standards are very rigid when it comes to friendship. But…I like this woman. She reminds me of me in a lot of ways. She was heartbroken over a failed relationship when I met her and now she seems to have recognized the issue and moved on. She’s even actively dating again. As I listen to her stories about the weird guys she is meeting I am fascinated by her unwillingness to compromise on what she really wants. She affirms that she is looking for someone who has the same character that she has and immediately lets go of men who don’t exhibit those qualities.

I’m just like that. Today I was about to update my facebook status when the thought came to me: Men are dispensable. I mean, they really are. I can’t think of a single man whose absence in my life would actually mean that I would be missing out on something major. I saw the White Boy from this past summer and he RAN when he saw me. I thought that was funny. Dude, I’m not even thinking about you. Men are so stupid. Well, THAT man is.

All the while Ruby is enjoying her new relationship. We talk on the phone now more often and I’m glad for our healed friendship. She is in love again and it happened just as she was saying that she wasn’t interested in a relationship. She met him at a wedding and they clicked immediately. They are involved in a long distance relationship and when I speak to her she still sounds like the same Ruby I’ve always known, except happier now that her life is turning around. Did I mention Ruby’s new man is white? Yep, she snagged her a caucasion, which makes sense to me since the women I know who date white men report that they treat them better and honor them.

Ahh… All around me I keep meeting women who are so dissatisfied because they are single. They feel like something is wrong with them. I can’t wait for my first book to be published so they can read it and move on with their lives. That single and sad shit is for the birds. Why be discontent with who you are at this moment? You’ll never get this moment back. You’re wasting your life worrying about if someone will ever love you.

I know I wonder about that too, but it doesn’t stop me from moving forward with my goals so it hasn’t become a problem. I know I’m intelligent, fine, sassy and brilliant. I want every woman to recognize their brilliance and BECOME the same type of man they hope to attract. I know I am.

See, I am settling for nothing less than a brilliant, creative, wealthy man of integrity who is known for his integrity and positive contributions to society. I can’t meet him while I’m dragging my feet and wishing on a star for him to show up. I’ll probably meet him when I am among the same caliber of people that he runs with. Nope, I won’t remain stagnant wishing for a saviour. I’m chasing my dream of being the catalyst for others to achieve their dreams and somewhere along the way, I know he’ll show up panting and gasping for air because he’s trying to keep up with ME!

I found this post HERE… I hope you are inspired.

I believe trust is one of the most powerful elements of a truly abundant life. And it’s certainly a key part of the manifestation process.

It’s easy to get caught up in the doing. We often cannot detach ourselves from the process of creating the life we want, and this causes tension.

In other words, there is the tendency to want to take the wheel and be fully in control of the situation. Our egos convince us that in order to attain the life we desire we must furrow our brows, strain our shoulders & back, and work furiously toward the goal.

Hard work has its place. But it’s seriously overrated in most cases.

We really don’t need to struggle to have an amazing life. In fact all evidence suggests that creation wants to heap wonderful things on us day after day.

When I look back over my life, I see a clear pattern: Wonderful people have come into my life, and I’ve always had more than enough to be happy about.

There have been times of lack and struggle, but the truth is I created every single incident by resisting the natural flow or by being blatantly lazy. When I simply trust and allow I am always cared for and most of the time I receive more than I need.

A never-ending stream of marvelous suprises awaits each one of us. This, I believe is the nature of the life experience.

A great way to get in touch with your ability to trust the Universe is to take an unscheduled day off. Don’t work, don’t plan, and don’t spend any time worrying about your problems. Just take a day off to be grateful for everything you have and to listen for the subtle inspiration that will tell you what to do next.

You might not receive any clear signs. Then again your eyes may be forever opened by a life-changing event.

But the point of this exercise is really just to practice trusting. Be mindful of the fact that you will be cared for, and your needs will not only be met, but exceeded.

Often when people hear this, they counter with questions about suffering in the world. If creation cares about us why is there famine and disease around the world?

Well… I don’t know. I believe there is evidence to suggest that much of the pain and suffering in the world is manufactured by people who want to perpetuate such energies. But I don’t want to divert this post into a conspiracy theory so I’ll just say I don’t have the answer to why people suffer in starving nations.

But I do believe in the core principal of trusting creation or divinity to care for me. This realization has been profound for me. The truth that I am cared for and all my needs are seen to if I simply trust and allow is abundantly clear; I’ve seen it happen too many times in the past to discount it.

And I believe this can be true for others as well. In fact I think this level of cosmic trust is more powerful than any other method of accessing the law of attraction.

Joe Vitale calls it “Letting Go” in his book, The Attractor Factor. And I challenge all readers of this blog to look closely at the value of trusting and allowing over the next few days.
Is it possible that in doing this, we are letting our higher minds guide the course of our life? I believe so.

Our ego minds are incredible, and quite useful for many things in life. But as Eckhart Tolle eloquently points out, the always-thinking ego is of little use for determining who we really are.

Letting go and trusting is the act (or nonaction) of allowing divine inspiration to enter our lives. It is the detachment spoken of in ancient texts, and it is the key to blessings and fulfillment beyond anything we can conjure up with our ego.

sigh….

I joined a NING community called Living In Black at the beginning of the year and I sincerely regret doing so. Although I have closed my account MONTHS ago, I still receive emails from random strangers on a daily basis marketing their events, groups and messages. I am pissed off to the point of pissedoffity. I hate spam. I advise you NOT to join any community like this one unless you want your email passed around like a fat joint on April 20th.

SHAME ON YOU!

Ok, so I’m trying a new type of segment on my radio talk show. Tomorrow night I’m doing a segment called Brief Therapy. I tried it for the first time last week because I really wanted to examine how relationships affect people’s lives so invited a classmate of mine to talk about the top 3 relationships that have affected her life. I centered an entire hour around speaking with her and discussing her relationship patterns and history.

What I realized during this hour was…damn this therapy shit is hard! It’s so different from what I do as a life coach. As a therapist you can’t TELL people what to do or how to think, all you can do is ask questions that will help them see what they are doing and hope for the best. In your mind you’re thinking, “Why the hell are you doing that to yourself?” But you can’t say anything like that. Shit.. this is tougher than I expected. I sooo want to intervene and be like, “Honey don’t think that way, this is what you should do,” but a good therapist doesn’t tell the client what to think, she guides the client to think for herself.

So I’ll try again tomorrow night when my guest will be my highschool sweetheart who has issues with women. Dang..in preparation for the show I went to lunch with one of my professors yesterday and I asked her how I should approach this and she said, “Do you have all the answers to all of your life’s problems?”

“No,” I said.

“Well then don’t expect to have all the answers to your client’s problems. Be a reflection.”

A reflection. Ahh.. Yeah. I am a mirror of my client. I am there to sit and reflect back who they are so they can examine it and decide if and how they want to change.

~sigh~

I sooo want to be good at this, but I don’t know how.

I’m reading a book called In Search Of Solutions: A New Direction In Psychotherapy which Dr. G let me borrow. He said it changed his entire perspective on therapy as he read it. He said he realized that people are like a chain on a bicycle and their issue is like a snag in the chain. If the therapist becomes too involved in the problem, she creates a bigger problem but if she gently assists the client the client can work the kink out herself.

I’ve been enjoying this book because it reinforces the other ideas that I have been studying about creating your own reality. In one passage it said that we as therapists co create our client’s problem by the way we react to it. If they come in and express extreme distress over their life and start to talk about the different areas they are dissatisfied with, we weaken the strength of certain areas by overlooking them and focusing on others. That’s why solution focused therapists experience a rapid turn around in the satisfaction of their patients because with their approach, they know how to show clients how their problems aren’t really big problems at all.

With solution focused therapy, we frame the situation as though the client is the expert and they have all the resources and solutions necessary to handle it themselves. Man..but how do they do that? Man..I don’t know. Not yet anyway. I wish I knew right now though so i can be more of a help.

I did practice this model on my friend Tamara last week and it worked so well that she was elated! Tamara is a therapists bestfriend, well, literally and figuratively. Not cuz she has so many problems but because she’s so open about how she feels and rarely tries to cover things up to make herself look good.

I will get into the issue that Tamara and I had..in another post another time though.

I cried in class again yesterday. Dammit, I cry during every class. But this time I cried because I realized that I have irrational beliefs that prevent me from being satisfied.

According to a model called REBT (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy) which was largely developed by Albert Ellis, there are 3 core irrational beliefs that cause dissatisfaction in our lives.

1) I must achieve outstandingly well in one or more important respects or I rate as a worthless person. (ANXIETY)
2) Other people must treat me fairly and well or they are bad people. (HOSTILITY)
3) Conditions must befavorable or else my life is rotten and I can’t stand it. (LOW FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE)

Well, I don’t know about you but I’m guilty of all three of these beliefs! The point he was trying to make is…Life Is…

It just is… There are no MUSTS, or well, there shouldn’t be. When we place MUST’s in our lives we create an opportunity for dissappointment.

I MUST become a bestselling author or my writing ability is no good. That’s not true.
I MUST be respected at all times by people at my job or the job isn’t worthy of my time. That’s why the fuck I quit jobs so easily How dumb!
I MUST experience bliss on a daily basis or my life sucks. How the hell can I think like that?

I’m so dumb…

See! NO, I am not dumb. I just didn’t know. It’s okay not to know sometimes. It’s okay to be where I am right now.

I’m okay just like this, trying my best to become a good therapist and help others.

My perfectionist tendencies are gonna be my downfall if I let them. I should learn to let go.

Well, lemme go read some more so hopefully I’ll be able to help my friend out tomorrow.

You HAVE to check out this blog I found a week ago. Not only is it hilarious, it’s written by a well known author on the rise.

Her poll question of today is: Would you sleep with your bestfriend’s man if no one would ever find out?

LMAO! WTF?!

I almost died laughing…

Her opinions are priceless and for the most part, I heartily agree with her.

ALPHANISTA.COM

Oh yeah… I am the guest blogger on her blog for today so go ahead and get some encouragement about your desires for a relationship….Ms. Tee style!